Messed Up

Chapter One: Cold as Ice

You're as cold as ice; you're willing to sacrifice our love

You never take advice; someday you'll pay the price, I know

When he first saw her, he turned away. "Stay cool," he reminded himself. "Don't show her it mattered." Then he turned back, his usual smile on his face, but his eyes cool and withdrawn.

Lindsay nearly walked past without saying anything; she could feel her stomach clenching. Still, when he drew near, she cleared her throat and said, "Hey, Danny."

"Montana," his voice was as cold as the room they were about to process. The dripping icicles surrounding them left the floor shining and treacherous underfoot. He had watched as Lindsay had already slipped twice in her heeled boots, leaving her to pick her way carefully.

"Danny, about tonight…" her voice trailed off as he turned away.

"No problem. Catch you some other time," He started towards the Ice Princess's throne on which the dead body lay, but she reached out and grabbed his arm. He stopped and turned to her courteously, one eyebrow raised in query.

"I want to explain, if I can …" her voice trailed off again as he gently but firmly stepped away.

"No need, Montana. Message received, loud and clear, okay?" Dammit, dammit. He'd done so well up until now, but the sight of her hurt brown eyes was going to drive him to do something stupid: either yell or cry, he didn't know which. He'd be safer somewhere else. Probably, so would she.

Lindsay watched him walk over to Mac to check in, and her resolve almost cracked. She felt as if she was encased in one of the ice walls that reflected Danny and the other CSIs and officers on scene. She'd give anything to take back the evening – to just show up and have dinner with her friend, let loose and explore this tingling place that lay between them and see where it went. She'd been dressed and ready to go, cab fare in hand, but when it came time to walk out that door, to actually step over that threshold into a new possibility, she had frozen first, then crumpled where she stood. Shaking, she had stepped back from the open door, and had retreated to her bedroom. Curling up defensively in her bed, she'd succumbed to the now-genuine migraine she had planned to use as an excuse for standing him up.

Hours later, when she was called in to the vodka launch scene, she could still feel the remnants of the vicious headache that had held her in its grip, leaving her wasted and heaving on the bathroom floor as she tried to rid herself of … what? Guilt? Or something else?

Danny could not look at her as they processed the scene. Even as they worked together, he avoided her face, looking over and through her as much as possible. Until he had to work at not doing it, he had no idea how many times in a day he had deliberately placed himself in her path. Tonight, when Danny would have given anything to be on another call, they were working side by side, bouncing ideas off each other and working the evidence as always, yet he was trying to avoid her gaze, stay out of her orbit. He had no idea how often in the past he had brushed against, or casually teased her, until he was trying not to.

And it didn't help that every time he did see her, brushed against her, had to speak to her, she flinched as if he'd hit her. He withdrew to the other side of the lab as often as possible and focusing on his tests. When he had to share his results with Lindsay, he was as quick and efficient as possible.

Throughout the long shift of searching the scene, then processing evidence back at the lab, her face, which had looked pale and unhappy when she arrived, became dead white and painfully pinched. Her eyes seemed stretched and stared unseeingly when they were not squinting to examine results and fill in paperwork. Danny worked so hard at ignoring her that it was a shock to hear Mac say in that calm voice that was worse than a yell, "Lindsay, why the hell aren't you home in bed?"

Danny looked at her properly for the first time since that moment at the party room entrance and his heart stuttered. How could he not have noticed the state she was in? "I'll take her home, Mac. I hadn't realized …. Why didn't you say something?" he hissed at her.

She blinked at Mac, at Danny, then without a sound simply slipped to the floor. Mac caught her just as before her head struck the countertop behind her while Danny stared in shock.