A/N: Hey friends! Sorry for the slight delay. I had the vast majority of this chapter written back in November, but wanted more time to perfect the very end. Plus, finals hit me pretty hard. I had an uber-long paper to do for my scientific thinking class and I waited to start it the week it was due (of course). So, yeah, 25 pages, numerous notecards, and countless hours on the 5th floor of the library later, I finally finished with that semester. Big siiiiigh. So, now, I be back, mon. Let's limbo dance, folks (and if that phrase hasn't made it into your vocabulary yet...well, you're just strange).
It snowed today! Which wouldn't be weird, but I live in Southern Arizona and that never happens! I'm in an especially good mood right now.
Here we are, the last chapter. I know, I know; I'm sad too.
Please extend BIG kudos, snaps, warm fuzzies, and other happy things to our dear Lolabelle. Without her, this story would have no ending. Or no huge Luke rant (oh yeah!) That's right; I originally had no idea how I should end this thing after Max interrupted our favorite couple at the dance. After a few intense brainstorming e mails, Christina said one thing, and before your could say 'Bob's your uncle,' this baby had an ending. And, I must say, her ideas were ingenious. So, BIG/GINORMOUS/HUGE/MASSIVE thanks to you, Christina.
If you guys want to take the time to personally thank her, she likes roses, but she would prefer chocolate or a Yo Crunch (ah, the memories). Hey, cash is always nice too. Or gift cards. Or a plane ticket to Bangladesh. I hear Expedia is running some deals right now, so you guys better get cracking.
Stay tuned for my big thank-you session at the end (and shameless plea for reviews), but first, some responses (and please feel free to skim):
javajunkie15: I know, I know. I'm sorry. I hope this was worth the wait.
hurryup!!!: You have no idea how much I laughed when I read your name/review. Thanks for the motivation. Lord knows I need some occasionally.
LLFreak: Facebook is pretty addicting. I was on it constantly my freshman year, then lost interest for awhile, and now I'm actually checking it on a regular basis. Not quite sure why, haha. I'm also glad to hear that you loved the song. Wasn't it perfect for this story? It's so beautiful, and I don't tend to say that very often. I don't think I've told you how much I appreciate your reviews. Thanks!
Alaina Rose: I think you will see how it ends up very soon…Let me know if you liked it.
Muffin is Injured: OMG, I totally forgot about 'Hooked on a Feeling!' I don't know how that was possible; it's waaaaay too memorable. I watched it again, just for good measure, and was in hysterics once again. Thanks for keeping me in line.
Jewels12: Don't feel too bad about your little secret. I used to love Baywatch too! I would stay up late and watch it Saturday nights when I was younger and would get upset when I missed that or Walker, Texas Ranger. Ah, to be young and have very interesting taste in television again.
Cinny72: Yeah, I never thought timing was Max's strong suit, haha. I mean, asking Lorelai out when he's still Rory's teacher. Showing up for their date right when Rory walked out the door (during Cinnamon's wake). Kissing her while she is trying to break up with him. Proposing when they were in the middle of a fight (partly over Luke, mind you). Picking fights with her when she's full, tired, or hung-over. So, Max interrupting right at that moment seems typical, no?
thedragonflyislove522: Thanks for the advanced thanks. I think you will be satisfied by this chapter…
Lorelai the Coffee Slayer: Thanks, you just got 'Truly, Madly, Deeply' stuck in my head. "I wanna stand with you on a mountain…"
llmeant2b: Eh, my first crush was Garth Brooks, so I'm not sure which is more embarrassing, haha. But, yes, the Hoff did have an awesome car. And, pretty short swim trunks. Garth Brooks…well, he swings on rope ladders during his concerts. I think the Hoff may be edging him out. My crush may have been solidified if he actually did the limbo during the 'Limbo Dance' video. I mean the sexy smolder at the end was one thing, but an actual limbo would've been pretty impressive.
Lolabelle: Yeah, I am also convinced that Dakota Fanning is going to rule the world someday. I mean, how many child roles has she been in lately. Pretty much every frakkin' movie that requires a kid. Well, except for the new Will Smith movie. I think it would've been hard to convince people that she was his daughter. This isn't Heroes or Men in Trees (which, by the way, could that kid from Heroes look like his parents any less. Jeez Louise). Oh, and just remember to 'choose wisely' when you go on that Holy Grail quest. Wow, I don't think I realized how dirty the words 'Kirk' and 'pole' were together until you mentioned it. It conjured up many a disturbing image.
OkGoPrettyMuchRules: Yes, show the video to everyone you know. They will not be sorry.
Cywen69: Yeah, I think it's interesting that we don't really care about cheating when it comes to Christopher. I was watching 'I Can't Get Started' the other day, and the whole episode was really tainted for me. He didn't seem as charming to me as he did in the past. I think maybe b/c the phrases 'deadbeat,' 'advantage-taking bastard,' 'Big Spender,' and 'Whiner McWhinington' kept running through my head. I don't forsee myself ever feeling bad for him again. Which is exactly why he doesn't make an appearance in this story, haha.
freelancer starbuck: I couldn't agree with you more about Kirk and the Hoff.
Nardini's Suck: Yeah, I officially have Limbo Dance on my ipod, and man, that song is like the Small World song or Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days. My gosh, it's enough to drive you insane. "Limbo cool, limbo fine…"
So, apparently, I had more to say than I thought. Isn't that usually the case with me? I think I'm going to start adding 'feel free to skim the a/n's' in my disclaimers. Let's get on with it, because this baby's a long one.
Part 4: Wedding Dress Blues (or Save the Last Dance for Me)
Looking at herself in the mirror in full wedding attire brought back some painful memories for Lorelai. Cotillion. Coming out parties. White gloves. Fan dances. Tux-clad date. Pink strip. Tight white dress. Angry Emily. Cake…well, the cake was actually pretty good.
It might have been enough to put a damper on her shopping excursion, but she reminded herself, as always, that all the mistakes and disappointments in her life had brought her Rory. Rory had never been a bad thing.
The dress that she had on now really was beautiful. It was a simple, white, strapless number, adorned with loose, gauzy fabric. It was formfitting and hugged her curves quite nicely. The only details were a loose knot below her right shoulder and intimate draping at the bodice. It made Lorelai feel pretty. She could even wear a tiara with it, like Emily had suggested days before.
But, why didn't this dress feel right? Why hadn't any of the dresses she had tried on feel perfect?
Try as she might, Lorelai could not picture herself on her upcoming wedding day. She tried to imagine herself in this gorgeous dress with a bouquet of yellow daisies, walking down the aisle toward Max. She tried to envision Rory and Sookie at the front waiting for her, their bridesmaid dresses fluttering in the light breeze. She tried to picture her parents sitting on the front row, looking proud for a change. She tried to see Babette, Miss Patty, Taylor, Kirk, and the rest of the town interspersed in the crowd, with smiles to wish her well. She tried to visualize Max, looking handsome in a tuxedo, and radiating with joy.
Lorelai really did try to see all this, but every time she wanted her mind to wander to this event, she came up with a complete blank. She couldn't see it happening. She couldn't see the scene unfolding in front of her. Looking at herself in the mirror right then proved that she had no idea how this whole wedding thing was supposed to work. Sure, she had planned and managed dozens of weddings over the years, but none of them were ever her own.
