Hello, readers. This is a little stream of conciousness that gets inside Zidane's head. I really like this character, he gets a lot of flak, though. That makes me sad. So, I decided to write this little ditty to show my understanding of this quite deep character. He's a good guy. Plus, he has a tail. Bonus!

Disclaimer: I don't own FFIX. Oh, wait... I do!! It's sitting right there on my shelf! What's that? You say that's not the same thing? ... Poo.

ooo

I've never been one to pass up a good joke. Well, okay, maybe I don't pass up any of the mediocre ones either. I even manage to catch some, or most, of the bad ones, too. Maybe that's why there are a lot of people who think that that's all I am. A big joker, or maybe just a big joke. 'Cause they can't see the truth.

If I wasn't around, I don't think anyone in our group would ever laugh. Well, maybe Freya would laugh, but only at Amarant. Maybe Eiko would too, since she's got the moogles, but there's a chance she wouldn't. Dagger most likely wouldn't, and neither would Steiner. Vivi'd be a lost cause, and I'm pretty sure that Quina wouldn't be laughing either. Amarant wouldn't laugh, that's a definite, since it takes quite a bit just to get him to laugh as it is.

But really, all that is pretty understandable considering all the stuff we've been through. Our journey has been a tough one, but I don't need to tell you that, since the whole world already knows the gist of it. There were battles, wars, destruction, chaos, death, pain, sorrow, and all those other great emotions that everybody just loves to enjoy. See? There I go again, making jokes. But that one ended up a little too sarcastic and bitter. Oh well, what can I say, jokers strike out sometimes, too…

Now, I don't mind being called a joker. Because the people usually doing it don't really know anything about me, they're just saying it to be mean and petty. And I don't put much stock in people like that. The thing that bothers me is that most people don't notice the timing of all those, I'll admit, sometimes weak attempts at joking.

Take for example after we were attacked by that plant cage thing in Evil Forest. Vivi was lying there, thinking he was going to die, but after we gave him the medicine, he was going to be fine. His spirit was still down in the dumps, though. So I made a big deal about him being the first to call me "Mister." You know, if I'd let him keep calling me that, somewhere deep down he'd always think that I was somehow out of reach emotionally. Like I would be his superior, not his friend. So I told him to just call me by name, and made a joke out of the request. He smiled a little at that one, and it broke the ice and started getting him on the path to trusting me like a friend instead of an adult authority figure.

Then once again, I was joking around after we got out of Evil Forest right after it petrified. Everybody was depressed because they were thinking about Blank, and about how we were trapped below the mist, and had to find a way out but didn't have a clue where to go. So I started teasing Steiner. I called him Rusty and insulted his intelligence. True, that probably wasn't the best way to start things off with him, but hey, I was working with little material, and I wasn't in a particularly good mood myself, either. I mean, I'd just lost someone that I considered as something closer to a brother than a friend. And to be honest, I was a little freaked about the fact that we were lost, though I'd never let the others know. I mean, I'm the leader. I'm supposed to be confident, showing no fear and all that. So, I worked with what I had. It did work, too, as I remember. We started on our little trek to the top of the mist without being focused so much on how many miles we had ahead of us or what we had left behind.

Those weren't the only times I started making jokes when things around us were bad, either. There've been many occasions where I tried to lighten the mood by either making everyone laugh in genuine humor, or with exasperation at my antics. It's better to have the group thinking that I shouldn't be joking (mostly because the jokes are sometimes bad), instead of thinking about why I shouldn't be joking.

Because, really, focusing on the downsides in life is no way to be living. Especially for us while we were on a mission to save the world, even if we didn't really know that when we started out. Going through life thinking about all the horrible things that happen make you just want to sit down and cry because it's all so huge and dismaying is not going to make living very enjoyable, is it? But laughing is good, it makes you feel happy, and that keeps you going, even through the hardest times you'll ever experience. Once you stop laughing, you've lost the part of life that's actually worth living. So I make people laugh. And if I'm considered a big joke for it… Well, I consider that a bearable sacrifice.

ooo