Sum. -ONE SHOT- Bella Swan moved on...the best she could. But When Edward comes back to see her, how will he react? How will she react? Time skip. BellaXEdward a bit of BellaXJacob

a/n: -Please Read- If you haven't read the second book, you probably shouldn't read this yet, it might have some spoilers! Told in first person by Bella!! (-takes place after Edward leaves Bella in the forest-).Okay, I love this book tons and the couple BellaXEdward, but my mind has to wonder around sometimes! I got to thinking, well what if he didn't come back? What if Alice didn't? Or any of the Cullens? So I thought of this. It's sad…and I think it might be a bit OOC at times but…whatever.

Disclaimer: I don't Own Twilight, New Moon or anything like that or any of it's characters.

One-shot

I felt like crying. I thought I had run out of tears but I guess not. Me, Isabella Marie Black, wanted to cry. More than ever in my entire life. This feeling hadn't come back since…well, since he left me in the forest. . His name still hurts when I speak it and I hate to think about it as well. It aches the empty space where my heart use to be. My feelings have evaporated along with my heart and love for him. But even now, I know that I'm hurting more than my self. I was hurting Jacob Black, my husband.

Yes, I got married. When I turned 24, he purposed after two years of dating. I said yes and we got married when I was 25. I couldn't live without Jacob who served as my sun, even if he is a werewolf. Now that were married, he's that bubbly boy I met when we were rebuilding motorcycles, he hardly has that grim face that reminds me of Sam Uley.

But duties call, he goes off and comes back now and then, and when he goes, I'm am utterly alone. I freak out. I can't stand to be alone because when I'm alone, I think. And when I think, I think about him. And that's when the tears come.

Jacob's still the same. Hardly changed, except maybe grew a bit taller, which to me is still odd. But I think he's stopped growing for now. Charlie, rest his soul, couldn't believe I stayed here in Forks so long. I was surprised myself that I stayed so long. Since Charlie dead about four years ago he left me the house.

Renee told me that I could come back home, live with her. She was just as sad as I was. I guess she had a bit of remorse that she didn't say goodbye to Charlie and she barely got to see me. But I would always decline her request, telling her that I needed to finish school first. I guess part of me was still wishes-hoping- that he would come back.

When Charlie gave me the house, I didn't want to sell it so we moved there. Jacob doesn't mind that it's away from La Push. He mostly agrees with anything I say now a days. I think he's afraid he'll hurt my feelings or I'll go into depression again. I sigh, sometimes I wished I never laid eyes on…that vampire.

"Bells, hun. You here?" called Jacob.

I was in the kitchen, washing the dishes when he came in. I looked over my shoulder and smile half-heartedly. The only sound right now was the water in running and it kept me at bay from thinking of old, lost, memories.

"Yes." I called out, "In the kitchen, Jake!"

I didn't even hear when he came into the kitchen. I've gotten use to it now but I still wasn't use to the sudden feeling of his arms wrapped around my waist. He planted a kiss on my neck and then my cheek. He lifts me up and then carries me to the living room. I laugh but I could hear how hallow it sounded to me, it must of sounded even worse if someone else heard it. But Jake didn't seem to care.

He sat down and put me on his lap. I grew grateful for the warmth of his skin against my cold skin. Jake was so beautiful, I didn't understand why he wanted some as damaged mentally as me. I guess he saw something I couldn't see. He stroked my hair gently before he planted a kiss on my lips. His kiss grew and moved but I would never participate in kissing back.

At first, I thought that if Jake did kiss me, I'd soon forget about him. But when he finally did, it couldn't measure up to his kisses. Never. I felt guilty when I thought that but I never told him. His temper is much better now than it was years ago, but he would lose it once and awhile.

I just sat there on his lap as he did all the work of kissing me. He never protested on why I didn't kiss back, I guess he sort of knew and I think that's why he keeps kissing me. So that maybe, one of these days, his kisses will work and I'll kiss him back. So far, it hasn't.

As soon as he broke the kiss I smiled the best I could to him. I knew that I couldn't smile anymore, not even with Jake. It hurt me so much some how. Like, I shouldn't be smiling at all. I knew I must of looked as if I was dead or something, but again. Jacob didn't care at all.

I was happy in a way that he loved me so much that he didn't care. But sometimes I feel bad, Jacob could be so much more happier with another girl much livelier. He smiled back, his smile looked real and must have been ten thousand times better than mine.

"Um, Bell…" he looked down and took my hand.

I mentally sighed, I knew what he was going to say. He always did this when he was going to…leave. I bite my bottom lip, I hated to be by myself and he knew that. He felt guilty every time he left to go with the pack, protecting the land and stuff.

