Disclaimer: I do not own any character from Darkwing Duck...now that that's settled...

Another Halloween fic here. Meant to be on the light hearted side. This is a take on an old but classic plot. Enjoy

So this is Heaven.

What? What's happened? Where am I?

I am in a tunnel and long dark tunnel, but there is light ahead of me. Something tells me to go towards the light. Go towards the light?! No way, I know what that means! No way, no way...er..oh...it seems I have no choice. I am walking towards the light rather I want to or not. It is as if somebody is pulling me. I have to go.

Soon, I emerge from the tunnel into the light. Ah, it's so bright – all around me.

"Welcome, welcome!" I hear a voice call from – somewhere.

"Who's there?" I call out.

Soon the light begins to din and I can see a figure dressed in a snow white robe standing before me. He is a dog, I think, he stands a tad taller than I am with a round face. In his hands he holds a large book. "Well, now we've been expecting you for some time now!" he says gleefully. "Come right this way and we'll get you settled in."

Huh?

I follow him. He leads me to a large golden door embedded into a wall of silver – pure silver! "These are your accommodations, sir." he motions toward the door.

My what?

I look at him confounded. "What's going on here?!" I demand "Where am I. How did I get here? The last thing I remember is fighting with my dimwitted double on a rooftop. We we're fighting over a ...bomb...,I think..."

I pause. A bomb. I recall something happening. We were struggling then there was a tremendous energy – a gush of wind then – I was in the tunnel.

Did the bomb go off?

Did I Die?

"I'm – dead?" I gulp.

"Afraid so," the dog tells me. "You were blown up only a few minutes ago. Though your look alike did manage to escape alive."

"What?!" I exclaim. "He got away?"

The dog smiles warmly at me "Well it wasn't his time after all. It is yours...now if you will kindly step this way." He opens the gate and I follow him inside.

What I see on the other side takes my breath away. Paradise! Absolute Paradise!

Grass, green and soft. A cobble stone path of pure gold. A marble water fountain with the carved figure of a dove in flight. There is a sweet aroma of lilac on the air.

In the center of the vast yard is a mansion laid in bricks of gold and silver.

"Wow, this is incredible. This is all for me. You sure of that?" I ask.

The dog opens the book and studies it for a few minutes. When he closes it again he looks at me and smiles "Yes, everything is in order."

"This isn't what I expected it would be!" I exclaim, still unable to believe it all.

He can plainly see the bewilderment on my face. "Oh well, you can't put much stock in the stories you hear in life. We like to apply the personal touch here. From what we have observed about you – this is most fitting.

I look at him dumbfound, I don't understand – at first, then it begins to sink in.

"Oh, okay! I get it now!"

He stands and looks at me for a long time then smiles. "Well, Ii have to be off. There are others coming in you know. We must prepare for them as well." With that he turns and leaves. The golden gate closes behind him.

I wait until after he has left"Bwaahahahaha! You fools! You think I'm Darkwing Duck! How dumb can you be! You don't know Negaduck when you see him?!" I turn to admire my new home. I can't believe this! Who ever said Crime doesn't Pay didn't have a clue!

I start walking towards my new home – a mansion -Darkwing Duck's mansion. Oh this is sweet. All those years of his being a Pollyanna goody two-shoes, of defending jerks who don't even appreciate him – ha! I get his rightful reward.

Then I freeze, realizing what that really means. If they think I am Darkwing Duck and I get eternal paradise. That means they think Darkwing Duck is really me! When he finally kicks the bucket...he'll...he'll...go...to...Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Oh, just knowing that truly makes this heaven!

As I stroll along, I feel something cold touch my hand. I jump in surprise. I spin to see a little spotted fawn looking up at me with big soft eyes, unafraid."Hey, I know you...I shot you just last summer. Those stupid game wardens never could catch me!" I feel a wicked grin spread over my bill. "Stick around, I may be in the

mood for some sport later!" I walk into the mansion. Oh man. Gold and silver everywhere. There is a giant hall with windows of crystal and curtains of red silk.

A large fireplace made of diamond! Wow. Above the fireplace is a painting of...of...oh yuck, Darkwing Duck!! Blahhh!

"Almost enough to make me lose my appetite." I mutter "Which reminds me. I wonder if they feed us up here?"

My question is answered in a heartbeat. Before me appears a banquet table of all kinds of foods. Foods I've never even heard of. I dive in.

Oh, I'm going to like it here.

A week later...

At least I think it's been a week, who can tell the passage of time in this place.

I'm about to go nuts!

I've discovered a few things about this place that just doesn't suit me!

For one, there are pictures and paintings of Dipwing duck in ever stupid room in the mansion!

shutter

Sometimes it feels like the eyes in the paintings are watching me! Maybe the paintings know who I really am?

Wait that's crazy, right?

Another thing. It seems I can't have anything I want up here, after all.

To be sure, I try again as I have tried a countless number of times "I'd like to have a nice cold beer!" I hold out my hand. A beverage in a frosted mug materializes in my palm. I take a sip..."Ppppp-taaatooweee! Rootbeer – again! I throw the mug in a fit of rage. I don't even get the satisfaction of hearing it shatter. It vanishes as soon as it leaves my hand!

"Can things possibly get any worse?" I hear myself say.

As if on cue. I hear them. They're coming – again! For the fourth time since I've been here. I can hear them , they're right at my door.

Apprehensively, I pull back my curtains to peek out. To my horror, it's just what I

feared it was.

It's snowing.

The ground is green with perfect lush, soft grass. The temperature is around 75 degrees and it's snowing!

Outside my door are carolers. They are singing those sickening cheerful Christmas songs. There is the echo of sleigh bells in the distance. As I watch, everything around me turns oh so Christmasy!

With a sense of dread, I turn slowly away from the window. Ugh. It's all Christmas in here too. There is now a tall tree sitting in the center of the great hall.

Presence of every color are under the tree. There is a Christmas melody playing throughout the mansion, the smell of nutmeg and gingerbread is strong in the air. I hate this!

This is all meant for that goody goody look alike of mine! This is all meant to please him! But what pleases him makes me want to gag!!

There's got to be something around here that I would like. I look around. Nope! No guns, no knives...no violent video games – nothing.

This may be Dipwing's idea of paradise, but frankly, I think I'd be better off in the other place!

With that decision, I run out of the mansion, across the oh so sickening cheerful courtyard and to the golden gate. I begin to bang on the door "Hay, Saint Peter! Hay, Theres something I got to tell you! Open up!"

The gate swings open and Saint Peter steps through. "Yes, what seems to be the problem?" He asks in a all to kind voice.

"Yes, I want out of here!" I sceam.

"But that's impossible isn't it? This is for all eternity." he explains calmly.

"But I can't stand it! It's, its' so...beautiful up here. I hate it!"

He sighs with a bit of annoyance. "As I told you, all this was created especially for your purpose! This is your eternity!"

"Look, I got to level with you. You goofs made a blunder! I ain't Darkwing Duck! You got to get me out of here Peter! Heaven ain't for me. Give this sappy Shangri-la to my goody two shoe look alike when he gets here. I'll take the other place!"

He looks at me oddly "We know very well who you are, Negaduck. For the record, I am not Saint Peter," his eyes begin to glow a fiery red and he smells of brimstone "And this isn't heaven!"

The End