Title: Friend

Author: kaizgal1

Summary: Max is reflecting on his life and how he craves for the one thing he can never have,friends. angsty oneshot.

Warnings: Max is quite OOC.Well basically that's the point.That he's suffering but doesn't let it show.ill shut up now before i ruin the plot.secondly the speelcheck aint working and the story is unbetaed.ill try to get it betaed sometime later.oh and ummm it might contain a few spoilers.

Dedication: Well i decided to dedicate this to all my friends,old and new.the ones who are still with me and the ones with whom i lost contact a long time ago.specifically to my friend amina for trusting me with her problems,zainab whose going through an emotional turmoil right now like i did and who was brave enough to accept it basically she was the one who triggered it off by bringing back and onslaught on memories,my sister for understanding and all my KC buds.thanx you guys for making me feel,even for a little while that someone out there cared.ooohhh! cant forget miri,my net bud who really helped me through a difficult time in my life and ofcourse thanx to the loads of authors whose fics kept me going.love ya all!

okay i think ill start off now.this fic is kinda based on my own life and i thought maxie fit the bill as the main character.i cant beleive im actually writing this.i dont do angst but i just needed to let it out.now on with it...

FRIENDS

I once read in a book Emily lent me that writing down your feelings makes it easier for you to come to terms with them and once they were on paper your mind was cleared of the jumble in it and your head could think rationally again.

At the time I just smiled at it and passed it over thinking it a load of crap but now I'm just about ready to try anything to get all these weird feeling out of my system. They are interfering in my 'normal' life and someone is bound to notice...I wish.

Ok...lets see. Um...I don't really know where to start. I guess I'm supposed to start at the beginning but this isn't a story. It has no beginning. I guess I'll just write from when I was still in America.

When I was a kid I wasn't really a people person as such, which might come as a surprise to most. It's not like I was antisocial or anything. I was just a normal kid who didn't particularly like crowds nor had loads of friends. I just spent all my spare time perfecting my blading techniques. I mean, I had friends but they were more like acquaintances, and if one tried to come really close to me I finished the friendship off.

I suppose it was a subconscious move on my part. I didn't do it deliberately or anything but, in retrospect, I realize I just didn't want anyone close for fear of betrayal, which is strange in itself because no one had ever really betrayed me or lost my trust before. I'd had a good life, no teenage traumas as such. My parents' relationship was fine too. I dunno what made me act like that.

Moving on ... my dad decided to shift to Japan, while my mom stayed on in America because of her job. I was leaving with my dad. It was while I was on the plane that I realized nobody other than mom would really miss me. It wouldn't really matter to my 'friends'. They wouldn't care after two days of my leaving. I'm not blaming them, oh no! ... But it hurt. I still don't know why it did but for the first time I felt like I was worthless.

I started crying there on the plane and my dad thought it was because I missed mom and my buds, and promised me that I would get to see them once a year but I wasn't crying because of that. I was crying because I didn't miss my 'friends' or my school or my teachers or my neighbors...

That was when I made a resolution. I would start over on this chance I was being given . In Japan I would make friends. Lots of them. And then I'll finally have something worth living for and this feeling of emptiness would go away.

On my second (or was it the third?) day in Japan, I met Tyson and Kenny and we became fast friends. That happy, smiling demeanor was not a facade at all. I was surprised to know that I really am like that. I never did it before, but in Japan I found myself looking at the bright side of things. I was always cheerful and full of energy.' Bouncy Maxie' as Tyson affectionately called me. It's just that...that wasn't the whole me... just a part; but because I was too busy and excited in making new friends, getting to know my team and going on to the Asian tournaments as part of the Bladbreakers, I didn't realize at the time that people had already stereotyped me as the happy-go-lucky blonde with not a serious thought in his head.

But I didn't care. My life circled around my new friends. These were better friends and I finally got the privilege to call someone that. I love that word...friends. Cheesy as it may sound, it really gives me a warm feeling, makes me feel loved. As if people actually care about me.

I made friends all over the world. I took pride in the fact that I would always be the one who people grew onto immediately. I mean Kai was pretty aloof and Kenny was so brilliant that no one but Emily bothered with him. Rei is cool but he doesn't warm up to strangers that easily and Tyson also made friends but they always eyed him as something of a rival and a challenge rather than a friend.

I don't mean to sound conceited or anything but that, along with beyblading of course, made me continue living. I loved to be there for my pals and I always lent a friendly hand or a listening ear. I like to do that-helping people. It's in my nature and it makes me feel good about myself.

