School Daze
Chapter 1: Going Back
(In General Rage's Bathtub, our insane Self-Inserted director/mercenary General Rage is having a bubble bath)
GR: Nothing beats a good old bubble bath, especially with my new internet connection I have installed in the wall here.
(Knock on the door)
Sergeant Pain: Dad I'm bored! You've been in there for hours can we take the Hovercraft to the nearest Chuckie Cheese? I wanna work on my lightgun skills
GR: Son I am busy! Daddy has important work in here.
Pain: But I'm so bored!
GR: Fine. (Uses toy claw grabber to slide a game case under the door) Here play GTA: San Andreas for awhile. Go beat up some hookers or something, commit a few drive bys I don't care.
Pain: Fine whatever, I swear though if you don't buy me some new mindless shooters for the 360 I will so not be responsible for my actions.
GR: You commit arson one my time young man and you are not getting my $600 to buy that PS3 of yours when it comes out.
Pain: I was stealing that anyway.
GR: Look just be good and I'll take you to Johnny Rockets later.
Pain: Okay, fine. Just don't be in there too long. I've been pooping in the backyard all day.
(Pain leaves)
GR: Some kids have no respect. Right Blackfire?
(Blackfire pulls head out of water and begins to cough)
Blackfire: God damn it Rage I can't breathe!
GR: Hey its Flip The coin day remember. We flip a coin, whoever wins gets the sexual fantasy of their choice.
Blackfire: But this one is so stupid! Not to mention life threating.
GR: Fine, you can stop. I just wanted to know what it feels like, its enjoyable. Still you got big lungs if you can keep that up for so long.
Blackfire: You learn a lot of things travelling the Galaxy.
(Both lay against each other in the tub)
Blackfire: So what do you say we hook up this internet thing of yours to Youtube and start looking for some music videos staring moi.
GR: Sure, just let me check the fanfiction site for a second. Have to see what the competition is cooking up...and steal ideas for movies.
Blackfire: As always.
(Rage clicks on touch screen to go to Fan fiction site)
GR: Oh god, look at this another stupid Teen Titans in high School fanfic.
Blackfire: Whats the summary?
GR: Teen Titans go to high school and all sorts of nifty and fun stuff happens! Lawlz! Christ when will this cookie cutter crap end?
Blackfire: I take it you didn't like High School?
GR: It was a filth ridden stinking pile of decay. Everyone treated me like dirt and pushed me around like a nerd. Which I was but thats beside the point. I did however find a clean burning energy source in chemistry class that could have exploited. Until Argie Artkins duplicated the formula and got the patent first. (Ominous voice) I got back at him though. Him and that dog of his (Ominous voice ends) So yeah I hated high school.
Blackfire: Well why don't you end the crappy cliche? Do a movie about how sucky high school really is and how bad it is at its worst.
GR: You know Blackie thats a great idea. Its moments like these that remind me why I married you
Blackfire: For my senseless lust for violence and sex in the pursuit of political hegemony?
GR: Yeah pretty much, but also that diabolical mind of yours. Prepare the hovercraft, its time to torment the Titans again! (Slight pause as GR points fist into air) But first sex, Johnny Rockets for Dinner and (Grabs remote for overhanging TV) a movie about cartoon dinosaurs!
(Turns on tv and plays Land Before Time)
Ducky: Its okay Petrie lots of things can't fly, rocks, trees, sticks, Spike.
Blackfire: You think the duck bill dino has a thing the Pterodactly
GR: If she does the mutant dinos she spawns could be a welcome addition to my arsenal.
(Later in Jump City)
(Cyborg on the computer)
Robin: Hey Cy, have you seen Star?
Cy: Not now fearless leader, I'm trying to order super cool new car parts online.
Robin: Don't you have the suped up T-Car downstairs?
Cy: Yes, but with technology moving so fast I have to keep up with the latest car parts on the web. How else can I have all my homies check out my ride whist I cruise for chicks?
Robin: You have homies?
Cy: Yes, unlike you I actually have a life outside of crime fighting.
Robin: Hey I have a life outside of crime fighting. I make muffins for charity.
Cy: Yeah charity for yourself. You keep upgrading the training system more and more. Eventually its going to be immpossible for anyone to complete.
Robin: Well except me, cause I rule.
Cy: Of course you can handle it. Its tailored specifically for your needs, all you do all day is tweak that course so you can't possibly lose! You stick it at level 20 and no one besides you, with your custom made shortcuts, can win
Robin: Don't worry I'm installing a level 21, it will be harder then ever!
