I'm late…I know…and I'm sorry. I had writer's block like a freaking bitch while writing this and then, when I finally got going, I had my first large emotional breakdown of the year…::marks calendar::… So yeah… Plus, I wanted to make this perfect. I mean, it's the last chapter and I wanted to make sure I got it right. I would have kicked my own ass if I had just given you a shitty ending and left it at that…

And I just noticed something. A week or so before I posted the last chapter for "In Love and Hate" (my Gravitation fan fiction) I went the Godsmack/Breaking Ben concert… Now, exactly a week before I posted the last chapter for this, I went an Evanescence concert. Hehe… What a coinqidink… Too bad Godsmack wasn't able to hold a flame to Evanescence. ::dies:: Amy was sooooo pretty!!…

Okay…enough rambling about my love for Eva and all that… Onto the good stuff!!!…

Once again I owe whatever miniscule tendrils of sanity I have left to my glorious kuriqa. I dunno how, but she always understands my writer's block problems without me having to blow anything for her. ::huggles:: She's the one who suggested that I add Naminé into this chapter, and boy am I glad that I did… I LOVE YOU, KU!!…

Enjoy…

WARNINGS: the usual…language and stuff…

Disclaimer: The characters and worlds of Kingdom Hearts belong Square Enix and Disney… "I'll Be" belongs to Edwin McCain (not the Goo Goo Dolls as I had originally thought ::sighs::)…

"Goodnight, sleep tight
No more tears
In the morning
I'll be here
And when we say goodnight
Dry your eyes
Because we said goodnight
And not goodbye
We said goodnight
And not goodbye."

—"Goodnight" Evanescence…

Chapter Fifteen:
Goodnight…

The days leading up to Riku and Axel's departure were tense beyond belief. Roxas and I spent most of our time cooped up in the apartment with no one but Maho for our company. She was surprisingly understanding of our sudden withdrawal from society and made sure to keep a safe distance away from us unless it was necessary.

To keep ourselves occupied during the day when Maho was at work, me and Roxas spent time packing up boxes for the big move out of the apartment and into the house. Maho had been reluctant to agree to my request at first, but once I found the papers to the house while searching through Leon's apartment she finally agreed.

I wasn't sure what I felt about moving back into that house. Part of me was terrified, afraid that some demon that had been living in the house had possessed my mom and just might possess Maho too. The more sensible part of me was looking forward to being back in my home and replacing all the bad memories I had there with good ones. Hell, that night with Riku was just the beginning. If I was sharing a house with Maho, I could only imagine what memories would ensue.

Whenever night fell, Roxas and I could be found sleeping together. It was the only comfort we had, and while we started out in separate beds, sometime during the night one of us would get up and crawl into bed with the other. I was the one to start it, but as the days progressed, it was Roxas who would come to me because he heard my tears, quietly whispering a lullaby under his breath to calm me down while he ran his fingers through my hair.

And so, as time slowly ticked down, I withdrew into myself more and more, terrified that Riku wasn't going to keep his promise to me and that Roxas wasn't going to have the chance to see Axel again. Seven days slowly turned to five and then to three, and I could feel the pit of worry grow in my stomach.

o-o-o-o-o

"What're we gonna do with you?" Roxas muttered as he poked my side meekly. "You're gonna have to get out of bed sometime today."

I grumbled a small curse under my breath and rolled onto my side, burrowing deeper into my cocoon of blankets. I heard Roxas sigh and the metal futon creaked quietly when he stood. I didn't, however, hear him grab a pillow from his bed and advance on me until he pummeled my body multiple times.

"Gods dammit!" I shouted and glared at him from over the top of the blankets. "Just leave me alone, Roxas. Please."

He shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest indignantly. "No. I don't like the old Sora. I want the new Sora back. This Sora's a selfish asshole."

I narrowed my eyes and scowled, though he couldn't see anything of my face below my nose. "How am I selfish? You once told me that I was the most selfless person that you knew."

He snorted quietly. "That's because you are when you're not acting all mopy and think that the world's against you. It's not the world that's against you, Sora. It's the stupid bastards that think they know what's best for us. It's Ansem and Xemnas. It's the stupid gods damned war." He stomped his foot in anger, his fists tightened at his side. "And you're not the only one who's missing the love of your life. Just in case you've forgotten, I haven't had a chance to see Axel in three fucking months."

Tears were rolling down Roxas' face by the time he was done, and instead of saying anything like I should have, I could only gape, my mouth opening and closing like a fish's under the blankets. At a lost for words and fear of looking like an idiot, I closed my eyes and curled up into a tight ball, letting my own tears well up in my eyes.

Silence filled the room for a while after that. We were each too lost in our own misery to think of words worth saying to lighten the mood. But soon the silence became too suffocating and I had to break it before I drowned.

