I'd like to say here that this is NOT MY FIC. I DID NOT WRITE THIS. This is the work of a writer I betaed, however, she had to pull her writing from the internet after a close call in which her various boyxboy writings were nearly discovered by her homophobic family. I cannot mention her name because she said I couldn't, however, I assure you I have her full permission to post this for her fans. I will try to get them all up as soon as possible.
Also, in a later chapter, I have edited it some because of a major plot hole that she overlooked.
A Memory Lost, A Love Found
"Ha! Take that, losers!" Duo yelled as he slashed at a mobile doll.
Quatre found himself smiling even as he cut another mobile doll in half with his shota blades. Duo's ever-present cheer – even when in battle – was, as always, infectious. Quatre turned his attention back to the battle and quickly sliced at another mobile doll as it attempted to creep up behind him. He had just finished taking out two more dolls when he suddenly found his – Sandrock's – arm gripped in a tight hold.
"Allah!" He cried in surprise, struggling to cut the doll and free himself, but the doll was in an awkward position relative to his Gundam, making it impossible for Quatre to do anything except struggle futilely. The surrounding dolls, seeing their advantage, swarmed on him, grabbing at Sandrock's arms and legs and holding him immobile.
"Quatre?!" He heard Duo cry out a bit frantically.
Before Quatre could answer with a call for help, his cockpit door was ripped off, and he found himself scooped out and held in the hand of a mobile doll. Quatre barely had time to think //Uh oh, this doesn't look good!// before the doll began to speak, its voice booming through the loudspeakers drowning out his thoughts.
"Look at what I've got!" the doll's pilot triumphantly mocked before he began to squeeze the life out of Quatre.
As the pain from the overwhelming pressure engulfed Quatre's body, he threw back his head and screamed and screamed and screamed.
"Quatre!" He heard someone yell, but he could no more reply than he could stop screaming. At that moment, pain was all that he knew.
As the metal hand steadily tightened its sadistic grip around his body, unwanted memories of a time long gone began to resurface. They were suppressed memories of a younger self trapped in a dark room without food and water. Repressed but still shockingly visceral scenes of him being whipped every day and his tearful pleas for help flashed briefly through his mind, amplifying the pain he was already feeling at the present moment in a kind of horrific psychical backlash.
"No!" He shouted almost hysterically even as his eyes squeezed shut tightly in pained denial. "I won't remember! I won't!" His cries were loud, but they were swallowed up by the even louder sounds of the battle raging around him.
As quickly as they'd come, the memories were gone again, forced back by Quatre's determination. He would not remember those times long past, he wouldn't!
Just when Quatre began to feel his ribs creaking, the pressure surrounding him increasing to the point that his ribs were about to snap like toothpicks, a clawed hand shot through the chest of the doll holding Quatre and flames spewed forth.
"Let go of him!" Wufei roared angrily as he ripped the head off the mobile doll.
The pilot seeing his imminent demise gave a mad laugh, "With pleasure!" and then he – the doll – pulled back its hand and tossed Quatre hard through the air.
Before Wufei could even react, Quatre was flying through the air. When Quatre finally landed, his body bounced on the grass like a ragged puppet whose strings had been abruptly cut. His tumble only stopped when he hit his head with a loud 'crack' against a rocky outcropping.
"No!" Wufei cried, horrified, completely destroying the mobile doll which had tossed Quatre. Moving quickly he sliced up countless other dolls as he raced towards Quatre. //Dammit, I should have grabbed him before attacking the doll!// Behind him, the sounds of battle were beginning to die down as Heero, Duo, and Trowa finished destroying the rest of the dolls. Descending from his cockpit in an almost uncontrolled rush, Wufei raced to Quatre.
Lying in the grass where he'd finally ended up, Quatre muzzily tried to focus his blurry eyes. //It-it's not s-safe! I-I can't let go yet! It's not safe!//
Still, the darkness tugged determinedly at him, trying to pull him under, promising relief from his immense physical and psychological trauma.
//Not safe…// Quatre continued to think weakly even as his eyes fluttered close.
The last thing Quatre saw before falling headlong into the black abyss seductively beckoning him was a black–haired boy leaning over him, onyx eyes filled with frantic concern as he was lifted and pulled into a warm embrace. //Safe…// And Quatre finally allowed himself to slip into darkness.
Wufei sighed wearily as he stared at Quatre's prone form lying on the bed. Quatre had been unconscious for four days now and still showed no signs of waking up. Wufei felt immensely guilty; this was all his fault. If he'd destroyed the doll faster, it wouldn't have had the chance to toss Quatre aside like some useless, broken toy.
