Title: The Adventures of ATM and the UPS Guy

Author: Kaykyaka

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used within this fictional story. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made by this work of fiction.
Ratings: K+

Characters: Lita, Trish Stratus (not married in this story), Melina, DX, Edge, Nitro, Carlito, Shelton Benjamin, Randy Orton.

Summary: A woman's face is turned permanently red by make-up,

an iPod makes a man lose his hearing and ATM is on the case!

Author's Note: Not all heroes wear capes or shoot stuff out of their wrists.

One - Mamacita!

The Rivercenter Mall, San Antonio, TX:

Only you are holy, only you are wonderful Shawn Michaels sang to himself as he wondered merrily through the Rivercenter Mall on one of his rare weekends home. His wife's birthday was coming up and he had vowed to make up for his lack of phone calls home while he was in Connecticut with Hunter by buying her the most gorgeous piece of jewelry her eyes had ever seen. As Donnie McClurkin sang beautifully through his iPod that he "borrowed" from his son he walked back to where he had seen the necklace that caused him to stop and stare. Oro de Monte Albán was a Mexican jewelry store that specialized in the kind of jewelry that would pop around his wife's neck. He entered the store and pressed what he thought was the pause button when he ended up turning it up and almost deafening himself and the people around him.

"Sorry, I'm sorry guys," he apologized fumbling with the iPod, "I don't know how to use these things," He finally found the pause button but not before the shop assistant and manager started to laugh at him as he dropped the gadget on his foot.

"Ow!" he cried, "Stupid open toe sandals!" he cursed.

"Always the comedian HBK," said Juarez the manager walking over to the Showstoppa and patting him on the shoulder in a friendly manner.

"It's not on purpose believe me," Shawn said and Juarez continued to laugh escorting Shawn over to the counter. Shop assistant Maria greeted him with a warm smile much more genuine than the smiles from the other shop assistants in the mall.

"How you doing Maria?" Shawn said shyly and she shrugged.

"I gotta a lotta homework to do so no pay-per-view this Sunday," she said gloomily.

"Oh no!" her father said coming over to her, "Don't give him that look,"

"What look?" she said innocently pretending not to know she was pouting at HBK who grinned in spite of himself.

"You know what that look means HBK?" Juarez said and HBK nodded.

"I sure do," HBK replied.

"It means "tell my Papi to let me watch wrestling HBK" right Heartbreak?" Juarez teased and Shawn laughed.

"Yep that's what it means," he said.

"He's a father too Maria he knows all the tricks and he's learned to rise above manipulation, it's all we can do to survive as parents now, are you going to give Shawn what he came for or are you going to stand there looking all doe-eyed all day?" Juarez said and Maria reluctantly turned to get the tray with the fully restored Chimallis necklace on top of it. Shawn nodded his approval as Maria placed the tray down in front of him.

"You gonna get lucky when you give her this man," Juarez said implicitly.

"I already am lucky," Shawn replied, "all this means is I get time off from cleaning the garage," Juarez laughed and Shawn's cell phone rang.

"You gonna answer that man?" Juarez asked as the phone continued to ring unanswered. Shawn rolled his eyes he knew who it was and he really didn't wanna hear it.

"I love your ringtone HBK," Maria said rocking along to the tune of "Our God is an Awesome God" while preparing the box for the necklace.

"Yeah shame about the person that's ringing," Shawn answered cynically as he phone continued to ring, then it finally stopped and Shawn breathed a sigh of relief. Then it rang again and Shawn pulled his visor right down over his face.

"Man, I know it ain't cool to swear but this mutha-"

"HBK no!" Juarez and Maria said at the same time and Shawn bit his tongue.

"This incredibly irritating guy is totally tripping," Shawn finally answered the phone.

"WHAT!" he yelled.

"I'm telling you man she wants you!" Hunter said and Shawn hung up angrily and Juarez and Maria chuckled at his change in mood.

"What's up HBK?" asked Maria.

"Yeah you're usually so cool, now it looks like you could wipe out a village or two," Juarez said.

"Or three," came a voice from the door and they all turned to see a pretty looking red-head at the door.

"Lita," Shawn said his voice disappearing into a whisper.

"Lita!" Maria gasped enamored at the sight of the WWE Diva.

"Mamacita!" Juarez said adoring the vision of beauty standing in his doorway.

"Hunter," Shawn said under his breath.

"I hope you don't mind me coming over to see you Shawn," Lita said coming over to him, "Hey," she said waving to Juarez and Maria but they blushed and Maria tucked away the necklace and they both busied themselves out of respect to the two individuals in the shop.

"Can I talk to you outside for a second?" Shawn said to Lita motioning the red-head to the door.

"Hey we weren't listening?" Juarez said as they left.

"What's up Shawn?" Lita asked noticing that HBK looked a little more agitated then usual plus he was looking around to see if anyone was watching.

"Lita people know me around here I don't want to stir up any controversy," he said seriously.

"What are you saying you don't wanna talk to me in public?" Lita asked folding her arms across her chest.

"Hunter called me, he told me what you said," Shawn explained.

"What that I got your letter and I think we should try being friends like back in the day?" Lita said and Shawn frowned in confusion.

"Is that what you said?" HBK asked.

"Yeah but I guess all that stuff about not caring what people thought was just bull right, since you don't wanna be seen in public with me, the controversial Man-eater Lita. I am a person you know I have feelings, who do you think you are?" Lita snapped offended her voice rising.

"No Lita I know that I'm sorry I'm not ashamed to be seen with you in public, I just, no forget it I'm sorry really. Forgive me?" Shawn pleaded sincerely holding onto her arms.

Lita nodded reluctantly, "I'm anointed I have to," she said walking away.

