Not my first FF8 story but the first I published. One shot. Hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or any of the characters.
Mistakes
I rolled over and sighed. It was just one of those mornings when I woke up feeling like utter shit. Actually every morning I woke up feeling like that, every morning since she left. I placed my hands behind my head and stared up at the ceiling. How do I get through these days? Just over two years and three months had past since I died inside. Since Squall Leonhart ceased to live. I let out an angry moan as I spun my leg over the side of the bed, placing my head in my hands. What had happened in my life to deserve this. Over three years had past since they had beat Ultimecia. Zell, Selphie, Irvine and Quistis were still here at garden and doing quite well for themselves. Selphie and Irvine were now a couple, although I wondered how it worked sometimes but they were happy. I used to be happy once but that was a long time ago. I woke up at the same time just like every other day like I had for the past two years, 4:27. To be honest I was getting worn down. I couldn't sleep anymore and I was returning back to my shell that I desperately tried to hide behind. Actually I was way past my shell. I was in a cold world all of my own. I mean what was the point of getting up anymore? I used to have a reason to get up every morning but now I had nothing.
I finished the big stack of papers piled on top of my desk. My office wasn't anything special. Just a few frames on the wall, a plant in the corner. On my desk used to sit a picture of a certain someone but that was long gone. I got up and looked out the large window that over looked the quad. Lots of students were rushing to class. I shook my head as I pulled the pack of cigarettes from my back pocket. I pulled one from the box and dug deep into my front pockets to retreive a lighter. I placed it in my mouth and inhaled deeply before exhaling. It was just easier this way. Smoking was a bad habit but it took some of the pain inside away. It gave me the slow painful death I deserved. I flicked it to the floor and stomped it out before grabbing my jacket and exiting my office. "Squall! Wait up!" I looked over my shoulder as there was a high pitched squeal. I placed my hand to my forehead and continued walking down the corridor. I had a splitting headache and didn't feel like dealing with Selphie at the moment. "Squall!" "What!?" I turned around and snapped at her "Geez" she put up her hands "What are you doing?" "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going to my dorm" "Why? We all know you don't actually sleep in there" "Whatever" I said walking off. "It's time you let go!" I didn't need any one to tell me how to live my life.
I leaned over the balcony, letting the cool breeze run through my hair. I had let go. In fact I had let go of everything. It had been just been over two years and three months since Rinoa Heartilly left my life with out so much as a goodbye. Left, just leaving a note explaining nothing. And it was my fault for being so stupid. I partly blamed myself for the whole mess. For two weeks we had been fighting and the night she left we had the mother of all fights. That night she left my love left with her, even if I made it but no matter how hard I tried part of me still loved her and always would. I had no clue where she was or even if she was alright. She made me what I am today and that hung over my concience. I tried, I really did to go back to normal but everything just got worse. Selphie was right, I don't know why I came in here because I hardly slept. I sighed and began walking around Garden it was practically deserted except for a loud mouth martial artist. "Squall Come out with us" he requested "I don't think so" "You need to get out more. Meet someone new" "I don't want to meet anyone new. Would you guys just drop it! I'm fine being alone. It's what I want so why don't you guys just listen to what I'm telling you!" "Whoa" Zell backed off "Sorry..." I muttered "I just need to be alone...It's what I want so just let me have it.
The next day was just like every other, so were the three days after that. I sighed getting up. I looked at the clock beside my bed. 4:27. And for the first time since she left a tear slid from the corner of my eye. I quickly wiped it away refusing to give in to my emotions. I was mentaly kicking myself. I couldn't be doing this, not now. I frustratedly punched the wall feeling bones in my knuckles crunch before grabbing my sword and storming out the dorms.