"I'm sorry, Rox," I muttered, cursing inwardly at myself.

He sighed quietly and I felt the futon sink next to me as he sat down. I opened my eyes and looked up at him sadly.

"We're a mess, aren't we?" he whispered.

I nodded and wiggled around in the blankets until my head was completely free. "We are. And I really am sorry. I had no right to say that. I was just angry and upset and you know that I'm…—"

Roxas put a finger to my lips to silence me, smiling at me when I looked at him in question. "You talk to damned much," he explained, "and you don't need to worry about apologizing. I know… You're walking on eggshells right now. We all are."

I nodded and was about to ask him a question when the door bell echoed through the house. I jumped up, shoving Roxas off the futon in the process, and tried to stand but stumbled down to the ground when the blankets wrapped around my legs. I cursed loudly and Roxas laughed, holding out a hand to help me get to my feet. I thanked him with a quiet grunt and raced off to the door to see who it could possibly be.

I pulled the door open with a large smile on my face, but my entire body slumped when I saw who it was. Kairi and Naminé. Not that I didn't want to see them. Hell, I hadn't seen Naminé since before her break-up with Roxas, but I was hoping that it was Riku or Axel or something. Stupid girls and their stupid bad timing.

It seemed that Kairi realized how bummed I was that it was her at the door and not someone else. She frowned slightly and dropped her eyes to the ground. She held her arms behind her back and tapped her toe on the ground awkwardly. Naminé just stood there with a mask on her face, looking cold and complacent.

"Mind if we come in?" Kairi muttered, glancing up at me briefly from beneath her bangs before her eyes returned to the ground.

Instead of answering her, I just stared. Thankfully, Roxas was in the room by that time and he pushed me out of the way so the girls could come inside. Naminé came in immediately. Kairi followed, albeit reluctantly, and went into the living room. She moved to sit down on the couch beside her Other, but hesitated for a second and kept standing instead. Roxas and I stood at our places in front of the doorway and looked at her with caution. She was acting strange. Something was up.

"You okay, Kai?" Roxas muttered warily.

She looked up at us for a fleeting second before she collapsed on the couch in a mess of tears and muttered incoherencies. Roxas was at her side in a flash, throwing a gentle arm around her shoulder and cooing into her ear. I honestly didn't know how to react. I had been so out of touch with myself since waking from the coma that I had no idea how to deal with someone else's emotions.

Roxas whispered a soft "It's okay" into Kairi's ear before he glared at me, motioning with his eyes for me to sit on the couch to the other side of her. I nodded and did as I was told, squeezing between her and Naminé. The moment I touched the couch, Kairi threw herself on me and sobbed into my chest. I stared at Roxas with wide and pleading eyes, but he just stared back coolly.

"I'm so sorry, Sora! I could have prevented all of this but I didn't do anything!" Kairi sobbed. "It's my fault. I'm so sorry!"

That finally got a reaction out of me. I started and turned my attention to the mass of red hair that was sobbing into my T-shirt. "Wha… What do you mean it's your fault? You didn't do anything…did you?"

She shook her head and finally looked up at me, tears staining her cheeks. "That's exactly it. I didn't do anything at all when I should have."

I furrowed my brow and looked away from Kairi's bloodshot eyes to Roxas' own confused ones. He just shook his head and shrugged to let me know that he had no idea what she was talking about either. I sighed and looked back down at Kairi, who had reburied her face in my abdomen, and patted her head softly.

"What are you talking about, Kairi?" I muttered. "You're not making any sense."

She looked up at me for a second and sniffed before she pulled away and slumped down into the couch. She kept her eyes trained on her lap while her fingers toyed restlessly with the frayed holes in her jeans. Roxas had to reach out and put a hand on top of hers to get her to stop.

"What do you mean, Kai?" he said slowly. He sounded like he was talking to a child.

Kairi sighed and closed her eyes, drying her face and eyes with the sleeves of her hoodie. "I had a bunch of visions before they came here," she whispered. "I knew what was going to happen when they got here, but I couldn't do anything about it."

"You…you knew?" I said, stuttering in disbelief. She nodded, clenching her eyes closed. "And you didn't do anything…?"

"I wanted to, Sora," she whispered, her eyes still closed as tightly as she could close them, "but I just couldn't. You were finally happy whenever you were around Riku and I didn't want to ruin it. I couldn't."

"What do you mean you couldn't?" I said through clenched teeth.

Roxas looked up at me briefly and hissed a small warning, but I ignored him. I didn't care.

"Do you know how much easier this could have been on all of us if you had given us fair warning?" My voice was surprisingly calm, especially with how fiercely my emotions were raging inside my head. "But you kept it to yourself? You knew I was going to attempt suicide?"

