I am proud of this. I managed to make fun of both the shipping wars and badfics in one story! Just a short little humor ficlet, nothing special, I guess.
Disclaimer: I don't own it.
One of the creators of Avatar (It doesn't matter which one, let's just say DiMartino. That name is more fun to type.) glanced nervously at the ceiling of their underground bunker. Ever since the airing of the 'Earth King' episode, he and the other writers had been camping out in a hidden underground complex, designed solely for this purpose. Very, very faintly he could hear the chants of the opposing shippers, competing in an epic battle. He hoped that the fortifications would hold. His secret Plan B was to shove Koneitzko out as a sacrifice/peace offering, giving him enough time to escape.
Leaning back, he opened his laptop and logged on to the Internet. Unbeknownst to him was that the other creator was, on the opposite end of the compound, doing almost exactly the same thing, except he was a bit more nervous about the Battle of the Shippers taking place above him. Both of them, seeing as how they had nothing to do except pray that their defenses would hold, went to Google, and, on a whim, typed in the name of their show.
Thousands and thousands of results filled the screen. They both grinned. Their show, their creation, their baby, was so popular! Both of them noticed that the word "fanfiction" kept popping up, and decided to click on the link.
The pair was amazed by their story's 5,590(5,591 if you count this) stories, and were all but squealing with excitement as they took the plunge into the Avatar fandom.
Above the now-trembling ground, the Zutara shippers screamed at the Kataang shippers," Chi-l-d porn! Chi-l-d porn!" repeatedly, waving their banners.
The Kataang shippers, lacking a good comeback, shouted in reply," Not canon, not canon!"
The Zutara people shot back," Gonna be soon! Gonna be soon!"
Meanwhile, the creators had read some of the best stories fanfiction had to offer. They had read the works of Rashaka, the writings of Jimmy the Gothic Egg, of Jakia, of Spleefmistress, of Whirleeq, and the insane, strangely humorous ramblings of Supergirrl.
They were dazzled, shocked, overjoyed, and most of all, a bit curious. Why had they not been able to discover this wonderful site before?
They were nearing the end of the page when they saw two stories alongside each other. Both had ridiculous names('Tru Love at First Site' and "Gril from Another World"). Those were spelled incorrectly intentionally, by the way. The summary of the top story was "zuko n his uncel meat a strang grl w a hidden past. ZukoxOC RR NOFLAMZ PLZ!11" Frowning, DiMartino clicked on it.
The summary of the other story made Koneitzko's eyes ache. It was," a buaetiful gril from our wurld falz into teh avatarverse, diskoverz she is a light(Insert some other sparklypoo random bending ability of your choice here)bender, and that she alon can save evry1 R'n'R AnyonecanonmalegoeshereXOC NO FLAMZ PLZ!11!!1" Brushing some dirt off his keyboard(The ceiling was shaking quite ominously, and dirt was raining down), he began to read it. Brave fool.
On the surface, the Battle of the Shippers was still raging. Petty insults had been abandoned, and both sides showed no mercy. Brother turned against brother, sister against sister, friend against friend, band geek against band geek. Several innocent news helicopters had been shot down, and the rest of the fandom was silently watching. The exception to this was the Suethors, who, sensing that most of their usual flamers were occupied (Plus, the object of most of their Sues' affections had been seen with whom they believed to be a slut, Katara.), and pumped out their trashy characters faster and more furiously than even before. Lightbenders, heartbenders, magicbenders, and second Avatars were popping out of nowhere.
Meanwhile, DiMartino and Koneitzko's respective eyes were widening with horror. What cruel twist of fate had brought this upon their characters? What kind of cruel God would do this to the innocent, unsuspecting canon? In near-perfect synchronization, they fell to the ground, weeping, and screamed at the heavens," Why, God, why?"
The shippers aboveground had finally noticed the Suethors, and established a temporary cease-fire, and united against the Suethors. For a brief moment, it looked as if the Suethors would win, with their armies of Sparklypooness, but the power of canon prevailed, and the shippers won. After a brief pause to catch their breath, the shippers continued to shout random, poorly constructed insults at each other. From one of the special neutral helicopters far above, the authoress was disgusted to see several of her best friends down there, throwing objects (Rocks, signs, smaller shippers, etc.) at each other. After all, she had to deal with this until December first.
While this was going on, the two creators were performing the "Stranger than You Dreamt it" musical number from Phantom of the Opera, cursing at their laptops. Two microphones fell out of plot holes, and spotlights shown down as they writhed on the floor, singing the first depressing song that popped into their heads.
Watching through the cameras planted strategically throughout the cave system, one of the Keepers of the Creators' Sanity turned to another and asked," Are we gonna get them out of there?"
Silently, the other Keeper nodded.
Two Months Later
Both creators were in a small white room with several other people, and wore straitjackets. DiMartino was curled into a fetal position, and rocked back and forth, shouting at their caretakers," He's the laaaaaaaasssssssst airbender I tell you, the last airbender! No more, no Sues, just one airbender. Just one, just one. Kill the hobbitses!"
Koneitzko was attempting to suck his thumb, but failed. He was muttering under his breath," No Sues in my world, just the canon, just the canon. No pretty girls with weird bending abilities, just my nice canon. Canon, canon, canon. Me canon, you Suethor. Cannoooooooooonnnnnn."
One caretaker asked," Wow, what happened to them?"
Another cleared his throat. "They read fanfiction for the story they created."
Everyone else winced. "We'd better double their dosages." Glancing at the clearly deranged creators, a female caretaker corrected them. " Triple it."
Heartbreakingly realistic. O.G.