Disclaimer: Hey Arnold! belongs to Nickelodeon and Craig Bartlett. I own none of it. So stop trying to sue me for money and go walk dogs or something.

Author's note: This is my first HA! fanfic, but it's certainly not my first time writing or my first experience with HA! Please R & R, tell me what you think, what you'd like to see, what could be improved on. Enjoy!

I'm Not Perfect

Chapter One

She took a deep breath. Now, in this brief, indissoluble, perfect moment, it was time. "Arnold." The name of her beloved drifted easily through her lips-cool, soothing, right.

He stared back at her expectantly, with those deep green eyes that had both tormented and brought joy to her bruised heart for the past eleven years. Several times, she seemed to have gotten lost in those eyes, a few precious seconds before she broke the gaze and fired some insult at him. But this time, it was different. This time, she held the gaze, connecting them in a way deeper than at any time before. "I wanted to tell you…" she began. "That…that...I..." Her throat caught.

He did not speak, simply waited. Anticipating. So patient. So loving and kind, even to her, the one who had tormented him nearly every day for years. How she pined for him. How deeply her heart longed for him. How her lips longed to say the words which now escaped her. Determination filled her soul. She reached up, boldly took his hand in hers, and said, "I love you."

He smiled, opened his mouth, and said the words she so longed to hear..."Pthssssssss….."

Helga opened her eyes. A fifty pound lizard was sitting on top of her stomach, flicking his tongue to her cheek in a good morning kiss….monitor lizard style.

"Yuck! Monster, get off me!" she exclaimed, pushing her scaly brown pet onto the floor. The creature hit the floor with a thud and quickly scampered under her bed.

"Criminy…" she sighed, flopping back onto her pillow. Helga looked at her alarm clock. The stupid animal had woken her up ten minutes before her alarm was set to go off. Ten minutes wasn't much, but it might've been enough time to finish her precious dream…

She loved dreaming. It was the only time where she could truly be the person she hid from the world. The shy, hopeless romantic. The girl with an aching heart longing for attention. The one who hid her insecurities and fears behind the tough mask of a bold, spiteful, angry teenager. She put on the mask each day because it was the only way she knew how to survive; to bear her daily problems which she pretended didn't faze her.

She reached over to her nightstand and picked up her locket. The lazy, dream-filled smile from the teenage boy with unruly tufts of golden hair over a football shaped head made her sigh. Sometimes, she hoped, she dared to think, that maybe he really did know the girl she never let show. Maybe he knew what she was really like. And maybe, just maybe, he knew of her love for him.

Her mind drifted to an incident five years ago, a moment she constantly replayed in her head. It was the summer after fourth grade, the summer when her beloved football head had risked everything to save his neighborhood that some big shot business man wanted to demolish. Her own father had been involved in the demolition plan, and she knew enough information to help Arnold find the document that would prevent his neighborhood from being torn down. She was, as she had always been, too afraid, too petty to let him think that she cared about him enough to help him. She came up with a plan of disguise to conceal her identity, but alas, her plan had failed.

Did he remember that moment of truth, on the rooftop of the Future Tech Industries Building, twenty four minutes before his sacred neighborhood was about to be bulldozed to the ground? Did he remember the moment when he discovered that she had risked everything to help him save the neighborhood?

"Helga, why'd you do it?" he had asked, his eyes wide in surprise.

She rattled off a number of impromptu excuses, but she already knew he wasn't buying any of it. Finally, she was forced to tell him the truth she'd been hiding for most of her life. It was a sweet, dizzying, fast moment as she had poured out words that had been building up for years. Then, her feelings had escalated into one precious kiss. It wasn't the first time she had kissed him. They had locked lips for the fourth grade Romeo and Juliet production, and the Babewatch episode they had both acted in. But this was different, because this time it wasn't her kissing him under a role. This time it was her, Helga G. Pataki, vulnerable and exposed.

Of course, the moment was over too soon. They had the soon-to-be-demolished neighborhood to attend to. Since that time, however, there had been an unspoken understanding between them. Or was that what she wanted to believe?

Did Arnold even remember her confession? She had told herself again and again that it was entirely possible, and probably likely, that he had forgotten all about what she had told him. It was five years ago, after all. And she barely treated him any better now than she did then. True, she no longer assaulted him with spitballs during History class, but she still took any opportunity to tease, taunt, and assault him.

