You make me rethink being born

ASIANONE SAYS: This is what happens when my brother and me are bored. While other 17-year-olds are looking at porn he's writing fanfiction with his little sister. Another thing, English isn't my brother's first language so he's not all that great on grammar and stuff so I have to do the editing because not only is he threatening to kill me, English is my first language, so I'm a bit better at that sort of thing. However, my grammar is not much better so I'm practically begging the grammar police to come to my house and start beating me with the side of a car door so if you see any HORRIBLE errors PLEASE TELL ME. Also, if ANYTHING and ANYTHING at all bugs you in this story, I'M SORRY!! I don't mean to offend. It's purely unintentional- this story is the product of our boredom. Enjoy the story below.

--

On Saturday it rained.

Haruno Sakura sighed and looked glumly outside of the raindrop-streaked window of the car, yesterday was the longest day of her life and she had a feeling that today it would be even longer and the rain just confirmed that fact even more so.

You know how you sometimes have a bad day?

A certain human being of the male gender that you've been pining over comes out of the closet?

Fail a test that everyone, including the morons, thought was easy?

Looking really forward to something only to find out that it sucks?

International math day?

Well, that was exactly the kind of day Sakura had. Except maybe it was a little worse than international math day (yes, it's possible).

Kind of like how single people feel on Valentine's Day and every insanely romantic song seems to pour out of the sky in to their unsuspecting ears.

Yes, that's exactly how she felt- suicidal-jumping-out-of-a-building-ravaging-mad. She was almost in the kill-someone-or-hold-up-a-school anger zone but that's a level of hatred that she reserves for whenever she watches RENT while doing algebra.

But don't get me wrong; she isn't some crazy suicidal homicidal anti-math maniac. You can ask any of her friends- she's a happy and outgoing person (still unapologetically anti-math, however), but aggressive? Yeah, right. Not Haruno Sakura. Never Haruno Sakura. Sarcastic maybe. But aggressive? No. Not Sakura.

But then again, looks can be deceiving.

--Friday morning--

"Sakura are you up yet?" her mother called from the doorway.

Sakura moaned into her pillow before tearing it from her bed and throwing it across the room. Then, pouting, she sat up in my bed, her feet hanging just above the ground, and locked herself into her routine daze of an internal struggle.

"Yeah" she answered sleepily, pushing on some jeans and a t-shirt.

"Are you packed for the field trip?"

"Yes," Sakura rolled her eyes, picking up her packed suitcase.

Her mother nodded, "good," she sighed in relief, "have fun, okay?"

Sakura nodded her head, zipping up her hoodie.

"But no drugs," he mother warned.

"Mom!"

"And no skipping class to have sex! I don't care how much you're getting paid!"

"I'm leaving," Sakura muttered to no one in particular, taking her suitcase, waving goodbye to her mother, not bothering to turn around.

"I mean it, Sakura! Just because all the popular kids are contracting AIDS it does NOT make it cool!"

"Love you too!" Sakura shouted, jogging slightly, hoping that if some random onlooker who might have overheard the conversation would mistake it for a normal mother-daughter interaction.

"Seriously, Mrs. Haruno, you can't disturb teenagers anymore" Mrs. Esaki, the elderly woman who lived next door said, "yeah, those high schoolers, " she shook her head sadly, "They have guns now,"

Mrs. Haruno chuckled, "Nice,"

--At school--

"Sakura!" Ino called to her.

Sakura waved to her blonde friend.

The complete stereotype of a blonde from the bubbly-girl-next-door attitude to the choice of attire-a baby blue shirt with pink writing on it that was practically screaming "Here's ten bucks now buy yourself some originality, you whore!"

Yes, this was her best friend.

"Are you ready?!" the blonde girl cried, tackling Sakura to the ground in enthusiasm.

"I guess,"

"I GUESS?! SAKURA WHAT ARE YOU ON?! This is only like the BIGGEST THING TO HAPPEN TO US EVER!!"

"It's only a field trip," Sakura added in a motherly tone, finger-combing her short pink locks.

