This is a sequel to Without You by my Side. You don't have to read that one first, it just might clarify a few little things later on in the story. Read on, but if you see something you don't understand (in other chapters) then feel free to go back to it.
Hooray for sequels! I hope you all love me for this chapter, because you asked for it! Just because it is a sequel, doesn't mean it is about the same thing. It is eventually set after Without You by my Side - although not right away. Okay, so you might hate me for this story, too. But you've gotta admit, I do it well.
The Doctor was never the kind of man to obsess over anything. Of course, he wasn't a man, but there was nothing that made one feel more human than losing a loved one - and being powerless to stop it. The Doctor was used to being in control - both of his own destiny and that of his companions. Everything usually turned out okay in the end, but even though Rose had promised to stay with him, she had gone. She had chosen him, and that was what made it all the worse to lose her.
Yes, it had been sad that he had lost Rose, the companion who showed him what life could be like again - who infused him with energy and even saved him from death more than once, but he couldn't live his life thinking about her.
He never wanted the same thing to happen again. His hearts could take one loss before its time, but another loss would make him a wreck. The Doctor no longer let himself get close to anyone. He still invited interesting and worthy humans into his TARDIS , but he couldn't help comparing them to Rose.
He made sure that he didn't think about her too much, but in blocking his humanity, he hardened his heart against any other companion he gained. He lost his passion for the human race, for adventure and for saving worlds.
It was harder to stop himself from thinking of Rose when he continually felt the TARDIS miss Rose. She had, after all, taken the time vortex into herself - no one could be quite the same after that particular experience. The TARDIS had also formed an uninentional bond with the bonde human girl, but she wouldn't let it go as The Doctor had. The TARDIS only ever had Rose, but The Doctor had said goodbye to too many companions to let this one girl bother him.
'But she was something special.' Always came in at the back of his mind whenever he was alone. 'The TARDIS never becomes friends with anyone, and you've never been so close to telling anyone you love them.' Sometimes he could have sworn that the little voice in his head was actually the voice of Rose speaking to him, and sometimes he saw her in the corner of his eye, laughing at his jokes, or glaring sternly at him whenever he was rude. Gradually, just to make the visions fade, The Doctor stopped telling his jokes, stopped grinning and exclaiming impossible insults to his enemies.
In time, The Doctor was no longer The Doctor... and it was all because of one girl, some Cybermen, Daleks and The Void. He different than he had been - no longer any semblance of a man, he buried his emotions too far down for even him to see. He was no longer himself, and as the years went by he changed his personality without changing his face. It was as if he had died because he lost Rose - and indeed, he had died inside.
He had no control over his emotions, so he got rid of them. He lost control over the TARDIS and her emotions, so he blocked himself from her. When he had no control over his companions, he asked them to leave. He ached for control to return to him - to be normal once more. But everything was impossible since Rose had been taken from him.
See? Now wasn't that fun? You love me for bringing The Doctor back... but he seems to be in the same situation as Rose, doesn't he? It is impossibe for the two to ever be reunited, so how's The Doctor ever going to get over his grief? Only time will tell. Don't kill me or stop reading yet, or you won't ever find out what's going to happen.
I think it might look a bit jumbled. I couldn't get my thoughts to work out in a neat little story, so i gave up and just wrote whatever came to mind. Some time i might be able to re-write it with the benefit of hindsight. Who doesn't like hindsight?
Mikkifavo