"Oh, my angel," she sighed as she fastened the locket around her neck and stepped out of bed. "Why must I constantly torment you, the very one I long for to be mine? Daily I put on the façade of a girl who hates you. But you, my darling, you know better, don't you?"

Helga pulled on a pair of dark blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a pink vest. After taking care to tuck her locket under her shirt where it would be imperceptible, she walked over to her mirror. Her body was average: straight and long, thin except for a few extra pounds around her middle (probably acquired from her not-so-nutritional diet). At fourteen, she was starting to attain the body of a woman: her hips were evident when she wore jeans, and her B-cup breasts created two curves underneath her shirt. Helga picked up a brush and ran it through her thick blonde hair. Today was going to be another ordinary day at Hillwood High School. Kids in their stupid cliques, flitting around talking about what was on CBS last night or who had gotten smashed last weekend. Teachers pattering on and on, cramming useless material into kids' heads that they were going to forget two minutes after the test. However, there was always one thing to look forward to. Helga carefully plucked her pink ribbon from its usual spot next to her mirror. She always took care to keep it in perfect condition. It had gotten a little frayed over the years, but other than that, it was in pretty good shape. She gathered her hair into a ponytail and tied it with the ribbon.

She stared at her reflection. "Oh, Arnold," she said aloud. "Is it ever possible that one day you might love me the way I love you? I know I'm not the prettiest girl, or the smartest, and certainly not the kindest, but I still pray that one day you will see past all my faults. One day, my love, I will get the courage to reveal my true self to you. One day, maybe soon, you will come to terms with how you really feel about me. I can only hope…." She paused. Did she dare to hope? Since that day on the rooftop, it was possible that Arnold thought of her…

Across the room, Monster poked his head out from under the bed. He flicked his tongue, asking if she had forgiven him for waking her up early. Helga walked over and scratched her pet under his chin, something she knew he loved. Yeah, he was a pest sometimes, but he was a great listener. He was the only one, besides her psychologist and her best friend, that knew of her ultimate affection….

She hoisted up the lizard and took him downstairs to see if Miriam had remembered to buy cereal. Or bread for lunch. Or food, period.

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"Hey, Gerald," Arnold greeted his best friend as he paused by Gerald's locker. As usual, Gerald was engrossed in his hair. He kept a variety of combs and hair products in his locker, and right now he was working a generous amount of mousse through his curly stack of hair.

"Hey, man," Gerald said. "Excited about your birthday party tonight?"

"Yeah, I can't wait. I just hope it won't be too crowded. You know, having all my friends over at the boarding house."

"Hiiiii, Gerald," two nearly identical voices greeted, as two girls breezed past Gerald's locker. Mandy and Christina weren't twins, or even related, but they might as well have been. They both had long blonde hair, blue eyes, and wore identical or near identical outfits every day. And they never left each other's side.

"Hey, ladies," Gerald winked at them. Arnold rolled his eyes. Gerald flirted with any girl, regardless of whether he actually liked them or not, if she was popular. Popularity had been important to Gerald since junior high, and with his smooth personality he had no problem getting into the "cool" crowd. The problem was, he dragged Arnold in with him. Arnold had been dubbed "popular" by the other kids for years, but it wasn't a title he particularly wanted or cared about. The kids he mostly hung out with, the people who called him, the girls who flirted with him, were mostly Gerald's friends, not his. He only went along with it to make his best friend happy. The "in" crowd had no depth to it. These kids didn't care about things like world peace, science, or even their own futures. They cared about who wore designer clothes, who liked who and what was playing at the theatre. Arnold just didn't get it. Gerald was smarter than this and certainly not that shallow. Several times he had asked Gerald why he wanted to be part of this.

'It's the high life,' Gerald always said. 'We're in the spot where everyone wants to be. We get invited to all the parties and get any girl we want. You're only in high school once, man. Enjoy it!'

Giving his hair a final pat, Gerald turned to Arnold. "You invited Mandy and Christina to your party, right?"

"Yeah, all the cool kids are invited," Arnold gave a sigh to let Gerald know that he wasn't necessarily happy with this.

"Cool." Gerald closed his locker. "And by the way, uh, you might have a few extra kids at your party."

