When asked about what pairings I ship on Avatar, I usually say that I ship Zuko/Katara because it would drive Aang up the wall, thus providing me with endless amusement. However, in all honesty I find BOTH pairings to be appealing in their own way, and as long as there's plenty of Riduclous Drama to keep things interesting I'll be happy. That sentiment, combined with the need to lighten the mood after season two's Finale of Doom, resulted in the fic you see before you.

Thanks to Emsariel for the beta! Hope this entertains you as much as it entertained me.

oOoOo

The sun was long departed and the moon directly overhead by the time Appa touched down for the night. Exhausted, the occupants of his saddle slid down to the ground one by one, yawning as they stretched their stiff limbs.

"I'm gonna go hug the ground for a while," Toph muttered, slouching over to a nearby boulder and draping herself across it.

"How long until deliciousness?" Sokka wondered, holding his belly.

Katara lugged their well-worn cooking pot to the middle of the clearing. "That depends on whether or not you gather up some firewood for me."

"In this case, I'll say 'not,'" said Sokka. He sprawled on the ground a few feet away from Toph. "I can't do any heavy lifting on an empty stomach."

"I'll help you in just a second," said Aang, his eyes on a tiny lump of stone in his hands. "I just want to finish this first..."

"So much for the ruthless efficiency of Team Avatar," Katara muttered, setting the pot on its stand. She bent a little of the water from her canteen into it, followed by several handfuls of dried mushrooms and a pinch of salt.

"Allow me," said Zuko smoothly. He crouched down next to her with an armful of wood, arranging it carefully beneath the pot before setting it ablaze with a flick of his wrist. He leaned in closer, his lips only inches from her ear. "Hot enough for you?"

Katara's cheeks reddened at his proximity. "Um...a little lower, thanks," she stammered. "Aang should really be doing this, though...he needs to practice his firebending..."

"But then I'd be denied the pleasure of your company," said Zuko softly, dimming the flames. "And we can't have that."

Aang looked up from his work and made a face. "Would you stop sliming all over her like that? It's disgusting."

"It's called 'chivalry,'" Zuko drawled. "You might want to try it some time."

"It's fine, Aang," said Katara wearily. "I don't mind."

Glowering at Zuko, Aang wedged himself between him and Katara and handed her a small, stone object. It was roughly shaped to look like a heart. "I made it for you myself with earthbending!" said Aang cheerfully.

"That's very sweet, Aang," said Katara, "but right now I could really use some help getting the campsite set up."

Glancing meaningfully at Aang, Zuko pushed himself to his feet and sauntered over to Appa, pulling his sleeping bag down from where it was stowed on the saddle. "Would you like me to get yours as well, Katara?" he asked, smiling over his shoulder.

"Why, THANK you, Zuko," said Katara pointedly. "How NICE of you to offer."

Aang glared at Zuko as the older boy found a flat patch of ground, carefully cleared away the rocks and twigs, and then unrolled the two sleeping bags scarcely a foot apart from each other.

"In case we're ambushed in the night," he explained, smoothing the fabric with his hands. "This way I'll be able to protect you more easily."

"I'M the one who protects Katara," Aang growled, leaping up on a cushion of air and storming across the campsite. "And that's MY spot." He snatched up Zuko's bag and threw it several feet away. It landed on top of a thorn bush. "YOU can sleep over THERE."

"Worried he'll make a move, Twinkle Toes?" Toph jeered, grinning up at the sky.

"I would never take advantage of a lady," said Zuko as he recovered his sleeping bag. "But if, as a consenting adult, she decided to-"

"Whatever you were going to say, don't say it," Sokka cut in. "I have a vivid imagination, and it doesn't need any more help."

"What's wrong, Aang?" asked Zuko, laying out his bedding again. It was even closer to Katara's this time. "Afraid I'll win her away from you with my masculine charms?"

"I'm sitting right here, you know," Katara muttered, bending the contents of the pot in slow circles as it heated.

"Katara wouldn't be your girlfriend if you were the only guy on the PLANET," Aang exploded.

"Do you really think she'd be satisfied with YOU?" Zuko chuckled. "You're just a kid. I'm twice the man you'll ever be."

"Look, just because you're taller --"

"That's not what I was talking about," said Zuko with a smirk. "I've seen you bathe..."

"I LOVE KATARA FOR HER BEAUTIFUL SOUL AND KIND SPIRIT," Aang bellowed. "You just want to get under her tunic!"

"AANG!" Katara yelped, crossing her arms over her chest and flushing crimson.

"There's only one way to settle this," Zuko growled, yellow eyes narrowed as he glared at Aang.

"And what's that?" Aang spat.

"The way all matters of honor are decided among warriors," said Zuko. "Agni Kai."

"Wait a second, you're going to DUEL over me?" said Katara incredulously. "You've got to be kidding."

"Firebenders don't kid," said Zuko, his fingers loosening the buttons on his shirt. It slid to the floor with a whisper of silk.

Studiously ignoring Zuko's rippling torso, Katara whirled on her brother. "Aren't you going to try and stop them?!"

"Nope," said Sokka, grinning. "My money's on Aang, so this should work out nicely for me."