Kairi nodded, choking on a sob. I growled under my breath and jumped up from the couch, angered even more by the fact that she collapsed on top of Roxas and he tried to comfort her. I watched him whisper into Kairi's ear with cold eyes, never once flinching when he looked up at me with his own harsh glare.

'You're bastard,' Roxas mouthed and sent to me through our mental link.

I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. 'She knew, Roxas. She fucking knew and didn't say anything to us about it!'

Roxas furrowed his brow. 'It's because she cares about you and didn't want to hurt you. Friendship is stupid like that sometimes. Just like love.'

'You should listen to Roxas more often.'

I started at the sudden new voice in my head, breaking eye contact with Roxas to look over at Naminé. She was watching me with the same cool and calculated look she'd had on her face while standing outside with Kairi. It was a strange expression to see on the blonde girl's face. She always seemed so happy, with a smile on her face and a small twinkle in her eye. Now she just looked…angry? Sad? I couldn't make up my mind.

"Roxas is right, you know? Kairi didn't do anything wrong. She did what she did because she cares for you. She had the vision almost two years ago now. She had no idea when Riku and Axel were going to show up, or how things were going to turn out. The last vision she had was of your suicide attempt."

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest, hanging my head. "Yeah, but still…"

"Would your knowing what was going to happen have changed anything? Would you have never attempted suicide? Your depression on top of what your mother was doing to you would have led you to do it sometime." She took a deep breath and tucked a few stray stands of hair behind her ear. "You almost killed yourself on accident, Sora. But was it really an accident? You knew full well what you were doing when you did it, didn't you?"

I blinked and my head shot up so I could look at her. I knew that my eyes must have been wide with disbelief, but Naminé just sat there, slouched on the couch with her eyes locked on mine.

"There must have been so much blood," she whispered, "but you kept doing it because now you finally had a reason. You called it an accident. Said that you were just trying to prove your point to your mother. But you knew. You really knew what you were doing. You wanted to die…"

"Shut up," I muttered through gritted teeth, my hands clenched in fists at my sides.

"And Kairi never saw any of that, you know? She didn't know that you were cutting yourself or that your mother was beating you… But even if she had known, you wouldn't be angry with her for not telling anyone because that's how you wanted it. Deep down inside, you wanted your mom's beatings because they took the pain away. It wasn't cutting… No, nothing could beat the feel of that blade piercing your skin, but it worked and that's all that mattered."

"Stop it!" I squeezed my eyes closed to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. My fists were clenched so hard that I could feel my fingernails biting into the skin of my palms.

"No, Sora! I won't stop it! Not until you come to terms with reality. You can't blame anyone for what happened, not even yourself. You want anyone you can get to throw the blame on, just so you can have someone to be angry with…to hate, but that's not you. You don't hate, Sora. You're incapable of hating. You're incapable of hurting other people."

I opened my eyes and glanced at the blonde. She was standing now, with her arms crossed over her chest. Tears were streaming down her face, though I never would have guess that she was crying just by hearing her speak.

"Believe that Riku and Roxas aren't the only ones that care about you," Naminé whispered. "Axel cares about you. Kairi and I care about you. Leon and Cloud care about you. And everyone else back home cares about you, as well."

"No they don't," I whispered. "Not Ansem."

She laughed sadly. "You're right. Not Ansem. But he's just one person, Sora. One single, measly, little person..."

"…who could put out an order for my head on a silver platter with a fucking smile on his face," I finished before she could add anything else. "If you're trying to get us to go back to NeoAkari when we're ordered, it's not going to work."

Naminé's eyes widened briefly and Kairi gasped. I looked at Roxas and saw something akin to thanks shining in his eyes.

"You're going to run?" Kairi whispered, her voice scratchy from all her tears. "You can't run. He'll know where to find you. He'll use Leon. He'll…"

"I refuse to be a pawn in Ansem's selfish game of chess. Riku and Axel have to return home or risk being killed. Roxas and I are willing to take the risk if it means that we have at least a small chance of saving both of our worlds. We'll only fall into ruin if we surrender ourselves without trying a different option first."

Naminé listened to me talk in silence, her eyes never leaving my own. When I was finished, she nodded and a small smile graced her face. I was confused, but couldn't stop my own smile from spreading across my face. When I looked to the right, I saw that Roxas was frowning a bit. Kairi was just staring at me with wide eyes.

"You're stronger than I gave you credit for."

The sound of Naminé's voice pulled my attention back to her. I frowned at the words and crossed my arms over my chest indignantly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I pouted.

She laughed. "I never thought that you would be able to make the decision to run on your own. I figured that Roxas would have to convince you. No, more like I figured he would have to drag you kicking and screaming out the door with him when the time came." She smiled. "But I'm glad."

I nodded and let my arms fall back to my sides with a sigh. Naminé chuckled and ran a hand back through her long hair, tugging slightly at the strands as she did.

