Title: The Trojan War

Author: Subwoofer26

Pairing: C/C

Rating: Teen- sexually situation and conversations

Status: Complete- one shot

Word Count: 3,300ish

Author's Note: This is my first fan fic in a while. Mostly it is a lot of work for one joke that has been floating around my head for a while now. Please suspend reality a little. Please be kind, I've just lost in a poker tournament. It's been a rough day a long and rough day. Enjoy my gift to you.

The Trojan War

The sun was unrelenting on his neck. His muscles strained and tensed under the heavy labor. Sweat formed, circled and danced down his back. Charlie moved his hair from his eyes as he hammered one of the logs in place. Had it been days, weeks, or months since being on this island? He wasn't sure. All he knew was the Church he had started with Eko was nearly complete. He smiled at how much he had grown. But cheating death as many times as he did certainly gave him incentive to change. Death and Love.

He felt her long before he saw or heard her. Those butterflies in his stomach and the fire coursing up and down his spine were his signal for her approach.

The sun had a tendency to get caught in her hair, like dew on a spider web. Her coy smile warmed him far more then the weather. Claire handed him a water bottle. It was an innocent enough act, but Charlie knew better. She wanted something; it was just a matter of what.

"Working hard?" She questioned.

"I always do, Luv."

She shifted her weight and pulled a stray hair from her face and tucked it neatly behind her ear. It had been nearly two and a half months since she took him back into her life. While he knew her well, he still treaded lightly around her. For thirteen long and horrible days they were bitterly parted, and he did all that was in his power to keep her happy. Still the way she bit her lower lip, it was only a matter of time before she confessed what she came here for. Charlie took a sip of water biding his time.

"So I've been thinking."

"That's dangerous, you know." He smirked.

She appeared shy; strange she had never been shy around him before. Whatever she wanted, it was a big thing. Maybe she wanted a better shelter or more clothes for Aaron.

"I think its time."

Charlie checked his watch; grateful he had replaced the batteries just before flying to Sydney. "It's 3:30"

"No you miss heard me, I think it's the right time." She rolled her eyes with slight frustration.

"Time for what?" He took another gulp of the refreshing liquid.

"Its time we had sex."

Charlie nearly spit the contents of his mouth on Claire, but instead painfully choked it down. His voice cracked. "Now?"

She blushed at his excitement, but a cooler head prevailed. "No, not now. But soon."

"Oh." He was disappointed.

As she was known to do, a trait she had learned from him, Claire changed the topic of conversation, "Are you going on the hunt with John?"

His mind was elsewhere, a warm, soft, place where moaning was the music and pleasure was a color. "Hmm, um yeah, whatever." He said dismissively. He refocused, "Um do you think you could give a me a time table of said activity." His bangs fell in front of his eyes again.

With a simple and elegant gesture of her hand, his vision was no longer obstructed. She beamed, "I don't know exactly when, I just wanted you to know I've been thinking about it and I think the near future is a very good time to take this relationship to the next level."

Charlie nodded eagerly; his eyes followed her as she walked away. He got the green light. What he had been waiting oh so patiently for, for what felt like several lifetimes. Sex. He was going to have sex. His mind flashed back to all the one-night stands… no, this time it would be different. Slow, special, perfect. Everything she desired.

He had thought about his moment many times and now that it had come he felt grossly unprepared for it. In fact he was missing the necessary supplies in order to make this night, or whenever it was, everything he had imagined it. But there wasn't a druggist he could swing by and purchase the 'supplies'. Who could he go to?

Charlie had some options, places to go, not many. He would try his most likely first. Charlie dropped the board he had been struggling with and ran to Jack's tent. Two and half months ago, Jack, Kate and Sawyer, were taken. Two months later they were returned, unharmed but refused to speak about the events that took place. However they did return with knowledge and this worked against Charlie.

"Hey, Jack?" Charlie called into Jack's tent. Jack had been reading, taking a rare moment for himself.

"What's up Charlie?"

Charlie scratched at his head, peered around the tent, but didn't make eye contact with the doctor. "Um I was wondering if you had all the medical supplies?"

"Yeah, why are you hurt?" Jack was a constant professional.

"No, I was just wondering if um, protection, fell under that category."

"'Protection'?" Jack repeated.

"Yeah."

"What kind of protection?" Jack eyed Charlie up with malice.

"Um the sexual kind."

Jack snarled, "you want condoms so you can have sex with my sister?"

Charlie was on the border of chickening out or defending himself to a much larger man. "She's your half sister and yes."