"Correction," Ten-Ten said, appearing next to Ino, dragging a huge red suitcase behind her, "it's a road trip," she stopped pulling her suitcase along, "and also THE BIGGEST THING TO HAPPEN TO US EVER!!"

"Maybe we'll even get to ride on the same bus!!" Ino and Ten-Ten squealed.

Sakura rolled her eyes, "I'm going to the bathroom,"

"But if we don't ride on the same bus we can like text each other and meet up at the rest stops, slut!" Ino screamed, hugging Ten-Ten.

"You, whore! That's a kickass idea!" Ten-Ten screamed, hugging Ino back, "Yeah! And then when my phone dies I can use Hinata's phone 'cause I mean it's not like she talks on it. Or even talks, really"

Sakura sighed. There was many a time when she wondered why she hung out with these…monsters and coincidentally this happened to be one of those times.

Without a word she slipped away from the two giggling girls and to the bathroom.

--

Sakura surveyed the bathroom skeptically.

Restrooms are places of business.

While for some that business involves a Cosmo magazine a few moments alone, you wander into a public bathroom in Konoha high school and suddenly that business involves another person and a few XL condoms.

Sakura had been fortunate enough to splash water on her face and quickly stroll out without getting raped. But she was lost. Hopelessly lost.

It's frigging impossible to find your way around here, Sakura thought, turning the corner. If I'm walking in a circle, this is a fucking big circle! She gritted her teeth as she saw a very familiar looking pillar for the fifth consecutive time, Dammit! Why can't this school afford different looking pillars?!

Although Sakura was losing patience and confused she would never allow herself to be scared. But if there was a dog involved, well then that was an entirely different story.

Behind one of the pillars that so innocently surrounded the sidewalk sprung a small dog that began snapping at my legs. Sakura jumped around it, trying not to step on it as it tried to latch onto her pants. Giving up she began to run off down the sidewalk, the miniscule dog chasing after her.

With a sudden blunt force Sakura ran into a person who had been standing on the sidewalk. The dog ran up beside her, hopped onto her stomach, and began to eagerly lick her face as she lay on the ground, propped up by her elbows.

She closed her eyes and shoved the furry annoyance off her lap, standing up and rubbing the slobber off her face. Brushing her bangs out of her eyes, she met the gaze of a parka-clad boy.

"Was somebody scared of the little doggy?" He said in a baby voice, and then picking up the dog he gently patted his head, talking to it soothingly, embracing the hellhound, "it's okay, Akamaru, I'm sure Cruella didn't mean it,"

"Aw, how cute," Sakura scoffed sarcastically wanting nothing more than to pry the dog from the boy's hands and chuck it out of a third story window.

But not without reclaiming her big toe first.

The boy stood up and dusted himself off, extending his arm toward Sakura.

She didn't take it; she resigned to be silently judgmental away from the dog-boy.

The dog, clearly Akamaru, looked like he had somehow taught the boy his ways and the boy looked like he hadn't showered in months, perhaps years.

"Careful, Cruella, don't want to trip on your tail." He called after her, smirking maliciously.

"Bite Me," she whispered darkly to herself, sauntering away.

Still lost. Still, hopelessly lost. You can't forget hopelessly.

--SAKURA'S P.O.V.--

"I honestly don't know where I'm going," I confided in to the drunk janitor passed out on the floor, "I'm lost in my own school. And I'm missing the only field trip we'll have all year"

"That sounds like a personal problem to me,"

I looked up.

And the first thing I noticed was his eyes, like someone melted silver and poured it in to his eye sockets. Which sounds painful but the end results are so worth it.

"You, Sakura?"

Yes, me Sakura. And who might you be, Tarzan?

I nodded my head, managing to stand up on shaky legs. Brushing myself off, I smiled at him, a favor he did not return.

"Who are you?"

He cocked his head, "just follow me,"

"No. You know my name. It's only fair I know yours."

"Follow me," he said, his eyes flashing, his hand reaching out to get a grip on my wrist.

"Hell no! If you can't at least tell me your name than something isn't right," I tried to pry his hand off my wrist, but the effort was in vain, "you want to hide something from me and you wouldn't hide anything from anyone unless it was something bad,"

"Hyuuga. Hyuuga Neji. Satisfied?"