Wufei reached forward gently and took Quatre's lifeless hand in his. //You must wake up! We need you here — all of us do.//
Once the pilots had gotten Quatre back to the safe house, they'd cleaned up the gash on his temple and wiped off what dirty they could. Now he lay on the bed as white as a corpse and as still.
//Not all that much different from how Trowa looked.// Wufei thought remorsefully. The pilots had eventually been forced to send Trowa to bed. Three days of sitting beside Quatre's bed had begun to take its toll on him, and he'd begun to look as greatly in need of medical attention as Quatre did. As it was, Wufei picked up where the other pilot had left off, keeping a vigil beside Quatre's bed. Duo and Heero had tried to get him to leave, but he'd been unwilling to. After all, it was Wufei's fault Quatre now lay limp and unconscious in bed. Even though the other pilots didn't blame him, he blamed himself. There were so many things he could have done, if only –
Wufei broke off his negative thoughts with a sigh. Dwelling on the past was not going to help Quatre get better.
As Wufei stared intently at Quatre's face, he thought he saw Quatre's eyelids flicker a bit.
"Winner!" Wufei whispered urgently, leaning forward. "Winner! Open your eyes. I know you can hear me."
The eyelids fluttered some more before Quatre finally opened cloudy blue eyes.
Sitting beside him was that black–haired boy. Confused and groggy, he tried to think. //Yes. I remember that black–haired boy from before.// The boy was speaking.
"Winner, you're awake. I'll call the others. Barton will be happy to see that you are conscious."
//Winner?// And as Quatre watched, the black–haired boy turned to leave. He wasn't sure why, but seeing the black–haired boy turn to leave sent a bolt of intense fear through Quatre. It was illogical, he didn't know why he was afraid, all he knew was that he didn't want this person to leave him. Reaching out quickly, he clutched anxiously at the boy's arm. "Please, don't leave me!" He whispered desperately, holding on tightly.
He saw the boy looking back at him in some puzzlement before speaking. "Winner? Okay, that's fine, I'm not going anywhere." And he found himself being pulled into warm arms. Closing his eyes and nuzzling into the boy's muscular chest, Quatre let out a soft sigh. //Safe.// He was safe here, in this warm and soothing embrace.
"How are you feeling, Winner?" The boy was asking with some concern.
//Winner. That must be my name.//
"Winner." He tried out his name hesitantly.
He felt himself being shifted in the boy's arms as onyx eyes peered deep into his and scrutinized him closely.
"Winner?" The boy asked.
"Winner." He repeated.
He saw the boy's brows wrinkle in confusion.
"That's my name, isn't it?" He finally asked, the boy's perplexed look making him begin to doubt his reasoning.
The boy was beginning to stare at him with an expression of shock and horror.
"Quatre!" He whispered.
Quatre wrinkled his brow a bit. "Is that your name?" He asked tentatively.
Wufei stared at Quatre, fear clawing at his insides. "Quatre is your name. Quatre Raberba Winner. My name is Wufei, remember?"
Quatre tried out the boy's name. "Wufei."
Wufei realised that Quatre's condition was far more serious than any of them had originally thought. Based on what he'd seen and heard so far, it looked as though Quatre had amnesia. The others needed to be immediately apprised of this unexpected development.
"Can you remember anything?" He asked Quatre worriedly. He watched as Quatre looked around before finally replying in a small and hesitant voice filled with fear and vulnerability, "No."
Then Quatre's voice got louder as he became hysterical. "No! No, I can't! Why can't I remember anything?!"
Wufei pulled him into a tight embrace, struggling to hold down his flailing arms and legs. "Calm down. It's going to be okay. Calm down." He soothed as calmingly as he could manage. He felt Quatre slowly subsiding in his arms even as Quatre whispered again in a small voice. "Why can't I remember?"
"I'm not sure." Wufei whispered back as he held Quatre close and rubbed soothingly across his shoulders. Wufei suspected that Quatre's loss of memory might have something to do with the fact that he'd bashed his head when he'd been thrown so viciously by the mobile doll.
"I need to speak to the others." Wufei murmured as he tried to disentangle himself from Quatre.
"No!" Quatre cried loudly, beginning to panic again. "No! Don't leave me!"
"Okay, okay." Wufei comforted as he stroked Quatre's hair. "I'm not going anywhere." He felt Quatre tightening the grip he had around Wufei's waist and knew that he'd be bruised later.