"Get out!" Jack screamed. The knowledge that Claire was Jack's half sister was a double edge sword for Charlie. On one hand it meant Jack would never be interested in her in a romantic sort of way on the other he had become very protective and disapproving of Charlie's involvement with Claire.

Charlie retreated back to the beach and searched out other possibilities. He saw the expecting couple speaking on the shoreline. Charlie frowned, Sun and Jin had no reason to use condoms, now that she was pregnant and since Jin didn't fully understand English, Charlie would have to ask Sun. Yeah, that wasn't going to happen. He scanned the beach and saw Sayid. Charlie knew the conversation would be painful for his friend, but that Sayid had been on the island longer without Shannon then with her, the sting wouldn't be as bad. He trekked towards the Iraqi and made the conversation quick.

"Hey, Sayid, I have a question, I'll ask it fast and never bring it up again."

Sayid looked up from the radio he had been fiddling with, "Is everything alright Charlie?"

A quick flash of a lusty smile from the young Brit's face told Sayid everything he needed to know. Sayid shook he head, "I gave them back to Jack, but I think Sawyer might have some."

Charlie frowned at the idea of asking Sawyer. Sayid grinned at his friend, "Charlie, congratulations."

A small proud smile erased Charlie's frown, "Thanks."

Charlie dreaded the walk over to Sawyer's tent, but he keeps his mind on his goal. He wouldn't sugar coat it, or try to smooth talk the American. Charlie blocked Sawyer's light, "You got any condoms?"

Sawyer glanced up from his book, "the MILF finally letting you shag her?"

Charlie flinched at the word "shag" and mentally cursed Austin Powers for giving Americans such foul word. "Look do you have any or not?"

"Sure I have some VH1, the question is what are you willing to do for them?" The simple fact was Sawyer had a soft spot in his heart for Claire, but not so much for Charlie. And since he held a certain kidnapping incident over Charlie, he wasn't about to make this easy.

The larger problem was Charlie was not about to sacrifice any power he held to Sawyer. But to make the matter worse, he had nothing to offer Sawyer either.

"You could let me get my hands on your girl, if you are struggling with ideas." Sawyer smirked promptly felt a fist on his face. Before he could recoil and attack the jungle had swallowed Charlie.

"Where you gonna go? I'm the only one on this whole damn island that's got what you need." Sawyer called out to the tree line. He rubbed his face and went back to reading. For a flicker of an instant he remembered he wasn't the only one on the island, but Kate was sinking into the sand. He watched her from a distance and all thoughts of Charlie vanished,

Two long days. Two long days of pacing and waiting for Locke and Desmond to return for their hunt. Claire waiting for Charlie to return with them. She was growing more annoyed with the fact that Charlie had left without saying goodbye. That was so unlike him. She missed him humming Aaron to sleep or rubbing her back to wake her up in the morning. She was missing his silly little jokes. She asked Rose to watch Aaron for a few minutes so she could clean herself up, shave her legs and wash her hair, so she could ravage her triumphal hunter.

By the time she returned from the waterfall, John and Desmond were on the beach with a hefty boar. She smiled and search for Charlie, but he was nowhere to be found. She headed back to their tent but still he was missing. Panic started to tease her mind and heart. It started as a walk but ending in a sprint to John, "Where's Charlie?" Her eyes were wide and glassy as fear started to win in the battle between logic and emotion.

Locke and Desmond exchanged unknowing and confused glances, "Claire, Charlie didn't come with us."

Now she started to panic, her breathing hastened so much her body was being flooded with oxygen. She was getting light headed. Her voice dripped with her fear, "But he left two days ago. Did you see him?"

"Sorry Sister, we didn't see anyone."

She asked to question in desperation and all hope of getting an answer was lost. "Where did he go?" She cried. Claire was causing quite scene on the beach and a crowd started to form. She called out to her fellow survivors, "Did anyone see Charlie?"

Sayid stepped foreword, "He approached me a few days ago, but I have not seen him since."

"About what? What did you two talk about?" Tears started to form in Claire's eyes.

Sayid shifted uncomfortably for a moment and made quick eye contact with Sawyer. "I sent him to speak with Sawyer."

Claire started at Sawyer, tears caught in her eyelashes, she begged him, "What did you talk about? What did you say? Where did he go?"

The Southern man had forgot the incident until he saw the deep oceans of Claire eyes. He sighed, "Aw hell. He came to me for um "supplies" but I was giving him a hard time about it. He stormed off into the jungle."

