Disclaimer: I like Naruto! But if I owned him, then I'd LOVE him . . . (Just kidding!)
Last Chapter: And by the way, you are Sakura Haruno." This time there was no running, there was no escaping because right now she needed someone to talk to because right now he was the only one who'd listen.
Chapter 13
Sasuke was still standing over her like a foreboding statue about to collapse. There were so many times when Sakura was in this kind of position that she was actually accustomed to the gesture. It was uncanny. Never had there ever been a time where she had the power, where she had control. There were none, and that bothered her. Perhaps, her time to be in sync with the world would come—but what it if didn't? Was she condemned to be a follower the rest of her life? The notion gave sickening feeling with Sakura, and she urged the nasty thought to dissipate. However, the feeling did not cease for within her soul, she knew it was true. There was no way for her to change. Sakura was given three years to change, and none has occurred. Still the same, but different from before—turning back was no option.
He continued, "You are somewhat of a girl with oddly colored pink hair. Qualities you possess are unlike any other. Frequently running away, hiding secrets, and hostility to anyone who seems to get too close to you—just like that." Sakura glared at Sasuke and his uninterested voice talking about her to her. Rude was all she could think now. "But the secrets you hold within you make me wonder who you are, Sakura Haruno."
"Shut up."
Smugly, he replied with nothing but the truth that Sakura was urging to hush. It was coming at her, cutting her like sharp knives. "But isn't it true? Your friends are worried about you—well at least they were. Looks like they were having a lot of fun back there."
"Shut up."
"But on the contraire," he added on, not paying attention to Sakura's boiling anger heating up with every slip of his tongue, "they probably thought that since you didn't tell them what was wrong, they might as well leave you alone. This is exactly why you are sitting here on this bench, no one taking any notice of you, defacing school property. Being alone is a funny circumstance for people—some enjoy it and some," Sasuke looked down at Sasuke pointing out that she was the one he was talking about, "don't want to be but are." Waiting for it to all sink it, Sasuke still stood there silent waiting for a response but none came for Sakura looked blank but he could see the words raking its effect. He was satisfied. This was what he wanted. Sasuke wanted his point taken seriously instead of them going through one of her ears and out the other. The reason unknown, but he was going to follow through. Now it was the punch. "But no one can help you because, they don't know how or why. And I have to question: Does anyone really know who you are?"
That was it. That was Sakura's breaking point crushing to a million pieces and it was lying on the ground sprawled on the floor just as all her things were. Sasuke was done with his talk, but it was replaying again and again within her. The message was getting clearer each time, filling her with clarification. Blurs were gone, replaced with anxiety then replaced with anger. Self control was no longer a part of her vocabulary. The only words were: burning, searing, seething, hateful, fury. "And who are you supposed to be Sasuke Uchiha? Who are you to be telling me any of this? All I see is a pompous boy with a desire to get into people's business when they specifically tell you to leave them alone!" Sakura was standing up now, a foot away from him, and as she anticipated there was no reaction from Sasuke. But what seemed strange was that he gave off an odd message to her mentally. It was as if he was urging her to continue. He wanted to hear more. He was toying with her.
"Tall, dark and handsome is all girls see, and you take their perception and twist it into your own creation. Let me ask you this. What was the longest relationship you've ever had, Sasuke? A week? Three days? There are so many who look up to you, so many admire you for your smarts and control. Why lead people on then? Is it because you know that somehow in the end, their admiration will not falter? But they don't know if you'll do that again. They don't know what your true intentions are. And neither do I, so don't you even try to accuse me of being something you think you know. Do not pretend like you know who I am. Besides today and two weeks ago when was the last time we've ever had a conversation? So how do I know you're completely true to what you say? How do I know your not lying? You don't know me; the whole world seems to know who you are. But the sad truth is this: no one ever knows who anyone is." With a huff, Sakura was back on the bench picking up her fallen things, and moving to the far end waiting for Sasuke to surrender and leave her alone to her solitude.
Who am I?
Am I just a figment of everyone's imagination?
Do I even exist?
Perhaps, no one is really living. Maybe we are all dead inside.
"And wouldn't it be great if we were dead," Sakura whispered ever so quietly to herself so no one would hear. The thing is no one really notices when you're gone. Time goes on and so do people. The stars gleam, the poets dream, and the eagles fly. So does it really matter, if you're not around anymore?
