Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Shikamaru's Story

Chapter One: Shipwrecked in a Troublesome Town!

"AHH! TROUBLESOME CAPTAIN!" a very soggy boy with a soggy pineapple ponytail crawled out of the water. He looked out. He saw a town. A very troublesome town. He got up and waded the rest of the way.

The troublesome captain of that troublesome ship…what was it's name…the Troublesome Titanic had smashed into an iceberg and now he was here, sopping wet in a troublesome town. He saw a coin on the ground and bent to pick it up. Even though it was troublesome, he was a genius, and geniuses needed to eat. Bad.

"IT'S A DEER!"

Shikamaru stood up.

"IT'S A DEER STANDING ON TWO LEGS! IT'S ONE OF SANTA'S MAGICAL REINDEER!"

Shikamaru sweatdropped, which didn't help at all. He was wet enough already.

A female with four pigtails ran at him, arms outstretched. "I WANT IT! I WANT! I'LL CALL IT SHIKA-KUN!"

"Temari…" a red haired boy with the kanji symbol for "deer" on his forehead and another in a deer costume walked up. Shikamaru ran for the shore. Drowning was a better end.

All for naught, however, because he was bowled over by the excited Temari. And two seconds later, he was in a very, very great palace with a collar round his neck and a plate of cookies and milk by his side. And carrots. And the collar said, "Shika-kun."

His stomach rumbled, and he reached for the cookies and milk. He was not touching dirty tubers just pulled from the ground.

"IT'S GOING TO EAT!" Shikamaru started to eat. "IT'S EATING!"

"Wow. Yay." Her brothers, Gaara and Kankurou, waved their hands. "Ooh. Ah."

"MORE ENTHUSIASM!"

"WOW! Yay! Ooh! Ah!"

"MORE OR PERISH UNDER THE WRATH OF ME AND MY TOOLS OF DEATH!" Temari held up a toothbrush and a bar of soap.

"WOW! YAY! OOH! AH!"

"Better! Now go put on those cheerleading outfits and do that dance!"

Gaara and Kankurou came out wearing white sweaters and yellow mini skirts with blue and white striped pom-poms.

"GIMME A D! GIMME A W! GIMME A ARF! WHAT'S THAT SPELL? DEER!"

"NO YOU IDIOTS!" Shikamaru yelled, standing up. "THAT SPELLS DWARF!"

"WATCH THE LITTLE MUNCHKINS DANCE!"

"D W A R F! TROUBLESOME DWARF!"

"YAY YAY YAY!"

"DANCE! DANCE I TELL YOU!"

"YOU CAN'T SPELL FOR YOUR TROUBLESOME LIVES!"

"GO GO GO!"

"Er…Te-Temari-dono…"

"HINATA-CHAN! COME ON IN! DO YOU HAVE…" her voice suddenly was very soft and whispery. "Them…"

"Y-Yes…ma'am…" Hinata, a girl with bluish hair and lavender eyes, brought out a very annoyed male with black hair that spiked up in the back and a disgruntled female with long pink hair. "The…er…deer are back…"

"GOOD! THEY NEED TO ACCOMPANY SANTA'S DEER, RUDOLPH!"

"WHO IN THE HECK HAS TROUBLESOME PINK OR BLUE HAIR?! WHO DOES?!" Shikamaru leapt up and pointed a hand at them. "THAT'S NOT NATURAL I TELL YOU! AND MALE CHEERLEADERS! THAT'S JUST PLAIN UNNATURAL!"

"YAY! DEER! LET'S GO! WIN OR DIE!"

"I HAVE COME TO KILL YOU AT LONG LAST, DEER EMPRESS!" A boy with brown hair riding a great white dog flew in the window. "ME AND MY RED-NOSED DOG, AKAMARU! HE HAS A COLD AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"KING KIBA OF THE MUTTS!"

"CANINES, EMPRESS TEMARI OF THE MEAT!"

"DEER!"

Kiba was followed by two of his most trusted advisors, a brown haired girl with her hair tied up in buns and a brown haired boy with lavender pupils and a VERY long ponytail.