Claire tried to wrap her head around the idea, "What sort of supplies?"

Sawyer glanced at the crowd, Sayid and finally Jack. He motioned with his hand for Claire to come over. He whispered in the answer in her ear.

Her eyes flared, "CONDOMS!" Sawyer flinched back and Claire continued to yell, "Well, why didn't you give him any?"

"I would have, but I don't really have a lot, Jack's got most of them!"

Sayid questioned Jack, "Did he come to you?"

Jack quickly changed the subject, "Look, I think what's important is figuring out WHERE he is now, not where he was. Why would he head into the jungle? What else is out there?"

Silence. The answer hit the group collectively, but they all reacted differently. Jack looked deep into the tree line. Sayid reached for his gun. Sawyer rubbed the back of his head and cursed. Claire's knees hit the sand. "He went to the Others?"

Now, without concern for her safety, she would hunt for Charlie and bring him back. If only to strangle him with her own arms. "How could he be so stupid? He's walking across the island to find the Others to ask them for condoms?"

Kate who a joined the group and was a silent observer for a while finally spoke. "Men do strange things for sex."

Within ten minutes a rescue party had been formed. Jack, Sawyer and Sayid, Kate and Claire hunted through the jungle for the fallen rock star. They walked in silence, unsure of how long they would be gone, if they would come back successful. Mentally the men blamed themselves for the situation. But Claire was the one who was hardest hit. This was her fault. Charlie was facing dangers of polar bears, bees, monsters, and cliffs, but it was the unknown dangers that frightened her the most.

"Damn, this is just like Charlie." She grumbled through the woods, "he would risk his life and ours just so he can get something as silly as condoms. Really. What a selfish prat."

Jack sighed in a rare moment of defense and guilt, "Claire, no man WANTS to wear a condom, but he's doing it for you. To keep you safe, to protect you from the pains of childbirth."

"In fact, everything that boy does, he does for you." Kate added.

Claire could taste the guilt in her mouth; it was bitter and slimy. Guilt and fear made her move slower. The wind blowing through the leaves in the tree provided gentle music as they walked. But it was once leaves rustled without the wind all alerts and instincts took over. Guns were drawn.

From the brush a familiar face emerged, looked at the guns and frowned, "A bit of an overkill huh?"

Charlie stood on a rock, fairly unsteady in his stance; his cocky smile glowed in the sun.

"YOU SODDING BASTARD!" Claire yelled and charged towards him with great speeds. She knocked him down off the rock with such force he yelped as she knocked the air out of his lungs. Once on the ground she tackled him and pounded his chest. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you? You walked around the island to get condoms? Are you daft?"

Charlie grabbed her arms and attempted to restrain her, "I'm not the one attacking someone, Claire." She fought from his grip.

"You left! You left without saying goodbye! You were gone for two days. Do you have any idea how worried I was?" She yanked her arms away from his hands and put them on her hips, she turned away to look at the trees and he wouldn't see the tears welling up in her eyes.

Charlie pushed her hair off of her face, "Luv, I am terribly sorry I worried you. But I had business to attend to."

"Business? You were getting condoms!" She yelled. Charlie recoiled not only did he not want her to know that tidbit of information but he also recalled the contents in his bag which he was current placing all of his weight on.

He scrabbled to push his weight off of his bag and pulled it in front of him, to check its contents. Charlie pulled it close to his chest so he could survey the damage in secret. Disappointment washed over him as he peered inside. He whispered, "bugger". Claire bent over and gazed inside.

Charlie looked up at her curiosity and yanked his bag closer too him, "You'll ruin it!" Claire backed away for a second, not really understanding his reaction. Charlie picked through the bag and muttered to himself. "Bloody hell, the flowers are crushed. Looks like the candle will be ok, the wick isn't damaged." He looked at up Claire. "You've sodded it all up!" He snapped.

A voice behind his called, "I'd be careful Charlie, women don't like it when you yell at them." Ben stepped out of the woods and into the clearing with the rest of the hunting party. Juliet followed behind her fearless and creepy leader.

Charlie peered up at them and down at the bag. "But it's all ruined. The bread is smushed and the glasses are shattered. Everything was supposed to be perfect and a surprise and now it all gone." Charlie sighed sadly as if all his dreams had died and the bag held their lifeless remains.

Juliet placed her hand on Charlie's shoulder and gave Claire a knowing glare. "I'm sure it's the thought that matters."