Arnold raised one eyebrow. "And that would be because…."

Gerald cleared his throat and started to walk down the hall. "I, uh, sort of told Mandy and Christina they could bring some friends."

"What?!" Arnold stopped so suddenly that Eugene, who had been walking behind them, bumped hard into Arnold and fell on his back.

"Ow….I'm okay." His squeaky, prepubescent voice echoed throughout the halls.

"Are you crazy?" Arnold exclaimed. "Do you realize how many friends Mandy and Christina have? I'm going to have dozens of people there that I probably don't even know!'

"Calm down, man." Gerald looked nervously around the hallway. Several people were staring at them. "The more people, the better! Besides, your boarding house is huge. What could happen?"

Arnold sighed as he approached his first period classroom. "Geeerrrald…."

"Look, your Grandma and Grandpa will be there, right? The party can't get too out of hand."

Arnold shook his head. It was true that his boarding house probably couldn't get any crazier than it already was. "Look, I have to go to class. I'll see you later."

"Okay, man, later," Gerald replied as they held out their thumbs and wiggled them, an eleven year old friendship ritual.

Arnold walked into the room, dodging the paper airplanes that were being thrown around. Why did Gerald try so hard to impress girls like Mandy and Christina? He didn't really like them, and he knew it. Gerald had had lots of girlfriends over the past few years, but they all had been about as deep as a kiddy pool. Why did his best friend torture himself like this? Both Arnold and Gerald knew that there was only one girl Gerald wanted….

"Good morning, Arnold," Phoebe's cheerful voice chirped from the seat next to him.

He tried to force a weak smile. "Hi, Phoebe."

"What's wrong, Arnold? You looked distressed." Phoebe opened her binder. "Is the homework getting you down? I know fifty problems was a lot to do last night…"

Arnold pulled his own homework out of his folder. "No, it's not the homework. It was hard, though. I hope I didn't make a mistake by signing up for Honors Geometry."

Phoebe smiled. "I'm quite certain you made the right choice, Arnold. Next to me, you have the highest grade in the class. Besides, last night's homework was meant to be a challenge."

"Clahs, seddle dahwn. Cllllaahhss..." the teacher clapped her hands. As she began to write the day's lesson on the board, Phoebe leaned over and whispered, "By the way, my schedule says I should be able to attend your party tonight. Helga and I will be arriving around seven."

Arnold started. "Helga! Oh man, I forgot to invite her. I hope she doesn't think she's not invited. I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings by her thinking I invited everyone else and not her."

"I didn't talk to her about it, but I assumed she'd come with me." Phoebe shrugged. "Well, you still have the rest of the day to invite her. Or I'll just tell her about it later."

The crackling of the loudspeaker averted their attention. "Teachers," boomed the deep voice of Hillwood High School's principal, "if you could at this time pass around the ballots for Homecoming King and Queen, and then send one student to take the ballots down to the office, that would be appreciated. Thank you."

Arnold had been thinking so much about his party, he had forgotten that the Homecoming Dance was less than a month away. Of course, he should've remembered, since that was all the popular kids had talked about since the beginning of school three weeks ago. But somehow he always found a way to tune out their conversations.

The student in front of him passed him a yellow sheet of paper. Arnold stared at it. The names of every student in the ninth grade class were listed. The instructions at the top of the paper said to vote for five girls and five boys. The girl and boy with the most votes would be named Homecoming King and Queen, and the runner up would be Prince and Princess. Shrugging, Arnold checked the box next to Gerald's name. Homecoming King was exactly the kind of position his best friend would desire. Arnold's pencil dangled in the air. Other than Gerald, he had absolutely no idea who to vote for. He knew who he was "supposed" to vote for: the popular kids, the ones who played sports and wore name brand clothes. The ones who were supposedly his friends. Yet did they really deserve it?

Once in the fourth grade, Rhonda Lloyd had held a party for the "cool" people only. It was the first taste many of his friends would have on the pain of being excluded, of knowing you weren't "in". That time, even though he was invited to the "cool" party, Arnold had retaliated by holding held a "geek" party on the roof of his house. Why not retaliate this time as well?