"YOU HAVE A TROUBLESOME PONYTAIL!" Shikamaru yelled at him. His lungs were starting to die from too much troublesome screaming, though.

"And you have a pineapple sticking out of the back of your head." Tenten, his female companion, pointed out.

"IT'S NOT A-A…" Shikamaru's voice died out.

"That happens to me, too." Hinata patted him on the back. Meanwhile, the pink haired girl, Sakura, and the black haired boy, Sasuke, were calmly talking. Or something like that.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU JUST HAD TO STOP AT THAT ATOMIC WEAPONS STORE!" Sasuke yelled.

"WELL, EVEN IF WE'RE CAPTURED, I AT LEAST I'M STILL THINKING OF WORLD CONQUEST!" Sakura yelled back.

"I'M JUST THINKING OF STAYING SANE!" Sasuke retorted.

"You were sane in the first place…?"

"DON'T MAKE ME KILL YOU!"

"INSANE PERSON!" Sakura pointed.

"CURE AKAMARU NOW OR FACE MY GREAT WRATH!"

"I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T GIVE YOUR DOG A COLD! YOU MUST LIVE IN SUCH UNSANITARY CONDITIONS THAT ALONE GAVE YOUR DOG A DISEASE!"

"LYING LYING LYING MEAT EMPRESS!"

Akamaru started drooling. '…meat? Akamaru likes meat. Akamaru likes meat very much. And that is an empress made of meat. Meat. Meat. Akamaru likes meat…' his slowly processing brain thought about this.

"AH! YOUR MUTT IT BITING MY LEG! MY LEG! MY LEG!"

"GO AKAMARU! SHOW HER WHO'S BOSS!"

'MEAT! MEAT!'

"CARNIVOROUS DOG!"

"TIME TO DIE, SAKURA!"

"HELP ME! PERSON WHO NEEDS TO BE IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL! HELP ME! I'M BEING CHASED BY AN UNSTABLE PERSON! HELP, SOMEBODY!"

"PINEAPPLE BOY!"

"N-Neji…"

"HOW DARE YOU CALL MY HAIR TROUBLESOME! ALTHOUGH IT IS A LITTLE FEMININE I THINK IT IS VERY MANLY! I AM VERY MANLY!"

"NEJI, STOP ACTING LIKE GAI RIGHT NOW OR I'LL PUNCH YOUR FACE IN!"

"NEVER! I AM MANLY, YOU CAN'T PUNCH MY FACE IN!"

SMACK.

"AAHHH! WHY, WHY, WHY?! MY FACE-IT BURNS!"

"MWHAHAHAHA!"

Neji started running around, screaming with a pie in his face.

"OH YEAH OH YEAH! WE ARE, LIKE, THE HOTTEST, LIKE, CHEERLEADERS, LIKE, EVER!"

"AAAAHHHHH!!!! IS THAT YOU, GAARA-SAMA AND KANKUROU-SAMA?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Hinata pointed a shaking finger.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! TROUBLESOME WOMAN YOU JUST SPILT SCALDING TROUBLESOME TEA ON MY FACE! MY FACE! IT BURNS!"

"YES, MY BROTHER! WE WILL SUFFER OUR MANLY FACES BURNING TOGETHER!" Neji screamed.

"RUN PIE-BOY!"

"EEEEKKKKKK!!! By the way, that was a manly girly shriek, not a girly girly shriek. Oh yeah. HELP ME! SPARE ME, OH MIGHTY TENTEN!"

"MY BOTTOM! STOP! STOP! STOP!"

"GO AKAMARU!"

'THIS MEAT TASTES MOLDY!'

"HELP ME, MY DEER SUBJECTS!"

"WE ARE NOT YOUR DEER SUBJECTS, IN BOTH MEANINGS!"

A boy with very wild brown hair wearing little round black glasses walked inside, followed by a horde of bugs. "Kiba, I believe that it is time that you gave the fleas on your dogs more respect! TIME TO DIE, DOGGIE BOY!"

"TIME TO DIE, SAKURA!"

"TIME TO DIE, NEJI!"

"AAAYYYAAAAHHHHH!!!"