Title: The Spirit Of The Season

Authors: Sara and Lizzie

Rating: T for language, maybe sex

Disclaimer: Obviously the show does not belong to two college girls.

Summary: Not knowing who he is, Meredith sleeps with Mark. Derek confesses his love to her, and then finds out about Mark. In a jealous rage, he makes a lot of bad choices that send him back to New York. With Christmas looming, Meredith has a choice to make. She can forget him, or she can bring him back to Seattle.

Author's Note: We couldn't resist a Christmas story. Especially not one that culminates in the only city that can really celebrate Christmas. NYC. (love new york. We're transferring back! For those of you interested in our personal lives. Its just that we feel like we know you guys.)

We're pretending the season 2 episode 'Yesterday' is set in late November/ early December.

Oh! And this is our first fic in first person POV. And we know this is short, its a prolouge. They'll get longer. So show us love. Review.

"This is gonna bring me clarity." –The Fray

Meredith

"You're hitting on me in the hospital." I said to the dashing stranger who was looking at me intensely. And when I say intensely, I mean it. In every sense of the word. Intense. And Dashing. Very dashing.

But not Derek. No, those are bad thoughts. The thoughts I should not be thinking, because Derek is married. To Addison. Who he chose. And she's probably striding around the hospital in some immaculate Dolce and Gabbana number, complete with Manolo Blahnik stilettos. Great comparison to me and my scrubs and my hair I haven't washed since… ugh. No wonder he chose her.

No, refocus. Hot stranger. "Yes, I guess I am." He says, smiling. I instinctively lick my lips and smile back.

"That feels sort of inappropriate." I say. "You know, blood, surgery, flirting. Not exactly a match."

He looks me up and down, slowly. "I guess you're right. I'll have to find you outside the hospital then….?"

He trails off and I realize he's asking for my name. "Meredith." I manage to stutter out. "It's Meredith."

"Meredith." He says. And God it rolls off his tongue very nicely. "I'll see you, Meredith." He says, striding away.

I blow out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. Jesus. Well that kind of makes me feel better about myself. At least someone is still choosing me.

Of course it doesn't change the fact that I'm entrenched in an all consuming, heart wrenching love for a married brain surgeon. A brain surgeon. How cliché is my life?

And now, I've just become a bona fide drama queen. Enough, Meredith. I look down at my hands, remembering that I'm an intern. I have a purpose to my life other than pining for Derek Shepherd.

Right. Charts. Post Op notes. Nurse's station, fourth floor. Elevator. Ugh. I do not have a good track record with elevators. I trudge toward the bank of them, and select the one at the far end. Most people will take the elevator in the middle. Or something.

I slip inside and hit the button with my thumb. Just as I convince myself it's going to be a mundane, run on the mill ride, a hand attached to an arm thrusts itself inside. The arm is, regretfully, attached to Dr. Shepherd himself. He jumps in, and before the doors close again, the only other occupant of the car, Olivia, syph nurse herself, darts out.

Bitch. I knew there was another reason I didn't like her. "Dr. Grey." Derek says, in that voice.

It's his inflection that kills me. "Dr. Shepherd." I say, nodding. He's staring at me, intensely. Wait. Déjà vu? No, it's just I thought the stranger was giving me an intense look. But it was nothing compared to the fire in Derek's eyes.

He smiles. I smile. This little dance never seems to stop. He blinks. Once, twice, then again. And now he's staring at me in this dazed manner, like I just clobbered him over the head with someone heavy.

"Um, are you okay?" I ask.

He nods. "Yea." He says softly. "I'm great."

The elevator dings on floor number four and I step off. I was going to stride away. A stride that would say 'I'm over you, Derek Shepherd. I'm over you and your hair, and your eyes, and your good sex. Over it.' But I don't.

I turn and smile. "I'll see ya, Derek."

He smiles, his expression not changing. "Yea."

I'm married. I have been for eleven years. Married. Betrothed. Till death do us part.

And the Derek Shepherd that stood in the fancy New York City church, in a Tom Ford for Gucci tuxedo, staring at the red head in the white Vera Wang gown? That Derek Shepherd just died. Gone forever.

He breathed his last when the elevator doors opened, and Meredith Grey tried not to look at me. I couldn't stop staring at her, which is nothing new. But today, I really saw her. That hair, those eyes.

My secret? My deep, dark, dirty lie? I don't love my wife. I love this intern who's ignoring me in an elevator. I started blinking at her, because the revelation that I was wasting my time not being with her was washing over me like a baptism.

"Um, are you okay?" she asks me, like I'm going to fall over or something.

I nodded, stunned at how simple it all seemed now. Meredith. Love. I had made it all so much more complicated than it had to be. It was all right there in front of my face.

"Yea, I'm great." I murmur stupidly. The elevator stops and she gets off, paces a few steps, then turns around, smiling.

"I'll see ya, Derek." She says. Derek. Not Dr. Shepherd. The formality disappears. I'm Derek again, the guy from the bar, the boyfriend.

I think I said something to her in response, but I'm not sure. All I want to do is run, find Addison and say things. Things I should I have a long time ago. Things about true love, and Meredith and divorce. Only I don't. Because I'm overwhelmed and impulsive right now.

And I need time, time to process these thoughts, slow them down, and make them sensible. I'm not even making much sense to myself right now. But I feel something I haven't felt in a long time. Happiness.

And then, I step off the elevator and see Mark Sloan. Here. In Seattle.

So much for happiness.