The final Cut
Pairing: Tonks/Lupin
Rating: R (FSK 16)
Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter Tonks and Lupin would still be alive.
Chapter 1
Nymphadora Tonks sat on her couch, absent - mindedly watching a burning candle on the table in front of her. It had been two hours ago that she had left the hospital wing and she couldn't stop thinking about her conversation with Lupin.
The frustration about her feelings for him had left her exhausted. She was sure that Remus felt something for her but he wouldn't allow himself to act on his feelings.
And all girls dream of finding a noble man she thought bitterly. They should mention in the romance novels that these kinds of guys only bring problems.
Tonks' thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. It was past midnight and she wondered who would visit her at this time. When she opened the door the person she least expected was standing in front of her: Remus Lupin.
"What do you want?" Tonks asked him, straightforward as usual.
"I was worried about you, Tonks. I wanted to see if you are alright. ... Today in the hospital wing ... I didn't want to hurt your feelings. It's not that I don't like you, you know that. It's just ... I want you to be happy."
"No, Remus, I'm not alright. And yes you hurt me. And if you want to make me happy you're doing quite a lousy job."
He noticed the tears forming in her eyes and fought the urge to just take her in his arms and tell her that everything would be alright. He knew it would be a lie no matter what he did. If he kept rejecting her he would break her heart as much as his. But if he acted on his feelings for her he would give her nothing but a life as an outcast.
"I'm sorry, Nymphadora. I wish I could make you happy. I wish I could give you all my love and treat you like the queen you are to me. I wish I could give you the life you deserve. But I can't. All I can offer you is a lifetime of people staring at you with disgust or even openly insulting you. They will treat you like that just for being the woman on my side. You deserve so much better."
Tonks looked at him with so much love and tenderness that he thought his heart would break.
"Do you really think I've never experienced this treatment before? Remus, I'm the daughter of a Black offspring and a muggle-born. During my years in Hogwarts all Slytherins looked at me with disgust, because in their eyes my mother betrayed her family heritage by choosing my father. And during my first year the Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs didn't treat me much better, because they knew my mother was a Black. Everybody knew I was related to Sirius who supposedly was a Death Eater and cold blooded murderer. Do you think that made me popular? Believe me, I can handle the stares and the murmuring and the insults. I don't care, Remus. All people whose opinion I care about know and like you. And I love you, more than words can express. Nothing else matters."
Remus was stunned for a moment and didn't know what to say. So he laid everything he had to say in a loving kiss. When she kiss ended Tonks grinned widely like a kid on Christmas and Remus couldn't help but smile.
"I love you, Nymphadora," he whispered while he stroked her cheek gently, "But we should not hurry anything. Let's take things slow. I want you to be completely sure that this is what you want."
Tonks rolled her eyes, but didn't stop grinning. "I am completely sure, Remus. But if it helps you to relax, I'm fine with taking things slow. I am content with just being near you, holding your hand and kissing you again and again. But if this shall work I have one condition."
Remus looked puzzled at the woman in front of him.
"You have to stop calling me Nymphadora," she stated firmly.
Lupin laughed. "You don't seriously expect that I call my girlfriend by her surname, do you?"
"Girlfriend. I like the sound of this. But I don't like the sound of Nymphadora," Tonks told him, sulking playfully.
Lupin decided to play along and took Tonks in his arms. "What about pet names. I could start calling you sweet cheeks."
"Don't you dare!" Tonks was enjoying this carefree little banter more and more.
When he spoke again Remus expression became soft and serious. "I think I'll go with Dora. It means 'gift' and you are the most precious gift in the world to me."
Tonks' eyes filled with tears and she needed a moment before she was able to speak again. "Dora sounds perfect," she whispered.