"Well…this sure was an emotional visit," she muttered awkwardly.

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "You're lucky. If you were a guy, I would have hit you."

She threw back her head and laughed. "You're lucky, too. If you would have hit me, I would have kicked your ass."

I rolled my eyes, but chose to keep my mouth shut. I didn't feel like finding out the hard way if what she was saying was the true. If there was anything I didn't want at the moment, it was having my ass handed to be by Naminé…again.

"Have you all been summoned?" Roxas muttered after a few moments of silence.

Naminé sighed and Kairi nodded.

"Today's our last full day here," Kairi explained. "It's one of the reasons I wanted to come and see you guys. I wanted the chance to tell you everything and to…say goodbye."

Roxas and I nodded in understanding and sadness. Just two more people who we cared about that we being forced to leave us behind. It only made me wonder how much longer we had all the more.

"How long will you be here tomorrow?" Roxas muttered.

"Our plane leaves for London at noon," Naminé said. "When are Riku and Axel leaving?"

I felt something within my chest tighten at the question, and couldn't help but notice how Roxas' voice shook just a bit when he spoke.

"They're leaving in three days. Well…two and a half now."

"They haven't come to see you yet?" Kairi whispered.

I guess our silence must have been answer enough because Kairi stood from her spot on the couch and enveloped me in a tight hug. The sudden gesture scared me a little bit, but I returned it after only a moment's hesitation, smiling at her quiet little sigh. But something wouldn't stop lingering in the back of my mind.

I furrowed my brow and looked at Naminé when Kairi moved from me to Roxas. "London? Why are you going there?"

She shrugged. "Ansem is opening the London gate for us. There's one in New York City, but he wouldn't tell us why he won't open that one." She sighed. "It's gonna be a long plane trip."

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah. Is that… Are Riku and Axel going to London too?"

She shrugged. "I dunno. It all depends on the gate Xemnas decides to use. But if I had to guess I would say yeah, they're probably going to be going to London as well."

I sighed. "London's a long way's away."

She nodded. "NeoAkari and NeoKurai are even further."

I sighed again and hung my head in agreement. It didn't matter where Riku went. Even when he was at his house, which was only a ten minute walk from Roxas', he was still too far away. I didn't know how I was going to survive with him so far from me. True, we would have the mental link, but he hadn't spoken to me through it the entire week. I hadn't received so much as a "Don't worry, Love, we're fine" from him since he had dropped me off at Roxas'. It was frustrating.

The four of us stood in the middle of the living room awkwardly, the silence that surrounded us threatening to suffocate at any moment. Thankfully, Naminé broke it with a small cough before it was too much to handle.

"We should probably go," she muttered. "We still have a lot of packing to do."

Kairi sighed, but nodded.

Five minutes of teary hugs and good wishes later, Kairi and Naminé were headed for the door, Roxas and I standing in the living room. Just before the door closed, I took a step forward and held out my hand. Naminé froze and pushed it open enough to stick her head back in.

"You won't tell Ansem that we're going to run?" I pleaded.

She smiled softly and shook her head, her eyes sad. "Come on, Sora. Give us some more credit than that."

I smiled and nodded, waiting for the door to close behind the two girls before I collapsed onto the couch and buried my face in my hands. Uncontrollable tears poured down my face and blurred my thoughts until they were nothing but jumbled incoherencies. Roxas was by my side in an instant, pulling me against his chest. I took the offer all too willingly and clung to him as if he were my lifeline.

"Shhh…" Roxas cooed. "It's okay, Sora. Everything's going to be alright."

I shook my head. "No…" I managed to choke through my sobs. "It's not…okay. Nothing's okay. Leon and Cloud are gone. Kairi and Nam are gonna be gone tomorrow. Riku and Axel are leaving. Everyone we love is disappearing while we have to sit here and wait. And even then, we won't see them again because we have to run away like dogs with our tails between our legs."

He sighed and hugged me loosely, resting his cheek atop my head. "I know, So. It's hard, but we have to make the best of things. We have to stop being such pessimists."

I snorted and pulled away from him, wiping away my stray tears with the sleeves of my jacket. Roxas watched me with emotionless eyes that softened a bit when I smiled.

"Maho'll be home soon, huh?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Wanna make dinner?"

"Yeah."

He smiled and stood from the couch, leading the way into the kitchen. It was the best change of subject either of us could muster and we grabbed at it greedily. It wouldn't help think about what was going to happen.

o-o-o-o-o

The two and a half days slowly morphed into one and a half…and then one… I was slowly loosing hope that I would ever be able to see Riku again. I couldn't help but think the worst of everything, no matter how badly Roxas seemed to think that we needed to be optimists if we were going to pull through this.