"Good." I nodded, "but why do you want me to follow you, Neji?" I considered biting his hand but who wants HIV? God knows who he could be sleeping around with.

"Just follow me," his voice was calm but his grip tightened.

"Something's not right"
"Follow. Me."

His grip was getting tighter and more possessive.

"No! LET FUCKING GO OF MY WRIST, YOU HIV CARRYING BASTARD!!"

He didn't let go of my wrist.

And I felt I was already starting to lose circulation.

Nothing like a good bout of domestic violence to set the mood.

"Let go of my wrist," I cried, pushing him away from me as he was closing the space in-between us.

"Never," he whispered in my ear, his hot breath caressing my earlobe, sending shivers down my spine.

Then nothing.

Everything went black.

--

"Good job, Neji" Naruto whined from the front seat, to Neji who was driving, "now she's like dead," he said, pointing to the Sakura, who passed out, propped up on Gaara's lap.

"Unconscious," Neji corrected, turning the steering wheel.

"All you had to do was to tell her she'd be riding with us." Naruto complained.

"She was acting difficult," Neji, snorted, "it was getting dangerous,"

"She was afraid of Akamaru," Kiba smirked from the backseat buckling and unbuckling the seat belt lazily, "yet to you she was dangerous,"

"Yeah!" Naruto agreed, "you didn't have to make her faint. You could have just told her, you know."

"She would never have agreed to it."

"Then if she didn't agree to it, what would she have done to you, Hyuuga?" Kiba chuckled, "bite you?"

"Shut up," Neji said

"Are you afraid of her? Is that it?" Kiba laughed.

Naruto laughed, even Gaara had to smirk. Sasuke just sat there and brooded nicely in his corner of the car.

"I hope you've enjoyed your life so far, Inuzuka," Neji gritted his teeth.

--

When Sakura woke up she had no explanation as to what was happening to her. She was moving, and she was sitting on a breathing couch made of flesh and bones, and it must be a pretty special living couch because there was built-in seat belt- two long things that looked like arms encircled around her waist.

She opened her eyes fully and began to realize her surroundings.

A small car.

A small messy car.

A small messy car filled with boys.

A small messy station wagon filled with boys.

A small messy station wagon with two boys whom she did not know one boy whose dog savagely attacked her, one boy who kidnapped her, and one boy in which she was sitting on his lap.

And although she wasn't good at math she eventually figured it out. FIVE boys. Can someone break out the gold stars? We have a winner.

"What the hell is going on here?!" she looked around the car and found one.

She pointed at the Neji, "You! You kidnapped me and now you're going to hold me for ransom or sell me to some weird old man with a lot of cats!" she continued, "I'm so glad I didn't bite you because you're probably diseased, you sick fuck! You probably have HIV. I bet you have AIDs or hepatitis or syphilis or emo."

"Emo is not an STD." Sasuke said, irritably, glaring at her.(NO OFFENSE TO EMO PEOPLE)

"So you are all diseased! I'm going to die!" Sakura continued, yanking at her hair in frustration, "my first time away from home and I'm getting molested and have now I have AIDS. What am I going to tell mom? What will the neighboors think?" Sakura bit her fingernails, "High school student by day druggie preggie stripper whore by night."

"Calm down!" Neji commanded, from the steering wheel his eyes locked on hers, not paying any mind to the cars around him.

"KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE DAMN ROAD!!" Naruto shouted.

"I can never go back," Sakura said to know one in particular,

"What's wrong with you?" Kiba asked her, looking amused, "when I met you were all tact and venom and now you're acting like a spaz,"

Sakura looked him over, "Do I even know you?"

"Am I that easy to forget?" Kiba held up the small puppy hidden away in his shirt, "how flattering"

Her eyes widened considerably, "I know you! Exactly how far does this conspiracy go?!"