Turning his head, he called out loudly, "Maxwell!" He hoped that Duo would be able to hear him wherever he was in the house. The next moment, Quatre was thrashing in his arms again and wailing in hysterical fear.
//Shit!// Wufei thought as he struggled to calm Quatre down. //Perhaps it wasn't a good idea to yell so loudly. Idiot!// He berated himself even as he rocked Quatre in his arms, trying to calm him down. For his efforts he was punched in the solar plexus. Coughing and doubling over, he nonetheless held on tightly to Quatre and continued to murmur a bit hoarsely, "You're safe. You're safe here with me. Nothing's going to happen to you here."
Slowly, in very tiny increments, Quatre began to calm down again, and Wufei was left to wonder why he was so afraid. Sighing, Wufei sat there stroking Quatre's fine blonde hair as he rested in his arms. Wufei couldn't see what else he could do. He couldn't leave to call the others because that would send Quatre into a panic, and he couldn't call out because that would just frighten Quatre again. Hell, he didn't think he'd be able to stand another punch. It seemed to Wufei that this amnesia was going to be a very big problem.
An hour later Duo finally appeared at the doorway to see if Wufei needed anything. His violet eyes widened when they landed on the figure resting in Wufei's arms.
"He's awake?" He whispered hopefully.
Wufei jerked around when he heard Duo's voice from the doorway. Turning, he fixed Duo with piercing eyes and said seriously. "Call the others."
Duo stared at him, confused, the smile faltering on his lips. "Is everything okay?"
"Just call the others." Wufei repeated tiredly.
Duo nodded and backed out of the room to call Trowa and Heero.
Less than a minute later, Trowa rushed into the bedroom followed by Duo and Heero. By this time, Quatre had his eyes open again and was looking at the newcomers.
"Quatre!" Trowa breathed in joy, moving forward eagerly.
"Hold up a moment, Barton." Wufei murmured a bit warningly.
Quatre stared with wide eyes as Trowa approached, and he turned his head and pressed himself fearfully backwards into Wufei's chest.
Trowa paused and stared at Wufei, bewildered at this reaction. His arms, which had been stretched out to embrace Quatre, stopped in mid–reach.
"The good news," Wufei stated a bit grimly, "is that Winner has woken up, as you can all see."
Everyone stared at Quatre who had his face pressed into Wufei's chest. It was obvious to all of them that there was a very serious 'but' somewhere.
"But," Wufei continued echoing their thoughts before continuing bluntly. "He has amnesia."
All that followed his announcement was a stunned silence.
"Amnesia?" Duo whispered in disbelief. "As in, he can't remember anything?"
"I think so." Wufei replied softly. "We'll have to call a doctor to know for certain."
Looking at Trowa's worried face and outstretched arms, Wufei murmured, "Here," before he lifted Quatre from his lap and began to hand him to Trowa.
The next moment, as everyone stared, Wufei suddenly found himself with a squirming bundle of human as Quatre tried to cling to him. "No!" He cried. "No!"
"This is Barton," Wufei explained gently. "You'll be safe with him." And as Trowa reached forward, Wufei tried to hand Quatre over again.
"No!" Quatre howled and wound his arms around Wufei's neck, holding on for dear life. Wufei was forced to stop to avoid death by strangulation.
Everyone stared in shock. Duo turned to Trowa with some concern; the other boy was pale and evidently shaken.
Trowa looked around wildly, obviously lost as to what to do.
Heero finally broke the heavy silence. "I'll go call a doctor."
"Barton," Wufei started.
Trowa shook his head, sitting down on the bed dazedly. "Just hold him for a bit, Wufei. We'll sort this out sooner or later."
Wufei nodded in agreement though he still looked at Trowa with some concern and guilt, and he subsided in his efforts, allowing Quatre to settle back more comfortably in his lap.
Half an hour later, the doctor arrived and gave Quatre a thorough examination. He peered into Quatre's eyes, examined the bump on his head, palpitated his stomach, checked his pulse, listened to his breathing, and asked many, many questions. Finally, at long last, the doctor pulled back looking thoughtful.
"Well?" Duo demanded.
The doctor looked at Duo. "It would appear that he has amnesia."
"No shit, Sherlock." Duo snapped impatiently.
"Maxwell!" Heero barked before addressing the doctor. "Continue."
The doctor looked at all of them carefully before continuing. "He appears to have lost his memory of people and events, but he has retained such skills as reading and writing, among others. That often happens with cases of traumatic amnesia where the patient's amnesia is catalysed by physical trauma. It's not uncommon, but usually occurs in instances of some emotional andor psychological stress which is why he remembers how to do things, but not people or events."