I could see that he thought I would kill myself when he's gone or something crazy like that. But I vowed I wouldn't do that. I couldn't hurt Jacob or Renee. I owed them so much.

"Yes?" I asked already knowing what he was going to say.

He looked back at me, his grip on my hand a bit tighter.

"I have to go with the pack for two days…" he bite his bottom lip as he read my emotionless eyes. "Will you be alright?" he asked.

I nodded, "I have so far, right?"

He smiled, "That's my Bells." he gave me another kiss. "I'll try to hurry up, okay?"

I smiled weakly, "Okay. Be safe." I whispered.

"I will. You too, okay?" he responded.

I nodded again. He smiled and put me to the side with out much effort. After an hour he said his goodbyes and left. Then I was alone. All alone. Nothing but the silence greeted me. And that's when the urge to cry became great. I felt a tingling feeling, I was so scared, of what I didn't know. I just was.

I hated this feeling, the hole in my chest grew and pulsed with agony. Like all these years of holding it, it finally released when I'm alone. I couldn't drown It out with music, I have come to hate music of any kind, and reading, I shook my head. It all reminds me of him. I quickly grab some things. A bucket, yellow gloves, soap and water.

Cleaning was a good way to ride myself of these damned thoughts. It should work, It had to work. Otherwise, I probably would slowly die in these two days of not being with someone. I worked on the upstairs bathroom and noticed my old room. I didn't dare go in there anymore. Not ever. It's filled with too many memories, memories of him going in my room.

After an hour of cleaning, mostly scrubbing the floors, I seemed to dull my mind and the ache in my heart. I was glad that it was working.I stopped cleaning when I heard a knock at our door. I began to wonder who it was, I hadn't really kept any of my friends. I guess they just gave up on me. Some friends. I shrugged, It was better than being alone. They knocked again.

"Coming!" I yelled.

I quickly pulled off the gloves and pulled the bucket of water over into the kitchen. I took off my apron but let my hair up in the loose bun. I thanked the lord that I didn't slip on the some what dried floors. I unlocked the door and opened it. Not really thinking about checking who it was.

I opened the door to have myself stop breathing. I stared. My breath finally returning to me, but in short breathes, not one big huge one. My eyes watered and my hands began to tremble. Was this really true? Or was I just dreaming? So many years…so many months…so many days. Long days, long month, long years.

And in one day, he was right there. Standing in front of me, like nothing had happened. As if those years meant nothing. I began to tremble, my body shaking lightly. Did I finally lose it? Was it a hallucination? Like before?

"Bella?" he questioned.

He sounded surprised. As if he excepted to see my younger again, instead of this older woman. His voice was the same and I couldn't contain myself.

"Edward?" I questioned.

He looked the same. His face perfect, his white skin and the bags under his eyes were unmistakable. His bronze hair and his eyes. I didn't want to believe he was here on my doorstep. I didn't want to. If this was a dream, it was the worst dream but the best in a way too.

If I woke up, I knew I would cry. Cry and I would surely break. I hadn't dreamt of him in so long. It was impossible to me. But if it wasn't a dream…he would have to leave once he saw me. He can't be with me, not now…our time that was for us to be was over years ago.

My eyes were stinging. Why was it me that had to be hurt? Why did god chose me to suffer like no other? What had I done to deserve this? I thought. Then I realized it. I fell in love with a vampire. I guess there must have been a rule somewhere that says suffering will come to those that love dead humans such as vampires.

Whatever it was, it sure worked because I was suffering…as hell. Maybe worse-no, it was worse.

"May I come in?" he asked.

I couldn't make my mouth form words so I stepped aside. He entered and I watched him. He was just as graceful as ever. I wanted to collapse and die right there. Why? Why did he have to keep haunting me? Even in my dreams where I found no sanctuary he haunted me.

I closed the door after a wind blew my already chilled body. I slowly turned to face him. His hands were in his pockets and his eyes stared at me. They were filled with sadness, as probably were mine.

"W-why did you come back Edward?" I finally choked out.

The tears where running down my cheeks as I took in all the details of his face. It hadn't changed, at all. It was like I was looking at him for the very first time again. My tears were blurring the vision and I wished I didn't have these weak emotions in me like before.

I had so many feelings right now as I gazed at him. I felt mad that he hadn't come back sooner, I felt sad that I made this choice and didn't go with my plan to kill myself instead, I felt a mix of both as to why he didn't make me one of him like I had wished in the first place. Why didn't he make me a vampire like I wished!