With Kai I would be serious, listening and understanding the new strategies he would devise and correcting the flaws he would point out. With Rei I would talk about his life and travels and the world in general .How much the white tigers meant to him, their traditions and culture. He even tried teaching me how to meditate but I kept losing my concentration, heh. With Kenny I would talk about Draciel and blade parts and we would get together and make new blades and think of new ways to enhance them, my dad's hobby shop training came in useful. With Tyson I could act as stupid as I wanted and he wouldn't mind in the least. But...somehow... I still wasn't being myself.

I automatically adopted what my friends did when I was with them. That doesn't mean I don't have any opinions of my own. I do, and I believe very strongly in many things and nothing can sway me. Like when Kai left the team during the worlds. I felt so hurt as if he had betrayed our friendship. That's why I was so angry when I attacked him with Draciel but that fiasco turned out for the best. But like I said, I still usually sided with whatever the team said.

And the result was what it is now. People, my friends, started to brush me aside. I was not important any longer. I wonder if I ever was. When people talked about the Bladebreakers they always had a favorite. It was either Kai-the hot captain with his attitude, or Tyson-the world champion or Rei-the cool, goodlooking neko-jin.

I just watched from the side while people greeted my friends and just passed me by. Suddenly instead of being Max,the Draciel blader who controls the element of water, I was "the blond one, Max, right? The weakest of the lot? The one who has no courage to take an offensive position but always relies on a defensive style? You know the cute, happy one who's always hanging around Tyson? The one who relies solely on technology and his bitbeast?"

Sigh. It doesn't matter really .I was never there for the attention. The spotlight didn't attract me. I just wanted to play the sport and have fun. As long as I had my friends with me I was happy and what people thought did not matter... though it did hurt somewhat that as soon as I left the Bladebreakers my fan base turned against me-partly Rick's fault- and Kai had to tell them to respect us.

After that I started spending even more time with my friends. Always there to give advice or listen to their problems. Doing Tyson's chores for him, helping Rei cook and even letting Hilary take me shopping. I think that was about the time I started falling apart, resenting my position as the helper. As "good ol' Maxie",always to be called upon when something needed to be done. I just wanted someone to actually give me attention and listen to my problems for once.

It hurt when my 'friends' greeted me with a "whatsup Max?", and I told them that life was ok, not really that good-they would laugh and mockingly ask me what problem I could possibly have?

"Aaawww poor Maxie! Did Daddy scold you? Or are you upset that your sugar supply ran out?"laughter

I laughed with them and my cocky reply would be "you know it! hahah,was just messing with ya. The greatest problem in my life at the moment is that I finished all my mustard. I was just going to get some from the store. See ya around"...

And I ran off. I didn't understand why the tears came. I mean they were right. I didn't really have any problems as such. I mean compared to the Blitzkrieg Boys lives or Robert's daily hectic schedule my life was a bed of roses. Actually even compared to Tyson's my life was considerably better. I didn't have to do so many chores and my mom was still alive even though I didn't see her much and...I had lots and lots of friends so there was really no need to be depressed. I'm such a drama queen.

But, as time passed, the problem with me grew. It was my fault, no one else's, that I suddenly craved attention. I felt so selfish wanting people to listen to me griping about my daily life while the world was being hit by crisis after crisis. I started losing touch with my friends till I confined my circle to only the Bladebreakers and the All Starz. Don't get me wrong. I was willing to jump up and help anyone who needed it but I was growing tired of always being the one to initiate the contact or making the first phone call to which I would get a reply. No one ever called on their own. It's like they had to be reminded that they had a friend called Max who actually existed.

I know it sounds bitter but I was fine with it because I was sure my team cared for me. They would seek me out even if it was only to test a new theory or trying a cooking experiment or beyblading or holding a contest to see who could eat more hotdogs in a minute etc.(the latter being Tyson's and Daichi's idea as you might already have guessed).

Speaking of Daichi, the day he came to me (even if by accident) after he left Tyson's made me so happy. Not that he ran from Tyson but that he actually thought me worthy enough to want to stay with me and learn some tips from me. It flattered me really. I bladed with him and taught him some new moves but of course after two days he was back with Tyson.

