Sorry, but there's Kairi-bashing in here. Haha. XP But not too much...just...um...a few times. Meh, w/e.
Chapter One
Let me just say this first thing: I work with hot guys. Very, VERY hot guys. Unfortunately...
They're all homosexual.
Damnit!! Why can't anybody be hot and...not gay?! It's like I'm walkin down the street, and this guy walks past me and I'm thinking 'he's hot!' and then his boyfriend comes out and gives him a mocha-whata and a kiss and I just sob and walk away. -Insert long sigh-
Well, okay, not every guy I know is gay. Two that I know aren't..I think:
Squall Leonhart and Cloud Strife...
Although really, Cloud's taken by an extremely scary and possessive Aerith, and Squall's a straight-up ass...Haha. I just got that--whoops, getting off subject again. I mean, I know tons of guys: Squall, Cloud, Sora, Riku, Roxas, Axel, Zexy, Demyx, Gramps--erm, Cid, um...oh yeah, and Vincent and Reno.
Sora? Gay--but soooo cute!! I mean, he's adorable and everytime I see him I just wanna hug him and pinch his cheeks and go 'AW!'
Riku? Gay--DEFINITELY GAY. I mean, from the way he oggles Sora you would think that Sora would've gotten a clue earlier than he did...But then again, this is Sora we're talkin bout, so...I guess it's a miracle he got it at all. Not that Sora's dumb or anything, he's just very...erm, ignorant? Oblivious? Yeah, let's go with that one...
Roxas? Gay--Sora and Cloud's younger brother...And he's also very, VERY sensitive...the kid goes into tears if you push him once and call him a jackass for dropping your ice cream cone...or maybe I was just a little harsh that time...I AM known to be evil...at times..depending on who you ask, that is. He's also friggin molestable. I'm surprised he doesn't get jumped on his way to school...
Axel? Gay--A fellow pyromaniac. Axel's a bit...erm, odd...he's also Roxas's boyfriend, and...hehe, the pair just looks so cute together!! A tall, really hot red-headed pyro and a not-so-tall sandy-haired, cerulean-eyed sensitive kid...Not your common couple.
Zexy? Bi--YAY! Oooof course, he's dating Demyx and I have no chance at all -insert tears- but yeah. Zexy has nice hair...I don't know what he uses in it, but his hair is soooo soft!! It's like a fluffy purple cloud...HAHA. He would kill me if he found out I said that...
Demyx? Oh GOD, GAY!!! Demyx is probably the girliest person I know. He's sweet and fluffy, but he's just so girly...I tell Demyx ALL of my secrets, even the one including my crush on--oops.
Gramps--CID!! I SO SAID CID!!--Well DUH he's straight!! But he's like...the age of my great-grandpa!!--erm, Grandpa...HA.
Reno? I think he's straight...I think.
Vincent? He's definitely straight. But then again, Vincent's the one I live with, and he practically raised me, so...ew. I think...erm...
Cloud? Straight...but like I said earlier, Aerith has had an iron-death-grip on him ever since he disappeared last year and mysteriously came back.
And finally, the enigma of all e n i g m a s,
SQUALL. He's straight...but he'll NEVER like me. EVER...-drowns in emoness-
So, as you just read from my hand-dandy list of hot guys that will NEVER go after me, I work with a lot of hot guys...
Except they're all gay. Or bi...Except for Gramps--I MEAN CID, DAMNIT!!--he's too old...and he's rude!! I mean, jeez, you pop a firecracker just three times in his face and he all of a sudden goes nutzo and starts callin ya 'fuckin brat!!' RUDE! RUDE I TELLS YA, RUDE!!
And except for Squall, because, I mean, he just hates me. Or somethin like that.
I heard my name being said by a stoic and expressionless voice.
"Yuffie, wake up."
"Two more..."
"Yuffie, wake up."
"Two more..."
A sigh.
"Two more minutes?" Hell no! Like that was going to be enough time for me to get rest!!
"Two more days," I groaned, leaving my head on my pillow as I suddenly felt the blankets jerked off of me. I yelped. "COLD!!" I hissed, sitting up and blindly scratching around for the blankets. "Blankets!" I whimpered. Why have you forsaken me, blankets?!
"They're on the floor, Yuffie," Vincent said dryly. I rubbed at my eyes, brushing my ebony hair away from my face, yawning. I got up from my bed, taking one step forward...Aaaand falling, because my legs got tangled in the mess of down comforters and shizz.
