Title: Full of Stupid
Universe: Reborn
Theme/Topic: Drowning
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: YamaxGoku, Tsuna, Shamal, Reborn
Warnings/Spoilers: None that I can imagine. Just the usual OOC and stupidity.
Word Count: 1,448
Summary: Something's wrong with Gokudera.
Dedication: pairing requested by seca, prompt provided by nuitari4pwnage. Also for ashesto and kshi and swinku for feeding my need.
A/N: OH MY GOD THE OOC BURNS. But I couldn't think of any other way to do it. XD;; SORRY.
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.

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Tsuna stared as Gokudera—apparently not having noticed him—very nonchalantly lay down a hair trigger and some explosives in Yamamoto's locker.

Tsuna wasn't all that bright admittedly, but he was observant enough to notice the small pile of envelops covered in hearts that were addressed to the baseball player lying crumpled on the ground.

He stared as Gokudera—smoking intently on a cigar—unraveled some wire and attached it to what looked like a detonation box.

"Um," Tsuna said, and couldn't think of anything else to say.

Gokudera, hearing him, looked up and offered a smile. "Mornin', boss."

"Morning. What are you doing?"

"Making bombs."

"Oh." Tsuna blinked, slowly. "Why?"

"To kill…er, test Yamamoto. I think his skills are getting rusty, you know. Might have to kick him out of the family, this keeps up."

Tsuna wasn't sure that was the case exactly—he wasn't exactly bright, but he was pretty sure it was Yamamoto who'd saved him from that eave that had cracked and nearly fallen on him when Lambo had tried shooting Reborn with a bazooka and misfired. That was yesterday.

Did skills get rusty that fast?

"Maybe you shouldn't plant bombs in his locker to test him," Tsuna suggested, clearing his throat.

Gokudera's expression fell. "It's a bad idea?"

Tsuna nodded. "I mean… what if it explodes on one of those poor girls who're always putting letters in his locker?" He gestured to the crumpled ones on the ground for emphasis.

Suddenly, Gokudera groaned and clutched his stomach. "Urg… not feelin' so well all of a sudden."

Alarmed, Tsuna quickly looked around for Bianchi. Nothing. "Are you sick?"

"It'll pass!" the explosives expert assured him, looking red-faced and in some sort of inexplicable pain.

Tsuna panicked. "Should I get the nurse?"

"No it's..." he took a deep breath. Counted backwards from ten. "I'm okay. That's just… it's weird. Same thing happened last week," he muttered, and very slowly, stood again, still breathing deeply. "I thought Bianchi was around too, but it kinda feels different a little I guess…"

"Huh. Well, it's weird that it happened right after I talked about those girls…"

"Argh crap!" Gokudera heaved, and sunk to the ground again.

Tsuna stared. He wasn't very bright but… he thought that maybe something was connected here. What it was though, he couldn't pin. Maybe those girls looked like Gokudera's sister or something.

While he waited for Gokudera to regain his composure he thought that maybe he should go and ask Yamamoto about it. The baseball player would definitely notice whether the girls giving him love letters looked like Bianchi or not.

"I don't think any of them look like Bianchi, really!" Yamamoto laughed later, when Tsuna asked him. He looked thoughtful. "One girl's name was Chigusa-chan, though."

Somehow, Tsuna didn't think it had to do with the similar syllables. But then again, he wasn't very bright.

After school that day, Yamamoto's locker exploded. Luckily no one was seriously wounded, though a rather large chocolate cake had bitten the dust before it could be placed inside, and the girl who'd baked it had gotten burned chocolate all over her uniform.

"That was weird!" Yamamoto marveled when he heard the news. "Exploding lockers. Man, I hope the company that built them recalls them before someone does get hurt."

Tsuna supposed he wasn't the only one who wasn't all that bright.

The next day, when they were walking home from school, they rounded a corner just in time to see a pretty girl bow and give Yamamoto a letter, which he accepted with a laugh and an awkward rub of his head.

"Can't… breathe," Gokudera groaned, and hit the ground like a sack of potatoes.

Tsuna thought that maybe there was a pattern here, and if he could just figure it out, they'd find a way to fix whatever was wrong with Gokudera.

