Chapter Ten - Understated Emotions
Kakashi was in agony. His insides burned, his head spun, but most of all he couldn't remember a damned thing that had happened after Sakura had so blatantly showed her interest in him with her tantalizing fondling. And that alone was enough to make him worry. Could he have forced himself upon her? Did she try to stop him? Had he continued anyway? Made her feel sullied? Had he sullied her?
He couldn't stand the thought. His conscious gnawed at him, debasing his usually solid mindset. This wasn't something he was use to dealing with. He didn't have daily affairs with anyone really; he kept to himself except when necessary.
Even in his discombobulated state he couldn't miss the sterile scent that filtered through his senses with every intake of air, nor the rhythmic humming of medical equipment that passed through the walls. Why was he in the hospital? His greatest hope was that Sakura had punched him with all her strength when he'd attempted to progress into dangerous territory in their relationship.
But, his mind, while not quite focused, didn't want to think of anything but Sakura. Her face, her eyes, her hair, everything about her seemed to be imprinted into his mind, forcing its way to the front of his thoughts. He wanted her, that much he knew, his body told him that quickly enough every time she was near him, but did he really want her? Could there ever even be anything between them? Or were they simply destined for disaster if their relationship grew to something more, something substantial and meaningful. Could he even hope to make her happy? Did she even want such a thing from him? And where were these thoughts spawning from?
He was a shinobi; he risked his life on a daily basis. He certainly couldn't give Sakura what she wanted. What right did he have to even hope that she'd want to be with him? He was nearly twice her age, unable to live anyway but that of a shinobi, he knew oftentimes people found him frustrating. He could not allow Sakura to take on a person such as himself, she deserved better, so much better…
He heard the click of her heels on the tiled floor of the hospital before he heard her groused "Hatake" as the door swung open. With an exasperated sigh, Tsunade slid the clipboard from the crook of her arm into her hands.
"And so we meet again, Kakashi," Tsunade quipped, remembrances of his numerous but reluctant visits to her for healing floating in her mind. This… was going to be a pain, she thought, rolling her eyes at the mildness of that inner statement.
On the eastern side of the hospital, Sakura flinched as the medic's chakra, who Tsunade had called in to do the actual healing as she had other business to attend to, threaded through a particularly sensitive spot at the back of her ear. It was disturbing to Sakura that even that small touch had seemed so unlike Kakashi's own, so malevolent and harsh. The thought that Orochimaru had found another way to stay in her life, in her friends' lives; it teased her fear back out and into the open.
Baring her teeth in a hiss, Sakura glanced at her arm where the woman was cleaning raw and torn skin. From what, she had no idea, but most seemingly, she'd rubbed against something rough, perhaps gravel or something of the sort. Could Orochimaru have tried to drag her somewhere? What did he have with her… although; she supposed if someone had killed her, she'd have a certain grudge against that person as well.
"I'm almost done," the brunette female medic spoke softly, noting the mask of weary confusion on Sakura's usually determined and focused face. Sakura's shishou wouldn't like to see such a look on her apprentice's face, then again, even she, who'd only been helping out at the hospital for the past three months or so didn't like to see the girl upset.
Ever since finding she had a rather incredible aptitude for medic techniques she'd been at the hospital training with Shizune as her shishou, which often meant her and Sakura worked together. Sure, Sakura was only four years or so older, but she easily found herself looking up to the woman, inspired by her often endangering work. Many times Tsunade, Shizune, or she herself would have to literally drag the talented medic away from the patients or she'd drain herself beyond help.
That was the kind of dedication this girl, oh so longed for, but somehow, she could never throw herself in so deeply. Seeing Sakura as she was now, worn, defeated almost, and certainly not anything resembling her usual self was refreshing yet utterly disheartening. Hopefully, this was not something permanent; she certainly couldn't replace Sakura and all her skilled work.
"There," she said with a small smile, "all done."
Silver hair peeked from behind the pillow Sakura was currently staring down at. She'd wanted to make sure Kakashi was alright before she left, even if that meant waking him up.
