Disclaimer: Naruto and everything associated don't belong to me, neither do the lyrics. I'm not claiming ownership of anyone's ideas. I'm just borrowing.

Basics: PG13/T, General/Drama/Romance/Angst, AU, (?) chapters

Warnings: Boy x boy love, profanity, mild mature themes

Summary: Sasuke always did mean to leave Konoha, and that intention breaks Naruto's heart. But fate pulls a 180, and instead it is Naruto that leaves, and Sasuke is the heartbroken one.

Author's note 1: Try it. Please? This one's rather dear to me.

X;

Counting the ways
to where you are.

X;

The teen years were always something of a hurdle when it came to friendships. An especially massive hurdle, actually, for Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha. There was just something about their smoke and mirrors, masks and pretending sort of friends that they were. They'd do anything for the other, not that either would admit it, but even so, the constant metamorphosis that came with adolescence would not skip over their friendship.

I'm fifteen for a moment
Caught in between ten and twenty

X;

Naruto had always known that his best friend would have no qualms in deserting their home city of Konoha, deserting everything- deserting him- to chase a dream. Or for such a bloody and violent and vengeful goal, it is perhaps better termed a nightmare. Chasing a nightmare- it didn't make sense without the set of circumstances that came with Sasuke Uchiha.

Between them, it would be the same old argument. The only argument, really, that mattered to either boy. Their bickering and insulting and I'm-better-than-you routine didn't count. Not really. Not even to Naruto, though he'd claim otherwise if asked about it.

"So… you'd really just. Leave. Vanish. Just like that?" Naruto asked angrily, heat infusing his short words. He knew he was treading the dangerous path. What had started out as some stupid back-and-forth had taken a turn into the Argument because they always knew exactly how to use words to really hurt each other.

Naruto knew the answer to his question, and Sasuke knew that Naruto knew. What Sasuke didn't know was that Naruto asked the same question because Naruto always harbored some distant flickering hope that maybe, goddamnit just maybe, the answer might one day be different. What Sasuke didn't know were the feelings driving Naruto's irrational hopes. Friendship, yet more than friendship.

"Yes, dobe." Sasuke almost sneered. "I don't have the same fucking set of morals as you do. I can do better than this godforsaken hellhole."

"But-"

"But nothing. Itachi needs to die for what he did." The words were uttered in a practiced monotone, with only a slight influx of fury on the words Itachi and die. Sasuke hated speaking the name of the brother who had had killed every other member of Uchiha family, hated naming the man who was ever present in Sasuke's thoughts.

Naruto stared hard at his best friend leaning oh-so-cool on the chain link fence outside their high school. The wind was lightly lifting the dark locks, highlighted in a paradoxical fiery yet dark blue by the golden setting sun. The illumination almost hued his pale cheeks a healthy color, but the eyes stopped any resemblance to actual warmth. The onyx eyes were icy cold in the gaze that Naruto refused to flinch under.

A beautiful teenage boy, picture perfect in his school uniform. A beautiful teenage boy, minus a heart. Someone that Naruto was now very mad at.

"You don't have to do it alone, teme! God, the way your mind works! 'I'm Sasuke Uchiha, I don't need any help. I'm going to fucking kill myself chasing my psycho mass-murderer brother.' Why can't you see how fucking wrong your views are. Can't you-"

"I'm not weak- that's more of your area, isn't it? Just keep letting people walk all over you."

"You- bastard-" Naruto hissed.

"You could leave, I'd understand. Hell, I wouldn't care."

A painful silence.

Sasuke smirked, but inside something was beginning to hurt uncomfortably. He didn't mean that last statement, and that twinge was from knowing how untrue that statement was. He ignored that and focused on the thrill of the sudden power he had over his best friend's feelings. He was being so cruel and he knew it. But even an Uchiha could get caught up in the heat of a fight and let loose cutting words that he would later regret. But now, he was spiteful, and good lord, he was enjoying it.

Naruto would be the first to concede. As usual.

The boy with the shock of golden hair brought his blue gaze up to perfectly align with Sasuke's. The decidedly defined features, gentled by the innocence cast on his face, were sketched with the tumultuous emotions of fury and worry and hurt and some confusion- confusion? Sasuke wondered- and Naruto opened his mouth to speak, but…

Another painful silence.