"I wonder what you're going to do when I'm dead," Vincent sighed, reaching down and clamping one pale, strong hand on my arm as he yanked me up. I yawned loudly.
"You're not going to get to be the first one to die," I replied as Vincent raised an eyebrow. I could hear the thought in his head already: When did dying become a competition?
Vincent shook the thought out of his head and checked his watch, sighing.
"We're sixteen minutes late," he commented.
"Well, if we're late, I might as well take my sweet, sweet ti--"
"Either you hurry up, or you're goin out in the outfit you're wearing right now," Vincent said emotionlessly.
"That's not gonna be so--" I looked down to what I was wearing: a pair of panties and a camisole. "EEK! GET OUT YOU PEDOPHILE!" I screeched at him. Then I kicked him out of my room.
"Yuffie! Hurry up unless you want me to come in there and drag you out!" Vincent said from outside the door.
"Fine, FINE!" I huffed, pulling my shorts on while simultaneously brushing my teeth. "Don't get your panties in a twist," I muttered.
A pause. Then, "I heard that," the voice from outside my door said. I shivered. Vincent could cause hypothermia with just his voice if he wanted to...
Unfortunately, Vincent barged in just as I was taking off my camisole, and I ended up literally kicking him in the balls and pushing him out the door.
He was silent to me for the rest of the morning.
"Vincent," I began.
"Don't talk to me," he growled back as I winced.
"I'm sorry! It was an automatic reaction!!" I protested. He winced.
"It's an automatic reaction to kick me in the--"
"Well, I mean, at least you know that I'm well-prepared to fight any danger heading my way!"
"No danger's gonna head your way, Yuffie," Vincent said dryly. "If anything, you're the danger."
"I said sorry," I huffed, pouting. I gave him the signature Yuffie-pout as Vincent sighed.
"Alright, alright. I forgive you. But if you ever do it again..."
"I won't!!..."
Thankfully, he didn't notice my fingers crossed behind my back. After all, who knows? He may walk in on me again, and what am I gonna do? Poke him to death? I THINK NOT!
Yuffie Kisaragi does NOT poke people to death!...Erm, not to death, at least...
Cloud had his arms crossed and was waiting for us at the entrance of the store.
"You guys are--"
"Yeah, yeah," I said lazily, flapping my hand as I proceeded to walk through the automatic sliding door thingies and ignore Cloud. I could hear his thoughts now, trying not to kill me...Good luck with that! HA!
As soon as I walked in, I already saw Axel practically shoving his tongue down Roxas's throat, and Riku hitting on Sora.
ARGH! DAMNIT! If you guys are already dating, don't rub the fact that you have someone in my face!! MEANIES!
"Late again, I see," someone said. I knew that voice. It was the source of all EVIL! SOURCE OF ALL EVIL! I pulled out one of my metal shurikens, about to toss it at him, when Vincent called from outside,
"Don't throw your metal shurikens at Leon, Yuffie. I didn't buy you those so you could kill people with them."
"You bought them for me because you caved in, Vin-o-poo!" I replied back, grinning. Then I turned towards Leon. "Nice to see ya, too, Squallie!"
I knew how much it annoyed him: the moment I said it, his smug smirk dropped from his face and was replaced with a frustrated glare.
"It's Leon." I snorted. We'd gone through this so many times before: I make a smug remark with his name, he corrects me, and I totally ignore him.
"Yeah, sure."
I heard the automatic sliding thingie slide open, and before I knew it, Vincent was dragging me to the storage room.
"Grab a box," he said. I glared at him, picking up a box with ease. Hey, just because I look weak, doesn't mean I am weak! I could so own anyone!! Anyone!! ...'Cept for maybe Squall...and Vincent...because they hit hard...
As I walked towards the shelves, Axel extracted himself from Roxas and turned to grin at me.
"Yuffie, isn't that a little...weird to be wearing that during work?"
"Are you trying to give me self-esteem issues?!" I accused playfully. The pyro rewarded my accusation with a frustrated sigh.
"No, Yuffie, I'm not trying to give you self-esteem issues."
"Because, ya know, I feel perfectly good in this outfit!" Oookay, so I was wearing a green tank-top with blue buckles for straps, and I was wearing short-shorts with a huge blue belt wrapped around it, and I was wearing a pair of fishnet gloves that went up to my elbows, and a pair of big orange gloves on top of those that went up to my wrist, and I was wearing long socks that went up to almost beneath my shorts, but just a little lower so that a teensy bit of skin showed, and YES, I was wearing huge orange shoes. And yes, finally, I was wearing a long yellow scarf even though it was in the middle of July.