As Sakura watched the birds fly across the blue sea above, wishing she could do the same, she felt the weight change on the bench. Someone was sitting next to her. And it was a surprise to her, but next to her was Sasuke Uchiha just sitting looking the other way. He wasn't even looking at her; just sitting near watching particularly nothing. Sasuke was just . . . there. How odd it was for Sakura. There were no meddling questions, or rude accusations. Sitting on the bench were two people with seemingly nothing in common, watching everything happen around them. At least, Sakura was expecting him to say a sentence of value because if not she would've thought he'd be gone already. But there he was, sitting on the other side of the bench next to her as if she was the one he wanted to hang out with. Why would a guy with such importance in life want to stay and sit around doing nothing? Especially Sasuke Uchiha? Thinking back to what he told her before, Sakura wondered if maybe he was a person who enjoyed the loneliness. Whatever it was, nothing showed on his face. The two of them stayed like that for a while, and Sakura had to admit that she enjoyed having someone with her. It was nice.
"I don't lie," Sasuke said to Sakura but not particularly looking her way. Turning to face him, Sakura saw that he was still watching everything go by. "However, you are right, as usual. I don't know who you are, yet you know me. Well, you seem to. But ask yourself: When was the last time you've seen me happy?" Sakura didn't reply, but thought about it. Going back through the three years she's been in Konoha and from what Ino has told her, she couldn't think of a single instance when he was genuinely happy. She would've thought going out with all the girls, he would've been at least a little joyous. But there was no way for her to answer truthfully without the possibility of saying something wrong.
"No answer I see, but I can tell you because I am the only one who knows. I was seven and that was the last time. Because after that, they were gone, everyone: dead. Because of him, someone from my own blood, they are all gone. And I hate myself because I have to carry the title as his younger brother. He is a part of my life, but every day I wish he wasn't. There are so many people who tell me I'm lucky to have the power and the strength and the knowledge, but I'd give it all up to be born into a normal family with a mother and father. I'm not sure if there will ever be a time when I can be happy but I know when I can smile again. And that's when I know Itachi's is dead as well." The way Sasuke spoke left Sakura with a stinging pain in her chest. It was so bland, away from any emotion, like he's said this so many times. Is this what happens to you, Sakura thought, when everyone you love dies? Does the affect take you to a world of blankness; the whiteness?
Sasuke still wasn't facing her. Was it because he didn't want to show any sign of remorse? Or was it because she wasn't important enough for him to face her? Sakura knew he was hurting inside just the same way she was, but she didn't want him to know. That's the thing, when you feel the way they do, you don't want anyone to know. That's why it's so hard to reach out to them. Feeling that Sasuke was done with her, Sakura turned away to her regular spot and secretly prayed for them and others alike who were suffering the same way. However, it wasn't any boring prayer; this time it came from the heart. But it wasn't like she was expecting for an answer from God. In fact, she was expecting him to leave her alone because praying never got her anywhere. The last time she prayed this way was when she realized there were no miracles and no one would answer. The last time was three years.
So what made her do so now?
"And that's why I choose to break so many hearts," Sasuke said, but this time Sakura just listened and didn't move. "I don't like being alone even if it seems like I do. I don't. So many girls throw themselves at me, and Naruto—he always pushes me to ask them the question. Then I do to shut him up. But I don't even have to finish what I have to say before they accept, and when the date comes they have a great time.
"Sakura you were right again, I've never had a relationship lasting more than a week. But the reason is because they are all the same. All of them. Every single girl out there and they deserved to have their heart broken. All they saw was what you said: tall, dark, and handsome. That was all. They didn't see anything else, and it disgusted me. I hated how they didn't know what it was like to be me, only seeing what they wanted to. And when I say "It's over" to them, I see it. Their faces remind me of mine when I was seven when they died. I see the heartbreak and the confusion I felt.
"Maybe the only reason I do this to so many girls is because I enjoy knowing that I'm not the only one who feels as lonely as I do. Maybe because even people who are as happy with life as they are can feel the dryness of solitude I feel everyday."
Sakura held tight to her bag. What was this confession? Why was he telling this to her? Was he being serious or just trying to lure her into a trap? She was no longer looking at the scenery, instead her eyes were closed and with each second her grip tightened. What he just said to her made it seem like he was trying to tell her that she was like everyone else he dated: pleased with life and everything around her. Did he only see that when he asked her out? Was she just a part of the crowd to him? All she wanted was for everything to stop. And when she opened her eyes and her grip loosened, she would be alone on the bench once again. It would be her and the fairytale book.
