Authors note: Sorry for the long wait. Once again, characters belong to Tite Kubo.
Chapter 11: Spaces in between.
All four captains rushed in after Soi-Fong. To their horror, they saw her strike Nanao in the thigh. Shunsui was about to grab and throw Soi-Fong away from Nanao, but he felt a change in Nanao's reiatsu and stopped himself. He held out his arms to prevent Ukitake and Unohana from going to Nanao's aid
"Shunsui, what are you doing?" Ukitake asked.
"Don't you feel it Jyushiro? She's coming back." Shunsui replied softly.
Ukitake paused, as well as Unohana and Yamamoto. They too could feel the change.
All four captains waited with bated breath.
They didn't have to wait to long. Within a minute, Soi-Fong removed Suzumebachi from Nanao's right thigh and turned to them awaiting potential attack. Soi-Fong turned away from Nanao's body to speak, but before she could, Nanao began to open her eyes.
Nanao made a small moan, and held her hand over her bleeding thigh.
Shunsui wanted to throttle Soi-Fong. Damn her. Waiting to the last minute to do something.
"Soi-Fong, I'm sure you can explain to us what the hell you just did?" Shunsui asked.
"Soi-Fong quickly sheathed her zanpakuto. "Of course. I'm sorry I didn't inform you all sooner before I struck Ise-fukutaicho. But, I'm sure you were all aware of the very little time she had left, and I didn't have time to explain a potential "cure"
Unohana smiled. "I think we can all gather that whatever needed to be resolved within Nanao's world has been, and that Soi-Fong taicho just needed to give a little push."
"That is correct. If that is all, I will be returning to my quarters." Soi-Fong replied, displaying no emotion on her face.
The other captains wanted to say something, but were distracted by Nanao's movements.
Nanao blearily felt five massive reiatsus permeate the room. She could feel them bearing down on her, wanting her, willing her to say something.
"Please leave, all of you. Soi-Fong taicho, thank you." And with that, Nanao had fallen back asleep.
"We should leave Ise-fukutaicho to rest. I will attend to her new wound." Unohana said her normal kind, but commanding voice.
Shunsui was disheartened. He was silently hoping that Nanao would wake up and call for him, but she didn't. Then again, he realized she had been through a lot and needed the sleep. He felt his old friend grab his arm and lead him out of the room. He was elated that his Nanao had pulled through.
Soi-Fong immediately shunpoed back to her quarters to sigh a deep breath of relief without anyone around. She had overcome some her own melodrama within herself and felt more at peace. She sighed again when she looked around a the shattered desk and papers strewn across her floor from her hasty exit earlier. She began to clean. She didn't want to call any of her subordinates into her room just yet.
Yamamoto lingered with Unohana a while. Even the great general didn't want to get on the gentle healer's bad side, he had to know.
"Unohana-taicho." He called to her.
She looked up from her healing, "Yes, General? I do believe that Ise-Fukutaicho asked everyone to leave."
"Humph." He snorted. "She is completely out and she cannot command me."
"No. She cannot, but she asked with courtesy and respect." Unohana replied.
"That is true. But I won't be here much longer. What is your opinion Unohana-Taicho? Do you think she is ready for captaincy?"
"I think the person you should be asking this question to is Ise-Fukutaicho herself, when she is well." Unohana emphasized.
"I will. But I'm asking you. I know what you and the women do for your retreats. You have been keeping an eye on the women as they train."
"It isn't my place to say what we do, but what I can tell you is what I observed in the last few weeks of interdivision training. Of all of the fukutaichos, Nanao has shown the most potential and most growth. She could be a great captain, if she so desires. Technically speaking, by the rules of central 46, Nanao's fight with Soi-Fong was observed by at least 3 captains, and she did win, if only for a moment. Thus, by the rules, she should be promoted. But why are you asking me this? You know this already."
"I do, but sometimes, an old man needs to hear it from others himself. Very well, inform me first when she wakes up will you? I want to have a private conversation with Ise-Fukutaicho." Yamamoto said as he walked out the door.
"As you wish, general." Unohana replied and sighed. She turned back to her patient. Nanao's face wasn't contorted in pain anymore. She looked more at peace at least.
Unohana spoke softly to Nanao. "Ise-fukutaicho, I truly hope you have resolved what ever issue you were dealing with." Unohana finished dressing the wound and left Nanao to peace.
Nanao awoke to the suffocating presence of Yamamoto. Her mind wondered where her taicho could be? She took a deep breath and felt for his presence. She smiled slightly. She could feel him only a corridor away.
