Disclaimer: It would be rather useless to even try to pass this all off as my own, wouldn't it? I mean honestly. I think we all know.
Anywho, this was supposed to be a oneshot, but that didn't work so well, so I'm breaking it into chapters and editing them as quickly as I can. So it's all done and should be completely posted within a week or so… which I think is pretty decent. This first chapter is more of a prologue to provide foundation for everything else, so please don't give up on it if it seems slow; I just needed the background! Reviews are super appreciated and if you do, I will do so in return – that seems fair, right?
As Rin stood up, brushing grass from her new yukata, Sesshoumaru was forced to accept the fact that she was growing up.
He had never deluded himself otherwise, never hoped that the strength of his will alone would somehow keep the child who followed him adoringly above the flow of time. Yet although he accepted that she would age, cycle through her brief mortal life like the blooming and withering of the flowers she loved to pick, he had long refused to acknowledge it.
He ignored the way her height increased dramatically one summer, making her a gangly thing who had to learn her meager measure of grace again. The subtle changes in her face, altering her expressions faintly, could be unnoticed. Likewise, the shifting of her voice from the high timbre of a child through the tempering of the yeas could be disregarded. Because, even with the changes, she was still happy, still Rin.
All the same, Sesshoumaru could no longer turn his mind to something else. The child, the girl he had returned to life on a strange whim and had almost lost when he had been powerless to save her, was being shed and discarded on a path forever behind them.
It had only been a handful of years, hardly enough to constitute consideration, since he had wordlessly taken her in as his ward. Five years she had told him happily the evening before, when the red sun had made the sky blaze like it had the day she found him. Five years that had managed to so drastically start changing her. He had not expected it to happen so quickly.
Sesshoumaru considered her as she stood in the sun, head tilted back to face the sky. Still a child, although a growing one. He could not yet call her a young woman, but soon. The implications of that state had started to twist around his mind, an unavoidable annoyance that would have to be dealt with.
Regardless of the time he had to consider the problem, Sesshoumaru had never come up with a solution about what to do with Rin once she grew up. It had never seemed pressing that he have a plan for when this event happened, because it wouldn't be overnight. He had ignored the issue for so long, procrastinated on addressing it until it was now as unavoidable as her presence.
The problem was that, as soon as she was old enough to bear children, she would be in constant danger. A life such as his, a path of wanderings lined with battles in the wild, would be even more dangerous than it already was. He would not bring her into battle with him, but he would be unable to leave her behind in the open somewhere. Doing so for as long as he had was dangerous enough, even with Ah-Un to protect her. There was little interest in a small mortal girl. A woman, however…
She turned her head, catching his eyes as he considered her, and smiled. It seemed like she was always smiling, even when he could find no reason for her to do so. He smiled so rarely that he could not possibly imagine what sort of intensity her emotions must have constantly maintained to allow her to stay so visibly cheerful.
The long grass rustled softly as she pushed through it, making her way to where he was sitting. As she sank to the ground next to him, she tipped her head slightly, her bangs slanting across her face. "Does something trouble you, Lord Sesshoumaru?" she asked innocently, somehow able to read the pale traces of expression that managed to leak into his eyes. He had never understood how she could see what he was unaware of betraying.
Looking away from her, instead sweeping his eyes across the plain spread ahead of them, he considered her words. There was no way that he could answer. Admitting that she was the current subject causing his mood would only distress her unnecessarily. "Have you ever wanted to return to the humans, Rin?" he asked tonelessly, eyes upon the distance.
There was only a beat of silence, enough time to register the question, before she responded. "Never," she stated, truthfully and simply. "Not once."
Sesshoumaru did not reply, perhaps a bit too distracted by the odd sensation of something uncoiling in his chest. There had been so many occasions where he had second-guessed himself, questioned the wisdom of taking her from her own people. But she had always seemed content, and for some reason he had always been unable to ask her before.
"Even now, you do not desire a true home?" he continued.
"No. I like being with you and Jaken." She shifted, bringing herself into his line of sight again. There were questions written across her face, and she softly spoke. "You are not going to leave me, are you, my lord?"
