It's a typical sunny Sunnydale day. Main Street is quiet, but one man is moving down the sidewalk, past all the stores and assorted places of business. It's Xander Harris, and he's pushing what looks to be a person stuffed inside a large sack as he walks along. The person in the sack is doing their best to hop along, and they are obviously tied up and unable to move freely.
Eventually, Xander reaches his destination. He stops at a door. A sign on the door reads: SLAYERS, INC. He opens the door and walks inside, herding the person in the sack in with him.
Inside, Buffy Summers is behind the counter. She sees Xander come in, and smiles at him.
BUFFY: Morning.
XANDER: Good morning.
BUFFY: What can I do for you, sir?
XANDER: Well, I wonder if you can help me. You see, my fiance has just become a vampire, and I'm not really sure what to do with her.
BUFFY: Ah, well, we can help you. We deal with vamps. Now, there's four things we can do with your fiance. We can stake her, behead her, set her on fire, or dump her.
Xander is shocked.
XANDER: Dump her?
BUFFY: Yes, sir. Dump her in a huge tank filled with holy water.
XANDER: What?
BUFFY: Oh ... did you like her?
XANDER: Well ... sort of, I guess.
BUFFY: Oh, well we won't dump her, then. Well, what do you think? A staker, a beheader, or we set her on fire?
XANDER: Well ... which do you recommend?
BUFFY: Well, they're all nasty. If we stake her, we grab hold of her, then we pull this little beauty out ...
Buffy pulls a large and very sharp stake out from underneath the counter. Xander's eyes widen as he looks at it.
BUFFY: ... and we stick it right in her chest. The stake pierces her heart, which is a bit of a shock if she's not quite a vampire. If she's a vampire, though, she crumbles into ashes, which you can then keep if you like and pretend were hers.
XANDER: Uh-huh.
BUFFY: Or, if we behead her, we're going to need something a little bigger, 'cause old faithful Mr. Pointy just won't get the job done. So, we use this.
Reaching under the counter again, Buffy puts the stake away, and pulls out a huge battleaxe. Xander's eyes practically bug out of his head.
BUFFY: One carefully aimed slice with this baby, which is dead easy for Slayers like me, and the vampire's head comes rolling off quick as you like, which again, is a bit of a shock if she's not quite a vampire. Once again, the body crumbles into ashes, which you could roll up and smoke for all the difference it would make.
XANDER: I see.
BUFFY: Or, we could set her on fire.
Buffy reaches out under the counter again, and puts the battleaxe away. This time, she pulls out a massive flamethrower.
XANDER: Whoa!
BUFFY: Hey, you ever see Ghostbusters?
XANDER: Uh ... yeah, sure, when I was kid.
BUFFY: Ever wanted to try it yourself?
XANDER: Uh, sure, I guess so.
BUFFY: Well, now, here's your chance. Gotta warn you, though. This one is extremely nasty. All you have to do is aim this here flamethrower at the vampire and let 'em have it. The vamp goes up in smoke before your very eyes.
XANDER: Wow!
BUFFY: Yes, the visual effects are stunning. However, should you decide on this course of action, make sure you stand back. We don't have any special two-for-the-price-of-one offers here. Once the vampire goes up in flames, once again, ashes result. Incidentally, it'd be a good idea not to try any of these methods on the good carpet. Oh, and the flamethrower method is, again, not so hot if she's not quite a vampire.
XANDER: I see. Well, she's definitely a vampire.
BUFFY: Great. Let's have a look at her. Where is she?
XANDER: She's in this sack. I had to use the sack to cover her with, seeing as it's daylight outside and all.
BUFFY: Yes, of course. Wise thinking, sir.
Xander pulls the sack from off the vampire, revealing Anya, vamped-out and fangs bared. Her arms are tied behind her back, and her feet are tied together. She hisses angrily at Xander.
XANDER: She's been like this ever since she turned. She even tried to bite me this morning.