"So that's all you saw from me when you asked me out that one day. I was the same as everyone else?" Sakura said quietly. "If I'm just like every other girl you meet then why do you keep bothering me? Shouldn't you be out breaking another girl's soul?"
So I'm no different?
I'm like everyone else?
It's just the same as being nobody.
Eyes still closed, Sakura loosened her death grip. "At first you were like everyone else." Her eyes shot open, and she let go of her bag. Turning around, to look at Sasuke, she saw that he was facing her, and she wondered how long he's been looking at her. "But then you ran away."
Surprisingly to Sasuke, Sakura stood up, "I-I got to go." She was almost running to reach her house.
"That was different, but I had to know why. Why did you run without a warning? Was it because of me? You never even gave me an explanation, and that's how we found ourselves in the alleyway. But you left it as it was before: a mystery. With each little answer I got, questions came faster. And then you pushed me back and ran again. I learned that force was not going to solve anything I wanted to know."
. . . he was met with a strong shove. The breath was taken away from him, and he staggered backwards meeting the hard brick wall behind him.
There was a little sense of relief when she found out she wasn't like everyone else, but that didn't make up for his intentions in the first place. Force wouldn't make her tell him what he wanted to know. "But why do you keep trying if you know I won't say anything? Can't you just give up and leave me alone?"
Sasuke didn't answer right away. He just looked at her, examined her. There was something he was looking for, but he couldn't find anything. "I told you I don't lie. In that alleyway I said I'd do whatever it takes to find out what I wanted to know. And I intend to follow my word."
It was surreal for Sakura to hear this. Inside, she had to keep convincing herself it wasn't a dream. This was for real. This was her. This was now. But this wasn't what she wanted. "I understand that but why? Why do you want to know so much about me?"
What is it you see?
Why do you want to know?
Wasn't I just a part of the crowd?
Sasuke wasn't even sure why he was so occupied with a person who didn't want to have anything to do with him. But as he thought back, his unanswered question finally came up with a conclusion. It was something he saw in her expression. "The reason I was and am so eager to know so much was something I didn't have an answer to myself. But now I have come to a conclusion. It was because I saw the same feelings of regret and anger that I had in myself. Because for once, I saw someone who was like me and was still trying to find closure. I saw this and wanted to know how two people whose lives were so different from each other could be so connected. I wanted to know why you felt the same way I did."
This was more than what Sakura expected to hear from him. It was something she wasn't ready for, but needed to hear. But why did she still feel that she couldn't trust him? Sasuke had gone through so much trouble, and she wouldn't say a word. Why? She didn't know, but she wanted to answer her own questions too. But she didn't know how. This was just another path for her to get lost in. It was another maze she wouldn't be able to find a way out of. Condemned to walking endlessly, never finding what she yearned to find.
The exit.
It was the exit to all her troubles. Sakura wanted to find the light that would prove to be the end of the maze, the end of the tunnel. The end where she can finally breathe away all her troubles and all that reminded her of Aku. And if only things could be as simple as Sasuke wanted it to be. He believed that if she told him everything, things would be okay; that nothing ever happened. If he were get the things that he wanted, Sakura would still be going faster in her downward spiral. When things had the possibility of going up, she was still forced down. "But for some reason," Sasuke said, "I want to help you in a way Naruto and everyone I've known for so long has done for me. I'm still haunted by images and memories, but there are people who try so hard. Perhaps then I can leave you alone like you want me too."
Sasuke wanted to help her. It was hard to accept the second time she's heard this. How could she think of anyone understanding? No one could! There was a time for everything, but this wasn't it. He wasn't someone that would just do this for someone, but his actions were truthful. She wanted to, and couldn't. Things weren't as easy as Sasuke wanted to make them seem. Life wasn't as simple as everyone wished it could be.
"You know, I wish life could be like a book. Everything is so planned out, and everything is the way the author imagines it to be. And sometimes there will be a great ending for all the characters. It's all planned out. Nothing can change what one imagines in it. The story it's just . . . there. The simplicity and the words make it seem like anything is possible sometimes you know? Like you can just escape your world and just be—anything." Sakura said absently taking out the fairytale book and flipping through the pages only to put it back in the bag. Just sitting and listening, Sasuke waited for her to end what she wanted to say. There was no use of trying to make the words come out. What he needed was time, but that wasn't enough for her or him.