More importantly, Lorelai had tried to picture Luke at her wedding. She tried to see his face. She tried to imagine that he was happy for her. She tried to see him looking quite dapper in a suit, sans his tradition baseball cap. She tried to visualize how he would act around her after she became Max's wife.
She couldn't see that happening either. Lorelai couldn't see any of it.
The word 'wife' still sounded very strange in her ears. Very soon, she would be Mrs. Max Medina. Lorelai Medina. Lorelai Victoria Medina. Max's wife. Gah, it just didn't sound right yet, no matter how many times she repeated the new name to herself.
"Hi, I'm Lorelai Medina, and this is my husband, Max."
Could she tell Max that she wasn't comfortable being called 'Lorelai Medina' yet? Would Max understand? Would he be mad? Should she tell him about some of the concerns she had been having lately? The whole grown-up relationship thing was still a new concept to Lorelai. Max was basically the first. She wasn't quite sure what she should tell him and what she should keep to herself. Lorelai didn't tend to stay in a relationship long, for Rory's sake. At least, that's what she always told herself. And, jeez, it certainly didn't help that Max was going to be in Toronto for two months.
Lorelai Gilmore.
Lorelai Medina.
Mrs. Medina.
Lorelai Gilmore-Medina.
Lorelai Victoria Gilmore-Medina.
Mrs. Max Medina.
Lorelai Victoria Gilmore-Danes
Where the hell had that come from?
Sure, she had been thinking about Luke lately. Probably more than she was willing to admit. Lorelai couldn't help it. Things between them hadn't been the same since the dance at the engagement party. The normal spark and witty banter had virtually been nonexistent the past week. Conversations seemed strained and uncomfortable. Even Rory was starting to get suspicious. A part of her kept replaying that night in her head. She remembered the song and how it made Luke hold her closer. She remembered how safe she felt. She remembered Luke's smile and his pleasant disposition. She remembered feeling the heat on her cheeks when Luke told her that she looked nice. She remembered the tone of possibility in his voice when he whispered in her ear.
What had he wanted to say? Why didn't he just tell her now? It was really bugging Lorelai.
She remembered how guilty she suddenly felt when Max asked to cut it. She remembered feeling sad when Luke walked away.
Gah, why was she so curious about what Luke was going to say before they were interrupted?
Not just curious. Damn curious.
"Mom? Do you need help?" Rory's voice from outside of the dressing room nearly made Lorelai jump out of her skin. Yep, she was now catapulting back to reality.
"Uh, no hon. I'm just…accessing."
"Well, hurry up, Narcissus. You've been in there for almost fifteen minutes and Sookie keeps muttering something about being the BFTOTB and needing to see the dress."
"I'll be out in a sec." Lorelai smoothed the fabric of the pretty, pretty dress and smiled at her reflection. Had she really been in there that long?
Taking a deep breath, Lorelai carefully stepped off the platform, opened the door, and slowly made her way to the full-length mirrors in the next room. A collective gasp from her daughter, best friend, and the salesclerk greeted her as she entered.
"Mom…wow," said Rory, the first of the three to regain her composure.
"Well, Miss Gilmore, that dress certainly looks lovely on you," stated Lorraine, the salesclerk.
"God!" uttered Sookie with a sniff as she furiously dug in her purse for tissues. "You look…sniff…so beautiful."
"You really like it?" Lorelai asked, still feeling uncertain. It didn't have that vibe. The perfect dress was supposed to have a vibe, right?
"Love it," Rory said with a nod and a smile.
"It is very airy and light. Perfect for a summer wedding," remarked Lorraine, who looked contemplative with a fire-engine red nail on her chin.
"You look like one of those Greek heroines or goddesses, like Aphrodite or…" Sookie trailed off while dabbing her eyes.
"Helen of Troy," Rory supplied.
"Ooo, yes, Helen of Troy."
Lorelai turned around and looked at her reflection from three different angles. The three women gathered around her.
"You could wear your hair down and wavy," Rory stated.
"I have the perfect strappy sandal with a heel for this dress. Let me see if I can find it."
"We could try to find a vintage gold necklace or big earrings to go with the whole Helen theme," Sookie said enthusiastically, "Let me see if Lorraine has anything good out there."
With that, Sookie bustled off to the front of the boutique, leaving Lorelai and Rory alone in front of the mirror. Lorelai held out her arm, welcoming an embrace from her daughter. She gave her a kiss on the forehead and Rory studied the fabric on the dress.
"You really do look beautiful, Mom."
"Thanks, kiddo."
"I think this is it," Rory said with confidence, turning to look at her mother's face.
"Really?" Lorelai asked hesitantly.
"You don't seem sure."
"It just doesn't have the right vibe."
"Vibe?"
"You know, the 'I'm the perfect dress. Pick me!' vibe."
"But, this dress is perfect."
"Then, where are the signs? Where is the bright, sparkly light from heaven, shining down on it? Where are all the angels flying around it? Where are all the, um…fish swimming around it?"
"You're talkin' crazy, Anne Heche."
"Hey, that's Celestia to you." Rory shook her head and laughed at her quirky mother. "You know how I get sometimes," Lorelai continued, "I feel like I need some sort of divine assurance. If I buy the wrong dress, the fates will be against me, and, POOF, I'm divorced three months later."
"I don't think you have to worry about that. Max loves you."
"Yeah, he does," Lorelai said wistfully. She produced a half-smile for her daughter.
"Where is all this doubt coming from?" Lorelai sighed. Rory always knew what was really going on with her.
"I don't know," she said, looking at the dress again, "I really don't."
"You want to know what I think?"
"Do I have a choice in the matter?" Rory scowled, but continued.
"I think you are depending too much on a sign. The dress is gorgeous. You look gorgeous in it. Maybe you can't see it, but Sookie and I both think this it the perfect dress for you. Heck, even Lorraine thinks so!" Lorelai grinned and Rory gave her another squeeze. "So, snap out of this indecisive mood and buy yourself a wedding dress."
"Sometimes I wonder which one of us is more mature."
"The answer will always be me," Lorelai placed a hand on Rory's cheek, searching for guidance in her eyes that she hadn't been able to find in herself. Maybe Rory was right. Maybe she should just buy this dress. Then again, what if she was right? Lorelai definitely didn't want karma on her bad side. It was getting too damn hard to decide.
Sometimes Lorelai hated being an adult.
"I don't-"
"You'd be hard pressed to find a more beautiful dress before the wedding," Rory interrupted before Lorelai could express her self-doubt once again.
"True that."
"Max will love it." For some reason, that didn't reassure Lorelai like it should have. For lack of a better response, Lorelai nodded.
"I'm going to go change."
"Think about it. I'll help Sookie look for jewelry."
"Thanks, babe. I don't know what I would do without you."
"Mope?"
"Exactly."
Back in the dressing room, Lorelai carefully unzipped the back and cautiously stepped out of the dress. Rory was right; it was almost perfect in every aspect. She should just suck it up and take it home with her. Signs be damned.