I sliced downwards and finished cutting down three grats. I took the few seconds offered to me to catch my breath before three more appeared. I easily cut them down. They let out a shrill cry as the forces of gravity pulled them into the ground. After a good two hours I was worn out but I couldn't stop. I still felt like crying inside. I went to the new gym that was built. At this time it was deserted. I walked over the the bench press and started working out. With the new gym in place I was alot more toned and more muscular. I finished my work out and hit the showers. I turned it on cold and let the cold water run down my shoulders. I always had cold showers now. It relaxed my muscles after the long workout. I strolled around the garden expecting the new recruits with Headmaster Cid before returning to my dorm to get change out of my seed uniform and into my casual wear. My black jacket with the fur collar, the baggy black jeans and other trinkets. I reached up to the Griever emblem around my neck. A habit I had picked up from Rinoa. I cut across the quad to get to my office. I was already in a bad mood and I didn't feel like bumping into anyone I knew. I was sick of them treating me like a child. "Hey man" "Damn" I swore under my breath. "What you up too" I quickened my pace. I stopped dead in my tracks as I caught a flash of blue out of the corner of my eye. I turned and my jaw dropped slightly. Over in the far corner was a girl with long raven hair, dressed in blue with black tights. She turned and our eyes met. Her smile disappeared and my frown deepened. How could she show her face after all these years. Every emotion was filling my body but I wasn't going to let it pour out. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction. She killed me the day that she left. I was dead, end of story. "Umm Squall, I think we should go" But I was already gone.
I stormed down the corridor and straight into my office, slamming the door and locking it. Why did this have to happen to me? I had saved the world for hynes sake and I couldn't even find happiness myself. I squall Leonhart was afraid of a girl. Well actually she was more then a girl, she was a sorceress and I was her knight but after she had just left I think I was free of that. After that I think I was allowed to live my life the way I wanted to, even if that did mean I would be alone for the rest of my life. But I didn't count on living that long. My number would soon be up. It's just a feeling I had and I wish that it would come true sooner rather then later.
The next few days I spent in my office. For some reason I couldn't get Rinoa out of my head. Don't get me wrong I had always thought about Rinoa and our past but lately it was more then usual, every second in fact. I clutched at my head, shaking it. All I wanted was to forget but that would never happen.
I stumbled towards the cafeteria where I was suposed to meet everyone for lunch. I lowered my head as I walked down the corridor. The school was so different to how I remembered it. "...Sorry" I muttered as I bumped into someone. I brought my eyes up and I was met with stormy blue ones. It was Squall. I was both shocked and horrified. His eyes were lifeless but only I could see just about every emotion in the depths of them that he tried so desperately to hide. He had matured so much in the two years I was gone. His hair was just the right length how I liked it but his body was more toned and muscular. He wasn't the teenage boy I knew something was way different. He stared down at me with hate. "Squall...I..." His face was so cold and unwelcoming I choked on my words. His eyes were what got me the most. They always had some warmth when looking at me but right now I thought if his glare intensined I would turn to stone. "Squall..." "Hmph..." he snorted as he pushed past me, knocking my shoulder. I turned around and watched his disappearing figure. I slightly tilted my head to the side in confusion.
"What's up with Squall?" I asked taking a seat with everyone in the cafeteria. They all seemed happy to see me but part of me wondered. "What do you mean Rinoa?" Irvine asked "You know, I've been here for a few days and he hasn't even talked to me" "We don't know what you mean" They all lied. Badly. They all stared at the ground looking rather guilty. I know I had hurt Squall when I left but he's the one that told me to go. Okay maybe he didn't use those exact words but it was implied. He wasn't the only one that was hurting. "Come on guys. I know you're lying" "Rinoa..." "Please tell me. I have to know" I pleaded "It's not something you'll wanna hear" "I have to know" "Okay..." Quistis paused before speaking again "When you left, Squall he was devestated. He didn't exactly come out and say it but being with