She stared up at him patiently, worriedly. Sesshoumaru wondered if she had any idea how many times he had unsuccessfully tried to leave her. After the incident in the meidou, he had promised himself that he would never allow her to be in such danger again; the only way to accomplish that seemed to be entrusting her care to somebody else, as loath as he had been to leave her by that point. While he could had protected her better than any if he had made it his first priority, there were other duties had had to place higher.
Once Kohaku had been reunited with his sister, Sesshoumaru had found a suitable village for Rin. They had made camp at its edge, just close enough that Rin would probably venture into when she found him gone in the morning.
He had walked for an hour before the faint howling of wolves stirred the silent air. The memory of how he had found Rin flashed before his eyes, and without realizing what he had done, he had returned. He had just reached her when she had woken up, immediately searching for him. In her wide, frightened eyes, he saw her complete trust in him, her blind faith that he would always protect her, and he realized that somehow he had accepted the duty.
It had been the last time Sesshoumaru had tried to leave her.
"No," he replied at length, focusing on the present as he met her eyes long enough to be assured of her peace of mind.
Since he would not leave her and she had no desire to leave herself, Sesshoumaru could only see one other possible way to keep her safe.
After staring at him for a moment, Rin was apparently unable to read anymore of his thoughts from his face. "May I ask why you want to know?" she ventured.
Slowly, he unfolded himself and stood, turning back to where Jaken and Ah-Un were waiting at their camp. "We are returning to my home."
He heard Rin stand, following closely behind him. Although she did not speak, he knew that she must have been trying to connect his final response with what he had asked earlier. It was quite likely that she would realize what he was planning; over the years, she had become disturbingly adept at deducing his intentions from few actions and fewer words.
If she had realized, she didn't say anything. She remained uncharacteristically silent as they joined Jaken and Ah-Un and set off.
-----
The palace was in an uproar at the lord's return.
It was to be expected, however, given how rarely Sesshoumaru was present. There simply was no reason for him to remain. He had no obligations to stay, Lord of the Western Lands or not; there were nobles and vassals who had been loyal to his father and now to him who oversaw the mundane daily management of his lands. He had never felt a strong attachment to his home – it was a constant base he could return to if necessary, nothing more.
For over five years, since before he had saved Rin, there had been no compelling reason to return. Although he would usually stay briefly every year or so, he had been gone for much longer than five years before, and he was fairly certain that enough rumors had trickled back to assure his subjects that he was still alive.
At the same time, these rumors were part of the reason Sesshoumaru had stayed away. He had fought battles and gained power, but most notably he had acquired a mortal girl as a ward. He knew what questions would be asked and what would be whispered in the halls. There was too much to do to bother with such annoyances, and so he had remained wandering the country. Now that it was unavoidable, a necessity beyond any other option, he would face it.
Thankfully, there would be no time for anything but surprise for a while. Certain things became slack when the lord was gone, and his sudden appearance would force the operations to a fevered pitch. Servants would be too busy preparing his rooms and those he was now requiring be made ready for Rin, as well as trying to return what possessions of theirs had managed to leak from their quarters back to their proper places; nobles and the other subjects living in the complex would be trying to make themselves presentable.
The sounds of this activity reached the south gardens where he was waiting with Rin. As of yet, nobody had seen her; he had gone ahead that morning and made sure that everybody would be properly busy before he brought her into the complex. He had left the task of seeing to Ah-Un to Jaken while he stayed with Rin in the relative seclusion of the gardens.
She was sitting quietly on a short bench beneath a willow tree, eyes strangely downcast. Sesshoumaru could not fathom what was bothering her – he had told her that he would not abandon her, and he had gone even further in bringing her, a mere human, into his lands and home.
"What ails you?" he asked when her head had tipped back far enough for him to see the shadows in her eyes.
She looked at him quickly before again dropping her gaze. "I'm alright," she said, allowing her hand to brush away one of the willow branches.
He felt his brow draw down slightly. "Rin."