After getting dressed, she studied the "perfect" wedding dress on the hanger. Perhaps she should take a cue from her abnormally intelligent daughter and make a pro/con list. Lorelai dug in her purse until she found a receipt and a purple pen. There, she weighed the good qualities against the bad. It was odd how so many things suddenly flowed out of her.
Pro: The dress makes me feel pretty.
Con: It doesn't feel perfect.
Pro: Rory loves it. So does Sookie. Oh, and Lorraine.
Con: I'm not sure I love it.
Pro: It's perfect for a summer wedding.
Con: A part of me always wanted to get married in the snow.
Pro: Max will love it.
Con: I'm only going to wear it one night.
Pro: The wedding pictures will be gorgeous.
Con: I don't want my last name to be Medina. It doesn't sound right. I'm a Gilmore.
Pro: Max loves me.
Con: I've never felt completely secure and certain in his arms. Not like L-Nevermind! That's a stupid reason.
Pro: I won't be alone when Rory goes to Harvard.
Con: What if I'm not happy after getting married?
Pro: Mom and Dad might respect me more if I get married.
Con: Is that a good enough reason to say "I do?"
Pro: Rory will finally have a stable father-figure. She likes Max.
Con: What if Rory and I drift apart after the wedding?
Pro: Max likes a good cup of coffee and he cooks!
Con: Luke's won't be a mainstay anymore. Max doesn't seem to like Luke.
Pro: Max knows a lot of my quirks and still loves me.
Con: There still a lot about me that Max doesn't know.
Pro: Max will make a good step-dad.
Con: He's Rory's teacher…And that keeps coming up!
Pro: Max can keep up with my conversations.
Con: He's more serious than I am.
Pro: He's a good boyfriend.
Pro: The…you know…has always been pretty good.
Con: I don't let him see me vulnerable.
Con: Max doesn't like Luke. I'm not even sure if he likes Stars Hollow.
Con: I'm having doubts. I hate having doubts.
Con: Max can be jealous. I think Max is jealous of Luke.
Pro: I really think he loves me.
Con: Things will change. My life will change.
Con: I'm pretty sure my friendship with Luke will change.
Pro: Rory seems to love Max.
Pro: I think I love him.
Con: I'm not sure what love is supposed to be like.
Pro: He gave me 1000 yellow daisies.
Pro: He was there when Rory ran away that night.
Con: Max wasn't there when Dad was in the hospital. Or, when Rory and I fought after her dance. Or, when I lost Stella. Or, when Dean broke Rory's heart. Or, when Christopher was here. Or, when I was lonely…but Luke was.
Pro: This dress is really beautiful.
Con: What if love isn't enough?
Twenty-one pros. Twenty-two cons. Too close. Way too close.
Lorelai was starting to think that Rory's system wasn't going to help her this time. It wasn't going to be the best way to face her fears and reservations.
She didn't like this uncertainty gnawing at her gut. She didn't like it at all.
Lorelai picked up the dress and walked back to the front of the wedding boutique. Rory, Sookie, and Lorraine were bent over a glass counter, comparing pieces of jewelry. A shoe box sat next to the cash register. Sookie looked up and spotted her.
"Oh, Lorelai, you have to try these earrings on. They will look gorgeous with that dress." Lorelai obeyed and made her way to the counter, letting Sookie hold the earrings up to her lobes. She forced a smile, not wanting her friend to suspect that she was having doubts about the wedding... And about Max... And about her feelings. Rory, however, saw right through her façade and raised an eyebrow in concern.
"You're right, they're beautiful," she told Sookie, quickly realizing that her voice sounded dry and indifferent.
"You okay, hon?"
"I'm fine, Sook. Let's get these." Lorelai nodded, and then handed the earrings and dress to Lorraine.
"You're getting the dress?" a surprised Rory asked.
"Sure, you said it was perfect. It is…perfect."
"Okay," said Rory in an apprehensive tone. She obviously was not convinced.
"I brought those shoes out for you, Miss Gilmore. Go ahead and try them on." Lorraine began to zip the dress into a long garment bag.
"No need," Rory and Sookie both whipped their heads around to face Lorelai. "I trust your judgment, Lorraine. Just ring 'em all up." Lorelai impatiently tapped her Visa card on the counter.
Rory and Sookie exchanged worried glances.
All was not well in Whoville.
Leo Tolstoy's short story, "The Death of Ivan Ilych," is a testament to the fact that life is short and death is inevitable. When you hang between the balance of life and death, like our protagonist, Ivan Ilych, you tend to want the end to come faster. Tolstoy used eleven long chapters to show that in the end, we all wish that Ivan would just die already.
Sometimes, Max wondered why he became a teacher. The above example was not exactly what he had in mind when he asked his students to write about the themes and motifs found in "The Death of Ivan Ilych." Students like this one made him afraid for the earth's future. These 'brainiacs' would be leading this country someday. It didn't help that after eight papers, Max was starting to get frustrated. They were all so generic. He expected more from college students. He got more quality work from his Chilton students, especially people like Rory, and the compulsively driven Paris Geller.
Taking the phrase, "the pen is mightier than the sword," to heart, Max poised his lethal red pen over the student's paper, ready to attack. Just as he was about to make his first pen stroke, he heard a knock at his door.
That's odd. I never get visitors. Max looked over at his microwave clock in the kitchen. 9:43. He hadn't realized that it was so late. He got up and leisurely made his way to the front door. He peered into the peephole and made out a shock of wavy brunette locks in the distorted view. Max's heart skipped a beat. He only knew one person who had beautiful hair like that.
That person was the woman he was going to marry in less than two months.
Max undid the chain lock and opened the door, unable to contain the wide grin that spread across his face. Lorelai looked up at him and gave him a half-smile.
"Avon lady," she said, almost shyly, her right hand clutching a purse.
"Lorelai, this is certainly a surprise!" Max pulled his fiancé into a hug and then kissed her softly. Lorelai's stance was very reserved, which surprised him. Lorelai, having not seen him in over a week, would have hungrily returned the kiss had this been a normal situation. Something seemed off, but Max tried to ignore it. He was thrilled to see her, and she was probably just shy, considering they were standing outside for the whole neighborhood to see.
"So," Max asked, still holding her close in his arms. God, he had missed her. How were they going to keep this up the rest of the summer? "What brings you to Canada?"
"Mounties hat," Lorelai teased. "I've always wanted one." Max raised his eyebrow, hinting that he wanted to know why she was really there. "And, well, there is this certain fella…"
"Any chance I know him?"
"There's a definite possibility." Max noted that Lorelai's tone was not as lively and chipper as it usually was. Was she tired from the drive? Was something the matter?
"Did you come alone?" he asked, pulling her inside the apartment and closing the door. Lorelai made her way to the table and rested against the edge.
"No, Rory's here. She's waiting for me at the coffee shop around the corner."
"Why doesn't she just come up?"
"She wanted to give us some, um, alone time to…talk."
"Well, that's very sweet of her." Max went into the kitchen and flipped the switch on his Senseo machine. "You want some coffee?"
"No thanks. I'm good." Well, that was very strange indeed. Lorelai never turned down coffee.
"Lorelai, are you alright?" Max finally brought himself to ask. The forced half-smile on her face dropped and she looked down at her shoes. Something was definitely bothering her.
