Disclaimer: blahblahblah...JKR's stuff's not mine.

CHAPTER 14

Misha,

So, I did it. I told him it was over. It's been two weeks. I thought I would've felt relieved after doing it--that my conscience would clear up. I know it was the right thing to do, but these have been the most miserable two weeks of my life. I feel so alone these days. I don't know why. I feel like everyone's got someone and I'm the only loser who's all alone. I know it's a silly thing to dwell about, but I can't help feeling like that. VJ's always got some girl hanging around him; James and Lily are always busy doing Head stuff; Remus changes girlfriends every minute; and Lanie, Marcia and Terri are always doing their own thing. Sirius has been spending a lot of time with Violet Brown these days (she's some 7th year Gryffindor girl—I never really liked her). I know this is going to sound like I'm a terrible person, but I hate that he always looks so happy. I want him to be miserable—like me. What's wrong with me?

Missing you,

Nikki

Nikki folded her letter to her cousin, slipped it into an envelope and put it into her bag. She looked around her empty dormitory and sighed. It was ten o'clock on a Saturday and it seemed like everyone had plans that night except for her. She remembered how Saturday nights used to be before the winter holidays...her and Sirius...alone in some abandoned corner of the castle...

"Well, I guess I might as well go and send this letter now. It's not like I have anything else to do," she said to herself sullenly as she grabbed her bag and set out to go to the Owlrey, alone.

"Come on. It's been two weeks," Remus said to Sirius as they were walking down the hall that same night in the castle.

"Yeah, mate," added James. "You really need to get over her and move on."

"It's not that easy, okay?" Sirius said touchily. "I can't just—oh HAAAAHAHAHAHA!"

"What?" Remus asked, looking at Sirius strangely.

Sirius continued to laugh out loud, and slapped Peter on the back, "Oh, man, that was a good one!"

"What's so fu—oh," James was saying right before he realized why Sirius had suddenly become so exuberantly cheerful. They had just turned a corner and saw Nikki coming towards them.

"Hey, guys," Nikki said with a smile.

"Hi, Nikki," Remus replied.

"How's it going?" James asked in a friendly tone.

"Definitely not as good as you guys, it seems," she replied with a wry smile, looking at Sirius in particular.

"Well, we don't have any reason to not be good," Sirius said with an extra cocky grin as he ran his hands through his hair.

"I'm glad to hear that," said Nikki, trying very hard not to look as depressed as she felt. Sirius looked so good—she couldn't stand it. "Well, I'm off to the Owlrey. I'll catch you guys later."

"See ya," Sirius said with a short wave of his hand. As soon as she was out of sight, he let out a breath.

"Did you see that?" he asked his friends incredulously. "She's totally normal. I hate it. Why do I have to be the one to suffer?"

"You don't have to be..." Remus suggested matter-of-factly.

"Did it seem like she wanted to get away from me?" asked Sirius, ignoring Remus's comment.

James shook his head. "No, I—"

"Yeah, she can't stand me," Sirius said, cutting him off. "I bet that's really why she broke it off."

"Sirius," Remus said sternly, "I don't think—"

"Fine," Sirius interrupted him, looking resolute. "I'm totally over her."

Remus and James exchanged a furtive look.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Sirius asked them, a little too eagerly. "I'm bored. Let's go do something extra crazy tonight. I wanna have some fun."

"Why me?" Nikki asked herself as she walked up the staircase leading to the Owlrey. "Why do I have to be so miserable while he gets to look better than ever?"

She was nearly at the top when a huge white owl swooped down in front of her.

"Stupid owl!" she exclaimed, trying to catch her breath. "You scared me." The owl dropped a letter into her hands and flew back up.

"Oh, no," she said as she saw the familiar scrawl on the envelope. "Not another one." She opened the letter.

I hate myself. I shouldn't like you. It's so wrong.

"Gosh, this is getting creepy," Nikki muttered to herself as she stuffed the note into her pocket. She walked through the door of the Owlrey, and saw that someone else was already in there.

"Anthony," she said, and he turned around, looking surprised.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she said back, and then a thought crossed her mind. "Did you just send a letter out?"