With a sigh, she stood, facing him. "I am honored that you have brought me here, Lord Sesshoumaru. I just…" Her lips twisted as she thought about how she wanted to phrase her thoughts, a habit she had acquired long ago. "You're going to leave me here, aren't you?"
For a long moment he watched her before she could no longer hold his gaze. "Yes."
"Have I become a burden to you?"
He could not think what would have given her that idea, remaining silent as he tried to consider anything he had done to give her such an impression.
Apparently the pause was too long, even for him, because she gave him a sad, weary smile. "I would not wish to be a burden to your house as well, Lord Sesshoumaru. If you no longer wish to have me with you, I will return to a human village."
The breeze stirred the leaves of the willow, gently brushing them against him. "I want you to stay, Rin," he said.
Her head snapped up. She opened her mouth to speak, but he gave her a look that silenced her. "You are not a burden to me. I have brought you here to protect you."
"You've always saved me when I've been in danger," she replied.
"I have also often been the reason you were in danger to begin with." The clamor from the palace was beginning to settle – voices were starting to wonder where the lord had gone. "I am no longer able to keep you as safe as I want. Since you expressed no desire to return to your people, I brought you here." He turned towards the palace and pressed through the curtain made by the willow. "Come; they are ready now."
----
The walls of the complex were beginning to press in on Sesshoumaru. He had remained for over a month, far longer than he would ever have before. But just because Rin had spent a number of years with Jaken and him did not mean that she had any understanding of the culture and habits of youkai. There were a great number of things to which she had to acclimate. Because of this, he had not been able to leave immediately.
It was time now, though. Matters he had preciously been able to avoid, the intricacy of politics, were starting to worm their way into his routine. Although capable of handling these matters, they were nonetheless wearying. It made the roots of his nature, the deep instincts to wander, pace within his composed exterior.
When he told Rin that he would be leaving in the morning, she had looked surprised for a moment before smiling. "I knew it would be soon," she explained. "You're always looking past the walls."
In the morning, he found her standing by the gate when he went to leave. Her eyes, half asleep though they were, brightened when she saw him and Jaken.
"Foolish girl," Jaken muttered under his breath, having long ago given up on convincing her to take what he said seriously.
"Why are you here, Rin?" Sesshoumaru asked as the gate was opened.
"I wanted to see you off," she replied, covering a yawn with the back of her hand.
She walked with them to the edge of the plain surrounding the complex, quietly humming to herself as the first hints of dawn began to spread into the sky. When Sesshoumaru stopped, she stood next to him and smiled, expressing such strange human sentiments that he chose not to reply to them. Instead he told her to return to the palace, and he watched her hurrying back before she waved and smiled again at the gate.
----
It wasn't until winter when he returned late one night long enough to question a servant about how Rin had adjusted that he learned that, while she never complained, she had cried every night for weeks after he left.
He had departed in the morning without seeing her.
----
Not a season passed afterwards where he did not make time to see Rin.
Sometimes he stopped for an evening before returning to his campaigns, sometimes for a week. He could never say why he was so adamant about these visits, no matter how brief they might be.
Every time, the scene was the same; Sesshoumaru would find Rin in the gardens waiting for him. She would be there regardless of the weather, going so far as to stand in the snow. He had admonished both her and the servants ordered to assist her, having unwittingly picked up the knowledge about how fragile her mortal health could be in the cold. This had no affect, however – Rin refused to be indoors as soon as she got the feeling that he might be returning. No matter what they did, the servants could not stop her without the use of force, which he had strictly forbidden.
Sesshoumaru could not place the strange feelings that slowly spread through him when he would come back. There was something like peace initially at seeing her smiling face as she approached him, always ecstatic that he was back. Knowing that no harm had befallen her and that she was instead thriving brought him a moment of calm he rarely felt.
But it was short-lived, the first gentle wave before the pounding of the incoming tide. The passage of the seasons was meaningless to him while he was away; it flowed past him without notice. As soon as he saw her, however, he suddenly remembered the weight of every second. He acknowledged the drifting of time and its affects when he saw how it had carved her face and shaped her body.