"I'm fine, hon. Long drive." Lorelai took a seat at the table and Max pulled out the chair next to her.
"How long did it take you?"
"Nine hours, with traffic and customs. Oh, and we got lost once or twice when I wouldn't let Rory have the map."
"Was this little jaunt planned?"
"It was more of a spontaneous thing," Lorelai said, still not looking Max in the eye. He covered her hand with his and his thumb lightly rubbed circles on her wrist. Lorelai then looked up at him with a somber expression on her face. "I bought a wedding dress today."
Why does she sound sad? What is going on?
"That's great, but you didn't have to drive nine hours to tell me that." Lorelai nodded slowly.
"Max, do you think we could talk about some wedding plans?"
It was late and Luke had his back to the front door as he fiddled with his finicky toaster. Normally, he would be getting ready for bed at this time, but he had been restless lately. He hadn't been getting much sleep the past couple of nights. Frankly, it made him irritable and easily flustered. She hadn't been into the diner in a few days.
Was Lorelai avoiding him?
Not that Luke blamed her; he was a mess right now. He couldn't think straight when she was around.
Luke was still overwhelmed by the fact that he nearly blew it. He just about owned up to all of the feelings he had for Lorelai at her engagement party. He almost screwed up his friendship with the woman who meant more to him than he would like to publicly admit. If Max hadn't interrupted them, he would have blurted out everything. Lorelai would've rejected him. And, where would he be?
Alone. Like always.
Luke never felt more stupid. It would've been a bad move. A very bad move.
The funny thing is, Luke knew it was a bad idea at the time. He knew it was a move completely out of character for him. He knew that once he did it, once he told Lorelai everything, the situation had the potential to be ugly. And, yet, he was this close to telling Lorelai about his feelings for her. Thisclose. In fact, he was thankful that Max walked up to him when he did. Guilty as hell, but thankful. He was getting free coffee the next time he came into the diner.
Luke was aware that he hadn't acted the same around Lorelai since that night. He wasn't sure how he should act around her. Should he pretend that the dance and everything that felt right about it never happened? Should he just serve her coffee and flirt-ahem-chat like he always did? Should he act as if he wasn't about to make a horrible mistake that night? Should he just tell her how he feels and get the rejection over with?
No, he should just forget about it. All of it. Lorelai was getting married. She would never be close to being his. He should be the bigger man and step back. Let her be happy with Max and not stand in her way. And, eventually, he would get over her. Luke would move on. He would conveniently forget Rachel's advice and the emotional upheaval it brought forth.
Hopefully, things would just go back to normal.
But, it may take awhile. Getting over someone like Lorelai couldn't be easy.
Luke continued to mess with the toaster, but nearly dropped his screwdriver in the slot when the bell above the door sounded. Only one person would dare to walk in when the 'Closed' sign was displayed and he hoped to God it wasn't her. He wasn't ready to deal with her alone yet.
"We're closed," he bellowed from the back counter, his voice reverberating in the empty room. The person continued walking into the diner, steps echoing as they made their way to a stool. Jeez. Luke knew it was Lorelai. There was no one else it could be. "I don't put that sign up there for kicks, buddy," he stated gruffly, pretending that the person in the room with him was not the woman he had hopelessly fallen for. She's a customer. Just a customer.
"Please, if I paid attention to signs, I would never find a parking place." Luke felt the corners of his lips twitch up, in spite of himself.
"Hey," he said, finally acknowledging her presence with his back still facing her.
"Hey," Lorelai responded. "When do you ever have 'kicks'?"
"Route 66?" Lorelai snorted.
"Ha, good one." Luke shook his head and turn to face Lorelai for the first time. She looked a little tired and disheveled after a seemingly long day, but the smile she gave him shone genuine.
"Coffee?"
"Please." Luke turned around and began to spoon coffee into the filter.
"You haven't been here in a few days," he posed, hoping to find out if her avoidance of the diner was because of his abnormal attitude or some other factor.
"Yeah, I know. I had a pretty eventful weekend…Rory and I went on a bit of an impromptu road trip." Luke couldn't quite sense the tone of her voice. It wasn't sad, it just wasn't as playful and lyrical is normal.
"Really," he stated as he slammed the filter container into the coffee machine. He turned to face her again, leaning into the counter.
"Not sure if I'm ready to talk about all the details yet, but here's a teaser; it started with me buying a wedding dress and ended with Rory and I unloading the entire Harvard bookstore into our house." At the words 'wedding dress,' Luke felt sharp pains in his chest.
Yep, definitely wasn't over it yet. He just needed to focus on something else. What did she say about Harvard?
"Harvard?"
"I took Rory on a self guided tour."
"Interesting."
"Oh, Luke, it was amazing. Seeing Rory there, in a dorm room, in a classroom. It fit. She fit." Luke smiled, seeing her face light up at the mention of her daughter's bright future.
"Yeah, I can see her fitting there."
"She was right at home."
"So, how you taking that?" he asked, and Lorelai sighed. He knew her too well.
"Taking what?"
"Seeing her fit?"
"I loved it…and I hated it." Luke chuckled, and Lorelai let out a small laugh in return.
"That seems about right. You'll be fine…eventually." Lorelai smiled and Luke reached out to touch her arm in a comforting gesture. He wasn't quite sure what had possessed him to do that, but, God, it felt good. Definitely not a great idea. Lorelai's eyes sent him a 'thank you' message, and he nodded. He snapped back into reality when he heard coffee slap against the pot and he quickly poured her a mug-full. Lorelai graciously accepted.
"Good stuff."
"Really? I decided to experiment with the nutmeg again."
"I could tell. It's a remarkably good cup of coffee." Lorelai took a couple of long, drawn-out sips, and then set the mug down on the counter. Silence engulfed the room once again. Lorelai stared down into her coffee, her smile faded into a blank expression.
"You okay?" Luke felt the need to ask. Something was up. He had that feeling in his gut that always made an appearance when something was troubling one of the Gilmore girls. His Friend Luke, Mr. Fix-It mindset began to take over.
"Uh, yeah…Yeah, I am," Luke glared at her, and she knew she had been caught in a lie. "I will be, at least."
"Is it Harvard?"
"Oh, no, no. That's not it at all. I've kinda pushed that to the back of my mind for now. I'll have time to worry about that later," Lorelai exhaled, and she looked at Luke, "It's just-It wasn't exactly a pleasant weekend. I had to take care of a few things-" Luke nodded and held up his hand to interrupt.
"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to."
"No, I want to…Maybe not now. But, soon." Luke seemed satisfied by her answer, and he pulled out the bundle of receipts from under the counter.
"Change the subject?"
"Please," Lorelai said with a small smile as she picked up her mug again.
"What else did you guys do?"
"Umm, you know, the usual," she said with a smirk, "We drove around. Went to Canada. Hit a B&B," Lorelai lowered her eyes, clearly showing her disdain for B&Bs, "Shopped. Ate some nuts and fuzzy Certs. Harvard."
"Pretty jam-packed."
"Oh, the jamiest." Luke let out a laugh, and let Lorelai ponder in the silence for a few more minutes.
Man, these past few days," she began, watching Luke sort, "I've been doing a lot of thinking, you know? Just so many thoughts about my life before, and my life now, and what I missed out on. Thoughts about what I'll never have, and what I want to have… I finally understand what that statue was going through."