There were others who deserved to be Homecoming Queen and King more than the "cool" kids. Others who were more caring. Those who chose their friends based on something other than popularity. He looked at the girl sitting next to him. She was deep in thought, nibbling on her pencil, no doubt carefully weighing the pros and cons of who to vote for. He smiled and checked the box next to "Phoebe Hyerndahl." Rapidly he checked other names. Sheena Reynolds, who was trying to start an environmental club after learning that Hillwood High didn't have one. Nadine Lionel, who had hour long conversations with her science teacher on the different subspecies of insects. Sid, Stinky, and Harold, who were great guys despite the fact that (he smiled) they were always getting into some kind of trouble. On the first day of ninth grade, the three of them had gotten a two day suspension for setting twenty seven gardener snakes loose in the east hall girl's bathroom. To this day there were still girls who refused to use the bathrooms at school. Arnold checked off Eugene's name, the boy who always kept a positive front no matter what came his way.

He had to choose two more girls. Arnold hesitated next to "Lila Sawyer." She certainly deserved the title: she was smart, funny, caring, and always nice to everyone regardless of their social status. She was also the girl, though he hated to admit it, that he still had a crush on after five years. It was almost pathetic-if her feelings for him hadn't changed in five years, then they certainly wouldn't change now. Still, he couldn't help liking her. She was everything he wanted in a possible girlfriend. He was starting to never think that he would never find the right girl. The "oh–so-special someone", as Lila would say. All the popular girls had flirted with him for years, of course, but he had never been interested. Quite honestly, he had never even had a girlfriend before.

Arnold sighed and checked the box. Lila, of course, would take her boyfriend Justin to Homecoming. They had been dating for six months, and everyone said they were the "perfect couple". He played love songs for her on his guitar. She wrote him poems and notes with hearts on them. They volunteered at homeless shelters together on weekends and went to Sunday picnics. Justin was the kind of guy that got along with everyone. How could Lila not be in love with him?

One more girl. A single name caught his eye. Helga Pataki. The automatic thought came into his head: She won't win. He shook his head. What happened to looking on the bright side? She might win. There was a possibility that any of the people Arnold voted for might win.

But who would vote for Helga? A scowling, moody, loud girl who couldn't care less about what was "in". The girl with a temper so bad that she still, at the age of fourteen, was known to get into fistfights with the infamous duo of "Ole Betsy" and "The Five Avengers". The girl who didn't dress in the latest fashions and rarely wore makeup. The girl who was called every unimaginable name behind her back but never to her face. The girl who had few friends.

Arnold wasn't even sure if he could call her his friend. When they talked, which wasn't often, she was usually yelling or snapping at him about something. Sometimes, though, she was almost friendly toward him. Though "football head" was a name she had called him since kindergarten, it was now almost a fond nickname rather than an insult. Even when she mocked him, her voice had a humorous pitch to it, as if she were just joking with him rather than trying to hurt him. But then, hadn't his relationship with Helga always been complicated?

Arnold scratched a checkmark next to her name.

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Stupid Homecoming Dance, Helga thought. Girls in their fancy-schmancy dresses and guys spending a bunch of money to stand in a crowded, hot school gym for three hours. She looked at her ballot. Homecoming Queen and King. What a crock! A couple of air headed, dolled up "popular kids" to pretend that they're the greatest just because they got the most votes. She read the top of her ballot. "The chosen King and Queen will have a special dance in which the dance floor will be cleared just for them." Helga rolled her eyes. How stupid. There was only one thing to do. Closing her eyes, she checked eight random names. What did she care who got the title? The whole thing was ridiculous.

And yet….

She imagined being in Arnold's arms as he swept her across the dance floor. The skirt of her formal dress swished around her legs. He was staring at her intently in a way that he never had before. Elegantly they danced together in rhythm. All eyes were on them, the Homecoming King and Queen. Things had never been more perfect.

The dream painted a smile on her face. She put a check next to her and Arnold's names. Arnold, my darling, may the ink that I engrave next to our names be a symbol of my fleeting, most likely impossible, yet wonderful dream.

"May I have a volunteer to take the ballots down to the office?" The nasally voice of her biology teacher jerked her out of her thoughts. Helga's hand shot up immediately. Anything for a few minutes out of this boring class. She hated biology almost as much as algebra.