Then,

"Sasuke-teme! I- I was only trying to…"

Sasuke looked with distaste at the boy sitting cross-legged on the cement sidewalk, disapproving of the lack of coherent thought that was issuing from his mouth. Sasuke leaned more of his weight on the chain-link fence, making a soft clink sound out.

"Hn. I don't care."

Naruto cringed; must Sasuke always make him feel worthless?

They relapsed into another silence. Within Sasuke, the malicious mood lingered, like a stubborn stain- as if I weren't tainted already he reflected with a certain dark wryness. He wanted Naruto to be the one apologizing for bringing that up again. Naruto knew that Sasuke couldn't stay, not with that duty of avenging hanging invisibly around his neck. It was branded on him.

Why couldn't the dobe understand? Surely, he was not that idiotic. Naruto was a lot of things, but truly stupid wasn't one of them. Despite whatever Sasuke told him, Sasuke never thought Naruto was anything less than intelligent. Oblivious, quite. Stupid, no. Well, not quite.

The point was, Naruto didn't understand. And Sasuke needed him to.

On some level, Sasuke recognized that Naruto being stubborn was borne from concern about what might happen to Sasuke if he actually left. 'And I will,' Sasuke reminded himself. But god, Naruto needed to know that Sasuke recognized that. Still going through the are-we-really-best-friends-shit. Goddamnit, of course Naruto would care, and Sasuke cared about him too- but really-!

Naruto, meanwhile, was still struggling with the words. Eloquence came to him rarely, and never when it concerned his particular feelings about Sasuke. How does one say: I don't want you to leave because you're my best friend, but more than that, I'm fucking in love with you? Naruto stared down at the cement under his hands currently gripping the ground.

Sasuke just completely missed the Naruto-loves-Sasuke side of the equation.

Once upon a time, when they were twelve and fierce, this would have been a fistfight with blood and bruises and physical aches. But they all have to grow up eventually and at fifteen, they were reduced to words and harsh sentiments and heart breaking. And perhaps, with this… course of action, this battle-yet-not-a-battle, the wounds hurt more.

X;

By the time Sasuke reached his empty apartment- guardian nowhere to be seen- and nightfall was draping itself over the city of Konoha, he was finally feeling the consuming nature of encroaching guilt. The words he had said to Naruto echoed back clearly in his mind, and Sasuke could acknowledge, now that the high brought on by verbal victory had faded, that again… he had been brutal and nasty.

He sat down on his couch, the springs making a soft squeak under his weight. He dropped his face into his hands, massaging his temple. He hadn't bothered turning on the lights. It would have been artificial, almost, for someone who was practically the living embodiment of darkness. The light bulb induced brightness would mock him who lacked real brilliance. Light and warmth was more Naruto's thing anyway. Somehow the dobe had a way of lighting up even the darkest of corners.

Sasuke refused to think of what that meant. If Naruto lit up darkness, and Sasuke was darkness…

Fuck. Forget that.

Sasuke never did like dwelling on his friend like that. It happened all the time (in fact, every time he was unoccupied and not thinking of Itachi with deadly intent.) God, it was so homo of him. But realizing this never did stop him the next time his thoughts wandered to his best friend. That smile… And how Sasuke kept pulling it off his face. Sasuke grunted as he picked himself off the couch and let himself amble into his bedroom to try and sleep that night.

…

Of course, half an hour of uncomfortable thoughts and that damn remorse, Sasuke had to agree with himself that okay, fine, he would try to apologize- in his own sort of way- to the dobe the next morning at school.

X;

"Some guy says he's my cousin or something. I'm leaving." Sasuke said, voice devoid of emotion. It was unnerving to hear a child of nine speak like that. To be so… clinical about saying goodbye to your best friend.

"…You…you are?" Naruto, who had been sitting on the carpeted floor in his 'freak's corner' sprang to his feet, small hands balled into fists.

