1. Should not tell
Captain America that my long term goals include taking over the world
with my army of flying monkeys.
2. Not allowed to stalk
Spider-Man.
3. Not allowed to beg for autographs from any Avenger,
both current and former.
4. Not allowed to take incriminating
photos of the Avengers.
5. Not allowed to Photoshop incriminating
photos of the Avengers.
6. Not allowed to create incriminating
photos of the Avengers using magic.
7. Not allowed to hide the
Cheezits from Iron Man.
8. Not allowed to shave Wolverine and sell
the hair.
9. Not allowed to make Wolverine voodoo dolls from
aforementioned hair.
10. Not allowed to lock Eli and Kate into a
closet together.
11. Not allowed to lock Vision and Cassie into a
closet together.
12. Not allowed to lock myself and Teddy into a
closet together.
12b. Not even if Teddy doesn't mind (added by
amarinrose )
13. Not allowed to lock Captain America and Iron Man
into a closet together.
14. Not allowed to turn Vision into a
toad.
15. Not allowed to throw Toad Vision at a wall to break the
spell because Cassie refuses to kiss him.
16. Not allowed to turn
Eli into a toad.
17. Not allowed to throw Toad Eli at a wall to
break the spell because Kate refuses to kiss him.
18. Not allowed
to take advantage of Teddy while he sleeps and draw things on his
back.
18b. Not even if Teddy doesn't mind (added by amarinrose
)
19. Not allowed to write Property of Billy Kaplan anywhere on
Teddy.
19b. Not even if Teddy doesn't mind (added by amarinrose
)
20. My code name is Wiccan, not Princess Anastasia.
21. Not
allowed to threaten allies with magic.
22. Not allowed to zap
people just because they've annoyed me.
23. Not allowed to
purchase anyone's soul.
24. Not allowed to let hand puppets take
responsibility for my actions.
24b. Not even if I use magic to
make the hand puppets responsible for said actions. (added by
amarinrose )
25. Not allowed to sing High Speed Dirt by Megadeath
while flying anyone around.
26. Body paint is not a uniform (no
matter how much Teddy likes it).
26b. Nor is chocolate
body-sauce.
27. It is better to beg forgiveness than ask
permission no longer applies to Billy Kaplan.
28. I am not the
Psychological Warfare Mascot.
29. Mimes are not supervillains, and
I am not allowed to treat them as such.
30. Not allowed to use my
powers to randomly squish things.
30b. Not even if there is
another insect/arachnid infestion. In that case, call an
exterminator. (added by amarinrose )
31. Crucifixes do not ward
of Captain America and I am not allowed to test this.
31b. Norse
sigils infused with my magic will ward off Thor, but I should not
test this. (added by amarinrose )
32. Not allowed to emulate the
Full Monty whenever Hot Stuff is playing, no matter how much Teddy
likes it.
33. Not allowed to zap children for being rude.
34.
Not allowed to perform lap dances for Teddy while in uniform.
35.
It counts if I take off the uniform during the course of the lap
dance.
36. Not allowed to make Tommy mute (no matter how much
Wolverine offers to pay me).
37. Not allowed to use my powers to
trip Tommy when he is running.
38. Not allowed to throw up force
fields in front of Tommy when he is running.
39. Not allowed to
shave Tommy bald.
40. Not allowed to dye Tommy's hair pink.
41.
Not allowed to have anything to do with Tommy.
41b. Never mind
that he might be my twin brother. (added by amarinrose )
42. Not
allowed to hunt down the Super Skrull.
43. Not allowed to declare
war on the Kree Empire.
44. Should not refer to Kate as our Sugar
Mama.
45. Should not refer to Iron Man as our Sugar Daddy.
46.
Should not refer to Iron Man as Spider-Man's Sugar Daddy.
47. Not
allowed to make out with Teddy at the Lair.
48. Not allowed to
make out with Teddy in the training room of the Avengers Tower.
49.
Not allowed to make out with Teddy in the den of the Avengers
Tower.
50. Not allowed to make out with Teddy in the kitchen of
the Avengers tower.
