Advent Children on Crack FOUR!!!
WOW has it been a while...
Sorry. I kind of neglected it for a while. And when I say a while... I mean months. Sorry. BUT... I'm back. And listening to Blaqk Audio, The Chemical Brothers and MSI while writing this... So there is a possibility of some random oddness.
Alright... Here goes nothing.
oOoOoOoOo
-We last left our hero staring on in disbelief to the sky, watching as the Great Ninja Yuffie flies away.-
Cloud: So...
Cid: -coughcoughHACK.-
Cloud: ... You think we should-
Cid: RUN AWAY?
Cloud: YEAH.
Cid: OKAY.-Cid starts running, coughs, and trips.-
Cloud: ...Well, aren't we just the portrait of grace?
Cid: -Dead.-
Cloud: Wait...
Cid: -Dead.-
Cloud: OH CRAP!!! NOOOO!!!
Cid: -Dead.-
Cloud: ... ALL OF MY MILK BOTTLES BROKE WHEN THE HOSPITAL EXPLODED! DAMNIT CID!!!
Cid: -Dead.-
Cloud: That's it, I'm outta here...
-Cloud leaves.-
-Meanwhile, let us join the SHM in their shell temple, where you will kindly notice everyone except Sephiroth praising a box.-
Kadaj: ALL HAIL JENOVA.
Yazoo: JENOVA THE MIGHTY MOTHER.
Loz: I'VE BEEN DENIED ALL THE BEST ULTRA-SEX!!
-Kadaj and Yazoo both give a rather blunt stare at Loz.-
Loz: ... FAGGOTFAGGOTFAGGOTFAGGOT!!!!!
Kadaj: -Ignoring Loz's song- Wait a moment...
Yazoo: What is it, Brother?
Kadaj: Why... What are we doing?
Yazoo: What do you mean?
Kadaj: I mean... Why are we here?
Yazoo: Well, you see... When a man and a woman like each other very very much, they decide to-
Kadaj: NO. DON'T SAY IT. I mean think about it. A MAN and a WOMAN like each other, they make babies that look like a MAN or WOMAN. But... When a MAN and a BOX like each other... You get us.
Yazoo: What do you mean?
Kadaj: What do you THINK I mean? Look down.
Yazoo: At what?
Kadaj: EXACTLY.
Yazoo: ... OH WHAT-EVER. Housemaid.
Kadaj: SHUTUP. YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I LOOK DAMN GOOD IN THE FRILLY DRESS.
Loz: Would you guys stop fighting already? These pills don't work in an uneasy environment, OKAY?
Yazoo: Dude... You know that's illegal, right?
Loz: So? I'll hunt 'em down with mah GUNZZZ.
-Loz strikes a pose.-
Kadaj: You know, if you keep using those, you're going to end up like Yazoo.
Loz: What do you mean?
Kadaj: Look down.
Loz: At what?
Kadaj: Exactly.
Loz: I don't get it.
Kadaj: Yes, of course you don't.
-Suddenly, the three brothers hear a strange beat coming from the black lake.-
Kadaj: What is that?
Yazoo: ... I have no idea.
Loz: It's kind of...
Yazoo: Catchy?
Loz: Yeah!
Kadaj: -Suspicious face-
Yazoo: Nii-san?
-Kadaj walks up to the lake and notices all manner of evil fishies moving to the beat. There is one fish in front of all the others, swimming beside a small salmon, and a beat boxing blowfish.-
Fatlip the Fish: Hello, boys and girls. My name is Fatlip. And this is my friend, Sammy the Salmon.
Sammy: How dee do.
Fatlip: Today we're going to teach you some fun facts about salmon, and a brand new dance.
-The SHM all look at each other.-
Fatlip: Let me introduce to you a brand new dance
I know you gonna love it if you give it one chance
Its not complicated, its not too hard
You don't even have to be a hip-hop star!
See anyone can do it, all you need is style
Listen up, I'm gonna show you how
Put your hands to the side, and silly as it seems
Shake your body like a salmon floating up stream
Evil Fishy Chorus: I float up stream!!
You know how we do it
You know how we do it again...
Sammy: All my peeps spend part of their life in fresh water and part of their life in salt water.
Fatlip: Wow, very interesting
Sammy: They change round a couple of days after spawning, then we die.
Fatlip: When I first did the salmon all the people just laughed
They looked around and stood like I was on crack
I heard somebody say out loud
"What the fk is that? This n's dancing like a fish, while he's doing the snap"
But the more I kept doing it, the more they were feeling it
Then I heard some bitches saying "that n's killing it"
By the end of the night, everyone was on my team
And the whole club was dancing like a salmon swimming up stream!
Evil Fishy Chorus: I float up stream!!
You know how we do it
You know how we do it again...
-By this point, the SHM all have their arms straight at their side, wiggling violently.-
Sammy: Most of our friends find home waters by sense of smell, which is even more key than that of a dog or a bear.
Fatlip: Wow.
Sammy: My family also rely on ocean currents, tides, the gravitational pull of the moon.
Fatlip: The moon? Fish pay attention to the moon?! Wow. Who knew?
I float up stream...
Sammy: Did you know...
Fatlip: What?
Sammy: ...That I could go to Japan?
Fatlip: You're kidding me? Amazing. Geez.
Sammy: Polluted water can kill both baby salmon that are developing and the adult salmon that are on their way to spawn.
Fatlip: Wow, what a shame. What a shame. Huh.
Hey, kids, give it up for Sammy the Salmon and his amazing salmon dance. Huh, what ya say? Alright. Who's hungry?
-Loz is now on the ground, wiggling violently. Yazoo is standing and wiggling, and Kadaj has somehow managed to snap out of it.-
Kadaj: WTF!?!?
-He smacks Yazoo.-
Yazoo: WTF!?!?
Kadaj: HAHAHAHAH!!! YOU LOOKED REDICULOUS! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE!!
Yazoo: SILENCE, YOU SHEEPISH MAN!!!
Kadaj: Why... Jealous?
Yazoo: ... Shut up.
-Meanwhile, back at Marlene's evil lair...-
Marlene: DRATS! My evil salmon plot failed. How could I have trusted Hojo with such a task as to create evil hypnotizing fishes for the sole purpose of obtaining the powers of the SHM and using them to destroy Emo Cloud and stop him once and for all from delivering the milk so that the world will be milkless FOREVERRRRR...
Hojo: Marlene, you really need to work on your proper grammar. What you just said is what many would call a run on sentence.
Marlene: DO YOU THINK I CARE!?
Hojo: You should. It's in the handbook that all evil overlords should have proper grammar and a vast vocabulary.
Marlene: Eat st. I'm doing a fine job. Better than you could do.
Hojo: Now I would like you to use a different word than "fine" in that sentence.
Marlene: ARE YOU FKN SERIOUS!?
Hojo: Yes.
Marlene: -Sigh- FINE. I am do-ing an exc-ell-ent job.
Hojo: That's much better.
-Haven't heard much from Cloud at all this go around... He must be on his way back for more milk bottles. But what surprises await when he returns to the factory? And how much will Marlene's vocabulary expand? Find out next time, fools.-