A/N: I decided to make a Pip/Damien because there just aren't enough out there in the world.

Warning: It is full of BOY LOVE!

Disclaimer: I will own South Park and all thing related when Tom Cruise comes out of the closet.

Summary: Damien comes back to South Park to finish up some schooling. Pip is being bullied by Cartman. Kenny plays matchmaker. Oh yes, it's all lovely random stuff.

Remember:

"Blah" – Speech

Blah – Thoughts

Blah – Self Explanatory

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Chapter One

It was a lovely day. The birds were singing, the grass was green, and Kenny's blood oozed over the sidewalk causing the butterflies to get stuck in the sticky residue. Kenny was standing by the bus stop like always with his three best friends, Stan, Kyle, and Eric Cartman when, the fat fuck Cartman is, pushed Kenny because he happened to be eating a Twinkie in front of the other boy and refused to share.

The bus chose to pull up right at that moment and squash him flat. Needless to say, Stan cried out, "Oh my God! You killed Kenny!"

Kyle pointed to Cartman exclaiming, "You bastard!" Yet no one called the police or an ambulance. The three boys just got on the bus and it drove them off to school.

Meanwhile, Kenny's soul tumbled and tumbled through raging infernos before finally coming to an abrupt landing on some hard ass stalagmite flooring. He made a moan and rubbed his sore bottom. "You'd think about eight or nine years of this would make me an expert at landing," the teen grumbled.

He passed through the gates of hell waving hello to the guards. "Hey Kenny! What happened this time?" called out Jerry, a man with only one eye and boils all over his chest.

"Cartman threw me in front of the bus," he explained.

"Ate a Twinkie didn't you?" the man laughed out loud. Kenny threw him a thousand watt smile.

"You bet your toasted ass I did."

Jerry opened the gates and let Kenny stroll through. He passed the Hooker's Section of Hell. "Hey babe! Haven't seen you in a while!" they yelled out, looking delicious as always. Kenny just waved at them and hurried on his way. He walked for a little while more before stopping at the Castle located in the center of a pit of fire and tortured souls.

He rang the bell. The chorus of Hell's Bell's could be heard resonating through the house. Kenny cleaned under his fingernails bored as heck. When the door finally opened he came face to face with that of his friend Damien the Anti-Christ. Damien looked like he just woke up from a nap.

He shrugged Kenny in. Kenny gladly stepped in and followed Damien back upstairs. They passed through a hall of amour, a room of porcelain dolls, and a painting of Bill Cosby in the dining room. Damien opened his bedroom door and shifted across the floor and flopped on his bed in a very un-prince of darkness like manner.

Kenny took in the room. It was normal. A big bed, a desk with a computer on it, a large TV, a play station, a bookcase, some knick knacks, and all of it in dark blues, blacks, some grays and a splash of red. "Oh, you redecorated with out me," Kenny said disappointed. He was usually down in hell until about three am and bored like you wouldn't believe.

Why three am? Good question. No one really explained it, so he never truly asked. Kenny hopped over to the bed. He threw himself up and jumped down on Damien. The evil boy scooted under his pillows to get away. "Come on! Wake up dude! You have to entertain me!" the blond whined

Damien looked up and glared at Kenny. "Do you enjoy being turned into a duck billed platypus or what?" he asked. Kenny sighed and climbed off the bed. He sat on the floor moodily.

"Fine you jackass bastard." The teen mumbled. Damien rolled his eyes and hit him over the head.

"God damn you're a whiny little bitch," Damien griped. He rubbed his eyes and sat up. Kenny smiled and did a victory dance in his head. "Alright, how are things on Earth?" he asked sleepily.

"Boring without the son of Satan," Kenny yawned. Damien smirked at this.

"Actually, I haven't seen you in about a week. Still chasing after your little Butters?" Kenny flushed at Damien's suggestive voice. Damien 1, Kenny 0. Damien thought evilly. Kenny sighed and scratched the back of his head.

"Kind of yeah…" He gave a nervous laugh before coming up with a different topic.

"Oh, Damien, I heard that your pops is sending back to South Park to finish some education."