"Yeah, that's a lot of thoughts."
"You're not kidding…I did something this weekend," Lorelai continued. Luke looked up from his task, thinking that she may get into what got her down. "I'm not sure I'm exactly proud of how I handled it, but it was necessary."
"You didn't get arrested, did you?" Lorelai giggled at the absurdity of his comment.
"Ha, no. Don't you think that would've been the first thing I told you about?"
"I thought it might be the thing you didn't want to talk about."
"Ah, give me more credit than that…You know, I've always wanted to be arrested in some crazy protest. Like with hippies and 'Make Levees, Not War,' posters, and tambourines."
"Levees?"
"Yeah, I wondered about that too. We were thisclose," she said, measuring the distance with two fingers, "to accidentally joining that protest on the Boston College campus."
"You have a very strange view about protests."
"It can't be that far off from the norm."
"Not every protest has tambourines."
"How would you know?"
"I just know."
"Oh my God, I bet you've been to one before! Luke 'Green Peace' Danes is a protester."
"I am not," he defensively shot back.
"What did you protest? Ooo, I bet it was red meat. Or fur. Don't ask me why, but I can totally see you with a sign that says, 'Animals are friends. Don't wear their skin," Luke watched as her expression brightened as she teased him. He was just going to let her continue without putting up much of a fight. It made him feel better to see her smiling.
"You're crazy... And, that's a horrible slogan."
"Well, when have I ever thought like everyone else?"
"Never comes to mind."
"That sounds about right." Luke grunted in response, replacing the receipts with a rag as he began to wipe down the counter again. It was better to keep his hands busy.
Lorelai swirled the remaining coffee in her mug as she watched Luke. "Can I ask you something?" Luke paused and looked up from his task.
"Yeah, sure."
"The other night, you said you wanted to tell me something, but you never did." Luke shook his head, attempting to brush her comment off, "I know you said it wasn't important, but, frankly…it's been driving me nuts." Luke swallowed slowly, panicked thoughts racing through his mind. She remembers. I was hoping she would've forgotten by now.
"It really wasn't, uh…you know…important." Lorelai looked at him skeptically.
"You sure?" Luke nodded with a bit of uncertainty, "Because if it really wasn't important, I would've been driving myself crazy the last week or so for nothing."
"And that's new, how?"
"Touché, Luke Danes. Touché," She said with a grin, pointing her finger at him. "So, seriously, it wasn't important?"
Luke was about to respond with the appropriate 'no,' but before he could articulate that thought, he blurted out, "You really want to know?"
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
"I'm sorry, Winston Churchill, you must've confused me with Switzerland."
"Don't be a smart ass," Luke scoffed. Lorelai smiled apologetically and he took in a long, deep breath before unleashing his thoughts. "You know, I haven't had many serious relationships in my life-well, I haven't had many relationships period," Lorelai nodded, "And, well, Rachel-"
"Oh God," Lorelai said softly, her smile disappearing almost immediately.
"What?" Luke asked, concerned.
"I'm so sorry," she said with remorse, dragging out the word 'so.'
"Wha-Why are you sorry?"
"I've been a crappy friend lately," Luke raised an eyebrow, "I was just so focused on Max, and the wedding, and Rory getting back together with Dean, and my mother, and the engagement party, and our trip, and, well, pretty much everything else…I don't think I asked you once how you were doing with the whole Rachel thing, did I?"
"Well-"
"I'm sorry, Luke," she said, butting in before he could comment, "That was really horrible of me. And, I'm sorry that she left again. That must've been…devastating." Luke instantly felt bad that Lorelai was apologizing, when it wasn't Rachel's actual departure that affected him the most. What she said, on the other hand…
"You don't need to apologize."
"But-"
"No buts."
"Ha, you said 'butts'"
"Lorelai," he said with a sigh, implementing his warning tone. "You haven't been a bad friend. I understand."
"I still feel awful. I mean, I know I can be self-absorbed, but I don't have to act like it all the time," Luke snorted, "I mean it," Lorelai stated defensively.
"Lorelai, its fine," Lorelai opened her mouth, about to interject, but Luke held up his hand and continued, "Really. I'm fine about her leaving."
"Ohhhkaaay." Lorelai downed the remaining coffee in her mug and tapped the rim. Luke rolled his eyes, and provided her with a much needed refill. After replacing the coffee pot, Luke turned back to Lorelai and leaned into the counter.
"You know what really bugs me about her leaving?" Luke asked. Lorelai instantly recognized his tone as the one he reserves for dealing with Taylor. This must be bad.
"Wha-" Lorelai began, but was instantly cut off by Luke.
"She thinks she can just gallivant around the world and explore Pakistan, or Ethiopia, or… Duluth, and no matter what, I'll still be here."
"Well-"
"I mean, of course, I'll still be here. I own a diner. I was born here. My parents are buried here. I'm not leaving. But, she comes in, tra-la-la Rachel, without a care in the world, expecting me to still be here for her-"
"I'm sorry, did you just say tra-la-la?"
"-She just thinks I'm going to be waiting around for her. She thinks that no matter how long she is gone, she'll come back, I'll still be in love with her, and we'll just pick up where we left off. And, I'm sorry, but I don't know where the hell she got that impression!"
"Lu-"
"I'm not a dog, Lorelai. I wasn't just sitting around, just waiting, just begging for her to come back to me. I'm happy with my life."
"You're ri-" Lorelai attempted to agree, but when Luke interrupted her again, she knew she was caught in a full-born Luke-rant, and she would not be able to get a word in.
"And, she comes back, not expecting me to change, but wanting to change my life at the same time. What the hell is that about? I don't like change. She knows that! But, she puts things in my bathroom. She takes one of my drawers. She moves my milk. She wears my shirts. She turns my apartment into her own freakin' studio. She expects to share the bed with me." Luke held up his fingers as he counted off his Rachel grievances.
"You shared your teeny-tiny bed with-"
"And, I knew, from the moment she walked in that door," Luke pointed to the diner door in front of him, "from the moment that she said that flippant little, 'hey, how's it going?' that it wasn't going to work. That it wasn't for real this time. That it was never for real. I even told you that! I can't believe I listened to you and wasted my time with an old relationship that wasn't bound to work in the first place."
"Luke, I'm sure you weren't wasting-"
"I had better things to do, dammit! She didn't have to go interrupting things. Things were going well with-" Luke shook his head, knowing he shouldn't be heading into any Lorelai-related territory. Be as vague as possible. "Never mind."
"What things?"
"Wait a minute, I'm getting to the best part of the story," Luke laughs, almost spooking Lorelai for a minute, "Rand McNally comes waltzing down those stairs, with that stupid camera case that I-I mean you-bought for her. And I knew exactly what was going on. She was leaving again. But, hey, at least she had the decency to wait to say goodbye this time."
"Oh, Lu-"
"And she has the audacity to say that she's leaving because of me this time. Me! Boy, that's rich. I do the exact same thing I always do. I let her come back. I let her stay. I let her back in my life. And, apparently, my heart wasn't in it this time.