you changed him and it was easier for us to tell but that was before" "Quistis what happened?" "He got worse. He kept telling us he was fine but we all knew he was getting worn down. He hardly slept, hardly ate and all he did was work. We couldn't convince him to do anything with us anymore. It's like he was just giving up. That day you left he changed...for worse" "I did that to him" I gasped "No not you...It wasn't exactly you. He started blaming himself again. For every little thing. He was drowning and he wouldn't let anyone help him" "Were afraid he's sunk too low to get back up..." Selphie said sadly "What happened that night?" Zell asked leaning on the table "Squall never told you?" "No" they all shook their heads "Where do I start. We had been fighting alot lately and that night I left we had a really big fight...We were screaming at eachother, saying things neither of us meant...but they still hurt. It was over something so little and stupid but I was so sick of it" "What?" "His work of all things. I was sick of him not being there. My birthday, valentines day. He wasn't there for anything and he didn't even give me a phone call. I never stopped loving him but it was getting too much. He told me that I was getting in the way of his work, ruining his once chance to make something of himself. I remember screaming back at him if I was such a burden to him why was I there and of course he screamed back good question and so I left. It's the only thing I could think to do. I was so hurt, devestated. His feelings were clear for me and if I was that much of a burden for him and our relationship wasn't going anywhere I might as well just give it up then. I didn't mean to go without saying anything but it was easier that way...I thought it would be easier that way..." I whispered "Why'd you come back Rin?" "I don't know...I had no where to go and to be honest I kinda missed this place"
Actually the main reason I came back was to see Squall but he had clearly moved on. I wonder if there was someone in his life. If someone took my place. Had I really hurt him that bad. I thought that being Squall he would just forget about me and move on but maybe I changed him. Why did we love eachother so much. It's not like we got on that well. I guess we brought a new meaning to the term opposites attract. But when we were together and not fighting it was always exciting. I would get lost looking into his eyes. They always made me feel safe and secure. He meant the world to me and that night I left I tried to let him go but I just couldn't. I was always thinking about him and I was surprised I made it this far before coming back. Who was I without Squall Leonhart? He had always been there to encourage me and without him I was nothing. I realised that why I was gone but now it was too late. I should of never left but it's what he wanted and at that moment it's what I wanted. Well I thought I wanted. When all along all I wanted was him. I was gonna try my hardest to make things right even if he told me to go at the end of it.
I shoved open the door on the 2nd floor to the balcony. The strong wind blew my hair in every direction before it settled down a bit. I smoothed my hair down and noticed a dark figure leaning over the side. I could tell from the fur jacket that it was Squall. He turned to look at me before sighed and beginning to walk towards the exit. "Squall!" I pleaded. He stopped and turned around to face me. They were all right even in the dark I could tell he was worn down "What Rinoa?" he spat out with hate. "Squall, im sorry..." "For what Rinoa, Leaving without a word or breaking my heart?" "Don't do this" "Do what Rinoa?" he said stepping towards me. He stopped and we were almost face to face. My eyes were met with fierce, determined ones "I never would of left if you didn't say..." "Say what!?" "You're the one that told me to leave!" I snapped "When?" he said outraged "You're the one that said I was getting in the way of your work!" "I don't have to listen to this!" he began to walk away again "Yes you do! You do Squall! This is something you need to hear. This isn't just about you. Do you think I wanted to leave?" "Yes" he said under his breath "How could you think that?" "How could you leave without even saying goodbye to everyone, to me" "Decisions were made and I don't regret what I did. I learnt so much why I was gone" "And I was left to pick up the pieces" "Squall..." "You left Rin...You didn't have to but you did...You left me and that was your decision. I understand that" he turned his back to me "Nothing you do will change the way I feel about you now. Don't you get it you killed me and now I'm trying to move on. I may never move on but you hurt me and..." and with that he walked away leaving me there speechless.