"It's not a conspiracy. You just missed the buses so you have to ride with us." Naruto motioned to around him "the delinquents, the dog obsessed one is Kiba, I'm-"

Sakura interrupted him, "You're Naruto, I know who most of you are," and it was true she did. All of them had their stories, reputations, good and bad, mostly bad. But point of fact, she knew them- everyone knew them. Little boys dressed up as them for Halloween. Fan girls wrote extremely smutty homosexual fanfiction about them. They were like movie stars that didn't make any movies or didn't accomplish anything spectacular in their life except raise a lot of hell.

Naruto grinned a little, "we sent Neji to tell you but he got carried away," Naruto glared at Neji.

"She was being difficult," Neji reminded everyone around him irritably.

"Oh," she said sheepishly, "I didn't know," she latched her head down, "sorry"

"Should be," Neji stated bluntly.

She glared.

"You almost killed me," she spat, "you should be sorry!"

"We're giving you a ride, you should be thankful," Neji answered simply, his eyes on the road, but glancing in to the rearview mirror every so often to see the expression on the pink-haired girl's face.

Sakura gritted her teeth, "I'm ignoring you. But know this: one day when you're all alone and have no reason to live I'll be there to introduce you to the wonderful world of garden shears,"

"You're absolutely right, Hyuuga," Kiba chuckled, "if I were you I'd be afraid of her too,"

Sakura narrowed her eyes at the parka-clad boy, "and you! Where do you get off leaving your DAMN dog around so it can terrorize INNOCENT people?! Huh? Answer me that?!"

"Well, all work and no play makes Kiba a dull boy," he smirked.

"I'm pretty sure Kiba's always been a dull boy," Sakura snorted, leaning back.

"You're smashing my face," a voice behind her growled.

She turned around, fearing that for once in her life she was right. Because she was sitting on Gaara's lap and the "fleshy seatbelt around her waist" was his arms. His arms around her waist.

Gaara seemed like a nice enough person but Sakura, strangely enough liked to think that men who kill people were a little less attractive, personality wise than men who didn't.

Gaara probably killed people and Sakura thought that he might be overdoing it a little with the homicidal-badass thing. Just a little. Because maybe he ACTUALLY DID IN FACT KILL PEOPLE. You know? Like stabbing people. With a knife, waving it around like lead knife in the freaking knife parade.

"Sorry?"

"You should be," he whispered in her ear, one hand on the crook of her neck, a single finger daring to trail down as low as to her collarbone, sending her in to great shivers.

She gulped and nodded her head in agreement.

No one spoke.

"Why didn't you fight him like you fight with me?" Neji said flatly, clearly offended.

"You don't kill people," Naruto whispered.

--

"We're lost!!" Naruto moaned.

"No we're not!" Neji gritted his teeth stepping on the gas harder, out of frustration.

"Yes, we are!" Sakura argued, "why can't you freaking swallow your pride and ask someone for directions?!"

"Because we're not lost!" Neji argued back.

"Spoken like a man!! Why is it so hard to ask for directions?"

"You don't need directions when you're not lost."

"I swear, Sasuke, it's like he lives in his own world where he's God's gift to women everywhere and women live to serve him, ya know?" Sakura confided in to the Uchiha.

In the few hours Sakura had been in the car Sasuke had already been assigned as Sakura's designated target for bitching about Neji. Sasuke didn't particularly enjoy listening to her vent but it got to Neji. And to Sasuke that was all that mattered. Sakura, oblivious to Sasuke's disdain for her continued to talk. Neji glanced back at the girl, Sasuke looking as interested as his facial expressions would allow him and smirked as he caught the Hyuuga's stare.

Naturally, Neji was furious.

"We're not lost," Neji repeated between gritted teeth.

--Three hours later--

"We're lost," Neji finally admitted, pulling over and slamming the breaks.

"Oh really Neji? Because the rest of us noticed only like say, 100 miles previous to this!" Sakura shouted.

"We'll need some place to stay for the night," he said, lightly biting his lip, thinking.
Sakura narrowed her eyes, "Is this how you get all your victims, Hyuuga? Drive them 100 miles away from home then rent a hotel room, boom! Dead girl in bathtub?!"

"How much money do we have all together?" Neji asked, ignoring the girl with extreme care. Answering her back is like being face to face with grizzly bear when you coincidentally happen to be holding a big-Mac.