"Where you going?" he called after her but she just kept on walking.

"Wait wait!" he called after her and when she didn't turn around he ran after her, unfortunately his iPod slipped out of his pocket and he got tangled up in the earphone wire and went flying across the floor knocking the Diva down.

"Lita I'm so sorry!" Shawn apologized helping the Diva to her feet.

"Hey Shawn I'm in the same business as you I can take a bump or two, relax," she said nonchalantly.

"Lita I meant every word I said in that letter," Shawn said sincerely.

"Then why you been avoiding me in the locker room, why don't you come out with us anymore?" Lita asked, "And I'm speaking on behalf of my friends not just myself although I'm sure I've got a lot to do with it,"

Shawn looked at his open-toe sandals bashfully then looked up in the air before bringing his eyes down to meet Lita's.

"Hunter told me what happened at Stephanie's when I was possessed, when you . . . you know, took advantage of me. It kinda changed the way I feel about you and not for the better," Shawn said honestly.

"Took advantage? Shawn I was trying to save you!" Lita said insulted.

"And get your groove on at the same time," Shawn replied sarcastically.

"Shawn that's not who I am anymore but you treating me like the whore of Babylon isn't helping," Lita said and held out her hand which Shawn looked at like it was a tentacle, "I want you to stick by your letter," she said sternly, "I want us to be friends,"

Shawn looked long and hard at her hand then back up at her and shook his head.

"I'm sorry Lita but you're a beautiful woman and I'm a married man and the two just don't mix," Shawn said nonplused.

"What you just gonna leave me hanging dog?" Lita said in hip-hop slang and Shawn just burst out laughing.

"Okay maybe we could set a new trend," Shawn said not wanting to leave her hanging and he shook her hand firmly, "Do you think you could leave the rubbing up and down on me for your boyfriend from now on?"

Lita shook her head in amazement, "You know Shawn most guys would be dying for me to rub up on them," she said impressed at his self-respect, "I hear a phone," she said suddenly.

"Speaking of most guys . . ." he said rolling his eyes at the sound.

"You gonna answer that?" Lita said as Shawn's phone continued to ring.

"No, that's one person that I don't mind leaving hanging," HBK replied and Lita smiled knowing it was Hunter.

"You know he added his own personal addendum to your letter," she said.

"I'm a add my own personal boot to his chin if he don't stop calling my phone, come on Lita show me how to put this thing on silent," Shawn said showing her his cell-phone.

"Okay – Hunter? Oops!" she said answering the phone by accident and Shawn rolled his eyes, "Yeah this is Lita. He's right here, what are we doing? Well nothing right now, he was just asking me how to put his cell-phone on silent so we don't get anymore interruptions," she said suggestively and Shawn put his hand over his face in embarrassment, "What am I wearing?"

"Give me that!" Shawn said snatching the phone from Lita, "Hunter I know what you did and I'm pissed at you seriously pissed!"

"Dude she followed you to the mall what more clues do you need?" Hunter pleaded on the other end of the phone while feeding his little girl.

"Get a life," Shawn said.

"Can I borrow yours for 15 minutes?" Hunter replied.

"15 minutes? Even Jericho could hit it longer than you," Shawn quipped and hung up on Hunter who flew into a rage at the Showstoppa's last words.

"15 minutes?" Lita said and Shawn nodded ashamed of his best friend and Lita suddenly felt very lucky she had Edge who could go for at least 20.

"Hey Lita check this out, "Man sues Apple for faulty iPod turning him deaf," " Shawn said bringing Lita's attention to the article in the San Antonio Express as they walked back to the jewelers. Lita peered over for a closer look and smelt HBK's cologne. Beautiful she thought to herself amorously then she got a pounding headache.

"I know I won't I promise!" she said to God who reminded her of their new covenant with a little migraine.

"Who are you talking to?" said Shawn looking up in the sky to see if anyone was up there.

"Look at this," Lita said changing the subject, "Cosmetics turn woman's skin permanently red," "

"That's why my wife doesn't wear make-up, or at least I tell her not to, God made her perfect the way she is," HBK said fondly and Lita cocked her eyebrow.

"Is that why you're always in the make-up chair before me every Monday night?" Lita asked sarcastically and HBK shrugged.

"Well it's TV Double D," he replied and Lita knocked him on the arm.

"You know Shawn there's something a little off with these two stories," she said looking back at the newspaper.

"You thinking trouble?" Shawn asked.

"Not yet Shawnie, not yet," Lita answered studying the articles closely. Shawn cocked his eyebrow as she looked up to the sky again, "Okay now I am," she said, "I gotta go, see you tomorrow night," Lita said running towards the escalator.

"Should I throw away my son's iPod?" Shawn called after her and she ran back towards him.

"No, just throw away your attitude towards me," she said and ran away again. Shawn smiled crookedly as she leapt down the escalator zipping through the people like a video game character. He walked back to Oro de Monte Albán where Juarez and Maria were pretending not to be talking about him.

"I see my gift is ready," Shawn said noticing the aqua box with the white ribbon nicely tied around it.

"Yeah Tiffany's got nuthin' on us," Maria said arrogantly.

"Yeah just loads of stores in every state and more diamonds than God," Juarez commented sarcastically.

"Dad it's not the quantity it's the quality," Maria said confidently, "And to God we are diamonds,"

"Amen Maria," Shawn said, "Thank you so much guys I really appreciate you doing this for me,"

"We'll deliver it next week," Juarez said.

"Great did you inscribe it?" Shawn asked Maria and she nodded, "Maybe you should let her watch wrestling tonight," he said to Juarez and Maria jumped for joy while her Father shook his head vehemently and Shawn waved goodbye to the best store he ever walked past on his first weekend away from RAW in months.