Nanao turned her head to Yamamoto and reached for her glasses. She carefully put them on her face and straightened out her appearance. She sat up on her bed and spoke. "Yamamoto taicho. To what do I owe this visit?"
'Ise-fukutaicho, you know why I'm here. "
"Really? Please enlighten me." Nanao was having a hard time staying awake. She felt so tired.
"I'm here to offer you a promotion."
"Ah." Nanao paused, quickly gathered her strength and then looked him in the eye. "Well, thank you, but I respectfully decline." Nanao replied swiftly.
"Why? It is your duty to serve the Gotei 13. Your last fight is considered official and in the books now that you defeated a captain in front of at least 3 other taichos.
Nanao knew she would have to argue her way out of this one. "That may be true, but clearly, I lost in the end, as evident by my near death experience. By the way, how long have I been out?" Nanao inquired.
"About two days. But clearly, once again, you fail to acknowledge that you did win. However, brief that win was. " Yamamoto countered.
Nanao squared her shoulders. "Yes. I did win. However, in a real fight, I would be dead. I wasn't anticipating a retaliating move, when I should have. That is not taicho worthy. Furthermore, I know what division you want to place me in, and I can tell you I am not the person for 5th division."
"Oh, you are so sure you would be offer 5th?" Yamamoto asked, happy at her assessment.
"What other division would you place me in? Hisagi-fukutaicho is doing an excellent job in his division, and they are quite loyal to him. Kira-fukutaicho, well, he has some things to work out, but he is doing better and his division cannot have an unfamiliar face in their division. The only division left is 5th division. It is quite obvious to everyone, that Hinamori-fukutaicho is in no condition to lead her division. Her loyalty to Aizen is, at present, insurmountable."
"That is exactly why we need new leadership in 5th division." Yamamoto's voice reverberated throughout the room and he also pounded his staff in the ground.
"But I am not, I should not be the person." Nanao exasperatedly replied.
"Why not?" Yamamoto asked again.
"Aizen hypnotized everyone with his zanpakuto's ability. He made a duplication of himself. My kidou spells, my power, are very similar to his. When I cast the duplication spell of myself, that act sealed my fate away from 5th division. He also had the ability to manipulate people to such a great extent. I was able to manipulate Soi-Fong taicho during that fight. What I can do hits too close to home for 5th division. Even though logically they know I am not affiliated with Aizen, that I am not HIM, they will still have doubt in their mind. As a taicho, leading her division, I cannot have my division second-guess me every step of the way. We don't have the time right now for me to gain their loyalty. The war is coming in a few months, maybe sooner. That is not enough time to rebuild their trust in someone who has the abilities that I do." Nanao took a breath and adjusted her glasses.
"Those are good reasons why you should not be 5th division's taicho, and it seems you had time to think about this. This does suggest that you have been thinking about going up in the ranks. So I ask again, do you want to be promoted ?"
"I can tell you right now I am not ready." Nanao replied.
"Why not?" Yamamoto asked.
He keeps asking 'Why not?'! Why doesn't he ask why doesn't the world stop spinning? Breathe, Nanao. Breathe. Frustration was building. Nanao already had to share a deep secret with someone she barely knew, and now with the old man? Arg. I'm calling him an old man, and it's all Kyouraku taicho's fault!
"The easy answer would be that 8th division would fall apart if I left. There would be no one to do the paperwork, and I doubt you could find a fukutaicho that was capable of keeping Kyouraku-taicho as much in line as I do. " Nanao evenly replied.
"I didn't ask for the easy answer. That's a horrible excuse to hinder your abilities and skills. Those are not good reasons for why you shouldn't be promoted."
"Very well then. How about I don't want to be a taicho yet? I don't feel I know enough to lead a division. Are those sufficient answers?" Nanao asked.
"Are you just saying these things so that I will go away, or do you really mean them?" Yamamoto asked.
Nanao looked deeply into Yamamoto's eyes. Just what is he getting at? "I really do. I am not ready, Yamamoto taicho. But when I am, you will know, for I will ask to be promoted. "
The old man paused, and smiled. "Very well then, Ise-fukutaicho. When you are ready, you will be allowed to take the captaincy test. But you do know what this means for your relationship with your taicho, don't you?"
"My relationship?" Nanao asked incredulously. She almost stuttered, but she caught herself.
"You know quite well that under the rules that there is no fraternizing in the division."
"I'm quite aware of Article VII, Section V, paragraph 4, line 36. But my taicho and I have a very professional relationship." Nanao bit out, insulted.