Damien's grin fell. Okay, Damien 1, Kenny 1. Damien coughed. "Actually, yeah. I'm going back tomorrow." Kenny brightened up at the news. He jumped back on Damien's bed.

"That's great! Pip is totally-" Kenny stopped himself quickly. Damien's eyes darkened.

"I thought I told you-" Damien started but Kenny interrupted him.

"Sorry! I lost my head for a moment." Kenny put up his hands in surrender. Damien huffed for a bit. Then there came the awkward silence. Kenny twiddled his thumbs. Damien looked about the room with no interest. Finally…

"Just for curiosity's sake, how has Pip been doing since I was last there? I mean, I am going to go to school with you guys for a while," Damien asked gruffly. Kenny felt himself smile sadly. You had to be Kenny to understand why. Kenny always, no matter who it was, usually sympathized with anyone. Possibly because he has a shit life.

Damien looked a little apathetic, waiting for him to start. Kenny knew Damien wasn't a bad kid, just a kid dealt a bad hand. But even Kenny had to admit he screwed Pip over pretty bad. "Pip's still… still pretty bad off." Kenny looked to see Damien snort.

"You think I should care?" he asked.

Kenny shook his head. "I wasn't talking about what happened at Cartman's party. He doesn't blame you. He doesn't want an apology either. He just wants to try to be your friend again," the boy explained.

Damien gaped at his companion. He quickly closed his jaw and snorted again, "Pussy."

Kenny shook his head. "No… Just a very lonely kid," Kenny sighed and wrapped his arms about his legs. Damien stared. The Spawn of Satan didn't know what to do. He never really saw the weak side to Kenny. Damien awkwardly patted his back. Kenny gave him a little grin.

"It's been awhile for everyone in South Park. I don't think they remember you." Kenny suggested evilly. Damien hit him on the head again. Kenny winced and rubbed the poor spot.

"You idiot, I can't go about blowing people up anymore. Dad said I'm supposed to be on the down low."

"Ah well. It was worth a shot." Kenny sighed.

Kenny hopped up and went over to the play station, challenging Damien to a game. He accepted and they played well into the day. At about 2:45 am Damien showed Kenny to the door and they said their goodbyes.

"See you tomorrow then?" he asked. Damien nodded. He was about to close the door but Kenny stopped him. "Damien, when you get up there… Don't let Cartman get to you okay?" he asked with a slight nervous grin. Damien's brows made a deep V on his forehead, but otherwise he just nodded again.

"See you later then…" Damien said as he closed the door. He walked away from the main room thinking, why would I let Cartman bother me?

Why indeed...

Back on Earth Kenny was suddenly zapped back into his world by the means of a television. Kenny blenched and ran to the bathroom to take a nice hot shower so he could get off all the weird pink, sticky goop. Every time he came back it was some weird new way of teleportation Hell wanted to try out. They got this one from "Poltergeist."

After the shower Kenny decided it was time for bed. The blonde threw on some pajamas and jumped in the nice, soft mattress. He sighed and snuggled himself in to the downy comforter. He was content for the moment. His mind slide over the discussion he had earlier with Damien. The boy wondered if he should have explained the situation better…

But, he fell asleep before dwelling on it. His dreams involved some bus tires, mutant doughnuts, and him swashbuckling his way to his beloved little Butters. Kenny giggled in his sleep and mumbled something about not enough jelly. But jelly for the pastries or Butters, one might never know.

A/N: Hi everyone! How are you? I'm fine. I have this new fiction that I created all from my screwed up mind. In away, it will be hilarious or very angsty. It all depends on my mood when creating it. This one is quite simple to explain.

If anyone was confused by Damien's attitude that is explained in the next chapter. Also, Pip's overview is explained too. This fic goes by the famous Damien Episode (forgive me but I forgot the title and I'm not going to go look it up for you people. You should know what I am talking about anyway).

Also, sad to say, Cartman will be a villain like character in the fiction. I love Cartman, but let's face it; he does do a lot of evil shit. Therefore, he's going to be the Bully in School thingy.

I've had the fiction in my mind for a very long time, so if something doesn't make sense just ask, I'll explain. I hoped you enjoyed this chapter, it gets better I swear! Stick around and thanks for reading.

Reviews are most welcome! Much love to you reviewers!