The four pilots looked at each other in some puzzlement at this explanation. Psychological stress coupled with physical trauma? What kind of stress would trigger such amnesia?
"Why is he so afraid, doctor?" Trowa asked hoarsely, speaking up for the first time and voicing everyone else's unspoken question.
The doctor regarded Quatre thoughtfully who had again hidden his face against Wufei's chest. He'd discovered firsthand that it was impossible to separate Quatre from Wufei when he'd tried to get Quatre to move away to do the examination.
Looking at them, he asked. "How did this young man hit his head?" He gestured to the bandage wrapped around Quatre's head.
There was silence, and then Duo ventured hesitantly. "We were fighting when it happened." The doctor raised his eyebrows but chose not to comment on that, instead saying, "Perhaps his subconscious remembered that you were fighting. That would certainly explain why he is so afraid."
"Why isn't he afraid of Wufei, then?" Duo voiced the other question that had been present on everyone's mind from the moment Quatre had woken up and attached himself to Wufei.
The doctor looked at Wufei. "It could be because those two have a very close relationship."
Immediately Duo shook his head. "Trowa is closer to him."
The doctor nodded his head. "Then again, who was the first person he saw when he woke up?"
All eyes turned to Wufei.
"Well, there's your answer." The doctor commented. "I would guess that he feels most at ease with the first person he woke up to see. Almost like imprinting. He must associate safety and comfort with your friend."
"Is there anything that can be done?" Heero questioned.
The doctor shrugged. "Keep him in a friendly, non–threatening atmosphere, and allow him to adjust. He should eventually grow out of his fear. Let him slowly regain his memory. Don't try to force the memories. It may happen, but then again, it may never happen. Amnesia coupled with physical trauma to the brain is tricky to predict."
He could feel their collective shock. "I'm sorry, boys, but that's the long and short of it. All you can really do is pray."
They all seemed to wilt.
"Thank you, doctor." Heero said. Apparently he was the only one still capable of speech at this point. "I'll show you out."
Heero led the way out of the room and the doctor followed.
Left behind, Trowa, Wufei, and Duo stared at each other. None of them knew what to do. They were at a complete loss as to the next course of action.
Finally, Duo ventured tentatively. "Are you hungry, Quatre? You haven't eaten for four days."
Suddenly addressed and with three pairs of eyes focused intensely on him, Quatre shrank back even further into Wufei. He didn't know this person. Why was the person talking to him?
Duo stared at Quatre, his hurt evident in his eyes.
Wufei shifted and, putting a hand under Quatre's chin, lifted his head so that they were looking at each other.
"I want you to look at him." Wufei ordered gently.
Quatre turned his head away.
"I want you to look at him." Wufei said again, nudging tenderly at Quatre's chin so that he was forced to look at Duo.
"That is Duo." Wufei explained softly. "He won't hurt you."
Quatre stared. "Duo." Wufei repeated gently.
Finally at long last Quatre echoed, "Duo."
Duo gave a shaky grin. "Pleased to meet you."
Next Wufei gestured to Heero who had returned to the bedroom. "That is Heero."
"Heero." Quatre repeated quicker this time.
Then Wufei pointed to Trowa. "That is Trowa."
"Trowa." Quatre said obediently.
"Good." Wufei sounded pleased and relieved. "You'll be safe with Trowa."
And then in a swift move Wufei had him out of his lap and into Trowa's.
Immediately Quatre began to struggle. "No!"
Wufei stroked his hair gently. "You'll be safe with Trowa. He loves you. Hold still."
Quatre continued struggling.
"I'll get you something to eat." Wufei murmured softly and moved quickly towards the door, Duo followed close behind.
Watching him leave, Quatre felt blinding panic overtake him.
"No!" He began to howl struggling with earnest in the iron grip. "No! Let go of me!"
Trowa just held on, refusing to let go but holding Quatre as gently as he could.
"Calm down." Trowa hushed. "Calm down. You're safe. I'm here."
But Quatre just struggled harder. "Let go!" He wailed as he clawed desperately at the arms holding him.
"Wufei," Duo murmured in worry. "Perhaps I should go get the food."
Turning back, Wufei looked at Quatre who looked to be in danger of doing both himself and Trowa some serious damage.
"Perhaps that is best." Wufei agreed, moving back to sit opposite Quatre on the bed.
Seeing Wufei within reach, Quatre tried again to get out of Trowa's lap, but Trowa held on.
