Author: Kelly

Disclaimer: All characters associated with Buffy The Vampire Slayer do not belong to me, but the wonderful Joss Whedon. I'm simply borrowing them.

Summary: A series of drabbles of the characters' thoughts in the aftermath of the season six episode Once More With Feeling.

A/N: Most of these were written at an insane time in the morning but please do enjoy.

The Watcher Rupert Giles

"Wish I could play the father…"

Rupert Giles stands alone in the bathroom of the Summers' residence, his own reflection staring back at him. There is a tired and haunted expression in his eyes as he removes his glasses and sets them down on the basin. He reaches out and turns the cold water tap slowly then places his hands beneath the cool liquid flowing freely. Giles takes one last look at himself before cupping his hands together and lowering his head. Immediately his face meets his hands as he splashes the water against his face again and again. He does this in the hopes to wash away all feeling, to wash away the sins.

Without moving, he reaches out for the tap and shuts off the water. Slowly, he lifted his head and straightens up until he can see his reflection once more. The man before him is a failure, a watcher who failed to save his charge and prevent her death, not once but twice. The water is running down his face from his forehead and down to the tip of his nose. Rupert does not care, as it is the least of his worries right now.

/ His concern lies with his slayer, Buffy. She died under natural circumstances and she had been brought back by her friends. Her selfish and stupid friends who pulled her out of Heaven of all places. He had noticed an immediate change in her and even though he was pleased to have her back and to feel her warm in his arms. Giles knew something was wrong. /

Painfully slow, he picks up a towel and starts patting his face dry. He cannot stand to look at himself any longer so he turns away. He knows that partly he is to blame for Buffy's resurrection, if he had been here instead of England then he may have been able to prevent it and she wouldn't have had to endure even more suffering. Instead, he leans against the sink and looks down at the ground.

/ Buffy dying has been an awakening for him as he truly realised the depth of his affection for her when he lost her. Quentin Travers has once said to him that he possessed "a father's love for the child" which Giles tried his best to deny. Now though, none of that mattered and he could clearly see it was the truth. /

He isn't her father and he can never claim to be as much as he wants to play the role. Giles has also noticed a pattern of behaviour with Buffy, she has become too dependent on him but his job is to guide her. It is not to carry her and it's this realisation that fuels his heartbreaking decision. He is "standing in the way" and if he remains here in Sunnydale then it will only get a lot worse.

He does not want to abandon Buffy, he loves her dearly but he needs to make her see, to make her understand. He needs to ensure that she learns that it is vital that she stand on her own two feet and take on responsibilities instead of putting them onto others, as she is accustomed too.

She is a bright young woman who has always been an independent thinker but he feels that his presence here is clouding her judgement. Fathers are there to guide their daughters and he is not her father. A fact that he is painfully aware of but he only wants the best for his Buffy.

Giles finishes drying his face and puts his glasses back on. He turns around and drapes the towel over the rail while returning his gaze to the mirror. There is no longer a failure looking back at him but a man who has made up his mind.

"Wish I could stay."