Disclaimer: If you're really that interested, take the time to go read my bio and stop making me waste other peoples' time by putting it here...

A.N.: No, I'm not dead. No, my muse isn't either- just very, very lazy.

Here is a random tidbit that popped into my head while observing communal eating habits at a family reunion, though it really has nothing to do with that. Yes, I know my muse is very random and has a strange sense of humor.

Okay, this is Inuyasha's thought on... well... lots of things. Mostly food. A little (okay, maybe not so little...) coarse language, 'cause it is his P.O.V., on the angsty side of sunshine as well, and a tiny bit of fluff at the end.

Enjoy!

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Comfort Food:

Hunger

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I've always been hungry.

There are lots of different kinds: the hunger for knowledge, the hunger for power, for acceptance, for friendship... for love. I know because I've felt them all. The specifics- like number of decades- are a little blurred together, but one thing I've always remembered is this: the feeling of an empty stomach and an empty heart.

Yeah, surprising that the two could be related like that. But I'm not into that touchy-feely girly crap. So through the years I focused on the one thing (well... one of the things) that all guys focus on- my stomach.

When I was a pup, my mother would feed me- like all mothers are supposed to do. Or, at least, she tried her best. See, my old man croaked the day I was born, leaving my mother high and dry; no place to go, nothing of value to her name, and with a brand new half-breed mouth to feed, no less.

Well, she was eventually chased out of every village she begged in- 'cause of me. What people say is true. She woulda been better off drowning me the minute I was whelped.

Anyway, we moved around a lot- and she begged for food everywhere we went. Sometimes we got lucky, and people would pity her, giving her scraps and letting her stay in the village for a little while. Until they got sick of feeding her for free, or found out about me, that is.

Whatever she did manage to get, whenever she managed to get it, she gave more than half to me. Stupid. I ruined her life, and she still tried to take care of me. Growing or not, I was still a half-breed; I could go way longer on far less food than she could.

Eventually, we finally settled down on the outskirts of a generous little village. It was a welcome change. There was a little koi pond my mother loved to sit by, and I even got to play ball in the streets sometimes. We kept to ourselves, they ignored us. It was kinda nice, actually. Especially since there was always at least a little bit of food on the table. I didn't ask how she paid for it, but I had a sneaking suspicion it had a lot to do with the men she brought home almost every night- she would always smell strongly of them in the morning when she came out of her room to add a few more coins to our stash. They stank- and on top of that, they almost always carried stench of liquor.

I learned most of my 'language' from them. The men weren't very nice. Sometimes they beat me if I got in their way. They beat her too if she tried to stop them. They thought it was fun. They were sick. I asked her why she put up with them- still to young to know that my mother was the village whore. She just rubbed my ears and told me to finish my supper.

It was only a couple of winters like that until my mother got sick. No men came then. For the first time, I didn't hate my demon blood- it let me stay with her and not catch this foul-smelling disease. But without the men there were no more coins, and without the coins there was no more food.

Even as a pup that young, I knew she needed to be fed well so she could keep up her strength and get better. Now I had to be the one feeding her.

So, I did the only thing that I knew to do. I tried to beg.

It didn't work.

Her body hadn't even cooled when they came for me. Bastards. They knew what was happening. It was their fault she got sick. They didn't want us there anymore, so they hatched a plan to get rid of us- kill the mother, then finish off the whelp. 'Doing a service to the world'. 'Cleansing it of evil'. Bullshit. I barley got outta there, but you can bet I never forgot the smell of poison.

I nearly starved after that. I was moving again, never going near any real villages- bigger chance of being seen. I had learned my lesson about being seen, so I scavenged. Didn't need that aggravation, especially as weak as I was from not eating. But do you know how much food a poor farming family throws away? None. They need it all. Except the rotten stuff- that they gave that to the animals. Sometimes I could get it first. If I was lucky. Still all tasted like shit, though. Good thing I couldn't get sick. Thank you demon blood.

Still, it was never enough. Not nearly enough. But the one thing my mother would not allow- no matter how bad things got- was stealing. When I was real little, she made me promise- even using the words 'no matter how hungry you are'. Stupid conscience. So I started looking for other ways to fill my stomach.

At first, I was too clumsy to catch any prey worthy of eating- but since I hated the taste of bugs, I learned real quick.

