Furuba ain't mine.
Yeah, yeah, I know, I have been writing a ridiculous amount of oneshots lately. But they're so much fun! And they take so little time! And yes, I will eventually update Surface Reflection and Confinement. Eventually. Be patient. I just updated Surface Reflection yesterday, and Confinement...errrrrrrr...
Shigure's POV, of course. May be slightly OOC. PLEASE REVIEW! You know I love it when you do! Constructive criticism appreciated!
Which is worse: to know who you are or to not know? If you don't know yourself, you're constantly wondering who you really are and what you're truly capable of. Can I do this, or not? Is this what I would do, if I knew who I was? Who am I? What is my purpose here? What am I meant to do, if anything? Am I me?
If you do know, you usually end up wishing you didn't. Knowing yourself is to know your most private weakness and most intimate vice. If you know who you are, you know what you can't do. You know your limitations. You know why you aren't good enough. Know why you can't do it, know you can never do it the way you want to. You know that you're not perfect and can never be perfect.
If you don't know who you are, you can aspire to the impossible. You can be inspired by that aspiration. You can write poems about your quest for true love or self-love, the mystery of your soul, the beauty of it all.
Knowing who you are is at once terrifying and wonderful. You know who you are, exactly, what you are capable of and what you have done; your own darkest secrets and dearest dreams. You need not fear failure because you know what you can do and can achieve it. Your aspirations have all been revealed either to be possible or impossible, and you must now accept these possibilities or impossibilities.
But are we meant to completely know ourselves? Isn't there a flatness and an emptiness in knowing ourselves to our very depths? Are we even meant to know ourselves? Should those depths remain unseen, our secrets concealed even to our own souls?
Are we to be secrets even to ourselves?
I am who I am. That much I know. And I know what I am. I am closed to those who think I am open. I am a mystery that they do not recognize as such.
When and why did I become like this, I wonder? Was it the pressure of the Curse? Love for the god? Or was I just born this way? Why can't I open up to anyone?
Not that I want to. Opening yourself, revealing who you really are, leaves you vulnerable. To be vulnerable would defeat my purpose. The Curse must be broken at all costs, even the cost of my soul. I would rather die alone than die cursed. I would rather never reveal anything of myself to anyone and retain this clown face forever than be defeated. I would rather never have a friend than be this way, be this animal, for the rest of my life.
I may be alone forever.
But I think not. I will always have my god. I will always be able to worship her, even if it is from afar. Even if she swears eternal hatred for me, lives with that damned cock forever, I will be able to worship her.
And she will come back to me one day.