"Don't be so offended, Ise-fukutaicho. I know you and your taicho haven't done anything as of yet to break the rules."
"So, what are you getting at Yamamoto taicho, if I may ask?"
"Ise-fukutaicho, take some advice from an old man. And I know you have been calling me that recently." He looked at her and rested back onto his cane.
Ah hell, Nanao thought.
"I have learned that although rules are important, there are some grey areas. If you wish to pursue a relationship with your taicho, at least I promise, I won't send you to the Soukyoku" He saw Nanao's eyebrows raise. "Nor will I fight you or your taicho, either."
"With that said, I leave you to your rest."
Nanao was flabbergasted. Before she could speak, Yamamoto was gone. Nanao slumped back into bed. Just great. First it was Soi-Fong taicho, and now the general. Who else knows? Another soft voice spoke in her head. Probably the entire Serentei… Nanao groaned loudly. With that she fell back into a fitful sleep.
Nanao was slowly awakened to voices.
"She's fine, Kyouraku-taicho." Unohana said. "Look, she is coming to again."
Shunsui turned and smiled a big grin to Nanao. "NANAO-CHAN!" He yelled out with his signature goofy grin plastered to his face. At least he had taken a bath and was better shaved than earlier.
Her taicho's voice reverberated throughout her head. Nanao quickly placed her hands over her ears to stop the vibrations. "Taicho?" Nanao said hesitantly. "Would you please keep your voice down? I have a terrible headache."
Shunsui stopped his big grin. "Hai." He whispered sheepishly.
"Thank you. Unohana-taicho? " Nanao called out.
"Yes, Ise-fukutaicho? " Unohana asked.
"May I go home now?" Nanao asked as she tried to climb out of bed. The sooner she could get back to her own bed, the sooner she could maybe get some better sleep and get out of 4th division. Nothing is wrong with 4th division, Nanao told her self defensively. I just want to get home to clear my head and think.
Unohana quickly stopped her from leaving. "Not quite yet, Ise-fukutaicho. The new wound you got from Soi-Fong taicho is taking longer to heal than expected. Perhaps it is not quite unexpected since it is the third strike. It would take a high level of healing kidou to fix. However, I have many others to attend to right now. Since I figured you would insist on getting back to your division as possible, I have instructed your taicho to patch you up. Once he is done, you can go home."
"Uh, thank you Unohana taicho. I apologize for taking so much of your time as it is from your other patients." Nanao said, although with a bit of worry in her eyes.
Isane was standing at the doorway with fresh bandages trying to hide the questioning look from encroaching on her face. Unohana looked away from Nanao and saw Isane. "Isane, thank you for bringing the bandages. Would you please leave them for Kyouraku-taicho and accompany me to the infirmary. We have much to do."
Isane was about to say something, but the look that her taicho was giving her caused her to quickly close her gaping mouth. "Hai, taicho." Isane crossed the room and placed the bandages on the table. She gave a quick bow to Kyouraku-taicho and left the room immediately on the heels of her taicho.
As Isane followed Unohana down the hallway, she was fumbling with her tiny hair braids trying to find words to say. "Ano…Unohana-taicho…" She asked very quietly and hesitantly.
"Yes, Isane. Did you want to ask me something?" Unohana asked over her shoulder.
"Why did you ask Kyouraku-taicho to heal Ise-fukutaicho's wound? I thought either you or I could have done it pretty quickly. Besides, most of the people in the infirmary are on the mend. It wouldn't have taken up so much time."
Unohana stopped her walking and turned and smiled to Isane. "Sometimes Isane, you need to help the garden grow." With that, the gentle healer continued her walk towards the infirmary.
Isane had stopped and gaped at her taicho. Did she just? No way! Isane smiled and hurried to the retreating form of her crafty taicho.
Back in Nanao's room, an awkward silence fell between her and her taicho. Nanao was the first to speak. "Taicho, I think I can heal my own leg."
"Nonsense my dear Nanao-chan. You heard Unohana. She said I am the one to finish up healing your wound." Shunsui smiled at her. His smile reminded her of a child in a candy store.
Try not to panic. "True, taicho, but where the wound is situated, is in a very, how should I put this, in an intimate position. And I don't feel comfortable with…" Before Nanao could finish Shunsui gave her the best-wounded puppy look to date.
"I am heartbroken that you would think I would do something untoward to my Nanao-chan while she is in this state. You know I am the soul of professionalism." He said as he waved his arms as dramatically as possible.