My kills were always a bloody mess, but I wasn't too picky about my food, as long as I had food. Rats, mostly. Squirrels, if I could catch them. Branches are tough hunting grounds. Rabbits, once in awhile, if I was really lucky.

I sometimes missed the taste of cooked meat, but you can't complain. If you're a pup living out alone in the woods, you make due.

I had heard many times that some youkais' favorite food was human flesh or blood, but humans smell pretty bad... and from my experience, if it smells bad, it tastes even worse. I never got quite that desperate. I'd break a promise to my mother before I devoured one of hervery species. That thought did disturb me a lot.

Eventually I got older, got bigger, and better at hunting, but I needed even more food. So started going after bigger, more filling things- like cattle. But that usually pissed people off. And tipped them off that I was there.

And once pissed-off people found out there was a half-breed close by, it was a clear sign to leave. And fast. People aren't exactly hospitable to dirt-bloods like me. Leave their village, or risk leaving the world of the living. Don't let the arrow hit you in the ass on the way out.

Anyway, it had been nagging at me for a while that it would be easier if I wasn't so damn weak. I could only go six days without my stomach growling. Six days. Some full youkai can live indefinitely without food. Six days? That's pathetic. Stupid human blood.

So, naturally, I jumped at the chance of becoming a full youkai.

And I met this girl.

She didn't try to kill me. Pointed an arrow at me, sure, but I was trying to steal from her...

Damn. Stupid conscience. That promise only applies to food, damnit! Yeah, maybe I'll believe that eventually.

But this girl, this priestess, didn't even actually try to kill me on sight.

I had to see her again; if just for the experience of interacting with someone who wasn't trying to kill me.

She actually let me. She let me be near her, taint her presence almost daily when she gathered weeds away from the village. She didn't speak to me- usually didn't even really look at me- just nodded a greeting and went about her task.

For the first time in my life, I had a companion. Me. I had someone who didn't try to kill me, didn't hate me, didn't fear me, and let me actually spend time with them. Willingly.

I reveled in it.

I even... sort of... started making myself more presentable... y'know... for her. I mean, I always washed off all the caked on blood from my meals- can't have too obvious a scent- but my claws were practically stained with it. That couldn't have been pleasant for her. Seeing the violent half-breed with bloodstains on his claws every day. I was already on thin ice- didn't need to be reminding her that I was one of those dangerous monsters that she was supposed to be protecting the village from.

I noticed that she started spending more and more time out in the forest. Spending more time with me. Was she as happy about this as I was?

Sometimes she'd bring some food with her. We'd sit together (less than twenty steps apart!) on the hillside overlooking the village while she ate her meal. We still didn't talk, but it was peaceful.

Eventually, she offered to share with me. Just a small questioning look between me and the bundle of whatever she had brought with her that day. But she was offering to share her food. With me. I was still so shocked that she was willing to be near me that I didn't feel the right- didn't want to scare her off by being too bold. But she always offered. Every day.

After about a season I finally worked up the courage to accept. It took me a while before I would eat it- trying to hide the sniffing. Didn't want to offend her, but just because I liked her didn't turn me into an idiot. I still remember what those bastards did to my mother.

Yeah, I know, I can't get sick... but still, I wasn't about to take any chances- especially after... what happened to my mother.

Anyway, when I thanked her was the first time we had ever really talked. It happened a lot more after that.

It became a ritual- wake up, try to make a kill, eat if I was lucky, wash off if I ate, follow Kikyou in the forest, sit together on the hill, accept some food from her, check for poison, eat, talk awhile, leave, watch her work in the village for the rest of the day, try to make another kill, eat again if I was really lucky, wash off again if I ate, go to sleep thinking about her, and repeat.

Finally, I knew, really knew, where my next meal was coming from- and I loved it. Was I in love with Kikyou? Must've been. After all, we don't hate each other. We liked spending time together. That's gotta be love. How much closer to someone can you get?

Then, the betrayal.

Stupid fucking bitch of a priestess. Getting my hopes up- about to turn full human, just for her, just to be with her, just to make her happy- and then turning around to find an arrow pointed at my back.

Might as well have tried to poison me.

Seems kind of- what's the word...? Oh, yeah- ironic that the only reason I could go for more than six days without being hungry was because I was dead. Well, maybe not technically. What do you call it when your heart beats for fifty years but you don't need to eat or breathe?