"Today," Sasuke added, watching the horror manifest itself on Naruto's still maturing features. The blue-like-the-sky eyes widened and immediately became glossy with held-back tears, and Sasuke could almost admire him for that. Sasuke knew how… sensitive… Naruto could be when it came to people.

It was the kind of thing you picked up, in these orphanages with bland walls and even blander people. You get drawn to the vivid things. For Sasuke… that would have been Naruto.

"Oh. … At least you told me." Naruto tried hard to make his voice not quaver. Boys weren't supposed to cry. Naruto tried to bite back the flood of words- but eventually, inevitably, the dam would break, and Sasuke knew this, too, and was watching detachedly, waiting.

"It's not fair! Someone always wants YOU! You've only been here for two years, an' I've been here m' whole life and no one … no one ever… I hate you- I hate- I HATE YOU!" Naruto burst out passionately, lunging his shorter frame at Sasuke, who let him, wondering why the I HATE YOU made him feel so bad, when they've said it to each other so many times before.

"Why- why aren't you fighting back, stupid! I'm not some weak girl, hit me back, stupid!" Words, inconsequential words in the long run. And all of a sudden Naruto stopped, abruptly sitting down, all the fight drained out of him.

"'Suke—" Naruto mumbled. "I don't hate you. You're-m'-best-frien'."

"You too," Sasuke surprised himself, and slid down to sit next to Naruto in silence.

Naruto didn't need to say anything, but Sasuke knew what he was thinking. Something among the lines of Sasuke having a home- perhaps a family- again. And him all alone again, lost in the orphanage that ignored him and wouldn't give him any hint about who he was or where he came from. Life would be harsh again, harsh without any bright spot.

This was their first argument about leaving.

X;

Sasuke woke up from the fading memories. How… odd. He hadn't dreamt of the orphanage for years. After all, wasn't Naruto adopted a year later by Iruka and then didn't they meet up again in junior high and then high school? Wasn't their strange friendship reinstated and strengthened even? Sasuke blinked in a dignified way and glancing at the clock, saw that it 7 a.m., time for him to meet Naruto before going to school.

At the corner where they met, Sasuke waited. Fifteen minutes… twenty minutes… Was the dobe very late? Or ignoring him after their argument? After all, Sasuke had crossed lines he had never crossed before. Sasuke ignored the little blossoming of concern in his chest. Perhaps… he- No. Sasuke wasn't going to think like that. Thirty minutes…

Thirty-five minutes… Shit. 'I'm going to be late.'

"The ever-punctual Uchiha is late…" Neji drawled in a low voice as Sasuke dropped into a desk near him for homeroom, those pale eyes watching him thoughtfully. The same pale eyes narrowed as they saw Naruto was not with him. "Without Naruto-san, too…"

Gaara looked over with cool interest when Naruto's name was mentioned. The silent redhead with the dramatically rimmed eyes and 'Love' tattooed on the side of his temple made no concealment of the fact he was always watching Naruto, and Naruto let him. There was some sort of agreement, kinship, something between the two of them. And of course, Sasuke disliked him. Very much.

Naruto was not here yet? Eight fifteen, the end bell for homeroom was going to ring any second now… even for Naruto, this was late. Maybe Naruto just skipped homeroom? … Just to avoid Sasuke? Or…

Sasuke shook his head. Naruto would show up. Later.

First period.

Second period.

Third, fourth, fifth.

No matter what, Naruto would show up for lunch, Sasuke thought. It was a matter of food. It was never skipped over for studying for some upcoming exam or for some project due the next period, because, simply those weren't Naruto things to do. It'd be waste of time in the dobe's opinion, to pass over forty five glorious minutes of no class, of food, of spending time with Sasuke… even if it were a silent lunch due to a tiff. Yes, Sasuke was sure Naruto would show up for lunch.

Halfway into lunch, and Sasuke had done nothing but sit immobile at the spot he and Naruto always had lunch together.

Five minutes until the bell rang, Sasuke still hadn't eaten.

Sasuke was the last person sitting in the lunchroom.

Seventh period.