"Stay." Trowa pleaded a bit desperately as he held firmly onto the squirming mass in his arms.
Quatre stopped struggling, and they all watched in alarm as he instead began to cry heart–wrenching frightened sobs. Feeling his heart break, Trowa let go.
"Barton!" Wufei barked in some shock, but when he found himself with an armful of sobbing Quatre, he had no choice but to put his arms around him and gently stroke his back.
"Stop crying." He murmured tenderly. "You're safe here with us." And Quatre's sobs turned into little sniffles before finally stopping altogether, though he kept his face buried in Wufei's chest.
Wufei and Trowa stared at each other worriedly. Turning, Wufei saw Heero looking at Quatre thoughtfully.
Wufei raised an eyebrow in question at Heero, but Heero just shrugged and turned away.
"I should have been sitting with him when he woke up." Trowa whispered brokenly, and Wufei felt his heart clench in sympathetic pain.
"No." Heero refuted from where he stood. "No one could have known. You'd already been sitting with him for three days."
"But I still should have – " Trowa said.
"Heero's right." Duo interjected, re–entering the bedroom. "No one could have guessed that Quatre'd have amnesia."
Trowa just looked down in misery.
"Here." Duo urged. "Give him the soup."
Trowa took the soup from Duo with trembling fingers. Lifting a spoonful, he lifted it to Quatre's mouth. "Open up." He coaxed.
Quatre shrank back deeper into Wufei's embrace.
"You need to eat, Quatre." Wufei murmured in concern from behind him.
Reluctantly, Quatre opened his mouth, and Trowa popped the spoonful of soup in.
As soon as it was in his mouth, it began to burn him, and Quatre started choking. The next moment Wufei's hand was raised in front of his mouth.
"Spit it out." Wufei ordered quickly.
Quatre obediently opened his mouth and spat his mouthful of burning soup into Wufei's upturned palm.
"Oh God!" Trowa cried out, distressed. "Oh God, I forgot it was hot."
"Calm down, Tro." Duo comforted even as he gave Wufei a handful of tissues to wipe his hand and Quatre's mouth. "You're distressed, you're not thinking properly, no one blames you."
"No." Trowa denied, frantically shaking his head. "He could have been seriously hurt."
"He'll be fine." Wufei soothed calmly as he handed Quatre the glass of water Duo had given him.
They watched as Quatre gulped it down.
"Try again." Wufei suggested, his calm eyes locking with Trowa's green ones.
Trowa looked down at the bowl in his hand and nodded shakily. This time he made sure the soup was cool before lifting a trembling hand to Quatre's mouth.
But Quatre turned his head away and refused to eat it. Even with Wufei's coaxing, he refused to open his mouth to allow Trowa to feed him the spoonful of soup.
"Oh God." Trowa stared in guilty horror, eyes wide with pain. "He doesn't trust me anymore."
None of the other pilots had anything to say to that.
Finally Trowa handed the spoon to Wufei. "He still needs to eat." He told Wufei.
Wufei nodded slowly and lifted the spoon to Quatre's mouth. Obediently, Quatre opened his mouth and allowed Wufei to feed him the soup before swallowing.
Trowa made a choked sound, and Duo wrapped his arms around him. "It'll be alright, Tro. You'll see."
Wufei carefully blew on each spoonful of soup before lifting the spoon to Quatre's mouth. Quatre obediently swallowed every mouthful, but the bowl was only half empty when he finally turned his face away. No amount of cajoling on Wufei's part could get him to finish the bowl.
"He hasn't eaten for four days, so it's only to be expected that he won't be able to eat much." Heero said addressing no one but comforting everyone.
"Yeah." Duo agreed. "It would probably be best if Quat got some rest now." He continued, voice slightly husky with emotion.
Wufei evidently agreed with this assessment because he shifted and lifted Quatre so that he was stretched out on the bed. Attempting to pull back, Wufei found his hand caught in a tight grip.
"Don't leave." Quatre pleaded, eyes wide with fear.
Wufei tugged the blankets up over him. "I won't."
"Promise?" Quatre continued relentlessly. There was something niggling in the back of his mind about promises, telling him that it was important.
Looking at him, Wufei nodded. "I promise. Now close your eyes."
Quatre closed his eyes and within minutes was fast asleep, though he still had an iron grip on Wufei's hand.
Wufei stared at Quatre thoughtfully.
In the background he could hear Duo comforting Trowa.
"Quat just needs time to remember you, that's all." Duo was saying to him.
Still staring at Quatre pensively, Wufei spoke up. "I have an idea."
Everyone turned to look at him.