Disclaimer: I don't own Ardeth or 'The Mummy', and I'm admitting it right now, so don't sue.

Note: Ardeth is thinking all of this, he isn't saying a word. It would be very uncharacteristic of him to say any of this:) Much silliness, much silliness...

The Effects of Plane-riding on a CERTAIN Medjai

Uhhhh, O'Connell, I don't know about this...Ow! That belt thing that you're strapping me down in is tight! These things that you call "goggles" are very strange, I can't see a thing! But I suppose they're necessary.Uh oh, everything's clear? Does that mean we're going? Oh dear, I still don't know about this. I've never ridden on a plane before. I've never ridden on anything that doesn't eat grass! ...Well, except for that car...but we were still on the ground, for crying out loud! What's this going to be like?

What's that noise? Oh, it's the plane's engine. Are those swirly things supposed to make this contraption fly? How? (cough, cough) That dust is getting in my throat!Wait a minute...we're moving! We're going faster! What's going to happen now? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

...All right, Ardeth, open your eyes. It can't be that horrible. You're safe, you are strapped on safely to the plane, and you are not going to fall. You are the chief of the Medjai, surely you can stand to just take a look! Open your eyes...

Whoa! This is incredible. I'm flying! Gee, saving the world was never this much fun!I've never seen anything like this before, and I wonder what it would be like to do this for a living? I wonder what it would be like to... What? Who, me? Oh, I'm fine, O'Connell, just surveying the scenery...

What's that sound? Hmm, perhaps if I could get a small glance behind me... Holy Scimitar! Is that what I think it is? A sandstorm...with a face? It's the Creature! We're doomed! All right, Ardeth, don't panic. You are the chief of your clan, you have killed ten baddies by yourself, you have stood up to the Creature's slaves, you have put up with everything a Medjai can put up with, therefore, you can look at something like this and not panic!

EEEEKKK! Watch where you're flying this plane, you drunken, delusional maniac!

O'Connell, you moron! You can't shoot something that's made of sand! You're wasting bullets! He can't even hear me! Wait a minute, is the face opening its mouth? Surely it doesn't plan to...(Cough, cough, cough) I can't breathe, there's so much sand...! What's going on? What do you mean "the plane's engines have sucked up too much sand and we're going down"? We're going...down? AAIIIIEEEEEEEEE!

...Whoo! What a rush!... Wait a minute...I'm alive! Ardeth, you worry too much. Let's see...I can get off by myself. Where's that strap tied? There! I'm free.Whoa, steady...I'm a little disoriented here. I still can't see a thing! Oh yeah, the goggles. Okay, they're off. I'm still feeling a little dizzy though...

All right, Ardeth: left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. One at a time. All right, I'm regaining my balance. Hey, there's that gun that O'Connell was using. I've never seen a gun like that before. Let's see if I can get it off...There! Hmm...not too heavy, not too light, and it still has some bullets left. All right, now to check on the others...