I pushed the doors open with force. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It wasn't what I wanted but my anger got the better of me, it always did. That's what started this whole mess. I layed on my bed fully awake. I would get no sleep tonight but what was new. It was just like every night, with one exception, she was back. Three loud knocks broke my concentration. "Who is it?" I yelled but no answer. Instead they knocked on the door again. I mumbled a few swear words to myself as I got up and tripped over my Griever case "Shit" I said angrily as it made my headache worsen. I was shocked to see Rinoa there when I opened the door. She had been crying and her cheeks were still stained with water. Why was she crying? I wanted to hold her but knew I couldn't "What are you doing here Rinoa?" I said with anger I didn't mean to put in "Squall...I...just..." "You just what. You can't just come over here. We're not a couple anymore" She bit her bottom lip at my last words and I wished I hadn't said them. Her bottom lip began to tremble and she fell into my arms. After a while she pulled away, looking up into my hard eyes "Hyne Rinoa" "I hate you Squall" she spat out. We both stared hard into eachothers eyes with an immense hate. I couldn't hold it back any longer. I grabbed her arms and pulled her into me, initiating a furious kiss. I tightened my grip on her arms knowing I was hurting her but I didn't care. She was tense but soon relaxed as she wrapped her arms around my neck roughly and pulled my head down to hers, returning the kiss. I knew it was out of rage and we wanted to hurt eachother but all I wanted right now was her and that's all I needed. She knew better. She knew that I was hopeless without her and here she was urging me on. She pushed me into my room, slamming my door shut, We seperated to catch our breaths but not being able to look at eachother. Our rage was blinding us. I began trailing kisses down her neck and each moan escaping her lips made me press harder. They weren't the gentle kisses I usually gave her. They were angry with wanting. I placed my hands to the side of her face and pulled her in for another long angry kiss. She returned the favor with equal anger and passion. She started tearing at my top, almost animal like. Trying to rip it off. I groaned helping her out by pulling it off myself. This night wasn't going to end well. She took hers off while I was taking mine off. She shoved me against the wall, holding me there with force, pinning my arms against the wall. She pulled away teasing me. She smirked as I tried to kiss her but she tightened her grip and shoved me back against the wall. Without being able to stay seperated any longer she came back into me and jumped, wrapping her legs around my waist. I guided her towards the bed and pushed her down, where it went a step further. The cold metal of the chain she wore scrapped across my chest. I reached out and felt the two rings. One belonging to her mother, the other belonging to me. I ran my fingers over the raised lion before deepening our kiss. The passion began taking other and we both lost our senses. There was no right or wrong it was just us and our anger towards eachother but atleast we were together.
We finished up and I rolled off her. Both breathing heavily. I turned my head to look at her. She was clutching at the blankets, pulling them close to her for comfort. For that moment my hate melted away. It was bad for me but was it even worse for her? I mean what did she have to go to? She had no home, here home was her. She had no family, we were her family. She was alone, just like I had been once and recently so I knew how it felt. "...Rinoa...?" She turned her face towards me. She was just as scared as I was "Squall...I..." she turned her attention away from me. I gathered her in my arms, pulling her head to my chest and just held her. I had always wanted her to come back but this wasn't the way it was suposed to happen. We weren't suposed to do this just because we were angry at eachother. And for the first time since she left I felt warmth and soon drifted into a deep contented sleep but I knew all too well that this would end in the morning.
My eyes snapped open as something wriggled in my arms. I looked down to Rinoa as she held me tighter. I jumped back and pushed her away from me, practically falling out of bed. "Squall?" she asked sitting up. "Hyne Rinoa" I said angrily as I picked up my articles of clothing scattered around the room. "Holy fuck Rinoa what are you doing here?" I yelled running chucking on my clothes. I finished looking into her eyes and watched as anger took hold of her. It wasn't the normal anger I had seen in the past it was different. Her eyes were going a shade of grey and she was trembling. "Fuck!" I turned away and swore.
I stared at him with immense hate. After last night I thought something had changed but I could see it was still the same. I got up and threw on my clothes. Fuck Squall. "Fucking hell Rinoa!" "No fuck you Squall!" "Why didn't you stop it" "Why didn't I stop it?" I repeated his question "You had every chance too" "Hyne!" "Don't make it my fault!" "That's right it was never your fault" "Don't make this about you" "Why not? I was the one that went through hell here. You left! Got to do everything you wanted in life and I was here to fucken try and get my life back together" "You never came after me" "What was I suposed to do? Beg you to come back? You dug your grave you have to sleep in it" "You can't play the victim this time! It wasn't just about us. It was never just about us, there was more to it" "What do you mean?" he asked as I turned my back to him, folding my arms. "I was sick of the lie. It would of never changed. You would have rejected me, shuned me and told me to go so I made it easier. That fight made it clear to me" "Fucking hell Rinoa what do you mean?" "I was pregnant you bastard! If you payed any attention to me you would have noticed!" "Fuck" he sat on the edge of his bed with his face buried in his hands "Fuck you Squall" I said exiting.