"Wow, ok-"
"Alright, maybe she was right. Maybe my heart wasn't in it this time. But, that's her fault. I was here. She left me. She can't expect me to be the same. She can't expect me to feel the same. She can't expect me to not move on, to not have feelings for…other things. And, then she proceeds to give me advice."
"What did she sa-"
"And, the funny thing is, I'm not sad about her leaving. I'm not sad that we grew apart. I'm not sad that it really is over this time. I'm not sad that I'm not in love with her anymore."
"Oh, well, that's good, I gues-"
"But, I am mad. Boy, am I mad! She didn't have to say what she did. She didn't have to make me over-analyze everything I thought I knew. She didn't have to…change things! I was fine with that relationship before. It didn't need her meddling. It's not like I could've done anything about it anyway. I am just so pissed off at her because her advice has been driving me crazy these past couple of weeks! I can't think straight anymore!"
"Seriously, Luke, what did she say?"
"Oh, it was terrific advice. Really, you'd think it's funny."
"Luke, I think you need to calm-"
"Fantastic, Rachel. You just really like to screw with me, don't you! Even know you knew I couldn't do anything about it. Even though I told you that we were just friends…uh, I mean, you knew-"
"Are you going to keep ignoring my questions? Because I could buy you a pet rock to rant to. Same effect, my friend." Lorelai sighed. But, Luke, once again, avoided her question, and continued his rant. I wonder who he's talking about. Who's this 'just friends' person? Was Rachel jealous? Wow, definitely wasn't expecting that.
"But, you know what, Rachel?" Luke said, his eyes blazing, "It's too late. I lost my chance. I can't do a damn thing about it because she's getting married!" Luke exclaimed, wildly thrusting his hand in Lorelai's direction. It took him a full three seconds to realize where his explosive rant had led him.
Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit.
Lorelai stared at him with wide eyes as realization set in. Luke instantly felt his cheeks burn with regret and embarrassment.
Did he really just say that? Did he honestly blurt it all out in one sentence? Unconsciously. With absolutely no desire to be honest about his feelings for her. He did set out to be vague about the Rachel thing, right? How the hell did he end up here?
You are an idiot.
Maybe he lucked out. Maybe Lorelai had no idea what he was talking about. Maybe Luke was as subtle as he set out to be.
Luke took his eyes off the floor and glanced at Lorelai. But, her blank expression told all. Stunned. Struck mute. She was staring at him, blue eyes almost dark with intensity. Looking him right in the eye. Forehead wrinkled in disbelief.
In the midst of all of Luke's mental chaos, Lorelai had never looked more adorable to him.
"Dammit," Luke cursed under his breath as his eyes nervously darted around the dark diner. She knew. She had to. Why else would she be looking at him like that?
She knew.
And, he needed to get the hell out of there.
"I'm going to bed!" Luke announced gruffly, in unceremonious fashion. Lorelai quickly stood up, nearly tipping the stool over in response. He wasn't exactly sure why that particular phrase popped out. He certainly wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight. But, there it was, hanging in the air. He couldn't take it back, just like he couldn't shove the entire Rachel rant back into his mouth.
Dammit, Rachel!
"What?" Lorelai squeaked, her tone sounding foreign in his ears.
"I'm going upstairs," he stated, miraculously sounding calm, even though his thoughts were jetting around his head like a crazed Pong game. "You know where the key is?"
"Key?" She asked, eyes shifting around the diner. She knows. She has to know. Fantastic. Fan-freakin'-tastic
"Yeah, you know, to, uh, lock up…Yeah, um…do you mind?" And, now, ladies and gentlemen, let's get back to the amazing feat of nervous stammering, brought to you by Luke Danes not being able to shut his trap!
"Ummm…no?" Lorelai said with her eyebrows scrunched down so far that they may as well have been attached to her eyelids. Yeah, he got it. She was confused. Of course she was confused. Luke was pretty much baffled himself by the words pouring out of his own mouth.
"So…uh…goodnight?" Lorelai tilted her head to the side, as if she was trying to read his thoughts.
"Oh…Oh! Okay…you're going to bed?"
"Yeah," Luke said, directing his glance at the floor again as he rubbed the back if his neck, " Um, you know…early deliveries." Could this conversation get any more awkward? He looked up to see Lorelai nodding furiously.
"Okay…Okay…"
"So…later."
"Right!" she burst out loudly after a long pause. Her voice rang in the empty room, "Um, later," Lorelai finished, making sure that her voice was significantly softer. Luke responded with a short nod then turned his back to her.
Upstairs, he repeated to himself. If you can just get upstairs, you won't have to be in the same room as her. Don't look at her, just head upstairs.
Lorelai watched as Luke turned his back to her and realized that she needed something. She wasn't sure what, but she knew she needed…something. Or to do something….Yeah, maybe that was it. She wasn't exactly thinking straight after Luke's little outburst. The brain was a little fuzzy. Like cotton balls. Cotton balls are fuzzy…So are bunnies… Oy, with the fuzziness! She was on a mission. She needed something.
Or, needed to do something.
Whatever. It was something. She knew it was something. Gah, it was on the tip of her tongue. But, she just couldn't put a finger on what it was.
Weed? No. She never liked the smell of it anyway.
Vicodin? No. Prozac? Tempting. Dimeatap? Mmm, good stuff.
Booze? Couldn't hurt. Might help her figure out what the hell just happened.
Chocolate? Always a good idea. Mac and Cheese? Only if she had booze. Coffee? Oh yeah, coffee sounded good. Okay, yes, she had coffee right in front of her. But, the logical side of her brain wasn't working right then. For some reason, she couldn't connect the dots between must have coffee to its right in front you, genius.
Oh boy. Did Luke just imply what she thought he was implying? No, he couldn't be, right? She wasn't the reason why Elle MacPherson walked out of his life…was she? Oh my God. That's what he said, didn't he? He said, he "couldn't do a damn thing about it because 'she' was getting married." 'She' is me? She could be me. Hmm. Sheme. She is to me as…Gah, I was never very good at those.
Maybe, she hadn't been imagining things the other night?
Jeez, how vain are you, Gilmore? I mean, I have always thought that song was about me, for the most part.
It can't be me. I mean, ha, there's got to be other women in Luke's life…who he is friends with…who he could potentially have feelings for…who could also be getting married…Okay, maybe not. Gah!
Maybe she needed a cyanide capsule. Boy, did that sound appealing right now. Her messy situation was certainly enough to warrant it right now.
Tell him.
That was it. The 'something.'
That's what she really needed to do. Well, she always knew she was going to tell him eventually. He was her friend, and friends deserve to know the basic things about friends. But, for some reason, she had wanted to wait. That had been her plan when she walked into the diner. Wait.
She just needed to…forget. Even if it was only for that night. But maybe, after his accidental rant and gesture…and implication (if it meant what she thought it meant), that's what she needed to do. Tell him. Tell him tonight. Tell him before he walked up those steps and she lost her nerve.
Oh boy… Deep breath.
"Luke," she managed to breathe out quietly. Suddenly, Lorelai felt anxious and found herself playing with her hands. Why the hell am I nervous about this? I mean, my gosh, I'm probably analyzing what he said a little too much. Right?
She watched Luke pause before he walked into the storeroom. He placed his hand on the door frame. She heard him sigh.