When the girl left, he approached Yamamoto and asked what her name was.

"Sachiko-chan. Nice, but not my type."

Tsuna was puzzled—Sachiko didn't sound anything like Bianchi. Though they did all seem to have the "chi" in common thus far. That might have been it. Weird, but true.

Yamamoto helped carry the ailing Gokudera home, though when Yamamoto picked him up he'd seemed as energetic and angry as ever and even lit a stick of dynamite and stuck it in the baseball player's back pocket.

Tsuna supposed it was okay then, if Gokudera was feeling better.

It lasted until they went to the convenience store for drinks that evening and a cute upperclassman greeted Yamamoto at the chocolate bar isle, saying she was one of his great fans. Gokudera grabbed his stomach and nearly made the poor obaasan behind the counter have a heart attack when he fell over and brought down a chip display with him.

The girl's name was Nobuko, and ruined all of Tsuna's painstakingly formed theories regarding "chi."

Now all they had in common was the fact that they were girls, and that didn't work all too well because Gokudera was fine around Haru and Kyoko for the most part.

Yamamoto had to carry him back to Tsuna's house again after the convenience store incident; though after Nobuko left he seemed the same as usual. He even put a firecracker in one of Yamamoto's belt loops.

"Maybe he really is sick," Yamamoto proposed while they were running a drill for Reborn and lots of things were blowing up around their heads.

"ACK!" Tsuna shouted, dodging falling debris and wondering how the heck Yamamoto looked so at ease with everything when they were being shot atrepeatedly.

"Right, we should ask that weirdo doctor about it. Good call, Tsuna! That's why you're the leader, right?" the taller boy exclaimed with a chuckle, and Tsuna could only imagine that in all the chaos his friend had heard "QUACK" instead.

They only got in to see Dr. Shamal after Tsuna borrowed some of Haru's clothes and put ribbons in his hair—the old perv said it wasn't exactly the same, but it was better than nothing and agreed to at least hear them out since Tsuna had cute legs in that pleated skirt.

"We're actually here about Gokudera," Yamamoto intervened, but let Shamal ogle Tsuna's legs while they talked anyway.

After they explained everything Shamal just burst out laughing. "Oh my god I made the kid gay!!"

Tsuna and Yamamoto stared. "Come again?" they said.

"Well, Bianchi probably helped," Shamal amended, wiping two tiny tears of mirth from either eye as he took the news in.

"I knew it had to do with her somehow," Tsuna said to himself.

"You're totally smart," Yamamoto assured him. "That's why you're the leader, right?"

Shamal looked at both of them. Cleared his throat. "Here's how you fix it."

They listened to the explanation and thought it was really very strange.

"Isn't mouth-to-mouth resuscitation only for people who've drowned?" Tsuna posed.

"And had heart-attacks?" Yamamoto added.

Shamal spoke to them both very slowly. "Let's just say the kid has a serious case of drowning in his own stupid. Drowning Disease, for short."

Neither of them had known that that was the name of an illness, but then again, neither of them was the doctor here. They listened to Shamal.

"So one of us has to give him mouth-to-mouth whenever he does that thing he's been doing?"

"Not one of you. Him." The doctor pointed to Yamamoto.

"Oh," they said.

No one really asked why that was—Tsuna just assumed it was because Yamamoto had better lung capacity as an athlete. Yamamoto supposed it was because he was closer to Gokudera's height and could get to his lips faster or something.

It made sense to both of them, anyway.

So the next time Yamamoto got a love confession and Gokudera collapsed as a result, the taller boy quickly ran over and proceeded with the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. It worked incredibly well, and to top it all off, the girl who had been confessing paled and ran off and from that day onward no one really confessed to Yamamoto ever again, which was probably best for Gokudera's health.

Sometimes Tsuna caught the two of them practicing the mouth-to-mouth anyway though, and he supposed it was good they were staying prepared for emergencies on the offhand chance that the sickness might occur again.

Reluctantly, Tsuna had to admit that despite being a gigantic pervert, Shamal at least knew what he was doing as a doctor. He had cured Gokudera's Drowning Disease, after all.

All Reborn had to say on the matter was he wished Shamal could find a cure for Tsuna's.

Tsuna wasn't sure what he meant by that.

END