Despite me trying to fight them back the tears fell anyway. I frustratedly stormed to the room that Cid allowed me to stay in and began to pack. What did I think would happen? He's not the only one that died that night. I was pregnant when I left. I thought I could handle it but who was I kidding. I ended up making the hardest decision of my life without the love of my life. I decided to get an abortion. I thought that it would be the best thing to do for both of us. After all Squall made it clear that he never wanted children and that's why I wasn't going to tell him. I never intended on telling him but it just slipped out. It was always about him and I was sick of it. I threw my clothes in the suitecase each piece of clothing making me tremble further until I couldn't do anything but shake. I had never cried this hard, besides the night I left. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of by chest again and stamped on, repeatedly. Somehow I thought that Squall might have changed over the years but that was only a dream. My knight who vowed to protect me was gone and I knew he was beyond coming back.
"Rinoa...?" I looked to the doorway to see Selphie. To be honest I was a little disappointed. I had hoped it was my knight. "Are you alright?" "Fine" I said standing up and wiping the tears from my face. "Are you going somewhere?" she tilted her head to the side "I can't stay here Selphie" I shook my head "Don't leave because of Squall" "It's not just because of Squall, Selphie. We've both became people we never wanted to be, done things we never wanted to do and..." "But you just got back Rinny" "I'm sorry" "Atleast say goodbye this time" I managed a slight uneasy smile and nodded before she dragged me out the door.
I buried my head deeper in my hands. She left because she was pregnant. How could I not see it. She left to protect me. Had I just made a mistake? All I wanted was Rinoa and I was letting her slip through my fingers but she chose this. She chose to leave and not tell me about the pregnancy. This was all her fault but was it? I fell back on the bed and took in a deep breath. I could still smell Rinoa as if she was there beside me. Unexpectedly I fell asleep.
"Rinoa!" I called running through the thick flowers "You promised you'd be here!" I stopped and searched around but nothing. The sun was beginning to set and it would soon be dark. "Rinoa, where are you!?" I threw my arms down frustratedly and began running again. A cold wind swept past me and I turned to follow it. Standing behind me was Rinoa, with a child. My child? "Rinoa...?" I whispered. She looked at me cold and detatched the child much the same but with blue eyes the same as mine. I ran towards her as fast as I could but stopped as a red stain caught my attention. Blood was pouring out a large wound in her stomach. Her eys began to close and I rushed forward to catch her. I caught her in my arms, cradeling her head. "Don't die Rin...I need you" Rinoa choked on some air trying to speak but couldn't. she reached to her neck to grab for the necklace but it wasn't there. My ring wasn't there. "Squall...I...love you..." I placed my hand to her cheek and she relaxed into my hand "I love you too. I'm sorry...Don't die" She shuddered before her body fell limp in my arms and the baby stopped crying.
I sat bolt upright, sweating and trembling. Something clicked inside me and I realised how much I needed Rinoa no matter how hard she had hurt me. I had to be the one to say sorry and try and make things right. I had never run so fast. I sprinted down the corridor and to the left to the girls dorms. Without knocking I shoved inside to be met with nothing. Not one thing was out of place, no sign of an inhabitant. My worst fear was being realised. I sprinted into the cafeteria much the way Selphie does and had to stop to catch my breath. "Where's Rinoa?" "Squall..." they all looked to the ground. "Where is she?" I asked more urgently "Tell me!" "She's gone man" Zell stated. She couldn't be gone. She just got here and because of me she was leaving. Why was I such a selfish bastard. All along I had only been thinking about myself. What about Rinoa? What did she want? What did she have to go through? It was probably a damn sight more then I went through. I backed away from the table, a sharp unrelenting pain running through my heart. That's when I realised how much I needed her. Last night was the only time I had been able to sleep, had some warmth with me.
