This idea is totally and completely mine. I swear to god, I'll freak if I find anyone has taken my idea. I really will.

Anyway, this idea was totally random and I giggled when I thought of it. I've never written a comedy, which is why this kinda turned out to be un-funny towards the end. Normally I stick to dry humor in my stories--weaving funny things into a really dramatic plot or something like that. But this...well, some points are going to make you a little "what the hell!?"

Okay. So this is taking place sometime between Harkat being questioned and Darren's trials. Crepsley isn't in this--at all (I didn't feel like putting up with his smart-ass mouth)--Kurad takes his place in this (That's for my friend wolves-eye, who loves Kurda to pieces).

Disclaimer: I am not Darren Shan. I am a teenager that has no life who likes to write stuff on his stories because I'm depressed the series has ended. Call me Toasty.

Okay...have fun! Enjoy!

Darren passed into the Hall of Kheldon Lurt idly, taking his time with steady and strong steps. He wasn't necessarily hungry, nor was he stuffed. He had to admit that a vial of blood would go down nicely right then, which was why he was traveling to the eating hall.

Many vampires were perched upon the rough and unflattering wooden seats, socializing or draining their mugs of ale. Darren grinned slightly as he saw his friends Gavner Purl, Kurda Smahlt, Vanez Blane, and Arra Sails held in a tightly knit corner of the rugged table. Bat broth sat in front of them along with chunks of rather stale bread.

Walking briskly towards his four friends, he quickly grabbed a bowl of the ghoulish soup as well as a chunk of the bread, and took the liberty unto himself to grab to vials of blood. Nearly dancing, he sat himself alongside Kurda and dipped his bread into the soup.

"Hey, guys!" Darren grinned, his words muffled between the huge globs of bread that resided in his mouth. Arra stared at him, almost wearily, and quietly dipped her bread into her soup and politely bit into it.

"Hi, Darren," Gavner said cheerfully, burping slightly. Kurda's face betrayed his disgust towards the impoliteness, but didn't bring up the topic, knowing that it would only cause a heated debate—and he would lose, seeing as most vampires seemed to fart and burp to their own pleasure.

Uncorking his vial, Darren downed the blood quickly and wiped his mouth, looking down at his hand and licking off the excess blood. "So," Darren asked, shoving a small piece of the bread into his mouth, "What are we doing today?"

Kurda dipped his bread into the soup and looked at Darren. "I am going to go map some of the halls…would you like to come?"

Darren wrinkled his nose. "Not really." Vanez snorted.

"I'm preparing some Generals-in-Training for their trials, but you wouldn't be able to come with me anyway," he told Darren.

"I have to discuss some stuff with the Princes." Gavner patted Darren's back sympathetically.

"Ah…I have to fight," Arra said, taking an unusually large bite of the bread immediately after to occupy her mouth.

Darren's face fell. "Darn it!" he exclaimed, pulling his lower lip out like a child. "Mr. Crepsley's busy talking to Seba—he sent me away—and Harkat's busy doing something as well."

"You could always help in the kitchens," Gavner suggested. Darren sighed and looked balefully around the hall.

"There's nothing to do!" he moaned dramatically, throwing his head back and saying it more to the rocky ceiling than to any of those sitting around him. One or two of the many vampires in the hall looked questioningly towards Darren, but merely shrugged off his shout to the heavens as something children did.

"Why don't you go for a walk?" Gavner coaxed calmly, looking at Darren. "It would be good for you to familiarize yourself with the Halls."

"What if I get lost?" Darren sniffed, looking up at Gavner. Gavner grinned and picked Darren up by the arms and dropped him beside the table. He landed on his butt, squealing in protest and anger as the rocks scraped his legs.

"We'll send someone to search for you if you're not back by the time Crepsley's done talking to Seba." Darren snorted and stood up carefully.

"Bye," he waved, and made his way out of the hall.

He walked for quite some time, saying hello to any random vampires that passed by him. He was content and maybe even slightly bored until he saw the white and brown tail, accompanied by a lanky and white paw turn a corner rather mischievously.