I couldn't stop thinking about the conversation with Naminé. Her words and their implications ate away at the inside of my skull until I could hardly stand it. And I couldn't help but agree with what she had said. I had known what I was doing while I was "proving my point to my mom." I knew that I was cutting too much and that I was losing too much blood, but I hadn't stop. I had kept going until she had had the guts to smash the snow globe I'd gotten from Dad.

But, when I had woken up in the hospital in Riku's arms and with Roxas and Axel waiting for me, I had been glad that I hadn't died. It was then that I had realized that I had people who actually cared about me. Sure, I knew that Roxas cared. Why else would he have been around for so many years? But I hadn't known the depth of my feelings for Riku or my friendship with Axel until I had woken to them with me in the hospital.

And then I had seen Riku with Axel that night at the club and didn't take the time to really think about what I had seen before I ran away and tried to kill myself…for real that time. I had been an idiot and there was nothing I could to make up for my stupidity, but thankfully, everyone seemed able to forgive me. I still wasn't sure if I had deserved their forgiveness.

A sharp kick to the shin made me hiss and pull out of my thoughts. Roxas was grinning at me devilishly from across the dining room table, a spoonful of Cinnamon Toast Crunch ready to shove into his mouth.

"What are you so mopy about?" he mumbled.

"You know why."

He shrugged, shoving the cereal into his mouth and propping his face in his palm while he chewed. "Humor me," he said after he swallowed.

I sighed. "I want to see Riku. I've tried to talk to him through the link, but he won't answer. It kind of scares me. What if they've already left and didn't say goodbye?" I sniffed quietly and cursed at myself for crying so easily.

"They'll come. They have to come."

I furrowed my brow at the statement. "And how, pray tell, do you know this?"

He shrugged again. "Just a feeling. They care about us too much to just leave without putting up a fight. Besides, even if they couldn't tell us goodbye in a physical sense, they would send us some kind of goodbye message mentally."

I sighed and frowned, stirring my mushy cereal around in my bowl just to watch the cinnamon swirl around in the milk. "Unless Xemnas did something so they can't talk to us…" I mumbled dejectedly.

Roxas sighed and rolled his eyes. "You're too emo today."

He stood from the table and carried his bowl to the sink. I glared at his back the entire time. I was about to open my mouth and throw a retort at him when he turned around and smiled.

"Remember that comet?"

I started for a moment and cocked my head to the side, thinking back. Comet? Oh…that comet. The one that I saw and no one else claimed to see, leading me to believe once and for all that I was insane like I had really thought myself to be.

I nodded, chewing on my lip thoughtfully. "Yeah, why?"

"You're gonna hate me for this, but you're not the only one who saw it," he said, that same smile on his face.

I sighed. Like I hadn't seen that coming. "Why did you hide it from me for so long? Do you know how crazy I thought I was back then?"

He shrugged. "It just… I dunno actually. It was only a sign that warned of Axel and Riku coming here, so I didn't think that it was that important. Well…would have been a warning if you had known what it meant. Didn't you notice that it disappeared the night after they started at the school?"

I frowned. Once I really thought about it, he was right. I was surprised I hadn't made the connection myself. I mean, that comet had been such a constant in my life for that entire month. I felt kind of stupid for not being able to make my own conclusions about it.

"Yeah," I said after a minute or two, "you're right. But you still could have said something about it. It would have been nice to know that I wasn't crazy."

He shrugged. "Sorry."

"You better be," I said with a smile.

He rolled his eyes and returned to the table to grab my bowl and drop it in the sink before he plopped back down into the chair across from me, a thoughtful look on his face. I kicked him in the shin this time to grab his attention. I laughed at the glare I got. It was probably a mirror image of what my own had been.

"What?" he grumbled.

"You're too emo today," I said with a smirk.

The glare I was expecting never came. Instead, he laughed heartily, throwing his head back, and soon I was laughing with him. It felt nice to laugh and almost made me forget about the heavy cloud of worry that was hanging over my shoulders. Almost. I probably would have forgotten about it completely if it wasn't for the sharp knock at the front door and the startled glance Roxas shot toward it.

"Just a second," he called and pushed away from the table, motioning with a tip of his head for me to follow him.

I nodded and did as he bid silently. I could have died when he pulled the door open. Standing there, in all of their smug glory, were Axel and Riku. They smiled at us tenderly. Axel laughed a bit at what I guessed were the surprised looks on our faces.

"Sorry it took so long," he said.

"And why the hell did you take so long?" Roxas said with a glare, though I could hear the humor and relief in his voice.

Axel smiled and shrugged, enveloping the blonde in his arms for an answer instead of using words. Roxas giggled quietly and happily obliged when Axel pressed their lips together furiously.