Cy: You mean better for you.
Robin: Listen I don't really need to train all that much. Hell I learned all my moves at the skate park. I'm a punk okay and everyone digs punks. They dig me and my uncanny rebellious style of life because I'm young hot male teenager who doesn't play by the rules.
Cy: Ever since you and Star got back from Tokyo and hooked up you've been acting like a total ass just because you "saved" Tokyo single-handly
Robin: Well you guys did help...but who was the one who ripped Brushogun from the ink monster. Me! It was my show, my party, my victory, you guys were just there.
Cy: You are such a prude.
Robin: Perhaps, but I have fangirls, more then you do.
Cy: Only because they all ignore what a jerk you are.
Robin: I'm not a jerk, I just expect overwhelmingly unreachable levels of expertise from all of you. Face it, I'm better then you in everything, so you'll just have to live with it.
Cy: Damn, why couldn't Muramaki put the less-angsty Tim Drake Robin on this show with us instead of the major "Dick" Grayson Robin?
(Muramaki's head pops up on his shoulder)
Muramaki: Because although Tim Drake is a better Robin then Dick Grayson, he's not as hot and we wouldn't have got as many fangirls.
Cy: Get lost (Flicks head off shoulder) You know Robin, one of these days one of us is going to show you up and knock you off your high horse. Then we'll see whose all high and mighty.
Robin: Not gonna happen. Because I'm naturally better and you all have to live with it.
(Star arrives at front door)
Star: Friends! Joyous news! I found the most delightful little creature on my way back to our home. (Pulls small stupid robot from behind her back)
GIR: Who wants Chicken wings?
Robin: What the hell is that?
Star: It is a small and cute little creature of metal. One that we shall cherish forever and ever. Where is Silkie? He must meet his new playmate.
(Slikie crawls over to Starfire)
Starfire: Silkie! I would like you to meet our new Friend.
(Starfire puts GIR down)
GIR: Hi kitty!
(Silkie slinks away as fast he can from GIR)
Robin: Star we can't have another pet...let alone a robot pet.
GIR: Robot? Where?
Star: Oh but please Robin, he was wandering around with nowhere to go. Talking to himself of pigs and giant susages.
GIR: Piggy!
Robin: Star, we don't need another pet in the tower.
Cy: Oh come on man, its just a robot. He's more like weird little thing we keep around for laughs. Like Beastboy.
GIR: (Gir Begins running around the living room)Wheeee! I'm running! I'm Running! WHEEEE!
Cy: See, laughs.
Robin: Well if Starfire wants to keep him that bad and as long as he doesn't wreck anything fine. He can stay.
(GIR latches on to Robin's head)
GIR: YEAH! Thanks giant squirrel man!
Robin: I'm not a squirrel.
GIR: Oh, I didn't know. (Opens head and reaches inside to pull out a taco) Do you want a taco?
Robin: Not really.
GIR: Okay! (Smashes Taco into Robin's face and scurries off)
Robin: (Sarcastic) Well this is gonna be fun.
(Bumblebee and Aqualad come through door with a jitterly Speedy)
Bee: It's okay arrow man, calm down.
Aqualad: Yeah, it wasn't that horrible was it.
Speedy: Yes it was! I feel so used! I'm such a whore! A dirty disgusting whore!
Star: Friends Bumblebee, Aqualad and Speedy, what is the cause of your distress?
Aqualad: Well you see...Robin you have taco stuff on your face.
GIR: (Shouting over from couch) I made it myself! It has baking soda in it!
(Robin rubs taco off his face)
Robin: Ignore the weird robot thing. Whats up with Speedy?
Aqualad: Its nothing really.
Speedy: I was raped!
Bee: No he wasn't. You see Speedy went out to a local bar last night and got totalley wasted. He apparently picked up a girl with a cat mask on.
Cy: That would be Chesire. I thought she was going out with Red X.
Bee: Well evidently she wanted Speedy here too. Next thing you know this guy take several cocktails and agrees to having sex with her. When he comes too, he's lying in a pool of some kind of substance he can't indentify and Chesire is stradelling him while he's tied to a chair.
Speedy: Oh god the memories are flooding back. Its horrible, horrible!
Aqualad: He's just pissed cause a girl took advantage of him. That and he says he's beginning to remember his last run in with her when back when we were fighting the Brotherhood of Evil. She apparently sexually molested him when she knocked him out.
Robin: So Chesire is a sadistic whore. Your point?