He looked at her strangely and said, "Um...yeah like just now."

"Oh, I see," Nikki said, raising an eyebrow archly. "That's odd 'cause I just got a letter."

"Weird coincidence," Anthony said with a shrug.

"Isn't it?" Nikki muttered as she tied her letter to one of the school's owls. The owl flew out into the night and Nikki turned around to head back down.

Anthony followed her out and asked, "So are you headed back to Ravenclaw Tower?"

"Yeah," replied Nikki, going down the stairs.

"So am I. I'll walk with you," said Anthony.

As they walked down the corridor in silence, Nikki caught a glimpse of Sirius turning the corner of the adjacent hallway. She sighed to herself, secretly wishing it was Sirius walking with her, on their way to an empty classroom. She remebered how soft his perfect hair used to feel when she ran her fingers through it...

"So, Nikki," Anthony said, interrupting Nikki's fantasy. "I was just wondering..."

"Yeah?" Nikki asked him.

"Are you going to be busy next weekend?"

Nikki thought for a moment and then said, "I think it's a Hogsmeade weekend."

"Yeah, it is," Anthony agreed with her. "So...are you going to be doing anything...in particular?"

"I don't think so..." Nikki said hesitantly.

Anthony looked at her intently. "So do you think that maybe we could hang out or something?"

"Hang out?" Nikki looked at him confusedly but then realized what he was really asking. "Do you mean like, on a date?"

"Maybe," Anthony replied.

"Oh," Nikki didn't know what to say. She looked at Anthony with a regretful smile. "Er...well actually, I don't really date."

"You don't?" he asked her, looking taken aback.

"No, I'm sorry," said Nikki, feeling very awkward. She was very relieved to see Lily walking down the hall--she wanted an excuse to leave Anthony as soon as she could.

"Lily!" she called out to her as Anthony continued his way back to Ravenclaw Tower, alone.

"Hey, Nikki," Lily said as she approached Nikki. "You haven't seen James around, have you?"

"Yeah, actually I did. It wasn't too long ago. He was with Remus, Sirius and Peter," Nikki answered.

"Oh...right, I forgot. It's probably a full moo—" Lily cleared her throat. "—onth since they all hung out last."

"I guess," Nikki shrugged indifferently.

"So, we finally get a Hogsmeade weekend coming up. I've been waiting forever," Lily said, sounding exasperated. "I need a break."

"I know, seriously," Nikki agreed, nodding her head.

"Got any plans for that weekend? Got a date or something?" Lily asked with a suggestive grin.

"Ha...funny you should mention that," Nikki said, lowering her voice a little. "Anthony Chang just asked me out."

"Ooh, he did?" Lily asked her, excitedly.

"Yeah, but obviously I said I couldn't," she replied casually.

"What?" Lily looked surprised. "Why not? He's cute and nice...and smart. You guys would look so good together. Unless...there's someone else you like?"

"No, it's nothing like that." Nikki shook her head. "He's a nice guy I guess...it's just that I don't date."

"Oh..."

"My parents would kill me if they found out I had a boyfriend," Nikki clarified.

Lily looked confused for a moment. "But I see your cousin with girls all the time..."

"Yeah," Nikki said sardonically. "His parents would kill him too if they found out."

"So what if you liked someone and they liked you. What would you do?" Lily asked with curiosity.

"Well, we've only got a few months left here so I highly doubt that will happen," Nikki quipped.

"Yeah, but just hypothetically..." Lily pressed.

Nikki thought for a second and then shook her head earnestly. "I can't say. I...honestly don't know."

Lily was about to say something when the sound of very loud jeering and laughter started to come from across the hall.

"What was that?" she asked Nikki. They both rushed towards the racket and were shocked to see a frightened fourth year Hufflepuff boy being suspending into the air as three older Slytherin boys laughed at him. One of the boys, Nikki noted, was Regulus.

"Oi!" Lily yelled from behind them. "Put him down!"

The boys turned around to face her and one of them stepped up, crossing his arms, and said with a deep contempt, "Why should I? He's just a stupid Mudblood."