I tore my eyes away from them with a smile on my face and lost myself in Riku's eyes. They were so sad. I smiled tenderly and went to him, grabbing his hand and pulling him inside so I could close the door, before I pressed my lips against his tenderly. He sighed and wrapped his arms around my waist loosely before he returned the kiss, running his tongue against my bottom lip gently. I happily gave him entry and we indulged ourselves in a healthy game of tonsil hockey before pulling away from each other breathlessly.

Riku smiled and rested his forehead against mine, kissing me between the eyes softly.

"I was starting to get scared," I whispered.

He nodded. "I was too. I'm sorry it took us so long. My father and brother are bastards."

I laughed and shook my head. "No worries. What matters is that you were able to come before you left. I probably would have never been able to move on if you have just left."

He sighed. "Me either. I would have hated myself."

Smiling, I kissed him softly. "I love you," I whispered.

He returned the kiss and smiled when we pulled apart. "And I you."

My smile grew and I kissed him one last time before pulling away, though I locked my hand in his. I didn't care what anyone said, there was no way that I was going to be denied contact with Riku today. Who knew when I would have the chance to touch him again?

It seemed that Roxas and Axel had the same idea. They were already sitting on the couch, but Roxas was snuggled up against Axel's side, eyes closed, with one of Axel's arms across his shoulders. Their hands were lying intertwined in front of them.

I tugged on Riku's hand gently and pulled him to the chair. He sat down first and I crawled into his lap, resting my head against his shoulder while his arms around my waist held me tightly to him.

The silence that filled the room after that was nice. It wasn't awkward or suffocating, but full of relief and love. I never wanted it to end, even though I was aware of the painful truth that it had to.

"Where is Xemnas opening the gate for you?" Roxas was the first to break the silence, though he never opened his eyes.

"London," was all Axel said.

Roxas "ah"ed and opened his eyes. "That's where Ansem opened the gate for Kairi and Naminé, as well. What happened to the New York gate?"

Axel shrugged. "No idea, but I guess something happened if they're only going to use the London one. It kinda sucks. London is such a long way away. My ass is gonna hurt so bad by the time we land."

The four of us laughed. We couldn't help it. It was so Axel to put a sarcastic spin on something that was so damned serious. But it was a good thing. If we could laugh about the fact that they were going to be leaving, maybe it would make it a little easier to say goodbye when the time finally came.

"I just hope the gate is easier to cross through this time than it was last time," Riku muttered.

I frowned and tipped my head back to look at him. He smiled, brushing my bangs away from my eyes gently.

"What was so difficult about it last time?" I muttered.

He and Axel laughed, and Riku shook his head. "It felt like we were being torn apart from the inside. It hurt so bad."

Axel nodded. "Yeah. I think I threw up for like half an hour after we got out. It wasn't a pretty sight."

Riku laughed and sighed. "But that was a long time ago. We were only kids then, so we should be able to take it this time around…"

"…we hope." Axel finished Riku's sentence with a broad smile and pulled Roxas closer to him so he could kiss the top of his head. "It's not like it lasts forever, though. Only about thirty seconds. But it's pretty close to the worst thirty seconds of your life. You all will find out when it's your turn to go through."

Roxas snorted and I tensed a little bit in Riku's arms. He sense it and looked at me in question, but wasn't able to say anything before Axel spoke up.

"You guys are going back, aren't you?"

I sighed and Roxas shook his head. Axel looked back and forth between the two of us incredulously before his eyes settled on the silent Riku. I glanced up and saw that he had locked eyes with Axel, just daring the redhead to say something. And, of course, Axel had never learned to shut up.

"What shit story did you feed them, Riku? What were you thinking? You honestly think they can run and get away?"

Riku shrugged and chose not to say anything. I looked to Roxas and saw that he wasn't planning on opening his mouth anytime soon either. Sighing, I knew that it was me who was going to have to explain.

"It's not Riku's fault, Axel. Well…okay, so yeah he's the one that first gave me the idea to try and run, but he didn't tell us any story to get us to go with him. Roxas was never planning on returning in the first place. He just wanted to make sure he had my consent before he dragged me off with him."

Axel watched me quietly for a couple of seconds before he turned his eyes to his boyfriend and whapped him hard across the back of the head.

"Ah, what the fuck, Axel?"

"You were planning on running all this time and you didn't tell me?"

Roxas glared at him and shrugged. "What's it matter? I knew you weren't going to agree with it, and I'm going to run anyway, so what would have been the use of starting the argument?"

Axel continued the harsh glaring match for a whole of five minutes before he sighed heavily and hung his head. "You're right. Sorry."

Roxas' glare turned soft and he ran a gentle hand back through Axel's wild mane of hair. He started briefly then sighed into the gesture, pressing a soft kiss to the top of Roxas' head.