Bee: The point is Speedy is in shock of it all. He's got this tough guy image going you see and when this happened...well...you get the picture.
Speedy: This is bullcrap. I'm suppose to become Arsenal in the comics, I'm suppose to be a total badass that can fire axe from my bow and s--t. How can I maintain that image when I let a woman rape me! How!
Bee: For the last time, you weren't raped. You got drunk, talked to Chesire, she agreed to sex and you both went off in the car leaving us at the bar.
Aqualad: It was consensual man. Its nothing big.
Speedy: I need to sit down. (Goes over to couch)
Bee: Listen guys, this isn't like Speedy. He's suppose to be a recovering drug addict/self-absorbed jerk. Then when he grows up he becomes a badass hero named Arsenal and kicks major butt. I read it in the DC enclylopedia.
Robin: So why did you bring him here?
Aqualad: He needs sometime away from crime fighting for awhile, so he can back to normal and stoip being OOC. Your city has gotten real quiet lately so we were hoping you could take care of him.
(GIR walks over to Speedy)
GIR: Why your head so big? Why?
Speedy: Its not! I'm just a whore is all! Leave me alone! (Wimpers)
GIR: I know what you need...(Walks over a little ways and comes back with a plastic squeeze piggy) PIGGY! (Squeaks piggy several times)
Speedy: You wanna know whose a pig? Me! I'm a filthy whorish pig!
GIR: You're not a pig silly. Pigs have wings and fly around the planet in search of corn.
Speedy: Pigs don't have wings
GIR: Yes they do, I have pictures! (Holds up can of baked beans)
Speedy: You're weird.
(GIR smashes a Taco in Speedy's face)
GIR: YEAH! Tacos for all!
Robin: We'll look after him I guess.
Bee: Thanks guys.
Aqualad: Mind if we crash here while he gets settled in.
Robin: I guess. Say where's Beastboy and Raven?
Cyborg: Where do you think it was saturday last night.
Robin: Oh right
(In Raven's Room both Beasboy and Raven are lying on Raven's bed)
BB: I'm so glad we stopped the whole S&M thing we had going in Tokyo.
Raven: You enjoyed it.
BB: I lost several brain cells Rae.
Raven: Yes well, my slaps were just another way of saying I love you.
BB: I guess I should also apologise for letting those girls glomp me so much?
Raven: Relax, I forgive you. Besides they're part of the Beastboy fan club I created a few years back.
BB: I have a fan club...that you founded?
Raven: If you're wondering why you don't know this I have my ways of covering my tracks. Lets just say the girls all know exactly who you're sleeping with now. Just be thankful they aren't drooling over Robin.
BB: For once.
Raven: Still those girls got me to thinking
BB: What do you mean?
Raven: Well they're all normal average teenagers that have normal average lives. Have you ever thought about having an average life?
BB: Kinda hard when you consider I'm a green elf.
Raven: True, but have you ever thought about it?
BB: Well at times I suppose. But you know how much I love being a superhero.
Raven: I guess, but seeing those young Japanese school girls got me thinking about how a normal non-super hero life could be. How do you thinmk we would have turned out had our lives been that of normal everyday teens who went to high school together?
(Thoughtful pause)
BB: Probably would have been crap.
Raven: Hmm, I guess that makes sense.
BB: Wanna make out?
Raven: Sure.
(Meanwhile on a hill overlooking Jump City)
GR: Look at them Blackfire, fools, all of them. Completely obilivious to what we have store for them
Blackfire: We stole another top secret invention didn't we?
GR: Yep, this time however far more advanced then the Retro Laser. This time I got a giant hypno-beam! (Unveils giant hypno-beam)
Pain: Awesome hardware.
Blackfire: What's it do?
GR: Here's what's going to happen. The beam is going to shoot out over Jump City planting subliminal hypno messages within everyone's minds. I've preprogramed the beam with the brain patterns of every person in Jump City and all of the members of the Teen Titans, just incase any of them are in town. The beam will fool their minds into thinking specific predisposed and complicated histories that I have programed into the machine. When the beam is finished everyone in Jump City will think they are working at or attending high school!
Pain: Thats incredibly complicated, do you even know how to do half that stuff?
GR: Nope, but I got a lad coat dude to do it for me. He gets paid by the hour though.
Blackfire: Its a good plan and all Rage, but the city still looks like a city not a high school campus.