He didn't-He couldn't have feelings for me…Could he?
"What?" he barked, harsher than he had intended. Luke hadn't meant to take his frustrations out on her. Sure, he was pissed at himself. And, sure, he could blame her for his attitude because she had asked a simple question that led to a full-fledged confession. But, it wasn't her fault. No matter how much he wanted to blame her, it wasn't her fault. She didn't ask for this. She's getting married, for goodness sake. She didn't ask for some other man, her friend, to basically…fall for her.
Dammit!
Lorelai slowly raised her left hand, and noticed that it was shaking. Why was it so hard for her to tell him? Why was she so nervous? When it was at the level of her chest, she took a shaky breath and said, "Look at me."
Luke leaned into his hand on the door frame, and dropped his head to the floor. He wasn't supposed to look at her again tonight. He was just supposed to go upstairs. Going upstairs meant he could try to forget about what just happened. Hopefully, it would be implied that they both would forget about what he had said and never mention it again. He certainly wouldn't bring it up. He couldn't imagine Lorelai would tell him. Going upstairs would make things less complicated. Okay, yeah, things were already pretty darn complicated. Less was the key word here.
He was supposed to go upstairs, dammit! He wasn't supposed to look at her again tonight. Especially not when she sounded like that. That tone that already made him want to give in. But, he couldn't. He shouldn't…He really shouldn't.
He was embarrassed. He was angry at himself. He was ashamed. He didn't want her to think any different about him. But, Lord knows, it was probably too late for that.
Luke felt himself turn, a foreign power taking over him. Why did she always have that effect on him?
Jump? How high? Coffee? How much? Dance with me? Why not.
Lorelai's eyes seemed mistier than normal. Her forehead was still creased. She held out her hand in front of her, chest level. The back of her hand was facing him. He could see that she was breathing heavy. She bit her lower lip and looked him straight in the eye.
He wasn't sure what she was doing. Was she trying to tell him something? Why the hell was she holding her hand out like that?
Then, it hit him.
It was her left hand.
"What?" he asked again, only softer. His thoughts ran a hundred miles a minute as he began to process what he was looking at. Her left hand. Her…bare left hand. No. It can't- She isn't-.
"Um," she said, trying to force a smile. Now he realized that she was anxious. She brought her right hand and her fingers began to play with something that was no longer existent on her ring finger.
Her ring finger…
"Max and I-we, uh…I broke it off…with Max."
There's no ring on her finger. She broke it off-
"You, uh," he managed to spout out. Frankly, he was stunned "Why?"
Lorelai sniffed, her eyes watering, "God, more reasons than I thought at the time," she shook her head, "We weren't right. I, uh, didn't feel it when he held me. You know, safe, secure…whole…The dress-man, it was beautiful, but it didn't feel right. I didn't feel right. He wasn't right for me, I don't think… I don't think he would've liked living here. It really bugged me that he didn't like you," Luke raised an eyebrow at that, "…It just wasn't right…We didn't make each other better people…I-I didn't lovehim." She knew she was rambling. She needed to stop before she broke down right in front of Luke, sobbing over her relationship failures, rather than actually breaking up with Max.
"Are you okay?" Luke asked after a long pause. He took off his hat and began to unconsciously play with it in his hands.
Leave it to Luke to be so damn sensitive to her needs.
"Oh yeah," Lorelai stated with a small laugh. "It was the right thing to do…It was what I needed to do."
"Okay," he said softly, not able to look her in the eye anymore, "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be. I know you didn't like him very much."
"You didn't deserve to be put through that."
"Thanks," she stated, her voice starting to waver. "Are you okay?" she asked when she noticed that he wouldn't look at her anymore.
"Lorelai-" he began, but stopped himself by shaking his head. He shouldn't say that now, no matter how much he wanted to.
She's not getting married. She broke up with Max. She's…single.
Stop it! You would be a complete moron to say anything now. Or try anything. It isn't right. You lost your chance, remember? You've already been through this.
"Yeah?" Her voice sounded expectant. He was silent for a few more beats.
"…I'm fine."
You are a coward.
"Oh…um, I should go then." Lorelai tried to catch his eye again, but he wouldn't stop playing with his hat. The one I gave him. The one he wears everyday…Oh, God. "Thanks for the coffee." Luke nodded. "See you tomorrow." He nodded again. Lorelai gave Luke a concerned look, "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes," Luke stated firmly, with a curt nod. Lorelai glanced in his direction one last time, before turning toward the exit.
Man, I wish I knew what he was thinking.
As she walked to the door, she hated how her Harvard flip-flops slapped against her heels, reverberating off the walls of the empty diner. She hated how insecure she felt as she told Luke about her break-up. She hated that her news had struck him mute, to the point that he couldn't even look at her. Was she that disgusting? Was the fact that she was bad at relationships a disturbing fact to him? Why the hell did she even care so much? It was just Luke.
Only, it wasn't just Luke. It was Luke. The name that was almost an adjective in itself. His distinct Lukeness had been one of the few constants in her life. The one thing about him that she inadvertently allowed herself to trust. It was a scary thought, but Lorelai felt confident in saying that Luke was probably the only man who had always been for her. The only man that had yet to let her down.
Sure, they had their little disagreements. The occasional dispute. The sharp differences in their interests. The frequent arguments over silly little things. The rare fight. But, at the end of the day, Lorelai was positive that he would be there. They would eventually forgive each other or get over it. It was, after all, their thing.
It was strange to be thinking their routine as she walked away from Luke. Lorelai figured there were probably a thousand more important things that should be going through her head right now:
The party and the dance and the strange feelings she had pushed aside.
The pro/con list she had made in the dressing room of the wedding boutique.
Luke's reserved behavior.
Her break-up.
Max.
Her pathetic singleness.
The conversations she had with Rory while they were away.
Harvard.
Luke.
Rachel.
Luke's rant.
Luke's reaction to her announcement.
Luke.
But, the only thing going through her head was their stupid little routine. The banter, and the conversations, and the arguments, and the coffee, and, well, the flirting. She liked their routine. It made her comfortable. He always had the ability to put her at ease. She had missed it the past week or so, when their conversations had been a little reserved and strange. She was sad that she and Max had never reached the place that she and Luke had been all along. The friendship place. It was truly unbelievable. A part of her didn't know what she would do without it. Or, what she would do without Luke.
"You know, Luke is a really nice man."
Lorelai sucked in an uneasy breath as she touched the doorknob. She didn't quite understand where this train of thought was heading. But, it was certainly bizarre that she couldn't get Luke out of her head. Or was it?
Just as she was about to turn a knob, Lorelai suddenly felt a hand lightly grasp her waist. She gasped, spooked by the unexpected contact, and whipped around, only to be face-to-face with Luke. Throughout the years, the two of them had their own areas of personal space. Very rarely did they cross these lines. But, there was Luke, with his hand still resting gently on her waist, leaning incredibly close to her.
Oh, God.
There was something flashing in his eyes that Lorelai had a hard time placing. Had she ever seen this Luke? When had he ever looked at her like this? Adoration. Desire. Uncertainty. Longing. Hope.
Luke brought his other hand up, and his thumb lightly traced her jaw line. What the hell was going on? Lorelai shuddered. His touch was so nerve-wracking, so intimate, so light, so…Luke.