"Kakashi-sensei?" She said softly, concern in her green eyes.
A stifled groan seeped through the pillow's bulk letting Sakura know that he was awake. Hand slinking out, she plucked the pillow off of the copy nin's face and placed it gently on his stomach.
"How are you feeling Kakashi-sensei?" To say Sakura was merely hesitant would be an understatement. She couldn't decide whether she wanted to run in fear of what lay within him, to hug him with joy since his eyes were their normal colors, or to punch him for making her worry.
In the end, she decided to simply stand stiffly in place, hands gripped tightly behind her back.
After a minute or two of silence, she finally spoke up, "Kakashi-sensei, you can't just ignore me forever. I-I'm sorry… I shouldn't have taken advantage of that situation like I did, I just-"
He'd been warned. Tsunade, while checking over some medical nonsense, had told him Sakura would come to speak with him, that she was going to follow after Naruto and Sasuke. And yet, here he was, after several minutes of solitude and pondering, with no words planned, no eloquent rejection to Sakura's advances, no reason for her not to go, except to tell her that he didn't want her to go, that he wanted her to stay there, to stay with him. Instead, he blurted out the first thing he could think of, something that would simply put her off immediately.
"Stop it, Sakura. You're a smart girl; I'm sure you know what you do to men's bodies. And that's all this is. A physical attraction and one neither you nor I can act on. I think it would be best for us both if Tsunade took over my case. It will allow you to go about your regular training and missions; I don't like being your burden." To Sakura's ears Kakashi's words rang of contempt and annoyance, causing telltale tears to gather in her eyes and a knot to form in her throat.
Swallowing deeply, she shook her head slightly, brow crinkled in confusion and pain. Her chest ached even as she felt a salty drop slip from the corner of her eye to trail down her cheek. Would she always push away those she loved?
She was ashamed of herself; ashamed of the fact that she'd let her imagination run rampant and develop a relationship and feelings that weren't there, ashamed that she'd taken advantage of her former sensei, ashamed that she allowed herself to cry yet again because of said man, and ashamed that he was even in this situation. If she'd just stopped Sasuke from leaving all those years ago, if she'd worked harder to be a good shinobi, if she'd never cowered down at the feet of other powerful shinobi, if she'd destroyed Orochimaru sooner this would all be different, better. Every mistake she made throughout her years as a shinobi led up to this. It was her fault.
Currently, Kakashi was staring at the back of his hand, having placed it over his eyes. Had he seen her face and realized the thoughts she harbored, he would have set her straight right then and there, but his own failing, his own reluctance to face a problem like theirs made him avoid eye contact with the woman standing beside his hospital bed. He didn't see just how watery her eyes or the quivering lip pinched between teeth, nor did he see the haunted and hollow look that seeped into her bright green eyes, dulling them.
"I-I'm leaving, Kakashi-sensei," she couldn't help the quake in her voice. "I'm joining Naruto and Sasuke's team and going to Sound. The team is to destroy the Hidden Village once and for all. Don't-"
Sakura wanted to tell Kakashi to take care, to not let whatever happened to him to occur again but she simply couldn't form the words.
So, rather than say anything, she spun on her heal and left the room.
Kakashi felt her leave, his shinobi senses picking up the slight changes in air pressure, the silence presented without her soft bated breathing. He'd not even had the chance to deviate her from her plans to join the team heading for Sound. If something should happen to her; if she was hurt or worse yet, killed… just like Obito. And it would be his entire fault.
He hated problems like these; he didn't know what to say to comfort Sakura. He couldn't give her what she seemed to long for, nor did he feel that she even really knew what she wanted. He'd already failed both Sasuke and Naruto, he knew, but he'd never planned to make that mistake with the only female kunoichi he held any sort of attachment to, which to his chagrin was only growing more intense. And yet, he decided, he now had.
Sandal clad feet tapped soundlessly against the tree bark as Naruto and Sasuke's team traversed the dense forest located on the border of the Nation of Fire and Sound.
