Resident Evil: Channel Surfing
Episode 3
(static)
Leon: I'll just step behind this corner and... (steps in a beartrap) Oh God! (gets out, stumbles backwards into flame from a firebreathing ganado) Holy shit! (stumbles back into a pitchfork) Fuck! (stumbles forwards and gets and axe to the back) Augh! (falls down and gets a sickle to the crouch) My huevos! (gets up and gets grabbed from behind) Oh this day couldn't get any worse.
Dr. Salvador: RAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWRRRRRRR!!!!
Leon: I stand corrected!
(static)
Ashley: Look Leon, a boulder!
Leon: Thats great Ashley, now get over here before you get stepped on.
Ashley: Boulder... mmm... boulder...
Leon: Would you get over here now!?
Ashley: Boulder... boulder...
Leon: Fuck it (shoots boulder down onto Ashley)
Ashley: (Dying) Boulder...
(static)
(In front of Mansion)
Chris: Joseph's dead! We're all gonna die!
Jill: Oh God, I'm too young to die!
Barry: I can't die a virgin!
Wesker: We'll make it! You just gotta believe!
Jill, Chris, & Barry: (stare at Wesker)
Wesker: What?
Jill, Chris, & Barry: (keep staring)
Wesker: (throws sparkles in the air)
(static)
Ada:
Adalicious
Definition: Make them guys go mental
They want my treasures so
they get their pleasures from my hentai
I'm a liar and a cheater,
A backstabber and maneater.
Commit treason without
reason,
Missions come and go like seasons.
Adalicious! My C
cups aint fictitious,
And if you are suspicious,
All that sh--
is ridiculous.
I blow kisses,
That make them boys so hot
hot
And they chase me round the pueblo,
Tryin' to get what I
got.
Adalicious!
It's hot hot!
Adalicious!
I make them boys so hot hot!
Adalicious!
They want a taste of what I got!
Adalicious!
T-t-t-tasty! Tast--
Simon: I'm gonna stop you right there.
Ada: (gulp)...okay..
Simon: (rubs temples) What the HELL was that? Please tell me that wasn't singing...
Paula: That wasn't very good at all...sorry. I'd stay with my day job.
Randy: Yo girl, that was horrible, dawg...
Wesker: (storms in) Oh HELL no! We are not doing an American Idol parody! Then again, as long as I'm here... (Shoots Randy in the heart)
Paula: (Screams)
Wesker: (Laughs and blows Paula's head off, then turns to Simon and pauses..) Umm...Can I have your autograph?
Ada: ...
(static)
Deleted Scene from RE: Extinction:
Alice & Claire: (are surrounded by zombies)
Alice: (reaches for her gun) What the fuck? Where's my gun? (looks at Claire) You have two! Bitch! You stole my gun!
Claire: Well, you stole my moves. (Shoots Alice in the knee as zombies close in...) There, we're even! (Fake smile)
(static)
Last Week on As the Virus Spreads:
Chris: What are you hiding, Jill?! Dammit, Tell me!
Jill: I'm pregnant, OKAY?!
Chris: ...!
Sara: Oh my God! So am I!
Chris: Umm...noone cares... your character was killed off, remember?
Sara: Oh yeah..
Chris: ...
Sara: ...
Chris: ...
Sara: ...(trips and falls on top of Chris) Oops! (blushes)
(static)
Rebecca: Welcome to Cooking With Herbs! I'm Becky!
Cindy: And I'm Cindy!
Rebecca: And today we're going to be making an Angel Hair Pasta Casserole with a Red and Green Herb garnish.
Cindy: I've tried this one already, girls, and it is delicious. You'll wanna preheat your oven to 350 Degr-- (sniff, sniff) I smell (twitch) meat. (points to Rebecca) You! Your hands! You've touched MEAT!
Rebecca: I don't know w-what you're talking abou-
Cindy: (twitch, twitch) You KNOW how I feel about meat! (Slaps Becky)
Becky: I-I only had one burger... I couldn't help myself! It was so tender and juicy!
Cindy: (slaps Becky again, turns to camera, smiles) For this you should use the stove top. Watch closely, tee-hee. (Pushes Becky's face onto the stove, as Becky screams in agony from the burns)
Becky: Noo! Please! For the love of God!
Cindy: (pulls Becky's face off of the stove. The entire left half of her face is badly burnt) There, that should do it. (Hands her a handful of herbs) Take two of these and call me in the morning... And if I don't get a call... (giggles) I WILL hunt you down...
(static)
Ben Bertolucci: (turns off TV) Whoa.. That was kinda hot...
Parasite: (bursts out of Bertolucci's chest, then scoots away)
(static, fade to black)
Chevy: Hey guys, I was supposed to meet Tangora at the end of the chapter, but he's not here, so... Eh? What's this? (picks up note on the ground)
Note:
To Chevy and the readers,
Busy with Clarie right now, so consider this an IOU
for next time.
Don't think this means I don't expect reviews.
Tangora
PS: Chevy, this message will self destruct in five seconds. Gotta keep ya on your toes.
Chevy: GAH! (Tosses message out window) (BOOM) Well you heard what he said... See you next time, and until then, please leave a review...