"Watch your mouth!" Nikki scolded the boy, her blood starting to boil.

"Oh, right," scoffed the boy. "I forgot. You're both Mudbloods, too." With that, Lily and Nikki both whipped out their wands and pointed it at the boy, who was about to take his out as well when Regulus stopped him.

"Forget it," he said to his friend while glaring at Lily and Nikki with repulsion. "They aren't worth it. Let's just go." They dropped the suspended boy to the ground and walked away, muttering and swearing.

Nikki muttered a swear word of her own under her breath as she watched them leave. As the boys turned a corner, she saw Regulus glaring in their direction one last time before they disappeared completely.

The following evening, Nikki was on her way to the library to work with Sirius and Lily when she met Remus who was also heading in that direction. When they entered the library and went towards the back tables, they spotted Sirius already sitting there, with Violet Brown.

Violet was sitting across from Sirius, but as soon as she saw Remus, she quickly got up and sat next to Sirius, and started to say in what Nikki thought was a very whiny, yet seductive voice, "Sirius, I still don't understand this potion. You're going to have to explain it to me one more time."

She glanced up and looked at Nikki only and said with a very sweet smile, "Hi, Nikki." Sirius's head immediately popped up at the mention of her name.

"Oh, hey guys," he said casually to Nikki and Remus.

"Hey," Remus said stiffly, giving Sirius a covert look. Nikki put her books down at the table and surveyed the floor, wondering if Lily was around.

"You meeting James and Peter here?" Sirius asked Remus, who was still standing and also looking around the room.

"No, actually I'm meeting Rosalyn," replied Remus.

"Oh!" exclaimed Violet suddenly, grabbing Sirius's arm, but still looking at her books. "I get it now!"

"Yeah, see I told you it was easy," Sirius said to her.

"No, it's the way you explained it. You make everything so much easier. You're such a good tutor," Violet gushed at him. Nikki couldn't believe the drama unfolding in front of her eyes. She and Remus exchanged an annoyed look and he decided it was time for him to leave. Nikki wished she could go with him...

As soon as Remus was out of sight, Violet packed up her books and left as well, leaving Nikki feeling both relieved and anxious. Nikki became aware of the fact that she was sitting alone at a table with Sirius. It was the same spot they sat at the first time they were in the library alone—as well as the spot where she told him she couldn't see him anymore. She quickly pushed those thoughts out of her head and opened her books.

"So," Nikki heard Sirius say. She looked up and saw him leaning back in his chair languidly, but looking at her very fixedly.

"So," she said back, wishing he wouldn't look at her like that. "So, you're helping Violet in Potions? That's very nice of you."

He gave her a small shrug, his eyes still glued to her face. She cleared her throat and continued to say, "I guess you're really busy these days. I hardly see you at all anymore."

Sirius couldn't believe she had just said that. He stared at her for a second and then slammed his chair back down and muttered, "Well, that's not my fault." He couldn't take sitting alone with her and not being able to touch her anymore. It was driving him crazy. He let out a sigh of relief when he finally saw Lily's red head coming towards them.

"Hey sorry I'm late," Lily said, looking very flushed.

"That's alright," Sirius said, looking at her curiously. "Why do you look so flustered?"

"What?" she asked. "No, I'm not."

"Were you with James?" he raised an eyebrow at her.

"James?" she repeated, sounding confused. "No, I was—"

"Lily!" A voice from across the room suddenly called out, cutting Lily off. James came running towards their table and dropped a sweater down in front of her and said, "You forgot this."

Nikki waited the whole day so that she could go somewhere to read it in private, and when she stepped into her dormitory that evening the next day, her patience was duly rewarded. It was empty.

"Ah, thank God," she said as she sat down on her bed. She knew after pouring her feelings out to her cousin, that Misha would be sending her a long and understanding reply. She hastily took the letter that she had been saving since the owls delivered them that morning out of her bag and ripped the envelope open.

All it said was:

Nikki,

You stupid girl. You've completely fallen for him. Now what are you going to do?

-Misha

A/N: I'll try to have the new chapters up soon...time to write!