Title: Psychobabble
Summary: Hermione's babbling causes Ron to take drastic measures. Oneshot.
Author's Note: I've always wanted to write a dialogue-only fic. They seem like an interesting challenge. I hope this wasn't hard to follow. This was inspired by the prompt "psychology." And please don't kill me if I get some of the Freud stuff wrong. I'm relying on my scanty knowledge from the psych class I took in summer 2005 and the general stuff we learned in Health class. Also borrowed the title from a song by Frou Frou - you should listen to it if you never have.
"It's the summer holidays, Hermione. Can't you put that book down and come play Quidditch with Harry, Ginny, and me?"
"You know I'm horrible at Quidditch. Besides, this book is fascinating."
"Yeah, but you say that about Hogwarts, A History so who's to trust your judgment?"
"If you're just going to make fun of me, you can go away and let me read in peace."
"Fine, sorry."
"…"
"So you would rather read than talk to me?"
"Well, you're not speaking."
"Neither are you."
"I'm reading, Ronald. I was reading before you showed up and distracted me with your sparkling conversation."
"What are you reading anyway?"
"A book on Freud."
"What's Freud?"
"Not what, who. Sigmund Freud is considered to be the father of psychology."
"Psych-what?"
"Psychology, Ron. It's a Muggle science that deals with the human mind and behavior."
"Oh. Sounds boring."
"No, it's actually quite interesting."
"What did this Freud person say?"
"Well, he theorized that our personality is made up of three parts: the id, ego, and superego. They're each responsible for different things. The id controls biological urges, like hunger. Then, the ego helps you make decisions. For example, if the id tells you you're hungry, the ego would help you find food. And the superego judges right and wrong. The superego would tell you not to steal the food the id just urged you to eat."
"…"
"Ron?"
"Sorry, you just bored me half to death."
"You're impossible! You just told me to talk to you and when I do, you don't even pay attention."
"Okay, okay. I'm listening."
"Well, he said that childhood development occurs in three stages: oral, anal, and genital."
"Anal? You're not serious, are you?"
"Potty-training is a very traumatic experience for a toddler."
"…Muggles are out of their minds."
"Excuse me, I take offense to that."
"Well, you're a prime example. I mean, it's a gorgeous day and you're sitting inside reading a book on this psycholosis stuff. Clearly, you're the one with mental issues."
"It's called psychology, Ronald, and I'll have you know that psychologists hold Freud in high esteem. If it hadn't been for Freud, his research, and subsequent theories, who knows where that field would be today? And for your information, my aunt is a psychologist and she's not out of her mind. And furthermore…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Ron, you just kissed me."
"I know what I did, Hermione. It's the only way I could think of to shut you up."
"…"
"I shouldn't have done it. I'll take it from your silence that you didn't like it one bit and I'm an idiot. I'll be going now."
"Ron."
"What?"
"Shut up and kiss me again."
-fin