"When I was a child, and my parents would always read a book like this to me, I thought: Wow, maybe life is always meant to be like that. Good will always win because there is good in everybody. And someday I'd have that happy ending too. There were even times when I could just jump inside that world and pretend to be the princess in the story that gets saved. I'd sit in the park and just dream of all the possibilities life could take me because I thought I knew the world. I guess every girl feels like a princess one time or another." Sakura laughed to herself at her silliness. "But eventually we all have to grow up don't we?"
A lone tear ran down Sakura's cheek, and all Sasuke could do was watch and listen. That was all someone ever needed. Just listening can be the perfect remedy; people just don't know that. And so he waited, not daring to say something for a single word can make anyone go off track and off the edge, and he couldn't risk that happening.
"We all find out sooner or later that good does not win every battle. Evil can never die; it just sleeps in hibernation and waits for the right time to come. Just as there is good in everyone, there is always the evil luring the naive into darkness. We are even deceived by what we think is grand and great when in fact nothing is what they seem. The people we even trust turn out to be our one true enemy because what they say are lies, and what they do are lies. Everything is a lie just to lure the unfortunate to their doom." Two more tears fell down and onto the sidewalk creating tiny dark dots. Sakura turned to Sakura looking straight into his eyes. She was biting her bottom lip, and was about to say something but turned away and silently let more tears fall down.
Sasuke was overwhelmed by what she just told him, and didn't think that's she's ever revealed this to anyone else. It was getting closer. As she was saying all of this, he only had one person in his mind: Itachi. It was true. When he was the greatest person that Sasuke idolized, he turned it all around and did something Sasuke could never forgive. They haven't spoken for the longest time, but Sasuke did not want to hear anything from his mouth. He knew the evil he was thinking about, but what about her? Who was the person that let her down? Who led her to a life of running away?
"And I wish it could be as simple as a story. And I wish I could believe what you are trying to do, but the truth is I can't. So many things inside of me want to break free from all of these lies, but I'm held back. Over the years I've learned a variety of things, but only one sticks out the most: I can not trust anyone with the secrets my heart holds. Never for as long as I live." Wiping the tears away, Sakura gave Sasuke a regretful smile. "I'm sorry you can't help me and I'm sorry I can't help myself."
I wish I was as strong as you.
I wish I had the heart.
I wish for so many things that I know won't come true.
Sasuke wouldn't accept it. He was trying so hard damn it! "Don't say that. Don't you dare say that, Sakura. Those are the words of someone who gives up on life. Are you seriously willing to throw away all your hopes for whatever is haunting you? There are ways and there are ways for others to help you. If you give up this way, you might as well be dead. Are you the kind of person who quits so easily? Stop running already! Can't you see I'm not the only one? Ino, Tenten, and Hinata want to know too, but they are respecting your privacy. Are you too blind to see that?"
The smile faded off her face and she willed herself to not to let more tears fall. Stop, stop, stop, Sakura kept telling herself. There were just too many faces and too many words that would not stop charging at her. Do not show weakness. Do not let him know that you are starting to give in to what he wants. He's just the same as him. He doesn't want to help. All he wants is answers to help him sleep at night. Do not give in! Sakura chanted over and over. Sounds barricaded her and so did the words of Sasuke. But the tornado brought her back—back to that time . . .
Screaming wouldn't help anymore neither would pleading. There was no way to stop what was happening right before her eyes. Dying was all she could think of. She saw death in front of her, and she wished she could just die right there. There was no party for them because they were on the third floor of this godforsaken building and no one knew what was going on. It was just them, and she wished she had gotten a cold or something just so she wouldn't have to be here. This was Hell. Sakura heard many times before of descriptions of this abhorrent place. There was supposed to be fiery heat, people ablaze with shackles, and suffering. But she did not expect to be in an abandoned building with him, the person she trusted the most.
Well, at least she used to.
The man in front of her was no longer who she used to know. He was replaced with a monster, a shadow of who he used to be. This was a part of him she never wanted to know, and now she was sucked into this twisted world with no way of rescue. She was the only person she could count on, and she had to act now. If she moved, he would know, so she had to be silent. The only way was to use her arm. Reaching over to the night stand where the broken lamp was, she tried to reach for its neck to bring it for protection. Her hand was so close it, her fingers grazed along the rusted metal. 'Just a little more,' Sakura kept telling herself. It was still dark, the cloud had not moved from the moon, but she knew where the lamp was. But just before her hand could clamp around the lamp, an alien hand clenched her arm causing her to let go. It was his arm.