BUFFY: Oh! She looks quite young!
XANDER: Well, actually, she's over eleven hundred years old, but that's another story.
Buffy raises her eyebrows, impressed.
BUFFY: She hides it well.
Buffy looks thoughtful, then turns her head and calls out to the back room.
BUFFY: Faith!
Faith appears from the back room, wiping vamp-dust from her shirt.
FAITH: What is it, B? I just had to take down five vamps while you were in here chatting. I'm wicked tired.
Buffy points at Anya.
BUFFY: I think we've got a curser.
XANDER: What?
FAITH: Yeah, okay. I'll get the ingredients together.
Faith turns and walks back into the back room. Xander looks at Buffy, confused.
XANDER: What are you talking about? What's a curser?
BUFFY: Oh, it's the latest thing! It's an old gypsy curse that curses the vampire by restoring the soul of the human it used to be.
XANDER: Wonderful what you can do nowadays.
BUFFY: Yeah! It's really catching on. We can curse your vampire for you. Of course, she'll still be a vampire, but at least she won't be evil anymore, which means you won't have to worry about being bitten!
XANDER: Well, that sounds great. Although ...
BUFFY: Yes?
XANDER: Well, I don't want to sound shallow, but I'm not too keen on being engaged to a vampire. I'd much rather go out with someone who's still alive.
BUFFY: Can't be blamed for that.
XANDER: Plus, I don't think Anya would enjoy being trapped in a vampire's body very much. It would be a little cruel to do that to her. Maybe we should forget about this curse thing and just kill her.
BUFFY: Look, tell you what. We'll curse your fiance, and if you're still feeling a bit guilty about it afterwards, bring her back in, and we'll stake the crap out of her.
XANDER: Alright.
He stops and looks thoughtful.
XANDER: Incidentally, seeing as I'm a single man again now, what are you doing tonight?
BUFFY: Just patrolling. The usual, really.
XANDER: Yeah, of course. Well, you wanna do something afterwards? I know this really great club downtown. It's called the Bronze. What do you say?
Buffy smiles, and puts the flamethrower back under the counter.
Eventually, Xander reaches his destination. He stops at a door. A sign on the door reads: SLAYERS, INC. He opens the door and walks inside, herding the person in the sack in with him.
Inside, Buffy Summers is behind the counter. She sees Xander come in, and smiles at him.
BUFFY: Morning.
XANDER: Good morning.
BUFFY: What can I do for you, sir?
XANDER: Well, I wonder if you can help me. You see, my fiance has just become a vampire, and I'm not really sure what to do with her.
BUFFY: Ah, well, we can help you. We deal with vamps. Now, there's four things we can do with your fiance. We can stake her, behead her, set her on fire, or dump her.
Xander is shocked.
XANDER: Dump her?
BUFFY: Yes, sir. Dump her in a huge tank filled with holy water.
XANDER: What?
BUFFY: Oh ... did you like her?
XANDER: Well ... sort of, I guess.
BUFFY: Oh, well we won't dump her, then. Well, what do you think? A staker, a beheader, or we set her on fire?
XANDER: Well ... which do you recommend?
BUFFY: Well, they're all nasty. If we stake her, we grab hold of her, then we pull this little beauty out ...
Buffy pulls a large and very sharp stake out from underneath the counter. Xander's eyes widen as he looks at it.
BUFFY: ... and we stick it right in her chest. The stake pierces her heart, which is a bit of a shock if she's not quite a vampire. If she's a vampire, though, she crumbles into ashes, which you can then keep if you like and pretend were hers.
XANDER: Uh-huh.
BUFFY: Or, if we behead her, we're going to need something a little bigger, 'cause old faithful Mr. Pointy just won't get the job done. So, we use this.
Reaching under the counter again, Buffy puts the stake away, and pulls out a huge battleaxe. Xander's eyes practically bug out of his head.
