Scarred for Life
By Siriusly Amused

"Did you hear?"

"Hear what?"

"Someone broke into Azkaban."

"Broke into Azkaban? Why would anyone break into Azkaban? Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

"It was Narcissa Malfoy."

"Narcissa Malfoy?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Well, actually…" the speaker broke off into a chuckle, and Harry Potter turned his head slightly to glance at the table next to him. The Golden Trio were currently disguised and sitting in a small wizarding pub, taking a break from their horcrux searching for a decent meal; they were just finishing up their meal when a nearby conversation caught Harry's interest. Ron and Hermione were paying attention to the conversation as well, though Harry noticed that their interest in it dissipated greatly once they had learned that it was just Narcissa Malfoy who had broken in and that no one had gotten out as a consequence.

The man at the table next to them pushed what looked like a copy of The Daily Prophet across the table to his companion, who read for a minute or two before breaking out into laughter.

"Oh that's rich, that is!"

"Isn't it though? I tell you, it's stories like this that make life a little more bearable!"

Harry's curiosity got the better of him, and he turned toward the two men.

"Excuse me, could I perhaps look at that?" he asked, pointing at the paper.

"Sure, kid. Sure," the man said good-humoredly, handing the paper to Harry. "We could all use a laugh these days."

Harry's eyes, currently a clear blue under the charm Hermione had put on him, scanned the paper quickly. After a moment, the corners of his lips twisted upwards in an almost sadistic grin.

Ron and Hermione stared at their friend expectantly, but Harry didn't say anything; he merely handed the paper back to the man, uttering a 'thank you' as he did so.

"What did it say, mate?" Ron asked, giving Harry a slight kick under the table.

"Narcissa Malfoy broke into Azkaban," Harry replied with a shrug.

"We know that already!"

"She went right to Lucius Malfoy's jail cell and shagged him."

Both Ron and Hermione's faces contorted into disgusted grimaces.

"What the bloody hell is so funny about that?" Ron asked, looking slightly green.

Harry grinned. "The next morning, one cell over, Draco Malfoy was found curled up in the fetal position, muttering nonsense and seemingly unresponsive. He was taken to St. Mungo's for severe trauma."

There was a pause before Ron broke out laughing and Hermione revealed a slight smile.

"I almost feel sorry for the bastard," Ron admitted through laughs. "Almost."