As she walked down the hallway, a trashcan in the corner beckoned to her. Seizing the opportunity, she ducked behind it and retrieved her locket from under her shirt. "Oh, Arnold," she whispered, tracing his face with her finger. "Yet another milestone in our young lives are we about to face: our first school dance. Dare I hope that maybe we can approach it together? Is it possible that perhaps, after all these years of secret admiring, I am at last ready to confess to you my true feelings, and this time, not take back my words?" She drew in a breath. She could feel it. A change had come in her. The daily routine that she had grown so used to was becoming tiresome. Though she loved her dreams, she somehow resented them at the same time, because they were a mere mockery of what she so badly wanted to be real.

"But what if, my love, you don't feel the same way? What if I finally confess, only to be rejected by your empty heart? Alas, the fear I have had for years will have to be faced sometime if I ever want you to be mine. But now? So soon? Ooooh, my darling, what a decision," she sighed, clutching the locket to her heart.

"Huuuuuuh hawww….huuuuh hawwww….huuuuh hawww…"

Helga turned and delivered a smooth punch to Brainy across the face, sending him and the yellow papers he was carrying flying into the wall.

"Helga?"

"Arnold!" she shoved the locket back into her shirt and snatched up her stack of yellow papers. She turned and became face to face with the boy she loved. After eleven years, he still made her feel weak. "What are you doing here, Football Head? I thought you were too much of a goody good to cut class." Her words echoed off the walls off the empty hallways. The tone of her voice was so biting that it made her wince inside. So much for thinking she was ready to confess.

"I'm just going to the office," he replied, holding up his own stack of papers. "Whoa," he looked over Helga's shoulder, "what happened to Brainy?" Brainy was sprawled against the wall, his eyes looking dazed behind his thick glasses perched atop a zit-covered nose. Yellow papers were scattered randomly around him.

Helga shrugged. "He tripped."

"Uuuhhhhh…" Brainy crawled forward and began picking up the papers from the floor. "I'm fine."

Arnold shrugged and fell into step beside Helga. "So, anyway, there's something I forgot to tell you. My fourteenth birthday is today, and I'm having a party tonight. You know, at my house. On the roof. And you're invited. You know, if you're not busy. Phoebe already said she'd come."

Helga scoffed. "I thought from the people you've been hanging with lately, you'd only invite the cool kids to your party." Was it her imagination, or had something changed in his expression? Had she hit a raw nerve?

"You know I'm not like that, Helga." She was surprised by the harshness of his voice. "Anyway, you don't have to come."

The tone of his voice said he was sorry he'd invited her. Had she made him angry? Criminy, why did she always have to say the meanest possible thing to him? "I was joking, Football Head. Don't have a litter of kittens. I'll check my schedule, and if it's open, I'll try to stop by your little celebration."

He seemed to relax a little. "Okay, Helga. Sorry I snapped at you. I've just been thinking a lot lately."

She pulled open the door of the office and they walked inside. "Criminy, Arnold, has it ever occurred to you that it's possible to think too much? Especially with a head like that." She handed the papers to the secretary. "See you around, bucko."

Arnold watched her walk out of the office, with a stride that was more of a stomp than a step. He handed his own papers to the secretary and started to walk back to class.

Helga G. Pataki was the hardest thing he had ever tried to figure out, a hundred times harder than last night's math homework. He had no idea what was running through her mind. Sometimes he couldn't figure out if she hated him or if she….

'I love you, Arnold! I've always loved you, ever since I first laid eyes on your stupid football head!'

Whoa. Where did that come from? Arnold shook his head. That memory didn't mean anything. They were just kids then. It was just a game, a trick she had played on him. Something to make him laugh in the tense and serious minutes before his neighborhood was scheduled to be torn down.

Yet neither of them had laughed.

And….she had kissed him. The memory still made his cheeks burn slightly. Of course, that had been part of the joke too. Hadn't it? He really shouldn't think about it. She probably didn't even remember what had happened.

But there was one thing he had to admit: that night, on the rooftop of the Future Tech Industries Building, he had received the only real kiss he had ever had in his life, even to this day. Of course, there was the fourth grade school play, and the time he was in a Babewatch episode as part of his prize for winning a sandcastle competition in the fourth grade, but that didn't really count. Coincidentally, both of those times had also been with Helga.

Or, he thought, maybe not so coincidentally.