Sad One-Shot. He would let his brother go and ask; "Why does Daddy hate me?" Daddy wonders why Dean doesn't cry. But he doesn't ask. To him, it's one less thing to deal with.

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Cry

When Mary died John thought everything was about him.

That the neighbour's sympathies were expressed explicitly to him, that the cards and flowers and gifts and casseroles were for him.

He figured the boys didn't understand. Sammy certainly didn't.

But Dean did.

Dean lay in the itchy and scratchy bed of some friend's of his father's house.

Every night he asked the heavens for his mum. And every night the old hag who lived next door would come to tuck him in.

And sing to him while Daddy was out.

He pretended to be asleep so she would leave and then he crawled into Sammy's cot and cradled his baby brother.

He would sing songs mama used to sing. Lullabies, rock songs, a classical ballad from the local band.

And he would hold his brother just to make sure he was really there. That Sammy wasn't going away like Mama had.

Tiny tears would leak out of his sorrowful eyes.

And he'd fall asleep. Holding Sammy and leaning on the hard wood of the cradle.

That's were Daddy found him every night.

Daddy would rip him away from Sammy, yelling at him to go back to bed.

Then Daddy would hold Sammy like his big brother had as Dean trudged back to bed, curled up under the icky sheets and sniffled, trying not to cry.

It was usually then that Daddy knew he had done something wrong, that he had gone too far, that he knew for a second that he had sons to care for.

He would run over and plead forgiveness.

Dean always would nod, hugging his Daddy and burying the tears.

He would try to convince himself that this would be the last night his Daddy would be the dark shadow who took his family away.

But every night his hopes were shattered and crushed under his daddy's depressed attitudes.

"I'm so sorry son." Daddy would whisper, caressing his face, and wiping away the tears, trying to bring a smile to the little kids face.

He failed.

He would always fail.

Every night.

Dean would smile because he felt guiltily. It was his fault that Daddy had to yell at him. He knew never to get out of bed to hold Sammy. Never to stay up.

He always felt bad. He made Daddy so angry and upset.

He didn't mean to.

He had just wanted to hold his little brother and pray for his Mama.

And this always brought fresh tears to his eyes.

But of course by this time Daddy was gone, and the only thing to lull him to sleep was the snores of his little brother.

In the morning Daddy would sit with them a breakfast. But he wouldn't eat. He felt too bad about snapping at Dean.

Dean would watch his daddy and want to cry again.

He didn't mean to make Daddy go hungry.

He didn't mean fail.

He would loose his appetite too.

Then daddy would get more upset, saying it things about demons and spirits, saying that it was his fault Dean was not hungry.

Daddy wouldn't eat lunch either. He'd just get in the car and speed, as though he could run away from the pain.

Dean would watch him go and wonder how long until his daddy didn't come back.

He would hold Sammy the rest of the day, no matter where he was or what he did.

And when that old hag next door came to put them to bed, he would let his brother go and ask; "Why does Daddy hate me?"

And the old lady would smile gently and say, "He doesn't hate you pumpkin, he's just scared you'll get hurt." She would tickle him for a moment then say. "But you've been such a good boy."

She would dish out the praise for a little while before singing to him.

And then he would get out of bed, go to Sammy and hold him.

And tonight, when Daddy came to rip them apart Dean didn't cry.

He had learnt this time, that it only made things worse if he let out his emotions too.

Maybe that old hag wasn't a hag, really.

She was a good lady.

She gave Dean his main characteristic.

She made him strong and silent.

But one day he hopes that he'll be able to cry without upsetting everything.

Daddy wonders why Dean doesn't cry. But he doesn't ask. To him, it's one less thing to deal with.

To Dean, it's the only thing he's ever done right.

--- TBC ---

I really want to know what you think about this one. I need some cheering up.

Until next time. Keep Smilin' :D ShadowMayne