Last year's holiday effort, now posted here. Hope it makes you as jolly as old St. Nick himself!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from "Starsky and Hutch." I do occasionally borrow them, but never with fraudulent intent or with an eye to monetary gain.
"A Visit from St. Nicholas?"
(or "What Was in Hutch's Eggnog?")
By e-pony
'Twas the night before Christmas, and at Venice Place,
While I tried to sleep, Starsk stayed up "just in case."
He'd hung a red sock on the doorknob, as well,
In hopes that St. Nick had no sense of smell.
x x x
My plants were festooned with garland and ices
And my living room strewn with outlandish devices.
Even the tree -- a vision of light --
Had an angel on top that sang "Silent Night."
x x x
My partner sat snug in his "elf-ambush" station,
'Tween my sofa and chair -- "a prime viewing location!"
Armed with a camera and milk and a cookie,
He looked like a Santa Claus-stakeout rookie.
x x x
When out in the greenhouse there arose such a racket,
I rolled from my bed and reached for my jacket.
I pulled free my holster and gun in one motion,
Then turned to respond to the Yuletide commotion.
x x x
My partner -- my backup -- sprang up; he was ready!
And his grip on his camera was level and steady.
He signaled me "high," then dropped to the ground
And crept to the greenhouse with nary a sound.
x x x
He peered 'round the corner, both eager and quick;
Then, whispered, amazed, "Hey, Hutch, it's St. Nick!"
Fast as the Torino to the greenhouse I came,
Espied two men there and called them by name:
x x x
"Now, Captain! Now, Huggy! Hey, what are you doing?
And those deer over there, are those orchids they're chewing?"
Neither man turned to acknowledge my hail,
But kept at their work like clerks sorting the mail.
x x x
They were pulling out gifts from a voluminous sack:
A 12-stringed guitar and a train set and track.
The eight tiny creatures were just as aloof,
Denting my floorboards with each prancing hoof.
x x x
The heavy-set "captain" was dressed all in red;
But his skinny accomplice wore green satin instead.
From his pointy-toed shoes to his pointy-eared self,
That Huggy Bear clone was one flashy elf!
x x x
Starsky was spellbound! He moved not a muscle --
That man that can bump, do the twist and can hustle!
Acting on instinct, I dropped to my knees,
And aiming my Magnum, cried out, "Police! Freeze!"
x x x
The Dobey-Claus turned, with his hands in the air,
As the over-tall elf spun with Huggy Bear flair!
With a wink of his eye and nod of his head
And the stench of flash power, then Dobey-Claus fled.
x x x
The Huggy Bear elf was right on his heels;
They flew from my place like Starsky on wheels.
And the eight tiny reindeer were gone just as fast,
Leaving my partner agape as they passed.
x x x
He spoke not a word, but ran down to the street.
I followed as fast as I could on bare feet.
Alongside the curb was a white-striped red sleigh;
Our evening intruders were getting away!
x x x
The garish sleigh swerved between the parked cars --
The holiday version of a parade float from Mars!
But I heard Dobey sing, as the sleigh fled my sight,
"Euphoric sentimentalism to all, to all a goodnight!"