I couldn't help but smile at the two of them, sighing when Riku tightened his arms around my waist and buried his face in my hair. I smiled and closed my eyes while snuggling into his chest. The silence that fell was comfortable and, once again, I wanted to stay that way forever, even though I knew that we couldn't.

"I can't believe that they want to break this up," I muttered, voicing my thoughts.

Riku chuckled quietly and kissed my temple. "Well, I don't think either of us are going to be winning the 'everyone's favorite couple' award anytime soon, Love."

I sighed and shrugged. "What's it matter? We love each other. Why can't they accept that? Is it really so disgusting?"

Roxas snorted. "Not only are we Angelic and Dark Seraphs, but we're males. Even if we could reproduce, we'd give birth to Shadow Seraphs who would be damned to wander around Kōryōtaru Jimen for the rest of their lives. Not a very good outlook."

I frowned and glared at Roxas, though he wasn't looking at me. Finally, when I realized that he wasn't paying attention to me, I sighed and leaned my head back against Riku.

Silence fell again and we were each lost in our own thoughts. I couldn't help but wonder what they were thinking about. Did they have the same childish wishes that I had? Or had they already come to terms with what was going to happen? It wouldn't surprise me if they had. I was the weakest out of the group after all.

Axel coughed and Riku jumped and I was pulled out of my thoughts. I looked at the redhead in question and saw that Roxas was looking up at him with sadness in his eyes. Axel had locked eyes with Riku.

"It's time, isn't it?" I whispered.

Axel sighed and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms securely around Roxas.

I frowned and turned around Riku's lap so I was straddling him. I held his face tenderly in my hands while tears formed in my eyes. "You have to leave now, don't you?"

He nodded and I roughly pulled our mouths together. He resisted at first, but gave in after a couple of seconds and took control. I was happy to oblige and moved my hands into his hair while his roamed ceaselessly over my body. Our tongues rubbed against each other and our moans twined together in the air. When we pulled apart to breathe, we dared not look away from each other.

"I love you, Sora, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise," he whispered.

I nodded. "I love you too."

A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips and he pulled me to him in a compassionate hug. He held me tight around the waist, and when he sighed, his breath tickled my ear.

"…I'll be you're crying shoulder, and I'll be love suicide. And I'll be better when I'm older. I'll be the greatest fan of your life…"

An almost silent sob slipped past my lips at the lyrics that were whispered in my ear, and I buried my face in the crook of Riku's shoulder. He sighed and pulled me away so he could kiss away my tears before he picked me up. He stood and set me back down in the chair with a sad smile on his face.

"We still have the link. I'll make sure to let you know how things are going, okay?"

I nodded, too afraid to trust my mouth and speak. That sad smile touched his lips again and he leaned down to press his lips to mine in a chaste kiss before he made his way to the door. Axel was waiting for him patiently. Roxas was standing next to the couch with wide, tearful eyes. I went to him and twined our fingers together for some kind of support. He didn't even flinch.

"Don't worry," Axel said with a wink. "We'll be seeing ya. It won't be another thousand years this time, trust us."

Riku nodded behind him. "Yeah. No worries."

Roxas and I nodded curtly…and then they were gone. A nonexistent breeze played with our bangs briefly before it disappeared, and we were alone.

I did the first thing that I could think to do. I pulled my hand out of Roxas' and returned to our bedroom, where I unceremoniously collapsed onto my futon and screamed my fucking lungs out into the pillow. Every scream got louder and louder until my voice was cracking and tears were pouring down my face. I didn't even realize that Roxas had entered the room and was holding me until I took the time for a deep breath.

"Stop it, Sora. You're only making it worse!" he shouted. I could hear the tears in his voice.

I shook my head. "Don't tell me to stop. They're gone, Roxas," I shouted. "Gone. We're never going to see them again."

I saw him reel back but didn't have time to react before his palm connected with my cheek and sharp pain ran up my face. My sobs and fighting ceased immediately. A surprised hand went up to my face instead, cradling my injured cheek while I watched Roxas seethe above me.

"You can't break down on me, Sora. Not now. Because if we're not strong now, there's no way that we're going to be able to make it out in there when we run. We have to prove that we can do it."

I only continued to stare at him, at a loss for words though my tears had started to pick up again. He smiled and settled down with me on the futon, an arm thrown across my waist.

"Goodnight, sleep tight
No more tears
In the morning
I'll be here…"

He sang the lullaby that he had been singing to me for the entire week, but only then did its words finally hit me. I blinked out of my stupor and sighed, letting Roxas' voice take me over as he finished it out.

"…And when we say goodnight
Dry your eyes
Because we said goodnight
And not goodbye
We said goodnight
And not goodbye."

When Maho got home from work and went into our room to check on us, she found us asleep together on the futon, holding each other tenderly with our foreheads pressed together.