"Toph?!"

"You're right, I SHOULD do something about this," said Toph. She slapped her palms against the boulder she lay on, bending it into a large, stone chair. "Much better."

Aang pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it aside. "Don't worry, Katara, I'll kick his butt for you. He couldn't even beat me BEFORE I learned firebending. He's toast."

Zuko dropped into a fighting stance, small tongues of flame already licking at his arms. "Enough talk, Avatar." he purred.

"YES!" Toph whooped. "Less talk! More bending!"

Aang, more than happy to oblige, lashed out with a flaming kick directly at Zuko's face. The older boy ducked, sweeping his leg along the ground to knock Aang off his feet, but Aang gracefully leapt into the air with a gust of wind and landed behind Zuko's back.

"HEY!" Zuko roared, throwing a hasty wave of flame to keep Aang at a distance. "NO AIRBENDING DURING AGNI KAI!"

"Suit yourself!" Aang snarled, launching himself at Zuko with fire daggers in his hands. He slashed at Zuko's chest, easily evading blasts of flame, and left an angry red welt across Zuko's collar bone. The older boy winced, gritting his teeth as a flaming whip grew from his fist. He whirled it into Aang's path, knocking him backwards into the brush.

"This is ridiculous," Katara muttered, abandoning dinner and dusting off her dress as she stood. "One them's going to get hurt."

"As long as it's Zuko, I'm pretty much fine with that," said Sokka.

"ROAST 'IM GOOD, AANG!" Toph cheered. "MAKE 'IM SQUEAL!"

Now covered in thorns and bits of twig, Aang leapt to his feet and charged across the clearing, a massive fireball growing between his palms. Crouching low to the ground, Zuko snapped his whip in Aang's path, forcing the boy to veer to one side. He shoved the fireball forward, but Zuko easily cast it aside and sprung toward him, his shoulder catching Aang in the chest. They hit the ground in a jumble of limbs, jets of flame shooting out in odd directions as they grappled.

"You think you can drop into our lives and act like nothing ever happened?!" Aang growled, shoving Zuko's face into the ground. "You think you can just charm your way into Katara's pants after everything you put us through?!"

Zuko wrenched free of Aang's grip and flipped him onto his back, spitting out a mouthful of dirt. "THAT'S BASICALLY THE IDEA, YES."

"KATARA WILL NEVER LOVE YOU," Aang cried, his knee connecting with Zuko's stomach. Gasping, Zuko relaxed his grip long enough for Aang to roll him back onto the ground.

"At least she doesn't love me like a brother," Zuko sneered, his hands glowing red as he gripped Aang's wrists. Hissing in pain, Aang pursed his lips and blew a stream of fire at Zuko's face.

Zuko headbutted Aang right through the flames, forcing him onto his back again and pressing himself down on the younger boy's limbs, his arm across Aang's mouth. "Face it, kid," Zuko hissed as Aang struggled beneath him. "Katara's mine for as long as I want her."

"Not so much, no."

Aang and Zuko's heads whipped around just in time to see Katara standing beside them, the entire contents of a nearby pond hovering in a ball above her outstretched hands. They opened their mouths to explain, but at that moment Katara wasn't interested in what they had to say. She expressed this opinion by dropping the pond onto their heads, then bending both it and them into a ditch.

By the time the two boys had extricated themselves from the undergrowth and slouched back to the campsite, Katara was spooning out bowls of stew for Sokka and Toph. She didn't look at them as they sat quietly on opposite sides of the cooking fire, Aang sulkily staring at his hands and Zuko scowling into the flames.

"Are you finished?" she asked, reaching for another empty bowl. They responded with identical mumbles of assent. Satisfied, Katara filled the bowl and handed it to Aang. He smiled hopefully as he took it.

"I'm sorry, Aang, but you're just too young for me," she said kindly. Aang's face fell, and Zuko's lips curled into a satisfied smirk.

"And you," she continued, spooning out a second bowl and passing it to him, "are currently WAY too much of an arrogant, self-absorbed asshole." The smirk evaporated as Aang snickered into his stew.

"Real smooth, Angry Boy," Sokka chuckled. Zuko glared at him and shoveled stew into his mouth.

Later that night, when the fire had died down and the remains of dinner cleared away, the five of them started to get ready for bed. Both Zuko and Aang surrendered the spot closest to Katara, the former dragging his sleeping bag across the clearing and the latter making a nest between Appa's legs.

Katara leaned down and kissed Aang on the top of his head. "Goodnight," she said softly. Aang smiled sleepily at her, then closed his eyes as she padded around the embers of the fire and knelt beside Zuko. He stiffened in anticipation of another kiss, but it didn't come. Instead, she gently tousled his hair. "Thanks for the help tonight," she whispered. Zuko didn't answer, and she chuckled quietly as she stood and walked back to her own bed.

"What, no love for me?" asked Toph in a wounded tone. Katara punched her good-naturedly in the shoulder as she slipped into her sleeping bag.

"I'll get older," Aang whispered, smiling to himself as he cuddled down into Appa's soft fur.

"'Currently,'" Zuko murmured, an uncharacteristically soppy smile on his face as he gazed up at the stars.

--Fin--