GR: Oh don't worry. As soon as the beam is activated I shall use another invention I stole to achieve that mission. With a little borrowed inspiration from Control Freak, namely one of his remotes, and some tech know how of the best lab coats and engineers my studio has to offer I was able to create this reality morphing remote! (Unviels relaity remorphing remote, which is basically just a real big Control Freak remote)
Pain: Okay now this is just overly convienent
GR: The remote will warp the surroundings of Jump City to resemble an ordinary High School campus and the town that would most certainly surround it. Soon the Titans will be attending the most hellish place on earth and I'll be recording everybit of it with hidden cameras all over the place.
Pain: This seems like a lot of work just to make a simple movie.
GR: Yes it is somewhat...but I don't care.
Blackfire: So do you have lead character for this story?
GR: Of course, the only hero in this city who is fit to play this role, and according to his John Hancock on this here contract (Holds out contract) he has agreed to play any lead role I assign to him.
Blackfire: That was before you started messing with the Titans and pissing them off.
GR: Relax Blackfire, I know exactly what I'm doing. Beastboy will be my star and he will have to encouter the horrors of a high school from hell. One that will eat at his very soul as it did mine. Activate the machines! Class is in session!
(Hypno-Beam charges and fires over Jump City as the remote zaps at the center of town and a large High School building and surrounding campus emerges.)
A car approaches the front gates of high school campus, its weary passenger sitting in the back as his driver stops the car.
"Here we are boy, Rageworth Academy." The driver says
Stirring from his boredom the young passenger looks out at the window to the school. He watches as the other children walk around the campus carrying their books and preparing for class.
"So this is where I'm staying for a whole year?" The kid asks
"Be happy it isn't military school boy." The driver tells him "Its for your own good."
"You mean for your own good," the child complains "I'm only stuck here because you and my mother don't want to have to worry about putting up with me while you're off enjoying yourselves."
"That may be true, but the fact of the matter is your here and you aren't leaving." The driver told him "You should have thought about this before you decided to get yourself kicked out of all those other high schools."
"Those places were crap, I couldn't stand them."
"That's the problem with you boy." The driver pointed "you never just take action. You run away from all your problems by getting yourself kicked out and getting yourself away from them. Rageworth is different boy. There is no way out. You're here for one whole school year, trapped if you will and out of my hair. If you have a problem in there you'll just have to deal with it."
"Unlike you who just sends his misbehaving problem step-son to a boarding school because he doesn't want him interfering with your soon to be wife."
The driver just eyed him angerily
"Get out of the car."
The kid just picked up his bag and stepped out of the car and onto the campus
"Have fun Garfield!" The driver said as he sped away.
Garfield Logan was happy he didn't have to listen to his step-dad anymore and that he wouldn't have to deal with watching him and his mom tie the knot and enjoy their honeymoon, he wouldn't have to deal with watching his mom cater to the whims of that jerk-off and grow more and more distant from him, but he wasn't happy of where he had ended up. This Rageworth Academy didn't seem very welcoming at all, maybe it was the air, the fact Gar had been thrown out of several high schools by now, the fact he by now could reconize a obviously bad school, or perhaps it was the large white oval shaped object coming towards his face. Before he could figure it out that it was this oval shaped object it hit him square on the nose. The egg shell split open pouring yoke all over Gar's face. As Gar regained his composure and whiped the disgusting goo oiff his face he heard the laughing jeers of what appeared to be guy in a golden football jersey holding yet another egg. He was tall with red hair and very tan as well.
"Hey new face, welcome to paradise!" With that another egg found its way to Gar's face but this time he ducked it. The golden jersey wearing jerk ran off before anything else could happen.
"Great." Gar thought, wiping the rest of the yoke off his face "Two minutes here and I'm already getting targeted by assholes. Bet that jerkwad dad wannabe thinks this place can break me and make me into a subservient little kid he can control when he gets back. Well I'll show him. I'll make it out of this hell hole...somehow."
At this point a voice paraded over the intercom of the school grounds
"Welcome returning and new students of Rageworth Academy, as Prinicipal of this fine establishment allow me all to welcome you to our wonderfully educational insitution where I hope you shall have an enjoyable and richlly filled learning expierience."
Garfield couldn't put his fiinger on it, but something about that voice sounded familar
(Principal office, Rage sits in the principal's chair)
GR: I do so love being the head cheese.
How will Garfield...um...Beastboy survive Rage's High school from hell? Find out when we return.
In case you were wondering, the golden jersey wearing kid was Atlas...in teenage human form. Freaky huh? Please review.