Darren froze. What? That couldn't be a cat. He had seen something. He hadn't seen a cat for a long time…it was impossible for him to have seen a cat. Especially in Vampire Mountain; vampires hated cats. So what was that furry paw and tail he had seen pass in front of him?

Walking so stealthily that any Vampire General would have crowed in envy, he turned the corner that the thing had just turned and saw it, sitting languidly on the smooth stone, licking its paw.

It really was a cat! Its back was pure brown, having small stripes of white like bands on its tail. Its legs were all white, like little white stockings that he remembered his little sister Annie would always put on her dolls. As he observed, he noted that one ear was brown and the other white. He supposed it would have seemed adorable to him if he had been any normal human, but he was a half vampire and every vampire had a disliking towards cats.

Blinking slightly, Darren approached the cat carefully. He pulled his hand down and quickly grabbed the cat by the stomach.

Yowling in surprise and fright, the cat squirmed restlessly in Darren's tight clutches. "Stop, you damn cat," Darren whispered, glaring at the cat and holding it as far away from his body as possible. The cat didn't listen to Darren, how ever, but continued to contort its body.

Darren began to walk down the hallways, deciding he was going to bring the cat to the Princes. He didn't know what else to do; he didn't want to kill it in fear that that would get him in trouble, but if he just left it he would be in even more trouble if anyone found out that he knew about the cat.

So, holding the cat brutally, he made his way down the lengthy hall and stared with disgusted eyes at the cat. It had given up fighting, but its body was still tensed angrily. Darren took a deep breath and kept walking, until—

—until the cat bit him.

Darren screamed shrilly and dropped the cat, who quickly took the opportunity and ran away. Darren rubbed his bitten hand. He began to run after the cat, faltered, and stopped. It wasn't worth it. He would result to just telling the Princes instead of showing the cat to them.

He ran down the hall and made his way back to the eating hall. Many vampires still sat clumped at the tables. "There's a cat in the Mountain!" Darren shouted, waving his arms franticly.

A few of the vampires looked at him, perplexed. Darren repeated his frantic cry. Finally it seemed to register, bringing up ten very burly and scared looking vampires forward to him.

"Are you serious?" one chattered, looking at him with hard eyes. Darren nodded and raised his hand.

"It bit me," Darren responded. One of the stern looking vampires squealed in fear and looked the other way.

Kurda suddenly appeared, pushing through the barricade of frightened vampires. "What did you say, Darren!?"

"There's a cat in the mountain," Darren repeated, starting to get annoyed at the repetitions.

"Don't joke about this, Darren!" Kurda said lowly, dangerously. Darren shook his head.

"I'm not joking or lying!" he said rather defiantly. Kurda seized Darren's arm and brought him closer, staring at him with hard eyes. Darren blinked, surprised at how serious Kurda suddenly looked.

"Follow me. We have to notify the Princes!"

Kurda began to run, Darren's forearm still seized in his tight grasp, and Darren had no choice but to follow. Kurda ran swiftly, dodging between the many vampires that were huddled around the halls. A few called out or asked why Kurda was running so quickly with Darren to boot, but Kurda ignored them and continued down the hallways.

Finally they reached the room. The vampires guarding the entrance looked at Kurda wearily. "Why is he with you?"

"We need to talk to the Princes—immediately!" Kurda hissed, glaring at the guard. The guard frowned but moments later the doors opened. Kurda walked purposely through the doors, nearly dragging Darren, and suddenly stopped.

"Darren says there is a cat in the mountain," he said calmly.

Suddenly the three vampire Princes were erect, staring at Darren almost forcefully. "What!? Tell us!"

Darren took a deep breath and explained what happened. "I was walking in the halls and I saw a cat. I was going to bring it up to you guys, but then it bit me and ran off. It was too quick and I barely noticed which way it turned."

Paris took a deep breath and looked at Darren. "So that means you don't know where it went…?"

"No, sir."

"So that means it could be anywhere?" Mika said this.