"I know your tricks, Hyuuga. If I had my suitcase with me you'd so be maced by now." Sakura continued, no one listening to her in particular.

"We can get at least three rooms, maybe four if we're lucky,"

--

"One of you boys are going to have to be a man and let me have a room to myself," Sakura decided, seeing no other way out, "four rooms sleazy rooms, and two of you will have to share a room, suck it up and be a man"

Naruto eagerly raised his hand, "I'll be the bigger man and me and Sakura-chan can share a bed!"

Sakura smacked him on the head, "As fucking if!"

Sasuke, being a genius and all, quickly thought of a solution, "We'll draw straws."

With his obsidian eyes glining he pulled out of his pocket a handful of straws.

"Pick one" he said.

The rest of the group stared at him in awe.

"It's like he planned it all along," Naruto whispered.

"So prepared," Sakura mused.

"Bitch," muttered Kiba.

Gaara just kind of looked at the Uchiha with a strange inreadble look on his face. That was a mixture of somewhat amusement and annoyance.

"Yeah, yeah pick a straw," Neji said.

--

"Touch me-you die. Talk to me at night- you die. Oh yeah and if you hog the blanket you most definitely will die but other than that you should be fine," Sakura said grumpily.

"Should I not breathe in your presence either or is that okay?"

"I'd prefer if you wouldn't but if you have to, keep it to a bare minimum,"

He threw a shirt in her direction.

She picked the garment up between two fingers, "what do you want me to do with it? Wash it for you, your highness?"

"Never pegged you as one to sleep nude," he smirked.
"I'd rather sleep in dirty clothes, thank you very much," she shot back; "keep your nasty thoughts to yourself. This is a school organized field trip, not Girls Gone Wild: Whore Island,"

He smirked, "Whatever you say, Haruno"

--

Sakura couldn't go to sleep. It's hard to go to sleep when there was a guy next to you and he happens to be a particularly sexy guy. A jackass, but nevertheless a guy. A honest to goodness living and breathing man.

And it's definitely hard to go to sleep if that guy sleeps very weird angle, that involves his palm on your chest and a leg brushing in-between your legs, his body at an angle that shows he's just about ready to roll over on yours, his legs practically straddling your own. And it's even harder to ignore him when he's warm. And you're cold.

--Saturday morning--

She stood calm and collected in front of the small rusty station wagon as he approached her.

"I thought I'd let you know that, when you're asleep you're a bigger pervert than when you're awake,"

He grinned cheekily, "And I thought I'd let you know I wasn't asleep," the Hyuuga cocked his head and watched with interest as the pink haired girl turned the brightest shade of red he had ever seen.

--End chapter--

NOLAN SAYS: Sweet Sassy molassy that was interesting to write. Reiko was dancing really weird to The Yeah Yeah Yeahs while we were writing it and it was very…distracting, I mean it was some good dancing on her part but seriously, I was trying to concentrate. I think that's why it came out...deranged. We're like a mother and daughter when we're together, I swear. I scream obscenities at her in Japanese and then she ignores me and plays her music really loud. I'm not still breast feeding her though.

ASIANONE SAYS//Deleting what Nolan just said from her memory// OH...GOD...Review if you'd like, for they will be answered in the beginning of the next chapter, flame if you want, because everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I got really tired of writing this after Sakura met Kiba and I thought after that it kind of fell apart, but I kept writing it for MagenKyotenChiten, because she's not feeling so great. I hope it cheered her up. I'm not feeling in a funny mood (my tummy feels funny but that's a different kind of funny). Plus, I don't think I'm very funny at all so I'm afraid this story is not worthy of being labeled humor. Maybe "bad attempt at humor" but not humor. I'm very angry right now because this story isn't coming out like I imagined...-sobs- these hands don't create! They can only DESTROY!

NOLAN SAYS: I'm taking away your pocky privilages.

ASIANONE SAYS: I hate you. You're horrible. The worst mother ever. If you weren't getting me anything for Christmas I'd kill you so dead you'd practically die to death.

NOLAN SAYS: Soka...