Kaede- the little brat turned old hag- was nice enough at first. She offered me whatever she was cooking, but I'm pretty sure it was mostly for Kagome's benefit. Didn't want to have to explain to the innocent little girl why she was getting food but the half-breed didn't deserve it. Anyway, it didn't matter because I never ate it- I wouldn't've put it past her to poison me that first season before we learned the truth.

I know, I know, it's Kaede. But think about it. She's been programmed all her life to think I'm evil. Not to mention- she's a priestess. It's her job to try and kill me. And she thought I'd killed her sister. Wouldn't all those things make you want to poison someone?

Well, I guess Kaede's okay... she hasn't tried anything yet, and she always serves me from the same pot as herself. I always make sure of that. But I still check for poison. I'm not an idiot. I won't let my guard down again.

Then there's Kagome. Once I got the whole 'not Kikyou' thing down, I didn't know what to make of her. She changed so many of my habits... it's all very confusing.

First of all, my kills. She wanted cooked meat, fine. She could cook it herself. I was even willing to start the damn fire, since she seemed so clumsy with those 'machis' of hers.

But... she seemed really, really upset when I brought one of my kills back to camp to eat. Tearfully demanding to know what I did to the poor, innocent, 'bunny'. I didn't even know what the hell a 'bunny' was, but from what I could understand, I was pretty sure she was talking about the mangled mess of what used to be a rabbit.

So, I started eating alone- away from camp. My kills upset her, so she wouldn't see my kills. Just like that. Don't ask me why I went out of my way for her- I seriously don't know.

I left her alone long enough to have one meal- which isn't really that long- and what did she do? She almost managed to burn down the entire damn forest with those stupid 'machis' of hers!

I obviously couldn't leave this klutz alone for more than a moment. But I couldn't bring my kills there...

Then, I decided to wait until she was asleep to eat... I was seriously changing things- just for her- and I couldn't figure out why. It was driving me insane!

Anyway, I guess I was eyeing her food or something, 'cause she just offered some of it to me. Out of the same bowl. Her bowl. What the hell? Didn't her mother ever teach her not to share with half-breeds?

Of course I said no, but she just wouldn't stop bugging me about it. So I took a bite of that stupid 'ramen' stuff, just to shut her up.

I immediately realized two things. Two very, very important, possibly life changing things.

I forgot to smell it. Just my luck. And there she was, looking all smug. That's probably why she was so insistent that I eat the damn stuff, so she could finally get her chance to kill me, not that she'd need it with these damned beads around my neck-

Then the second thing hit me.

'Ramen' was the best thing I'd ever tasted!

And I guess it was okay, about the forgetting thing, 'cause she was eating outta this bowl a moment ago.

She offered me more, smug 'I-told-you-you'd-like-it' attitude still there, and of course, I took it. I still sniffed it, though.

Funny thing is... that's the last time I actually remember checking for poison in anything Kagome gave me to eat.

Why? Why don't I think she'll kill me as soon as she gets the chance? Why don't I care that I don't think that way about her?

Oh, well... If I haven't figured it out yet, I probably never will.

Now, she stuffs me with all the 'ramen' and 'chips potato' she has. She's says I'm too skinny. I thought being able to count your ribs was normal...? Oh, and I actually have a choice of flavor! And that's nothing compared to how much her mother tries to give me in her world...

Maybe I should let her go to her world more often...?

Nah. I'd miss her too much...

What. The. Hell. Was. That?

Shit.

There's that love thing again. But... different. Stronger.

Double shit.

Whenever I start to have this feeling... this nice, warm feeling...

I get stabbed in the back.

But... If I really believe that... why haven't I started checking my food again?

Maybe because... no matter how much we fight, how much I may hurt her, Kagome always does her best to keep me well fed. I'm not as empty as I was.

And with her around, I'm not so hungry anymore.

For anything.

Owari

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A.N.: Wow... that turned into a lot more than I had planned. Don't'cha just love when that happens? This is mostly a writing exercise for me, so their may or may not be more depending on whether or not you want it, and provided my muse can actually get the job done in a timely manner... for once... They'll probably be from a different P.O.V. and shorter, though.

You know the drill: click the button, leave a message. You know you want to... No flames, please.

Was Inuyasha OOC? He's kinda hard to do... Was there too much swearing? I'm so sorry if I offended anyone! Those are both big issues for me...

Thanks for reading!

Peace and love,

Move-CaffineAddict