51. Not allowed to make out with Teddy for the
sole purpose of weirding Tommy out.
52. Not allowed to make out
with Teddy anywhere Captain America can see us.
53. Not allowed to
point out how much more advanced Vision is than anything Iron Man has
made, as it only makes him cry.
54. Not allowed to get into
trouble with the law just so I can get She-Hulk to be my lawyer so I
can get her autograph.
55. Not allowed to beg Wolverine to get me
the autographs of the following X-Men: Nightcrawler, Beast,
Northstar, Angel, Gambit, Cannonball, Storm, Colossus.
Added
by thebumpercar on 04-14-06
56. Not allowed to stare at
Spiderbutt when Teddy's around.
57. Not allowed to stare at
Spiderbutt when MJ's around.
58. Not allowed to stare at
Spiderbutt when Tony Stark's around.
59. Not allowed to try to
break-up Peter and MJ's marriage.
60. Not allowed to try to
break-up Peter and Tony.
Added by amarinrose on 4-14-06
61.
Not allowed to fake someone else's autograph and sell it.
62. Not
allowed to sell my own autograph (not even if I give the money to
charity).
63. Not allowed to use my powers to win a charity
marathon.
64. Not allowed to start a metahumans-only charity
marathon (not even if everyone but Iron Man thinks the idea
rocks).
65. Not allowed to be pissy when Tony Stark starts a
metahumans-only charity marathon and use magic to give him a wedgie
in the middle of his welcoming speech on live television.
66. Not
allowed to use magic to give anyone a wedgie.
67. Not allowed to
use magic to do anything involved with anyone's underwear, not even
my own.
67b. No, not even to do laundry.
Added by
violetarrows on 4-14-06
68. Don't pester Hawkeye about what the
term "taut" stand for.
Added by fullmetalcute on
4-14-06
69. Not allowed to make Zombie jokes about Hawkeye.
70.
Not allowed to make Zombie jokes about Spider-Man.
71. Not allowed
to pretend to be a zombie.
72. Not allowed to become a zombie.
73.
Not allowed to make zombies.
74. Not allowed to watch Zombie
movies all night long.
75. Not allowed to refer to Spider-Man as
Morlun-Bait.
Added by magus69 on 4-15-06
76. Not allowed
to molest Teddy in the shower.
76b. No matter how much he
begs.
77. Not allowed to magic anybody's clothes off.
77b. Not
even in battle, when it would serve as a distraction.
77c.
Especially not allowed to 'accidentally' magic Johnny Storm
naked.
77d. Unless Spider-Man or the Thing pay me to do it.
78.
Not allowed to set up video cameras in Cap's or Tony's rooms.
78b.
Not even when Thor comes back and the 'Big Three' consequently boot
everyone else out of the Tower.
Added by fullmetalcute on
4-17-06
79. Not allowed to throw Tommy off the top of the Avengers
Tower to see if speedsters bounce.
80. Not allowed to join the
Runaways.
81. Not allowed to join Excelsior.
82. Not allowed to
stalk Ricochet.
83. Not allowed to stalk Rick Jones.
84. Not
allowed to ask Wolverine for Anole's number.
85. Not allowed to
call Vision 'Hal'.
86. Vision is not one of the Borg.
87.
Not allowed to stalk Johnny Depp.
88. My name is not a killing
word.
89. I should not play into Sentry's delusion of the
moment.
90. Not allowed to hire Deadpool to kidnap Tommy.
91.
Turning gay bashers into pink badgers is not superhero behavior.
92.
Not allowed to become Dr. Doom's apprentice.
93. Not allowed to
stalk Johnny Storm.
94. Not allowed to ask if all of Mr. Fantastic
stretches.
95. Not allowed to ask if the Thing is rock all
over.
96. Not allowed to give Franklin Richards Mountain Dew.
97.
Not allowed to give Tommy Mountain Dew.
98. Starbucks cards are
not appropriate presents for Tommy.
99. Not allowed to switch
Wolverine's coffee with motor oil.
100. Not allowed to turn Eli
into a girl, no matter how much Kate pays me.