-OWARI-

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A/N: Tada!! And so here ends part one of Lost Heaven. ::cries:: I'm beyond sad to see it end, but I have to finish one thing before I can move onto the next, I guess…

Anyone remember the comet?? Hehe…did ya think I forgot about it? I actually did for a bit, then I was like "Whoa, whoa, whoa…I need to resolve that…." So I did… And how was Namine? I'm sooo glad that I added her…::glomps ku::… She was "blunt, and not very sensitive"… LoL… I loved that quote from "Dig"…

I had a lot of fun writing this part of the series. I swore that this would be the last thing I wrote that had any ties to cutting besides Rayne, mainly because Rayne was started before this fic was even a twinkle in my eye. I think the hardest thing for me to write for me to write was Sora's mom…the psycho bitch from hell. The little sadistic person in me liked writing her character, though, because I've never written anyone like her before. Aside from that, I think the "lemon" was the hardest part because…well…it was just hard for me to set the mood and get it right, but I'm glad that you all seemed to like how it flowed…

10 Things I Plan to Do Over Break...
1) meet kuriqa for the first time…who I once again want to thank for all of her help. I'm glad that we seem to work on the same brain wave…15 more days, ku!!…
2) have fun at Thunder over Louisville. Act like an idiot…like usual...
3) work on planning and writing part two, which still doesn't have a title…::sighs::…Any ideas for a title would be gratefully appreciated, even though you don't know the plot. You do know, however, that they're going to be running…::winks::…
4) finish my website, where I'm posting all of my writing…original and fan fics…OSTs for the fics and other useful tidbits…
5) attempt to finish writing "Solitude" and "Lips of an Angel" and get a bit further on "Summer Nights" (my next big project)…all are KH fics…
6) work on my fan art of Sora and Roxas in their Halloween costumes and of the Organization XIII band...
7) attempt to finish the next chapter of that fantabulous Gravitation vampire fic, "Unbeating Heartache"…
8) work on Pulse so I can start posting it to fictionpress…attempt to work on Rayne…
9) study for finals?? LoL…
10) procrastinate my ass off…

Soooo..there are my plans. Only the first four are really set in stone, though I'm hoping to at least touch the other ones briefly. And, as I've said before, the break may be longer than a month because of finals and the visit from my ku. Once I start posting, I'm hoping to have it finished before I have to head back to school in the fall, which will give me about four months to get it done. I think I can do it…

Gianormous, mucho, mucho thanks goes to…
bloodredthunderstorm and Black Juju for being my first reviewers and sticking in with me through the end…
prophetofdoomy
AbnormallyWeirdPerson for being totally awesome. Your reviews always kick my ass…::glomps::…
kuriqa, of course, for being you and nipping me in the ass whenever I needed to get to work in these last few chapters. You really saved me…
TorringMay
Lirici, though I wish you hadn't stopped reading…::hugs::…Hope you're well, Li-chan…
SoraSakura
Vaed
Tysonkaiexperiment
catwomen47 because your reviews always made me smile…
OtakuLady
Vedevria
Marimo for cracking me up. Your reviews were always great. Thanks for making me constantly smile…::hugs::…
lostlovedeath
Li Michal because your review was AWESOME!! Hehe… I hope you followed to the end…
AJ Can't Hackit
PagenGoddessOfTime
Lady Karai for honoring me by reading my fic. ::squees:: I really still am honored that you chose to read…hehe…::hugs::…Thank you…
DaggerForFate for your goofiness. Hehe…::hugs::…I hope all's well, Nyx…
sora's lil cute lover
TwilightMystery
CrazedPanda93

Thank you guys so much for your continued love and support. Of course, you're the ones who kept me going. I hope to hear from you all again next time…and possibly even from those of you who have been following but not reviewing. ::winks:: Hehe…

Sooo…because I want to, here are a few KH fics/authors I recommend for anyone who wants something new to read…

"When the Circus Came to Town" by Mad-TopHat-Ter (in-progress)
"Artifice" and "Caller Number Nine" by Katraa (complete)
"Vagabonds" by Kesiala (in-progress)
"I'm Still Here" by AsaHane (complete)
"Dance With Me" by Lady Karai (complete)
"Another Vampire Story With Slash And All That Jazz" by AbnormallyWeirdPerson (in-progress)
"Boring System" by comeandgetmebabe (in-progress)
anything by Dualism
anything by painthesilence
anything by XO'MagickMoon'OX

I hope you all enjoy them as much as I did. They're great. Sorry to those of you who have already read them all…

I apologize for any typos and stuff in this chapter. I actually did edit this chapter, but I may have missed something, seeing that I edited it while eating breakfast...Hehe...

And with that, I say thank you one more time and goodbye…for now…::glomps everyone::…

Kolie
Page 12
1:17 AM
Tuesday, April 3, 2007