"What's the Deal?" with your host, Kakashi Hatake (cue theme music)

(Kakashi walks across the stage and waves to the crowd (mind you it's his first show)

Kakashi: Hello, and welcome to "What's the Deal?" with me, Kakashi as your host. Today, we've got a special interview with the one and only, Lord Orochimaru!

Naruto: Orochimaru? Kakashi-sensei, what's the deal?

Kakashi: That's what were going to find out now!

Orochimaru: (walks onto the stage and sits next to Kakashi) Thanks for having me.

Kakashi: Before we start, let's open the floor for questions-

Naruto: Why are you here?

Sakura: Naruto! Sit down!

Orochimaru: So you can ask me idiotic questions.

Shikamaru: OK, so how long can you make your tongue?

Orochimaru: Let's find out. (sticks out tongue and it stretches all of the way to the Genin Schoolhouse approx. 12yds. And 1ft.)

Sakura: How can you control your tongue?

Orochimaru: Come up here and see (licked his lips)

Naruto: Can you stop smiling for 5 seconds?

Orochimaru: I'll stop when you stop wearing orange.

Crowd: OOOOOOH!!

Naruto: Well-

Sasuke: Why did you bite me?

Orochimaru: Oh, can't answer that.

Kakashi: Any more questions?

Choji: (putting down his bag of Doritoes) If you're the prince of snakes, then name some snake-like qualities you have.

Orochimaru: Well, the sense of smell, the ability to talk to snakes, shed my skin and grow a new one, and the digestive tract.

Choji: Explain. (grabbing some Doritoes)

Orochimaru: Well, to be blunt,my last meal was about a month ago.

All: What?!

Choji: I couldn't do that. (grabbing some more Doritoes)

Orochimaru: I'm still digesting it. You see, I don't get rid of my internal waste by excrementing or urination, but my bodily fluids break up the organism in my gullet and I absorb each and every cell, thus resulting in a slow, yet helpful process.

Ino: So, what you're saying is instead of using the bathroom, you eat whatever and digest it all?

Orochimaru: Correct.

Kakashi: What a coincidence! We have a clip showing the very thing.

Orochimaru: How?

Kakashi: We have our wys. Kiba, show Clip #1-1.

Kiba: Right, Clip #1-1. (pops in tape)

On the screen everyone sees the insides of Orochimaru's stomach as a rodent slowly slides into the pit of stomach acid and bile.

Orochimaru: When did you get that in there?

Kakashi: Remember that little check-up you had?

Orochimaru: (folded his arms and smiled) You planned this all along.

Naroto: Stop smiling!

Orochimaru: Make me.

Kakashi: Let's continue the clip shall we?

Now the clip is speeding up as the rodent's body is slowly deteriorating and being dissolved by the stomach acids. The elapsed time is 5 weeks, 3 days, 2 hours, and 48 min. Barely any of the rodent is left except a few bones.

Orochimaru: So how did you get it out?

Kakshi: Get what out?

Orochimaru: The camera.

Kakashi: We didn't. Kiba, speed up the camera to real-time.

Kiba: Oooh, they Tivo'ed yo' behind! (sped the camera up)

Now the screen showed that only one melting bone is left, then the T.V turned off.

Orochimaru: You are a sneaky one, Kakashi. I never would have expected to be in your presentation.

Kakashi: Well, you know, what can I say? Now a question from me. Your snake. Was it born that big or did you do something to it?

Orochimaru: It was a regular python. I just pressed it's pressure points. It's better if I show you. (scanned the crowd) Hmmm……you. (pointed at Choji) Come up on the stage.

Choji: Who me? Why?

Orochimaru: Because you're fat enough for the whole world to see.

Choji: FAT am I? That's IT! (ran on the stage) I'll take you on myself!

Orochimaru: Imbecile. (stepped towards Choji and swiftly grabbed him into a half nelson) You see, (placed his hand under Choji's neck and licked his lips) there are two specific points on the neck (he pressed his index and thumb on Choji's neck) and three on the chest. (then placed his other index, pinky and thumb on Choji' chest)

Kakashi: Remember the contract-

Orochimaru: By pressing these pressure points, you can stem the chakra flow surging to the brain, sending a message of growth to the brain like so. (pressed all five points at he same time, causing Choji to swell even bigger that his jutsu capacity)

Kakashi: Stop or he'll blow up!

Choji: (now the size of a hot-air balloon) Help…me

Orochimaru: He'll keep growing until you press the points again. (jumped up and pressed them, stopping the growth)

Ino: Hey! How come he hasn't shrunken back?

Orochimaru: Because he isn't stemming his chakra to.

Choji: Oh. (focused his chakra, shrunk back, and ran off the stage)

Kakashi: Any more questions?

Naruto: Why are you so pale?

Orochimaru: Since when have you seen me in sunlight? Besides, I might get a tan from your neon orange jumpsuit.

Crowd: OOOOOH!! (Kiba: Oooh, he clowned yo' butt!)

Naruto: Oh yeah! Well, at least I don't have to trick a girl into dating me!

Crowd: OOOOOH!! (Kiba: He got you back cuz!)

Orochimaru: Oh, really? (stood up and smiled devishily at Naruto0

Kakashi: (sensing danger) Whoops! We're out of time! Tune in next time where I'll find out "What's the Deal" with two demon bros, InuYasha and Sesshomaru! See ya next time! (cue theme music) Now let's go eat ramen or something.

Naruto: Ramen! Where?