101. I should not
encourage Vision's delusion that the computers are trying to get
him into a dress.
102. Not allowed to taunt Tommy with
coffee.
103. Not allowed to give Tommy Pixi Stix
104. Not
allowed to have Pixi Stix
105. Not allowed to model myself after
Loki
106. Not allowed to become a supervillain.
107. Not
allowed to encourage Tommy to become a supervillain.
108. Not
allowed to pounce on Johnny Storm when he comes to visit
Spider-Man.
109. Not allowed to carve BK+TA on the side of the
Tower.
110. Not allowed to carve EB+KB on the side of the
Tower.
111. Not allowed to carve PP+MJW on the side of the Tower,
no matter how much Mary Jane pays me.
112. Not allowed to carve
PP+TS on the side of the Tower.
113. I am not immune to Cassie's
pout.
114. Not allowed to zap Cassie's step-dad.
115. Not
allowed to zap Kat Ferrel.
116. Not allowed to taunt Kat
Ferrel.
117. Not allowed to talk to Kat Ferrel.
118. Not
allowed to help Vision on his quest for hormones.
119. Not allowed
to set fire to St. Patrick's Cathedral.
120. Not allowed to
shout "Aunt May and Jarvis!" around Spider-Man no matter how much
Mary Jane pays me.
121. The moldy piece of cheese in the back of
the fridge is not my familiar. 122. His name is Albert, and he
belongs to Spider-Man.
123. I am not the King of the Forest, and
the squirrels and chipmunks are not mine to command.
124. It does
not matter how cute it would be, how much Cassie begs, or how much
Kate pays me. I am not allowed to turn Tommy into a giant
rabbit.
Added by thebumpercar on 4-18-06
125. Not allowed
to stare at Jessica Drew's boobies.
125b. Especially if they just
might scare me straight.
126. Not allowed to make "Hard out
here for a pimp" jokes around Luke Cage.
127. Not allowed to
magic a pimp hat onto Luke Cage.
128. Not allowed to magic a pimp
cane onto Luke Cage.
129. Not allowed to touch things in Dr.
Strange's lair.
130. Even if they ask me to touch them.
131.
Attempting to pirate Wong to be my personal henchman is very
rude.
132. Attempting to magically brainwash Tommy to be my
personal henchman is dangerous.
133. Not allowed to play with the
Sentry's reflection.
134. Not allowed to join the Masters of
Evil.
135. Not allowed to join the Thunderbolts.
136. Not
allowed to mock the Great Lakes Avengers.
137. I may be distantly
related via marriage to the Inhuman Royal Family, but I may not claim
to be royalty.
138. I will not zap Tommy when he calls me a
princess.
Added by darkpike on 6-23-06
139. The phrase
Fag-Hag is not to be used at Mary Jane, and webbing is not a sex
toy
Added by fullmetalcute on 6-23-06
140. The Kree are
not after Teddy for breeding purposes.
141. Not allowed to
threaten to pull a Phoenix if the Skrull or the Kree so much as look
at Teddy funny.
142. Not allowed to reshape reality as I see
fit.
142a. Even if my mother did it. (added by
saturnshikari)
142b. Even if she wasn't really my
mothermother
142c. Even if it means Teddy and I get to share a
bedroom.
142d. Especially if it means Teddy and I share a
bedroom.
143. Not allowed to find out how much duct tape it takes
to stick someone to a wall.
144. Not allowed to turn anyone into a
duct tape mummy.
145. Not allowed to try anything I saw on The Red
Green Show.
146. Not allowed to have duct tape.
Added by
saturnshikari 6-23-06
147. Not allowed to change Eli into a
girl.
147a. "Because he made Teddy shapeshift into a girl!"
is not a good excuse
147b. Even if Teddy's stuck like that for a
week.
148. Even if Kate really really doesn't mind.
148b.
Especially if Kate doesn't mind and holds girl!Eli hostage in the
hotub.
148c. Even if Eli doesn't mind and pays me.
148d. Not
allowed to give Tommy a video camera.