If your IQ is no more than two figures,
If irony is something you can't see,
If you find complex plots are migraine-triggers,
Then sod right off and stop reviewing me!
If you don't understand the rules of grammar,
If HP are the only books you've read,
If when in doubt you soon become a spammer,
Then go away and gently stew your head.

If you believe it's central to romance
that Hermione is always paired with Ron
Then your review will never stand a chance
Of gaining a response that's not a yawn.
If when you read a really rotten fic,
You tell the truth and risk the flames that come,
And dare the author's wrath to write your nitpick
You'll be a good reviewer - unlike some.

If your reviews are clever and constructive,
And you say so when you think a story's good.
Then writers will be better, and productive,
And ffn will blossom like it should.
If you can write a personal reaction
That says just what you love and what you hate,
It's bound to give the author satisfaction
And everyone will think that you are great.

If you have learned the tricks of charact'risation,
Of language and development of plot,
If you can trigger the reálisation
Of something cool the writer didn't spot...
If you've been by a brilliant story smitten,
And to the author mail your words of cheer,
Yours is my heart, and everything I've written,
And-- which is more-- you'll be in LIR, my dear!


a/n. LIR. The League of Intelligent Reviewers! It was founded, or at least christened yesterday, but it has many, many honorary members. Thank you all so much.

A large amount of this is Blaise's work. She's really good at the filk thing. (An even larger amount of it is the work of Rudyard Kipling of course!)

I'd like to dedicate the first verse to everyone who has ever flamed me :-P Not that I believe an intelligent person would never flame me, just I don't think any have, yet. (don't you try and out-rationalise me, sunshine...)

And OK, it's not VERY HP. I'll move it to Parodies if people complain. But I wanted it to be seen. This is A Fanfic With A Message.