"Yes."

"Oh, no—"

Screams suddenly conquered the conversation. All five vampires winced while Kurda and Darren turned around slowly, staring at the closed door. The door opened quietly, to reveal the total chaos of fear.

Vampires were running around franticly, their faces stripped white with fear. Darren stared, agape, unsure of what to make of this situation. Hundreds of vampires were running around franticly…from a cat?

The three vampire Princes' jumped off their thrones and raced out towards the hall. "What's going on!?" Arrow bellowed, his voice loud enough to seemingly rock the mountain.

"Cat in the hall of Kheldon Lurt, eating the bat broth!" a vampire screeched in response, running forward to Arrow. "Where did it come from?"

Mika's eyes flicked to Darren briefly before returning back to the vampire. "We are not sure."

The three vampire Princes disappeared, seemingly down to the eating hall. "Come on, Darren," Kurda mumbled, grabbing Darren's hand once more and dragging him down the many halls and into the hall of Kheldon Lurt.

Hell reigned. One or two vampires stood on a upturned table, huddled together with eyes that searched franticly for the cat. A few vampires ran around, looking for the cat. One of them was Arra, a large sword held tightly in her hands, lips pulled back in a vicious snarl.

"Don't kill the damn cat, Arra!" Kurda roared as Arra jumped and spun in the air, going to a corner and bringing her sword down. But the cat wasn't there.

"I'll make sure it's cut into tiny pieces and then we shall burn its remains," she growled, not even looking at Kurda or Darren before jumping forward and starting her hunt for the cat once more.

Kurda sighed and gazed around helplessly. "Where is that cat?" he asked, exasperated. Darren walked away, deciding he was going to hunt for the cat himself. He was smaller and could probably get into places that the vampires could not.

He knew the cat wouldn't be in the hall. It was impossible for the cat to stand such ruckus without being terrified—maybe even to death. Especially with Arra hopping around like a woman possessed.

He snaked his way around the terrified vampires, ignoring the high pitched "What are you doing?" that one vampire had asked. He crept, slowly, his body bent and tensed, looking for the cat.

And then he saw it; just the small ghost of the tail. He seized the tail and brought the cat towards himself, getting ready to scream that he had found it.

But, what he saw astounded him to no bounds.

The cat had had kittens. Each tiny kitten was curled into a slight ball, their eyes not even opened. One cat was pure black, the other pure white, and the other pure brown. They were small and helpless. The mother cat stared at Darren with eyes that begged him not to betray them.

And in that simple instant, Darren knew that he couldn't. He wasn't able to have children, thanks to his vampric blood. He had always dreamed of meeting a woman he was madly in love with and having a wonderful life with them, but that would no longer be possible because of his vampric blood. The simple act of a cat giving birth brought tears to his eyes, and he knew he couldn't deny the mother cat of raising her kittens.

He picked up the kittens and cat lightly, cupping all four into the crook of his arm, and began to jog down the hall.

Strangely, the mother cat seemed to snuggle into Darren's arm. She licked his exposed skin, a sign of affection as Darren knew. Darren hid his disgust and tried to remember where one of the mountain's exits was.

When he had found it, he knelt down and let the four cats go. He felt awkward; he had hated cats for such a long time, yet he was passing up an opportunity to kill them. But he just couldn't tell the vampires that he had found the cat. It would have been too much. Even if he hated cats. Even if cats hated vampires. Darren had formed some type of a bond with the cat.

The mother cat licked his nose, making Darren smile lightly. She picked up her three kittens in her mouth and trotted off, smiling into the sinking sun. Darren watched as she and her children left until they were invisible along the mountain, and turned to go back into the mountain.

Pandemonium was still ringing in the halls. Darren thought, briefly, about telling the vampires of what he had done, but he quickly dispatched the idea. They would go after the cat. They would kill the cat and her kittens. He couldn't let them do that.

So Darren contented himself with letting the vampires search in vain for a gentle creature that they feared more than the sun itself.

Darren felt a smirk tug at his lips.