Disclaimer: I own non of the characters or settings to be found herein.

A/N: A few weeks ago the idea of the members of Weiss and Schwarz somehow ending up on Discworld lodged itself into my brain. This series of ongoing ficlets is the inevitable result.

Nagi

Nagi Naoe was not a wizard.

It was something that he'd been trying very hard and very emphatically to explain ever since getting lost in that wretched library and ending up here.

Mustrum Ridcully, Archchancellor of the Unseen University however was not a man to be encumbered with fripperies such as such the finer points of distinction between 'student of wizardry' and 'dimensionally displaced telekinetic'.

"Now young man, what's all this about you refusing to wear your hat. You can't be a wizard without a hat, you know."

"But I can't do magic," reiterated Nagi for the fifth time that morning. This was even more exasperating than the time he tried to explain to Tot that he just wasn't capable of bringing Mr. Bunny to life.

"Well, you'll never get anywhere with that kind of attitude."

Under normal circumstances this was about the point at which he'd completely lose it and using the power of his infuriated mind smash every window in the building. Unfortunately for Nagi's all consuming need to displace the stress he was currently experiencing, the building, having mostly managed to survive day to day existence in Ankh Morpork for some time now, was remarkably impervious to his rage. The best he could manage was levitating a teapot in a disgruntled fashion. A move that was wholly counterproductive as it only served to bolster Ridcully's conviction that he was dealing with bona fide wizard material.

"See, you can do it when you put your mind to it."

With an angry clench of his jaw, Nagi picked up the ridiculous looking hat, which was embossed with a truly embarrassing stars and moons motif and put it on his head. He supposed he should just be glad that Schuldig wasn't here to witness this particular humiliation.

"There," said Ridcully beaming, "that's the stuff. Now why don't you run along and go for a healthy stroll outside, nothing like a bit of exercise to keep mind fresh."

Nagi somehow found the reserves patience needed to resist the urge to make comment on the apparent level of success the Archchancellor was having this strategy of intellect maintenance, and left Ridcully's office.

He inwardly sighed. Schwartz had prepared him for many things, but life on the Disc clearly hadn't been one of them.

As he stepped out into the ancient hallway he noticed that some of the younger students seemed to be immensely excited about something.

"What's happened?" he asked, accosting a young boy whose hat was festooned with so many occult symbols that it made Nagi's look like the very picture of taste and restraint by comparison.

"Oh, it was amazing to watch," the boy enthused, his voice containing an awful lot of awe and just a smidgen of fear. "A man just appeared in the library. He wasn't a wizard, we could tell because he was wearing a silly yellow hair band instead of a proper hat and… and…," the boy's excitability seemed to magnify tenfold, "and he couldn't tell the difference between an orangutan and a monkey. You should have seen it."

"This man, did he have red hair?"

The boy nodded.

"Was he badly injured?"

The boy shook his head. "He managed to stand up afterwards; well, just about. I think they took him to the Lady Sybil Free Hospital."

The corners of Nagi's mouth quirked upwards into a small smirk. Maybe the Unseen University wasn't such a bad place after all.