He stopped waving his arms when he noticed her eyes narrow in suspicion
"Nanao" Shunsui said in a no-nonsense voice. "Are you completely healed?"
"No, but…"
"And have you fully recovered enough of your reiatsu to heal yourself?" He asked.
Nanao paused and felt her reiatsu. Dammit. She sighed and looked down. "No sir. I haven't."
"Then I will heal you." Shunsui said with no dramatics or flair. He said in a tone that commanded, 'Let me take care of you this time.'
Nanao could only respond by nodding her head in acquiescence.
Shunsui gently pushed her hakama pants up to her wound. She did have beautiful legs.. How he wished they were wrapped around… Okay, that's it. He coughed and spoke a few words silently before his hands glowed a brilliant blue.
Nanao watched as he gently placed his hands over her right thigh. She felt quite exposed. Well, not as exposed as the bath incident. Gods… it felt like eons ago that happened. She looked to his face and saw that he was in deep concentration. She felt a bit of pain as she felt muscle reunite and skin close. She didn't want to cry out in pain. Her voice was too hoarse anyways from all the screaming she did when she was asleep.
He finished and quickly covered her leg. "There, you see. Nothing untoward." He smiled at her.
Nanao blushed. "Thank you." She could feel him wanting to say something but all he did was stare at her, waiting for her.
Minutes passed with awkward silence. She wanted to say something but couldn't quite put it to words. In essence her walls were crumbling. The ones she had built around herself were showing their cracks, and they were all caused by him. He stood there in front of her, eyes full of concern, happiness, and… love for her. Each tiny emotion he displayed towards her dented her walls over the years, and now those emotions were coming at full force. If she didn't pull it together now she would be defenseless against…. him? No… she would be defenseless against herself. She had all of these bottled up emotions she had carried for so many a year. They would come rushing out of her like a geyser with no end and she couldn't handle the loss of control right now. It was too soon with her brush with complete oblivion.
He stood there, looking at the one woman who made his heart sing just with a slight glance. He nearly lost her. And that would have driven him to madness.
He wanted to tell her how happy he was to see her awake and alive, and returned to him. They were on the tip of his tongue and he couldn't get them out in fear that he would sound like he always did, flippant to her.
She knew she would have to break the silence.
"Taicho." Nanao whispered out.
"Shhh, Nanao-chan. Conserve your strength. You've put me through a lot you know?" He gave her a small smile and he hesitantly brushed her hair out of her face.
Her mind began to turn.I put him through a lot? Hello? I almost died here!!!!! "Oh really? I'm fine as you can see. Shouldn't you be overseeing the division? And what day is it? And did you turn in the 'Observations of Interdivision Training Report' that was due on Wednesday as well as the monthly division's budget? Wait, did you even start that report?" She was back to work mode. It was safe here. She was in control and nothing could go out of place.
"Nanao, stop this." His voice was serious. "You almost died… well you know what I mean." He sighed exasperated. He sat back down and pulled the chair closer to the bed. "Today is Thursday. You have missed about 3 days of training. But, nothing amiss. Yes, I know what you are going to say, I have done some of the paperwork… with the help of Ukitake. But that is beside the point. How are you feeling?'
She knew she couldn't blow him off with work. She returned the sigh with her own and looked him in the eye. "I'm fine, Kyouraku taicho. I really am. My thigh hurts a little and yes I'm a bit fatigued, but I'm fine."
"You keep saying you are fine, Nanao, but my instinct tells me otherwise." He looked at her and grinned. "And my instinct tells me my Nanao-chan needs a hug!" He started towards her with arms opened wide and enveloped her in a sloppy bear hug.
"Mmmmph!" Nanao was getting suffocated.
Nanao managed to push him off. He was grinning, but his eyes betrayed him, they always did.
"Once again, thanks for healing me, but I think I'm okay enough now to leave. Unohana-taicho said I could once you finished healing me." Nanao made a motion to get up from the bed.
Shunsui gently place a hand on her shoulder to get her to lie back down.
"Nanao, we need to talk. Yesterday, I was ready to end your pain. I was ready to kill you, do you understand?"
"You would have done it for anyone."
"Not just anyone, Nanao. "
"You didn't believe in me?"
"No. I do."
Nanao looked extremely puzzled. "You believed in me and yet you were ready to kill me?"
"No. That isn't..." For a man who always knew what to say when it really counted, right now he couldn't quite explain. "You were in pain. I couldn't stand to see you in so much pain."