"You don't understand." Charlie's eyes met Juliet's, "She's had it so rough, far worse then me, or anyone else. I wanted her to fell civilized, special, you know? It was supposed to be all about her. Because it would be the first time I would be with someone I love." He swallowed after the word, in awe of its power once spoken aloud.

A soft and tender moment was shared between two seeming strangers, Juliet smiled at Charlie, "Then you really don't need all this stuff, now do you?"

"Yeah but it makes it nice. I mean it might have been a while but I'm not some animal that will have a go with a girl on the ground or in some cave or on Sayid's death beach." Charlie rolled his eyes. All his hard work was for nothing. He had risked life and limb just to have his efforts destroyed by the one person his efforts were for. His anger grew, he cursed that nothing ever seemed to go right on this island.

Sawyer eyed his once captors, "What are you doing here?"

"Charlie left before we could give him his test results, you're negative by the way." Ben stated.

"Test results?" Jack questioned.

Charlie answered and as he stood up, wiping the dirt off his pants, "HIV test? I get one every six months, like any sexually active adult should do."

"Kinda funny that someone who was a drug user is acting so responsibility." Kate laughed.

Charlie bit back, "No, not really. I wanted Claire to be safe, that's all I've ever wanted and if I have to walk across an island to do it then I will. Hell you should be offended if you guy doesn't!"

Kate shifted slightly under Charlie's burning eyes. Charlie huffed, "Dammit I'm not even in the mood now." He glare at Claire, "When it does happen, I'm so cutting you off at three orgasms."
There were mixed reactions from the group, shock, horror, respect but most of all disbelief.

"I don't know what is more disturbing, that he implied the he could do that or that he is stopping after three." Sayid pushed his hair out of his face.

"Charlie how long does it take you to do that?" Sawyer asked.

"A couple hours." Charlie shrugged and then thought about everyone's collective reaction. Something seemed off. He started to question himself, "That's normal, right?"

Quick eye contact was made amongst the men in the group, Jack nodded, "Um, yeah, sure. That's normal."

Ben bellowed breaking character, "yeah if you're a porn star!"

Claire laughed, "Yeah you have some pretty lofty goals there, I mean Thomas couldn't even get one." Her comment was aloof and off hand, but she had no idea what she had done.

A deep and pulsing rage build and exploded instantly, "He got you pregnant but didn't bother to make sure you had a good time!" Charlie yelled, as if he needed another reason to hate Thomas, but this went entirely against the way out of time. "That is ridiculous!" He grabbed Claire's hand and led her through the group.

"Where are we going?" Claire asked, with a half smile of anticipation.

"Now I'm in the mood and I'm on a mission!" Charlie announced. Claire and Charlie disappeared into the trees. Claire was simply grateful she had shaved her legs.

Below is the added ending:

The others and the survivors stood around in silence. Ben started to smirk and giggle, thus earning stares from the onlookers. "Jack, you should have given him the condoms. Now's he's going to have porn sex with your sister."

Jack frowned, "I hate you guys."

Juliet shifted for toe to toe, "I was just wondering if his comment was true."

"Well according to the internet it is." Sawyer muttered off hand, "Or at least what's on his sex tape."

"CHARLIE HAS A SEX TAPE!" Kate yelled an mentally cursed that she had spent so much time debating over Jack and Sawyer when Charlie could have been hers instead.

"It's a good one too." Sawyer added.

Juliet elbowed Ben, "Do you think he's taking her to the Pearl?"

"Well sure, I mean he said he wanted to be civilized." Ben thought it over.

"Do you still have surveillance cameras in all the hatches?" Juliet bit her lower lip.

"Yeah…" Ben didn't even need to finish his sentence, the former couple grinned. "Do you think we can make it to the Hydra in time?"

Juliet smirked, "Why go all the way back there when the Bridge is just a half a click away?" The Others turned into the woods.

Kate stood and thought it over, "Wait, I'm wanna see it too! I want to see what I miss out on."

Sawyer and Sayid grinned and followed behind.

Jack stood alone in the clearing, "But she's my sister!"

"Doc, she's your half sister and let's face the facts you thought she was a MILF long before you knew you shared DNA."

Jack sighed torn between knowing and not knowing the fate of his half sister, and experience told him, knowing was always worse. He turned back and headed towards the beach. During the walk back, he thought long and hard. He returned to his tent dug through the supplies and found the box of condoms he was looking for. "A few hours huh? Well, he'll get a better use out of them then I will." Jack left the present in the tent and went to go play with this nephew.