"No,"

"Please ?"

"No !"

"Please !"

"No dammit,"

"Please dammit !"

"Shut the hell up dammit !" Sawyer yelled as Jack and Kate came out of Kate's tent, still arguing.

"Shut the hell up yourself !" they yelled at him. His eye's widened as they walked off in opposite directions.

"Fine. Bitches," he muttered.

"Hey Sawyer," came a perky austrailian voice from behind him. He rolled his eyes and groaned. "What !?" Claire huffed, seating herself next to him.

"I don't need your damn happiness today Tinkie Winkie. I've had all the happiness I can handle from Bonnie and Clyde over there," he jerked his thumb in the general direction of Jack and Kate. Claire looked over the southeners shoulder and sure enough, Jack was sitting down the beach from Kate. Their back's were turned to each other. Claire rolled her eyes.

"You know two days ago, they got into a fight about who could have the last guava," she chuckled and Sawyer raised an eyebrow.

"A guava ?"

"Yep. I ended up screaming at them to 'go pick more fucking guavas'," she muttered and blushed as Sawyers other eyebrow rushed up to join the first one.

"Who knew you swore. Don't tell me, what's next ? Drinking in the evenings ? Little boozehound," he smirked, showing off his dimples.

"You think Charlie and Hurley would be up for some evil tonight ?" Claire asked, completely oblivious to Sawyer's latest statement.

"They're always up for evil. Fuck sake. Talk about the devil enough and the guy shows up," Sawyer muttered and Claire looked up. She groaned at the sight of Juliet walking towards them.

"Hey Sawyer," Juliet smiled at him, twirling her hair in her fingers. She carried on walking into the jungle. Sawyer breathed a sigh of relief when she left.

"Not your favourite person ?" Claire smiled.

"I despise her. I'd rather have a meaningful relationship with a boar," he groaned, swiping the hair out of his eyes. "Anyway, what's this pure evil you speak of ? And could it involve me ?"

"Well we need those handcuffs," Claire smiled.

"Gonna be a long night Louise," he sighed.

"Right, so you want us to handcuff Jack and Kate together while they're asleep ?" Charlie asked ludicrosly, dangling the cuffs in front of Claire's face.

"Yup," she smiled.

"And we have to do this because ?" Hurley asked.

"I'll shoot you in the ass with a BB gun if you don't," Sawyer smiled at them.

"You know for some reason I don't doubt that at all," Charlie sighed.

"That's all I ask," Sawyer sighed in contentment.

"Fine. But right now we can't get them near each other. How are we gonna get them to sleep together ?" Hurley asked and Claire glared at him.

"Must you spoil my evil plot ?" she asked and Hurley back up, hand's in the air.

"Meerly asking oh Great One of Evil Plots," he pretended to bow. Charlie and himself broke into fits of laughter.

"Right, I'm gonna go get the BB gun," she said and started to walk towards Sawyers tent.

"We're sorry," Charlie giggled and Claire eyed them.

"Really," Hurley said and Claire grinned in her victory.

"Right well they don't exactly have to be asleep," she suggested.

"So what do you need me for ?" Jack asked as Claire led him down a dirt path.

"Hurley found an old camera the other day and we're taking a few photo's. We need one of you," she smiled.

"O kay," he shrugged and a few minutes later he found himself at the caves. With Kate.

"What's he doing here !" she growled at Hurley and Charlie.

"Calm down Freckles, just a group photo," Sawyer smirked. Kate kicked him.

"Jack sit next to Kate," Claire ordered.

"Hell no," Jack crossed his arms and Kate turned away.

"Plan B ?" Hurley said and they nodded.

"Plan B ? What in the hell !!" Jack was pushed by Charlie and Sawyer over to Kate and faster than the blind eye could see, the cuffs were snapped on. Jack tried to pull away but found himself chained to Kate. Kate pulled back and they turned to the group.

"When I get the key, I gonna stick those fireworks right up everyones," Jack started but he was cut off as Sawyer shouted a 'hey' loudly.

"Let us go," Kate pleaded but Claire just gave them an evil grin.

"Um let me see. No," she smiled.

"Why in the hell are you doing this ?" Jack asked.

"All you two seem to do is fight. This is way of resloving it," Sawyer grinned.

"By chaining me to Him," Kate motioned to Jack.

"You say that with such love," Jack growled.

"Wanna hear what else I can come up with ?" she snarled back.

"Bitch,"

"Dick,"

"Whore,"

"Bastard,"

"Shall we leave," Hurley suggested.

"Oh yes lets," Charlie smiled polietly and the four left silently.

"I hate you !" Kate growled.

"Burn bitch," Jack snapped back. They stood chest to breasts, eye to eye. They glared at each other, their breathing heavy.

"Already feels like I'm in hell," she said.

"Good I hope it singes your hair,"

"Go fuck yourself. No one else will," Kate smirked.

"You'd be suprised," Jack smirked back. Kate couldn't help the sting she felt at those words. Jack noticed a flash of pain run through her eyes. "Kate ?" he asked.

"Never mind," she said and tried to walk away, only to remember that they were cuffed. "Fuck," she sniffed. She sat on a rock and turned away from him.

"Kate ?" Jack tried again.

"What !" Kate snapped.

"I'm I'm," he started.

"Your what Jack ?" Kate sniffed.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what. I was just as bad," she wiped at her eye's. Jack made his way to the front of her.

"Oh Katie. Come here," Jack said and Kate fell into his arms. She buried her face into his chest and he tightened his hold on her.

In a tree, about twenty metre's away, Claire, Sawyer and Charlie sat with a pair of binoculars. "What's happening ?" Charlie asked.

"It's so cute. He's hugging her and their talking," Claire squeed. "Oh My God !" she yelled.

"What !" Sawyer shouted.

"They're kissing !" Claire laughed.

"Fuckin hell woman, I thought there was something wrong," he growled, clutching at his chest.

"And now they're taking off ... clothes," Claire trailed. She peeked again.

"And now ?" Charlie asked, almost afraid.

"They're doing it against a tree," Claire giggled. "Oh My Jack is huge !" she said, staring intently into the binoculars.

"He's also your brother," Sawyer smirked. Claire dropped them.

A/N: Little bit of light hearted humor in this time of need. But fear not fellow Jaters, for Jate shall prevail !!! OH WE'RE NEVER GONNA QUIT. AIN'T NOTHIN WRONG WITH IT ! WE'RE JUST A COUPLE OF ANIMALS !!!!