Sasuke could have hit himself for being so stupid and so concerned. It was simple, the answer. Naruto must be sick, Sasuke reasoned. Never mind the fact that he seemed to be perfectly healthy the day before. It must have been one of those twenty-four hour influenzas. Or something like that. Why was he so worried? It inflated his guilt a little, to have been so mean the day before, but at least now, he had a reason to seek the dobe out…

…To give Naruto his homework, of course. And… maybe show that he was a little sorry. Just a little.

Sasuke was able to think rationally for the rest of the day.

It couldn't be that…

"You could leave. Hell, I wouldn't care."

No. The dobe was just sick, that was all.

X;

Sasuke stopped by the Umino apartment. The area wasn't too fancy, unlike the upper-class residence he lived in. After all, Iruka Umino was only a teacher with a teacher's salary. Patiently, he waited for someone to answer the door after he had rung the doorbell. Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong. …Perhaps Naruto was in the shower or something. Or somehow sleeping through all three bells.

Sasuke glared at the door, as if it was responsible for all this irrational worry for his best friend. When it was likely that Naruto was just sick (but why hadn't he told Sasuke…) or cutting school (but why hadn't he told Sasuke…) or something.

Five minutes passed and Sasuke was still standing there.

"Oh for godssakes," he muttered irately, and bent down to feel under the doormat where he knew Iruka kept a few keys, just in case. Naruto being Naruto, it was always a good idea to provide a way for the boy not to get locked out of the apartment if he forgot his keys. Sasuke's slim fingers finally snagged the metallic edge of the key, and without further ado, he pulled it out and unlocked the door.

Room after room, Sasuke politely peered into each.

But no one was there. The apartment was empty.

Then, Sasuke spied a note tacked to the fridge, addressed to Iruka. Undoubtedly, from Naruto. His dark gray eyes quickly scanned over the messy handwriting and message his best friend had scrawled to his beloved adoptive father. He grit his teeth harder with every word that he read and something worse than the guilt was wracking his internals.

"Fuck, Naruto. You idiot."

X;

Iruka Umino, junior high school teacher, had spent the night with his boyfriend Kakashi Hatake and then had gone straight to work the next morning. He was fully confident in leaving his charge Naruto home alone. Naruto was responsible when it counted; and besides, wasn't the kid fifteen already? Naruto himself hadn't minded being left home alone. On the contrary, when Iruka had told him he was going to visit Kakashi, Naruto's face had split into a wide, sunny grin.

Iruka finally made it home after staying late at the junior high to grade student papers, only to unexpectedly find his adopted son's friend Sasuke Uchiha sitting grimly at his kitchen table. Sasuke lifted his gaze up to acknowledge Iruka's entering, and Iruka was surprised at the multitude of emotions on the usually impassive boy's face.

The teenager held a note in his hand and he was staring darkly at the piece of paper. Wordlessly, Sasuke handed it over to Iruka, who took and read it.

Hey Iruka,

Sorry 'bout leaving like this. But after this… thing with Sasuke, I felt funny so I went back to the orphanage. I dunno why I did that, but I did. Anyways, they've got a new lady in charge. Tsunade, I think her name was. Helluva lot nicer than the old one.

Yeah. You know the information they 'lost' about my real family? Well, this lady Tsunade 'found' it. And well… well, I have to go and find myself, y'know? I have to do this.

Are you mad? I guess you prolly are. But see, I thought you'd be so happy over at Kakashi's, and I didn't want to ruin anything. And I really really had to do it now. I don't know if you noticed, but something's been feeling wrong for a while, and I thought maybe this would do it. No, I know it will.

I have to do this.

Don't try to find me. I'm not running away forever. I'll be back. Probably really soon. So don't worry about me, kay? I'll be back…

You told me to follow what I think is right, and I think I have to do this now. Iruka, thank you so much for everything. You've done so much for me, and even if I find anyone left in my family… you'll still be my most real father. I love ya, kay?

Love, Naruto

P.S. Could ya tell Sasuke goodbye? He said he'd understand if I did something like this. Or maybe not. He also said he wouldn't care. But tell him thanks too, the bastard.

There was complete silence in the small kitchen.

X;

Author's note 2: …You like? Comments would be very much appreciated. The lyrics are from Five for Fighting's 100 years.