I liked my sense of fashion. It was unique. (Or, as Vincent and Squall call it, 'freakin weird.')
And as I was stocking the shelves (oops, I work at a pharmacy. Yeah, I get paid minimum wage. Damn Cloud!!), I heard the squeal that signified evil.
Kairi!
Dun dun duuuuun...
"Sora!" she said in that overly-squeaky voice, and practically forced herself onto him as she gave him a bear-hug. Well, okay, I don't dislike Kairi, she's just...kind of annoying. She doesn't really approve of Sora and Riku's relationship because she thinks it's 'immoral', but I think she just wants cuddly-wuddly wittle Sora all to herself. But meh, not my business...
Oh yeah, and there is that itty bitty minor fact that she once hit on Squall, but, I mean, whatever...
Okay! Okay! So I have a teensy, tiny crush on Squall, BIG FRICKIN DEAL! I mean, he's my boss! Well, okay, Squall and Cloud both own the pharmacy...Originally Aerith owned it, but she gave her share to Squallie, so...Yup. He's meh boss.
I swear, it's a living hell when your bosses both hate you. Well, Cloud doesn't hate me-hate me, but Squallie--man, that guy would kill me if he could.
As Kairi was talking to Sora and Riku, I heard a laugh and a muffled moan in the back. Wincing, I walked over and opened the door to the employee lounge, only to see a half-naked Demyx under a half-naked Zexion. Hey, well, whaddya know? Zexion's the Seme!! Ha!
"EW! DON'T DO IT ON THE COUCH! THAT'S WHERE I TAKE MY NAPS!" I exclaimed. Zexion's eyes snapped upwards.
"Where else do you want us to do it? On the floor?"
"Well...I mean..." I said. "Yeah...because...ARGH! I sleep on that couch!" Zexion smiled wickedly, while Demyx just blushed.
"This isn't our first time on this cou--"
"EWWWWWW!" I started running around frantically, trying to wipe off the imaginary Zemyx germs. Before I ran out, however, I had enough decency to say, "Oi, by the way, you might not wanna do it where people can walk in at anytime."
"Yuffie, you have Zemyx germs," Zexion responded calmly. He wanted me out.
"EW!" And I ran out of there. A second later, I was asking Vincent to dump any kind of hand sanitizer on me. He refused to. I hit him.
"Break time, you guys," Riku said as my stomach grumbled.
"Good, cause I am STARVING!" I cheered, preparing to run out, when Squall stopped me by yanking on my yellow scarf and practically suffocating me.
"Do you WANT me to die?" I mentally did a faceplant. Stupid question. Squall snorted.
"I wish," he muttered, "It's not break time, yet. We still have two aisles to stock."
"But I'm hungry!" I protesed. Squall shrugged. Damn him and his not niceness and his shmexiness--HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, YUFFIE! I warned myself. Yeah, I had a crush on him, but it's not like he would ever get with me, right? To quote, I am just 'a stupid nineteen year old who is hyperactive and dumb.' That's what he said to me once, and I'll never forgive him! EVER!
...But when I stomped off he bought me ice cream, and all was forgiven. That was...what, three days ago? Hehe.
"Where's Reno?" I asked suddenly, looking around. The redhead was nowhere to be seen.
"He took a sick day," Cloud replied. I glanced at Riku, who just shrugged.
"He's probably too lazy to come and he's reading porno at home right now," I muttered. Sora burst out laughing, and Roxas just sighed.
But deep inside, they KNOW I'm right...heh heh heh...
My stomach rumbled again.
"I'm hungry!! Squaaalliiiieee! Give us a break, will ya?!" He had an irk mark on his forehead.
"No." I latched onto his shirt, tugging.
"Pleaasseee?" He gave a frustrated sigh. Did Squall really dislike me that much?
"Yuffie..." he said in an annoyed tone, "I can't let you off!"
Answer? Yes. YES YES YES. I think the man would kill me if it wasn't illegal...
"PLEASE?!" I whimpered, giving him the Yuffie Face. He resisted for one second.
Two seconds...
Three seconds...
Then, a sigh. "Fine."
"YAY!" I cheered, tackling Squall and giving him a hug even though he absolutely hates my guts!
Okay, so he's not a totally bad guy.
But still, it's not like I'm ever going to get with him...Right?
Haha! Hope you liked it!