I wanted to yell at him, to scream and cry a loud like a 5 year old throwing a tantrum. But I wasn't 5, I was 35. I had to act somewhat reasonable. I wanted to tell him to leave to never come back, but somehow, a pain in my chest told me not to do it. It was beating so hard and fast and I wished that I was still young. I wanted nothing more than to be with him, but age has caught up with me and it angered me that he came back now.

"Why?" I repeated.

His eyes shifted from the ground back to my face. His eyes still had the same affect to me. I melted in them and I angered myself for still succumbing to that.

"Because…I still love you." he whispered, his velvet voice rang through my head and my eyes widened in surprise.

"Still…love…me?" I echoed.

I wanted to break right there. Damn him, I thought. Damn. If he loved me, why did he leave? Why did he let me break and start over. Start over and live without him. Time hadn't and wouldn't stop for a non-vampire like it probably does to him. It was bound for me to age and him to stay…perfect.

I shook my head, "What?" I asked. "How can you say that now?"

His expression stayed the same. Just like always remembered it did.

"Bella, please, listen." he whispered. His tone this time was a bit pleading.

I froze, what else was I suppose to do? Kick him out yes, but…even after all these years I couldn't. I gave him a nod.

He smiled a bit and I cringed at the memory.

"I'm here because I just wanted to apologize to you. All these years and I never came back…it was hard for me too and I honestly didn't know why I didn't come back sooner. But I figured you must have moved on and I wanted something better for you. You being a vampire isn't a life you were to live Bella." he looked down, hurt but the truth. "I'm sorry Bella." he whispered.

I just wanted to throw my arms around him and kiss him. But I knew I couldn't. It was too late for me.

It was never meant to be between us. Time proved that. I was now married and he knew that. At least I think he knew that.

"I just wanted to tell you I love you Bella. Wanted to say that what I said years ago…I didn't mean it. I guess it's dumb of me to say this now. Opening new wounds to old bullets." He looked up, a half smile on his precious face. "I know he's good for you." he whispered.

I knew he was talking about Jake. So I guessed he knew I was married. I wanted to tell him to stay but the law has something that says I can't have a relationship with a boy who looks like a teenager, even if he is a hundred and something years old. It wouldn't work out. And I couldn't hurt Jake that way.

Ugh! I wanted to scream, to yell, to punch! But instead, tears rolled down. I knew this was another good bye. But this time…for sure. I would never see him again. It pained me and I knew I couldn't face it this time.

He walked up to me. I was now as tall as him. I mentally laughed coldly, I had only grown a bit, but not enough to be taller than Edward. Though I know my looks compared to him are ancient and probably add up for the lack of height.

He placed his cold hand on my cheek and wiped the tears that rolled down. I was happy to see him, but I was sad of the feeling that would come afterward. How would I explain to Jake about the new sudden depression after this? He took my face and leaned forward. I wanted this, I really did. Even if the pain after wards was cruel, I needed this kiss from him. I needed it.

I closed my eyes and he pressed his lips to mine. He had gotten stronger at being able to control himself, but even that didn't stop him from giving me a long hungry kiss. I replied by running my hand through his bronze hair. Finally he pulled away and I could feel my knees begin to wobble underneath me. I had missed him more than I thought.

"Good bye Bella." he whispered in my ear, "I love you."

It took me a while but I opened my eyes and the slight fog of my mind cleared up. I realized he left and I frantically searched the room. Hoping he didn't. But he did. The door was wide open and the wind was howling as it rained heavy outside. I couldn't feel myself breathe. I could hear the sobs build up in my chest as I refused to let them out.

But I lost. I ran out onto the lawn, the heavy pour of the rain getting me wet in a matter of seconds. I looked around, hoping to see his car or him. But I just slide to my knees to the wet and muddy grass below me. I burst out crying and yelling out loud, much like a 5 year old.

I held my chest as I wrapped my arms around me. The tears were running freely now and they wouldn't cease. I put my hands on my face and cried as I screamed into my hands. The rain numbed my body but I was still in pain.

This was worse than last time, maybe it was because he spoke the truth and no matter what, we could only be together in one place…the afterlife. Even though he thinks vampires don't have an after life, I know we'll end up there together and finally happy. But right now…it wasn't going to happen. I looked up at the rain pouring over me. I was now soaked, head to toe, but I didn't care.

"I love you too Edward…" I sobbed out loud, yelling over the rain's music. "I love you too."

I knew he heard me, because the next morning. I woke up in my old room, in my old bed, in my soaked clothes. The window was wide opened and there was a strange CD player playing Edwards Lullaby on the bedside table. I then burst out crying.