Luke? Oh right, Luke is a verb now.
Lorelai tried to think of something to say, but her mind was a complete blank. His hands on her face and waist were just so damn unnerving! Her heart was racing, and she gripped the doorknob behind her, hoping that that would ground her. That it would help her get a grip on this situation.
Luke wasn't quite sure where the jolt of confidence came from, but here he was. It was almost like he was having an out of body experience. Or he was that guy from Quantum Leap, where his thoughts were normal, but his body certainly wasn't his own. He knew he was still Luke. He was still Luke in his head. But, his body was completely out of control. His body was not Luke, or even acting Luke-like. Body Luke was holding Lorelai. Body Luke stroking her face, something he never in a million years imagined himself doing. Brain Luke was going bananas! What are you doing? You're scaring her, you psycho!
The only thing he remembered thinking as Lorelai walked away was it's now or never. And, obviously, that had triggered a reaction from Body Luke.
It's now or never.
Don't wait too long…to tell her.
God, she's beautiful.
And, then, inexplicably, he heard himself saying that thought out loud, "God, you're beautiful." Damn it all. He no longer had any self-control over any part of himself. Had he been in a right state of mind, he would've smacked himself upside the head.
Lorelai looked down as she blushed, not knowing how to respond to him. The fact that he had rendered her speechless was baffling enough. She felt Luke tip her chin up, and now she couldn't help but look into his eyes.
And, now, she saw it. What Sookie had said for years. What Miss Patty had coyly hinted at for ages. What Rory had blatantly suggested for awhile now. What she had been trying to deny since they had first met. That feeling. That intense connection. That attraction.
He had it, the za-za-zoo (as Carrie Bradshaw described it). Why wasn't she able to see that before? Why was the fog being lifted now?
She knew she should be thinking about Max and her failed engagement. Wasn't it to soon to be…feeling this way? That is, supposing that she was feeling a special way toward Luke now.
Oh, God, I am. I am feeling…something.
Just like they had at the wedding boutique, memories of the engagement party and the dance came flooding back. She had felt good. She had felt comfortable. She had felt safe. She had felt…whole.
All the things she hadn't felt with Max.
Shit.
How could Lorelai not see it? How could she be so ignorant? All those years, how could she not see what was right in front of her? Why wasn't she able to listen to and accept reason from Sookie, Rory, and the others? Luke was great. God, he was great. He had always been there. She had been thinking these same things over the past week, and never once had they led her to this place.
It was Luke.
That's why she felt the way. That's why it felt so right during the dance. That's why she felt so right now, in his arms.
How could she not realize that she had been falling for him all along?
Luke's hand was now cupping her face, his breathing erratic. Was he really doing this?
She could feel his breath on her face, and Lorelai felt herself coming unglued. Had he always had this power over her? Had he always been so intimate?
"W-w-what-," she managed to get out as Luke leaned in closer, and Lorelai sucked in a breath of surprise at his boldness. Luke dipped his neck forward and brushed his nose with hers. She gripped the doorknob harder. "What are you doing?" she asked in a breathy whisper.
Luke pulled back and seemed to ponder this for a moment. Sure, he had been asking himself the same thing since he crossed the diner to her and had yet to come up with a coherent answer. All he knew was that he wanted her, and he wanted her now. And, for once, Luke wasn't going to stand on the sidelines. He was going to go after what he wanted. Obstacles be damned.
Fear began to seep into his pores as he realized that he had her pressed against the door. What if she didn't want the same thing? What if he was forcing something on her that she didn't want?
Then, he looked down and noticed that Lorelai's other hand was unconsciously clutching his flannel shirt at his stomach. Holding him there. Keeping him in one place.
Upon this realization, he brushed some of her curls aside and planted a few lingering kisses on her neck. Lorelai moaned, in spite of herself, and she closed her eyes. He slowly kissed up to her jaw and stopped for a moment to catch his breath. The feeling of her soft skin on his lips was overwhelming. Lorelai clenched his shirt harder.
"What am I doing?" he repeated out loud, his voice hoarse. Lorelai opened her eyes to look at him again, feeling her knees almost going slack. She was certainly glad to be pressed against the door now. Luke brought his thumb up and lightly brushed her lower lip. "I'm doing what I should've done five years ago, Lorelai."
Before Luke could do anything else, Lorelai took her hand off the doorknob and wrapped it around his neck, pressing her lips against his. Luke instinctively brought her in closer, wrapping both arms around her. Because she took the first initiative, instigating the first kiss, it signified to Luke that she had wanted this too. He quietly moaned against her lips, in pure astonishment and relief, and tried to fight the smile that was plaguing his lips.
The first kiss was light and cautious, exploring the possibility, tap dancing on that line between friendship and something more. It immediately led into a more confident second kiss, which blended into a third passionate kiss, where Luke's tongue traced her lower lip and she immediately allowed him access. This transitioned into a hungry fourth kiss.
Fifth, sixth, seventh…eventually Lorelai lost count in Luke's embrace. Man, if she had known that kissing Luke would be like this, she would've tried it ages ago.
In each others' arms, everything felt right, just like it had at the dance. Just like it had several times before. And, when Lorelai eventually pulled away and said, "Curiouser and Curiouser," Luke knew exactly what she meant.
Before all this had happened, there was so much potential, so many curiosities. But, now, they had reached this place. They had crossed that line, and things seemed to be in the right place. It was right. Their feelings were right. They were right. They were going to be alright.
Now, the only thing to be curious about was what was to come.
The End
A/N: And, that's all she wrote...for now at least. I plan on updating my other stories soon.
Hey, did you ever wonder about the punctuation in the title of Murder She Wrote. I feel like there should be a comma or some bunny ears or something in there. Not sure what made me think about that. Oh, and did you also wonder why anyone would ever invite Jessica Fletcher to a party. I mean, seriously, every where this woman goes, somebody drops dead. I don't know about you, but something is very fishy about that.
And, now that I'm done with the random conversation, on with the shameless pleas I promised: Please review! This story has become a personal favorite of mine, and I would really like to know how you all feel about it. Especially since it turned out to be more Luke-centric than I had originally planned. I'm not quite sure how that happened, but ya know, sometimes it's out of your control.
So, yeah, I would love to know what you think. Did you love it? Hate it? Wish I had done something different? Would you use words like fabulous, fantastic, wonderful, glorious, fantabulous, or mondo-fabulous to describe it? Or words like eh, unbelievable, dumpster-worthy, rubbish, unfabulous, or cringe-inducing? You decide. If you review, I will reply. I'm not sure if that's an incentive, but give me a tutu, tap shoes, and few flaming batons and I'm pretty entertaining.
So, now, I thank you all. And thank you. And thank you. And thank you and you. And thank you. Yeah, that's right, you know who you are, readers and reviewers. Without your support and Christina's patience with me, this story would cease to be. And, it you would really send me to the moon if you reviewed for the last chapter (nudgenudge, winkwink).
Thanks again, you guys are like getting Yahtzee! I will be updating my other stories in the NEAR future (yes, even SW2EHWOAC). I even have plans for a new one (go read the description on my main page).
Everybody remember to Limbo Dance!
Robin