"Sir, you couldn't stand to see a kitten in pain any less for another person." Nanao reasoned. Not listening to the her taicho's meaning.
"Yare yare, Nanao. Must I spell it out for you?"
Nanao sighed. "You love me… I know. I get it." She looked into his eyes. "I…" she paused to see he was straining not to touch her. It was now or never. She had to set some ground rules, some frame work that she could hold on to. She wasn't ready to be swept up just yet.
"Do you remember that memo you sent me? The one that said you would wait for me?" Nanao breathed quickly out.
Shunsui paused. He remember that memo. It was long ago that he wrote it.
"Yes I do." He softly replied.
"I know you meant what you said then. I know you would keep your word. I know you want me to come to you on my own terms. And I.." Nanao paused to make sure it hit home. "I do, too. So, please just… wait a little longer. I need to recover from all this and I want to clear my head."
"I will wait for however long that may be but it begs the questions of why you turned down the old-man's promotion. It it because you aren't ready to love me?" Is that why you didn't want to be a taicho?
"Loving you has nothing to do with rank. I know that. I've known that for a very long time." Nanao sighed. Telling the truth was always the best course of action. "I turned it down because I tried to be a captain for the wrong reason. I thought that...: She was really blushing now. "I thought that if I became taicho then maybe I would entertain the idea of dating you." Liar. Her inner voice said. You wanted it so you could have a relationship. "I trained hard not just to become a taicho, but to be able to be by your side if the need should arise. I..." Tears were forming. Nanao was frustrated at herself. For being such a coward, and finally realizing she was holding back for so long. "I felt so useless as your fukutaicho when you and Ukitake faced off with Yamamoto." Nanao was rambling and realized it was out of order and she really was telling a white lie to her captain. She had to start over. "It started at first to gain enough power to protect the ones I love. Then as a means to make me feel better about breaking a rule. And when I realized the latter at the moment I had Soi-fong at her knees, I knew, I KNEW becoming a taicho to have a relationship doesn't make for a good taicho." Tears were starting to flow and she was struggling to keep her composure.
Shunsui could only listen to his Nanao-chan open up to him. He handed her a tissue. As she grabbed the tissue from his hand, her hand paused at his, then grabbed on tightly. This caused him to look directly back her in slight shock. Nanao's eyes showed a spark of courage, but her eyes displayed a deer in headlights quality. Nanao took a deep breath to calm her nerves.
"I…" Nanao was so tired. Tired of all of this. "I love you."
She loved him. He heard her words and it put him in a daze. He wanted to take her into his arms at that moment and kiss her thoroughly with all the love that he had for her. But he was stopped short.
"BUT" She used her hand to stop him at his shoulder when he was about to hug her again.
"I don't know yet if I love you for you, or because you are the only one in my entire life that has ever shown me affection and attention." She looked at him with her eyes completely clear with purpose, the fear that she displayed gone. "I need to figure out for myself if I love you for the man that you are with all of your quirky characteristics, or do I love a fanciful dream? Me, almost dying doesn't help me sort out my emotions or understand them. It only clouds it because that experience tells me to carpe diem and I don't want to do anything brash that will hurt YOU in the end. You deserve a woman who loves you for you and not one who thinks she loves you. I respect you and value our odd friendship too much to tell you I love you without knowing if this emotion is truly what it is. Please, Shunsui." She said his name for the first time. "Give me some time. I need to figure things out." She dropped her hand from his and clenched it at her sides. She was desperately trying not to leap back into his arms and say 'to hell with it.'
His mind began to register what she was saying to him. He had begun to break, but there was hope. So, he gathered the pieces of himself back together.
"Yare yare, Nanao. You are making me feel older." He paused and smiled gently at her. "Seeing that you do need time, and that you want to leave 4th division, would you like me to help you get back home?" He asked as a gentleman would.
Nanao breathed and gave him a small smile. "I would be grateful if you would help me carry back my things to the division, Taicho. Thank you."
He smiled back her. With his Nanao-chan, progress was always one step forward and multiple steps back, but he would give her the space she needed to work things out.
Author's notes: Many apologizies to those who have reviewed and I didn't answer back. I thank you all for your support and reviews. I apologize for the length of time this has taken me. The only excuse that i have is that i have been mulling over what Nanao really would say to Shunsui after she woke up. I had many incarnations of dialogue and even the one I have above isn't quite there yet.
As always, critiques, comments, suggestions such as "you didn't spell XXX right" or "ummm.. the grammar of sentence YYY is very interesting, perhaps you should try BYG next time." are always welcomed.