BUFFY: One carefully aimed slice with this baby, which is dead easy for Slayers like me, and the vampire's head comes rolling off quick as you like, which again, is a bit of a shock if she's not quite a vampire. Once again, the body crumbles into ashes, which you could roll up and smoke for all the difference it would make.
XANDER: I see.
BUFFY: Or, we could set her on fire.
Buffy reaches out under the counter again, and puts the battleaxe away. This time, she pulls out a massive flamethrower.
XANDER: Whoa!
BUFFY: Hey, you ever see Ghostbusters?
XANDER: Uh ... yeah, sure, when I was kid.
BUFFY: Ever wanted to try it yourself?
XANDER: Uh, sure, I guess so.
BUFFY: Well, now, here's your chance. Gotta warn you, though. This one is extremely nasty. All you have to do is aim this here flamethrower at the vampire and let 'em have it. The vamp goes up in smoke before your very eyes.
XANDER: Wow!
BUFFY: Yes, the visual effects are stunning. However, should you decide on this course of action, make sure you stand back. We don't have any special two-for-the-price-of-one offers here. Once the vampire goes up in flames, once again, ashes result. Incidentally, it'd be a good idea not to try any of these methods on the good carpet. Oh, and the flamethrower method is, again, not so hot if she's not quite a vampire.
XANDER: I see. Well, she's definitely a vampire.
BUFFY: Great. Let's have a look at her. Where is she?
XANDER: She's in this sack. I had to use the sack to cover her with, seeing as it's daylight outside and all.
BUFFY: Yes, of course. Wise thinking, sir.
Xander pulls the sack from off the vampire, revealing Anya, vamped-out and fangs bared. Her arms are tied behind her back, and her feet are tied together. She hisses angrily at Xander.
XANDER: She's been like this ever since she turned. She even tried to bite me this morning.
BUFFY: Oh! She looks quite young!
XANDER: Well, actually, she's over eleven hundred years old, but that's another story.
Buffy raises her eyebrows, impressed.
BUFFY: She hides it well.
Buffy looks thoughtful, then turns her head and calls out to the back room.
BUFFY: Faith!
Faith appears from the back room, wiping vamp-dust from her shirt.
FAITH: What is it, B? I just had to take down five vamps while you were in here chatting. I'm wicked tired.
Buffy points at Anya.
BUFFY: I think we've got a curser.
XANDER: What?
FAITH: Yeah, okay. I'll get the ingredients together.
Faith turns and walks back into the back room. Xander looks at Buffy, confused.
XANDER: What are you talking about? What's a curser?
BUFFY: Oh, it's the latest thing! It's an old gypsy curse that curses the vampire by restoring the soul of the human it used to be.
XANDER: Wonderful what you can do nowadays.
BUFFY: Yeah! It's really catching on. We can curse your vampire for you. Of course, she'll still be a vampire, but at least she won't be evil anymore, which means you won't have to worry about being bitten!
XANDER: Well, that sounds great. Although ...
BUFFY: Yes?
XANDER: Well, I don't want to sound shallow, but I'm not too keen on being engaged to a vampire. I'd much rather go out with someone who's still alive.
BUFFY: Can't be blamed for that.
XANDER: Plus, I don't think Anya would enjoy being trapped in a vampire's body very much. It would be a little cruel to do that to her. Maybe we should forget about this curse thing and just kill her.
BUFFY: Look, tell you what. We'll curse your fiance, and if you're still feeling a bit guilty about it afterwards, bring her back in, and we'll stake the crap out of her.
XANDER: Alright.
He stops and looks thoughtful.
XANDER: Incidentally, seeing as I'm a single man again now, what are you doing tonight?
BUFFY: Just patrolling. The usual, really.
XANDER: Yeah, of course. Well, you wanna do something afterwards? I know this really great club downtown. It's called the Bronze. What do you say?
Buffy smiles, and puts the flamethrower back under the counter.