"What do you think you're doing now, Sakura? You're hurting my feelings."
"Please, stop—my arm. You're hurting me," she whimpered. The weight around her arm felt as if it was going to break in two. The pain was too much, Sakura cried out. If she were to try and wriggle free, Sakura's arm was sure to break. His grip was too strong on her. "Let go, please." A tear ran down her cheek, and Sakura sniffled to get her mind off her arm.
He paused for a second, and then the grip got tighter. Sakura gasped, she was frozen in place. She couldn't say or do anything. "You're not going to cry are you? What would that show me about your character?" Tighter. "All it would show is that you're weak. Do not cry." It hurt so much, Sakura couldn't think anymore. Had he gone mad? What happened? "Are you going to cry?" Tighter.
"No, please just let go! No!" There was no response, but slowly the hand receded away. She was ecstatic to have her arm back, but she couldn't feel it. The sensation was foreign, and she didn't know what to do. All she could think of was massage the pain away, and it was helping a little bit. But she knew there would be a bruise.
"Sakura?" It was still dark, but she still looked up too see nothing. About to answer, nothing came out because the wind was being taken out of her. All she felt was her body being turned and the feeling of falling from being shoved.
"Sakura?" Sasuke's deep voice brought her back to real time. Her vision was brought back to the bench, back to the school, back the loneliness—with Sasuke. Suddenly, there were no more urges of crying, they were just gone. Everything was still moving forward while she was moving back in time. Time travel? "Sakura." There it was again, he was calling her name. She looked at him this time to show she had his attention, but he scrutinizing her. His stare was not welcome, so she tried to call his name. No sounds came out and she was shaking. Opening her mouth wider, there was still nothing. Her hands were trembling, and she suddenly had the feeling of falling.
And she was.
Sakura was falling forward, but she couldn't stop. Eyes closed she waited for her body to meet with the bench. It seemed fitting, she supposed. She just wished Sasuke wasn't here to watch. Then the impact came, but it didn't feel hard like wood, it was something else. Grunting in whatever caught her, she didn't move because whatever it was, it felt pretty nice. "Sakura! Get up!"
Moments passed before she followed this order, and she opened her eyes. But when she did, she was in for a surprise. She in Sasuke's arms, his eyes looking concerned for what just happened. "I—Sasuke—I mean my arm—No it's . . ." she trailed off, and looked at him. All she wanted to know was how he got to this side of the bench so fast. However, it didn't matter, it was fine with her. He saved her forehead from a great bruise of concussion. He was still looking at her, and she tried to smile but only pain emitted from her head making her stop the gesture. Sasuke did not laugh; he did not think any of this was funny.
Propping her up, but still holding her, she tried to explain herself but nothing was a good enough excuse. "Sakura tell me what just happened. You space out all the time, and this fall—just tell me what's wrong."
Escaping his hold, she used her arms to keep her up. She felt so weak. Right then and there she wanted to say it. She wanted to so bad she could scream! She just couldn't. "I want to, Sasuke, believe me. I really do sometimes. I just can't, and I'm sorry for that."
Sasuke didn't show anger, it was—it was something else. "Why? If you don't tell anyone, this—whatever this is—is going to get worse! You can tru—"
"Please, don't finish that sentence."
Following what she said, he didn't finish what he was about to say. "But why won't you say anything? People want to help you. Don't you want to tell them? Why won't you?"
"You know how you said you don't lie, Sasuke?" He nodded. Sakura continued weakly, "Well, I don't break promises." And with that she brought back to darkness, falling again and she couldn't stop herself.
Catching her once again, Sasuke tried waking her up again, but Sakura was out cold. Checking her pulse, she was okay, but he was still concerned. (He did not dare use the term worried. That would just be unlike him.) Now that she was unconscious, he just held on to her unsure of what to do. "I don't break promises either. I will find out what's going on."
END OF CHAPTER 13
Yay my story is a teenager!
Muhahaha please don't kill me please! Oh my God I just realized it's been a year since writing this and I vow to step up and try harder to finish! Don't worry!!!!
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