I ran, ran out of Garden and searched, searched everywhere for the raven haired sorceress but each place I went there was no hope. Days, weeks past and I was so worn down but I had to keep searching. And then I came to the place where we both promised to meet if we were either seperated. And surely there was the sorceress staring out across the flower plane. I was speechless as I just took in her beauty. "I did come after you..." She turned around and my warm blue eyes were met with scared brown ones. "I did come after you when you left...you were never here..." "...I was...here...you were late..." "I'm here now and I'm sorry...Rinoa I'm so sorry. I never thought about how you felt when you came back...I was selfish...I can't imagine how hard it had to of been for you. I never stopped thinking about you Rinoa...I love you" She looked down at the ground unsure. Her whole body was trembling and I wanted to rush up and hug her but it had to be her decision "Please Rin..." Tears began to pour from her cheeks and fall in a puddle at her feet "I love you Squall...I..." Nothing more needed to be said for the first time I pulled her into an embrace and just held her, refusing to let her go. I pulled her head into my chest and stroked the back of her head protectively "I'm here for you now Rinoa..." she slightly pulled away and looked into my eyes confused "I quit my job. It wasn't worth losing you" "Squall you didn't have too..." "Yes...Yes I did. It's done now. Why didn't you tell me Rin?" "Because I knew how you would react Squall. You would of kicked me out. I thought it would of been easier but it never was" "What did you do?" "I thought I could handle it but I couldn't. I had an abortion...I'm sorry Squall" "Shhh don't cry Rin. None of this was your fault" "I felt so guilty Squall and I missed you so much I had to come back" "I'm glad you did. I'm so glad you came back. You brought me back Rinoa. Don't leave me...okay?" she nodded against my chest "I won't...ever" "We can do anything you want Rinoa...I'm not ever leaving you" "Anything?" "Rinoa wherever you go I'll follow" "I just wanna be with you Squall. As long as you're with me I'm go anywhere"
Epilogue
Rinoa tood on the edge of the sandy beach looking out over the vast ocean. The bright sun shinning down on it and causing it to shimmer. She placed her arm to her forhead to shield the sun from her eyes as she turned towards happy laughing. A smile crossed her face. Squall straightened up and smile as he waved to his love. She turned behind her and looked up to the huge Garden. It was so much bigger then when she was here. She bent down as a dog barked. Angelo stood at her feet. She patted his neck lovingly as he barked happily. A shadow appeared over her and she stood up with a smile as Angelo ran off down the beach. Squall placed his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "You ready?" She nervously nodded. "It's alright. I'll be right beside you" "Lets go Squall"
Squall knocked on the door to their friends room. How would they react to them being back? There was a click of the lock and the door slowly opened. Rinoa held her breath. She was so nervous. Selphie stood looking at them. Zell, Irvine and Quistis behind her. Squall scratched the back of his head. "Hey Selphie" "Oh my god. It's so good to see you guys" She hugged eachone of them and just stood there looking at them. Everyone had been so worried about those two. It had been 4 years since they had last seen them and the last time was when Squall went after Rinoa. Something wriggled behind them and caught Selphies attention. She tried to peer round them but saw nothing. "Theres someone well'd like you to meet. Come on hunny" she looked behind her. Two small arms snaked around Rinoas legs. "It's alright. They're mine and daddies friends" Everyones mouth dropped. A little head peered round Rinoa before shyly standing in front of her. Everyone came closer to get a better look. "You got a kid?" Irvine asked shocked. Squall nodded proudly. "Everyone this is Coal" There was no doubt he wasn't theres. He looked exactly like his parents. He had black hair like his mothers and blue eyes like his fathers. He was so cute. Selphie bent down to his level. "Hey little guy. I'm Selphie" she extended her hand to him. He looked up to his mother for reasurance and she smile encouragely. He shook her hand with a mischevous grin. Squall wrapped his arm around Rinoa and she rested her head on his shoulder. They had finally done something right.
What's you guys think? Its just a one shot but I think I might make it a two shot and remove the epilogue but I won't know for sure until I get some reviews. You guys know what to do. Cheers!