"Naruto," Neji began in his usual stoic manner, chakra channels visible at his temples, "it's close."
"How far?" Sasuke tersely inquired before Naruto could reply.
The Byakugan user cast an annoyed glare in his direction, saying, "Less than two miles."
"Let's go then!" Naruto barked excitedly, before putting more speed into his jumps. Lee, never one to be bested, followed closely after, the two setting the pace for the entire group. Bemusedly watching the two eager shinobi, Genma, Raido, and Anko, all with far more numerous missions carried on with their original pace, while Shikamaru, sighed and merely seems to slow down.
Neji, exasperated, left the two to their show of impatience and concentrated on the chakra flow to his eyes. The newest lair for the sound shinobi was actually quite separate from the village itself, only connected by underground tunnels. It was a Sound precaution they'd learned of through many recon missions; Neji just happen to be one of the shinobi that had been sent for a number of those. His Byakugan was the only reason they had stumbled upon the one of the hideout's entries; however his team's order was only to find, not obliterate.
"Stop," Neji commanded, having spotted the surreptitious entrance. Naruto and Lee, already having traipsed past it a good thirty feet or so, made a quick round about.
The "entrance" was unadorned and simple, a flat wooden door concealed by a few bushes and scattered debris.
They were completely silent as the group descended into the darkened and damp stairwell, kunai grasped firmly in many hands, katana hilt in another, and nothing in another set, as he relied on Rasengan more than anything. They followed the lead of Sasuke due to his somewhat considerable knowledge of the traps set up throughout the network of tunnels leading to Sound's core.
"Neji," Naruto whispered to where he stood behind Sasuke, seeing what the rest could not, "have you spotted anything? Anyone?"
Neji merely shook his head and motioned for silence from the blond jounin before focusing more intently on what lay beyond the walls that currently surrounded them. The tunnels were vast, crisscrossing, intercepting, and oftentimes cut short by a dead end, luckily, between Sasuke and Neji, they were sure of their direction; knew when to turn left or right and never had to venture far enough down at path that would halt their procession.
And just as Neji was beginning to think the tunnels would forever continue on, he saw a spark of chakra not of his own group. Neji decided that with the curving of the tunnels and the distance between the chakra source and their group they would approach said source rather shortly.
Sasuke had long since activated his Sharingan, thus, he too saw this chakra. Only, unlike the Byakugan user behind him, he knew to whom this chakra belonged as he'd often been ordered by Orochimaru to train with the chakra's owner.
Of course, it hadn't been easy bringing this one from the research facility, as he was anything but complacent. But, Orochimaru had insisted. This was the one he wanted his "future container" to be able to defeat. The person the curse seal had originated from was the ultimate means of power for Orochimaru and if Sasuke could surpass him? Then, he would truly know this was the ultimate container.
Naruto, finally taking the time to feel his surroundings, noticed the traces of chakra close by and raced by Neji and Sasuke, as always, eager.
"Who are you, bastard?" Naruto shouted brashly, attempting to stare down this giant of a man.
"Juugo, guard to the back entrance to the Hidden Village of Sound. And you're not of Sound, nor was I told of any visitors." The enormously tall man blandly stated.
"Now, you'll all die," he uttered, before a fierce pattern of inky blackness flared over his flesh.
FORGIVE ME FORGIVE ME FORGIVE ME... I've TOTALLY neglected any and all of my writing as of later... or not so late but, for quite some time. I swear I can blame some of it on the newer chapters of Naruto though... so many new developments happened and totally threw me off, because, well, if you've read them, you'll know why, if you haven't, I'm not gonna tell you and you should go read them anyways : P Now, I'm aware this isn't the longest chapter in the world, AND it goes off a lot plot wise, but, damnit, I can't help it, I HAD to throw Juugo in there, I couldn't resist, so yeah, this story has definitely turned into an AU story... anyways, I hope, hope, hope, you all enjoy.
Much love to you all for your patience and kindness :) - bacatlover