YOU MAKE ME RETHINK BEING BORN

The AsianOne says: I miss Naruto fandom and writing fanfiction. Admittedly, I've gone on such a long hiatus because truth be told, I haven't kept up with Naruto, much less any anime at all and have somewhat grown out of it. I still really like to write, so if that doesn't bother you feel free to enjoy this chapter. I should have been a little more considerate about all of this, but I just really didn't want to see this fandom end for me.

Naruto narrowed his eyes. All the warmth and playfulness fled his cool blue eyes as he poked a slender finger in to Gaara's chest.

"WHAT. THE. FUCK." His voice wavered before he raised it again, "THIS IS THE WORST FUCKING OPPOSITE DAY EVER"

"You mean best," I quietly corrected, forcing myself to look anywhere but meet his gaze.

Gaara cockily smirked, taking a confident step forward, ignoring the poking finger. He frowned when Naruto didn't move.

I felt myself taking several steps back, "I'm a little concerned," I told Gaara, "That you're about to commit assault."

They both ignored me, the tension in the air so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"This is not okay," I informed them, "This is, in fact, illegal. I will inform the proper authorities!"

In that instant, Gaara swung his arm in front of him and I fell to the ground and covered my face.

And now I know for certain that, in the face of assault, I will curl up on the ground and cover my face. In the face of overwhelming danger, I will curl up in a ball and cover my face. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, I would probably curl up on the ground and cover my face.

My survival skills are limitless.

And then…laughter. Loud, raucous laughter.

I peeked through my fingers and saw that Gaara's hand had not landed in a round fist in Naruto's face as I had expected. They were both, in fact, staring at me, unsure if they were supposed to continue with shenanigans or start laughing along with the other loud, raucous laughter that emanated from none other than Hyuuga Neji who was laughing emphatically, bent over so far, his long chocolate locks pooled at the ground.

"I thought he was going to hit Naruto," I shouted, "Stop laughing! Stop laughing right now!"

Gaara rolled his eyes, "I wasn't even facing you, idiot."

Naruto scratched his head good naturedly, "I know it's opposite and everything but wow, that's dedication."

I felt my face burning as blush spread across my cheeks.

"That was really, truly adorable" Naruto assured me.

"Not really what I was going for," I grumbled.

"Were you going for incompetent coward? Because you nailed that," Neji managed to get out between shrieks of laughter.

As I was about to sassily retort, Neji put a finger to his lips, "Uh-uh, Not today, Haruno. I've found us a place to stay, so let's get a move on."

"Oh." My face went blank. I wasn't about to give any credit or praise to the man who saved my life and Naruto's for his own self-admiration then led me to believe he was in favor of Gaara being a psychopathic assailant.

"Why aren't you thanking me?" He called, leading the way, "I'm not hearing admiration in your voice."

"DEAR GOD!" I shouted suddenly.

He whirled around to look at me, slightly startled.

"YOU HAVE TRULY SAVED THE WORLD!" I continued. "AND ALL OF THE PEOPLE IN IT! We shall make a holiday in your honor and it shall last a full calendar year! We will drink and be merry and carve statues in your honor knowing full well that they could never truly capture your brilliance! WE ARE UNWORTHY!"

He studied my face carefully, "Well, I know where you're sleeping tonight."

The motel Neji had found was shabby, but at least we all had our own rooms. It wasn't long at all before I found my eyelids drooping and I was falling in to a deep sleep…

Hours later, I had awoken, half conscious in bed enjoying the body heat radiating through the covers. Smiling dreamily I snuggled in the sheets for a moment- just before I realized it.

"OH WHAT THE FU-" I raised my arm in self-defense, which in turn, an alarmed half-naked Kiba grabbed and pushed me off the bed in harsh annoyance.

"ASSUALT!"

"RAPE!" Kiba shrieked back

"I'm not even raping you!"

"You are with your eyes! I can tell!"

"Get out of my room, you freak!"

"But Akamaru peed in mine." He pouted.

I tried my best to look angry and drew a little inspiration from Godzilla, by far the angriest radioactive amphibian I know.

"That would be a good excuse for anyone else, but you roll in your own piss all the time." I deadpanned.

Kiba hunched his shoulders in defeat, dragging his feet across the carpet. I could hear Akamaru in the next room, barking in agreement.

"OH MY GOD SAKURA ARE YOU ALRIGHT? I HEARD SCREAMING! I CAME AS SOON AS I COULD!"

"Well, I just woke up next to a strange dog person, but things can only improve, right?" I groggily answered, "I think I just need a glass of water or something."

Naruto looked concerned, "Let me get it for you"

I smiled weakly, "Thanks."

It was then I decided a little fresh air couldn't hurt either.

Wrong idea.

Within seconds, in the darkness someone had jostled my elbow.

"Watch it," I spat, trying to sound more irritated than scared.

No response.

Damn these worthless night vision-less eyes.

Not a moment too soon, a hand was covering my mouth and I was being hauled off on the broad shoulders of an unknown criminal in to a supply closet.

Such events were becoming the norm, I almost felt bored with it.

The closet is a place of peace. A neutral state where two opposing sides can voice their opinions without threat of gouging or pummeling. Mostly because gouging in the closet's small perimeter is just as likely to end in the painfully insertion of a phalange into the assailant's eyeball as it is to injure the intended victim.

This justifies me pressed up against Neji in a tiny crawlspace.

We simply required a Switzerland and the nation's closest counterpart is located in The shabby motel's hall.

No Freudian interpretation of unfulfilled lusts. We're not reading into this. We're dropping it.

"So," I laughed nervously.

"…" Neji nodded.

You've heard of small talk and pillow talk but I'm about to introduce you to closet talk. Neji and I are forging an entirely new genre of colloquial speech. This type of development begins slowly, awkwardly, and anxiously. Yes, the palpable tension in our particular scenario stems not from the growing sexual tension and unresolved issues between two hormone-crazed coeds, but from the parameters of closet talk.

"We're in a closet." Neji fidgeted.

I nodded again.

He cleared his throat.

"Neji I have enough terrifying, rabid, and ultimately hostile scenarios dancing through my head about ripping your head off without your suggestions. I will ask you this once more, why are we in this closet?"

His eyes flickered from side to side. He only did that when he was thinking. "I just needed to talk to you in private," he said softly.

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Neji," I used my mom's voice from when she caught me vandalizing the dining room wall with a crayon. I was sixteen.

"…I don't want you to be around Naruto or Gaara okay?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Why does it matter?" My voice took a serpent like quality as I hissed out each syllable.

"It's annoying," he sniffled, "I mean, don't you find it demeaning or something like that? You can't possibly tell me with a straight face, that you don't notice the way they look at you."

I wrinkled my nose, half in amusement, half in annoyance, "Oh fuck off, mom"

He visibly stiffened softly biting his lower lip; he lifted my chin with his thumb and index finger.

I could feel his breath on my lips, "That wasn't very nice."

I fought the heat rising to my cheeks, "Maybe I'm not a very nice girl."

He half-smirked, "That's doubtful."

I forced my eyes to tear away from him, in an effort to appear nonchalant, "Just tell me what you wanted to talk about already, goddamit"

And he didn't miss a beat.

"I want you to kiss me."