Years slipped by and Rin continued to grow. Sesshoumaru found that avoiding her eyes was nearly impossible. More shocking – she had been growing even when she had followed him, after all – was the change in her shape. It was both fascinating and troubling to realize, one summer when he returned, that all the slight changes had suddenly made her look like a woman. There were traces of the little girl in her eyes and her smile, but she was otherwise a strange, new creature.
Thankfully, her demeanor had not been altered. Everything that had constituted her nature as a child remained, merely refined to befit her new station in life. She had been granted instructors who taught her the things any noblewoman would know, and she had applied herself to these lessons in a way that almost made him consent to feeling pride. He would hear stories about the honor she had brought to the house through the gentle grace she displayed when dignities visited, something that had gradually earned her the acceptance and respect of his subjects.
When the visitors were gone and no pretense was necessary, however, the laughter and songs returned. It had apparently taken a while for those living in the complex to become used to her mannerisms, to the flowers that suddenly littered the buildings. Rin smiled constantly as always, and would carry on conversations with him when he returned that did not require any response. Although there was now a sophistication and wit to her speech that had not been there when she was young, the curiosity and innocence was still evident.
----
Four years had passed in this fashion before Sesshoumaru realized that a time had come where he would not be able to return within the next season. Although it had never been his conscious intent, he found that every adversary he could find close to his home had been eliminated.
Later that night, he would leave. It was now early evening, however, a period of relative quiet when all but a few subjects could be found heading inside. He opened the shoji screen leading from his rooms and stood there, observing Rin in the waning light as she picked some of the flowers whose buds had just begun to open. She balanced them carefully along the length of her arm, preventing the gentle stalks from breaking or bruising. So much energy was put into the act that Sesshoumaru could not help but note how odd it was.
Slowly, he left the shadows of his room and approached her, quickly rewarded with a bright grin she threw him over her shoulder.
"I would ask if you would care to help me, my lord, but I'm fairly certain that I could guess what your reply would be," she said as she tucked another small bloom into her collection.
"Why do you do this?" he asked suddenly, the question rising to his lips before he had been able to properly consider it.
She straightened and turned to him, head cocked. "Because I want to enjoy them."
Sesshoumaru looked at the blooms, so fragile and slight and new. "They are short-lived already; would they not be better enjoyed here?"
"Yes, I suppose it would be better to leave them be," Rin conceded, smiling a bit sadly. "But it's probably the fact that they are so brief that makes me pick them. While they might be short-lived, I figure that I should just enjoy them as much as possible while they last."
Sesshoumaru considered her words while silently accompanying her journey through the various gardens in search to plants she had not found before. When she was finally satisfied, dark purple shadows draped the landscape as night finally fell. He walked with her to her rooms, turning back to his own as soon as he knew that she was safe.
"Wait!" she called softly from inside, reappearing a moment later.
She hopped down into the grass, lifting her yukata slightly to allow her to hurry over to him. After quickly brushing her hair from her eyes, Rin held out her hand, revealing a small flower she had picked while they were out. "I know that you have no use for flowers, Lord Sesshoumaru," she acknowledged when he did not respond. "All the same, sometimes it is nice to have things we don't necessarily need, don't you think?"
After a moment, he wordlessly held his hand out, accepting her offer. Softly, she moved to give him the flower, one hand beneath his as the other rested in his palm. For a brief moment she paused, and Sesshoumaru felt her gently press his hand between hers.
Looking up, he found Rin already watching him. "Farewell, my Lord," she said quietly before allowing her hands to slip from his, as though realizing the magnitude of what she had done – she'd always understood her place enough not to initiate such contact. "I will not expect to see you this summer."
She had already moved back toward her rooms before he could think of something to say to this truth, although it clearly pained her. Sesshoumaru brought his hand up, the small, white flower cradled in his palm.
"Rin."
Pausing, she turned, wide brown eyes glittering in the darkness.
"I will return as soon as I can."
She smiled as she always did, nodding slightly as she disappeared into her room. He barely noticed, however, too preoccupied with trying to decipher the meaning of her shiver when she had touched his hand.