You know my friends told me they would always be there for me and help me like I helped them...but they never did. It's surprising really that the person I've ever talked to the most about my life is Michael. I don't even like him that much and he didn't really care but he was the one with the most problems: girl troubles, baseball related problems, trouble with his hairdo etc., and he would seek me out almost everyday and talk to me about them and I would listen patiently ,stifling yawns, and then give him advice.(I'm proud of the fact that I tried to give him my 100 even though he bored me. But I knew how it felt to want to be heard but there was nobody there, so I listened).

In those rare moments of respite when he would contemplate the advice I gave him, he would casually ask what was going on in my life, just to break the silence. I would jump at the chance and go into a full out tirade of all that was happening and all the feelings I kept inside. After a few minutes though, I would trail off realizing he was staring in space or waving at a cute girl. Then he would blink realizing after some time that I had stopped and would turn to me saying "yeah that's really interesting dude but do you think I should change my hair color again, heard chicks dig brunettes" and I would go back in advisory mode.

My smile would falter sometimes but no one would notice. Then there came the time when my smile started slipping off frequently. People noticed then, but they just put it off to 'a teenage phase which he will grow out of'. My dad was concerned, of course, and asked me if something was wrong but I would smile and just shake my head.Now the smiling, happy demeanor became a façade. A mask. I always was a good actor and I prided myself on not letting it slip...much. But needless to say no one really noticed if it dropped. I'd get the occasional comment of "you seem quiet today Max" and that was it.

My 'friends' were just so observant and caring note sarcasm.If I wasn't available for their daily therapy sessions they would just go and find someone else to listen to them. A very nice feeling it is to realize just how dispensable you are.

And that brings me to the turmoil in my mind right now. I just have one wish which should not be so hard to grant. I wish I had someone, anyone, who cared about me. Someone who would listen to me for a change and trust me enough to tell me their real problems, show me who they really are .I've come full circle haven't I? Because the last time I checked that was the definition of the word 'friend'.

It makes me wonder you know, that if I left would anyone really care? Would anyone, other than my parents, truly miss me? Miss the real me not just my presence? Would it make a difference to anybody's life if I wasn't there? I don't know the answer and I'm too scared to find out.

And no, contrary to what anyone might expect, I'm not going to put this paper down and pick up a razor. This is not a suicide note. It was meant to serve a purpose. To clear up the jumble in my head and give me a clearer direction of my life. It has done that, and I'm glad for it

I really must recommend that book of Emily's to my friends.

Max put the pen down and gathered up the papers. He read the note over and his brows furrowed at some points while a sad smile emerged on his lips at others. Finally, he heaved a sigh and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he opened them…a clear crystal blue with hints of laughter in them. Some vestiges of the sadness and turmoil which had been ever-present in them for the past two years were still left, so deeply imbedded that they could not be seen by anyone; they were a part of his soul now.

He brought the paper he still held in his hand closer to his face and slowly started tearing it up. He tore those pieces into even smaller pieces. Then he went out on the balcony of his room and gave up the pieces to the wind, to carry his thoughts far away. The bits of paper flew around him for awhile and then they sped off to some unknown destination on the wings of the breeze. Max stayed there for a while leaning on the balcony looking far off in the horizon. His thoughts were interrupted by his name being called out.

"Max! What are you doing outside? Hurry up will you? The bus is ready and you're the only one left. Move it slowpoke"

Tyson. Who else? He looked down to see the rest of the Bladebreakers standing in his yard looking impatient.

"Coming!" he shouted and ran inside to get his blade and his duffel bag.

As Rei turned to wait for Max in the bus he saw a tiny piece of paper fluttering in the wind. Being the curious cat he was he grabbed it. The blue ink was smudged with what looked suspiciously like a tears. But he thought the writing looked familiar and could just barely make out the word 'friends'. Shrugging it off as nothing important he quickly forgot about it.

Then he turned and saw the door of the house fly open and Max come bounding out with his ever present mega-watt smile, promptly jumping on Tyson sending them both tumbling to the ground. Rei just shook his head at his antics." That kid will never grow up. Where does he get his energy from? Oh well"

Max got off Tyson and brushed his trouser leg before flashing an apologetic grin to the rest of the team.

"Sorry I'm late guys. Hope you didn't have to wait for too long. Now let's go. C'mon! We don't wanna be late for the tournament do we?"

And the bus rumbled off carrying the Bladebreakers off to another tournament.

OWARI

the line going through my head throughout writing this was "i wish i was special" in the song creep by radiohead,ironic ne?

anyways ...thats the story of my...err i mean maxie's life.what did ya think?cmon ppl could i get an honest opinion and constructive critisicm would be very much appreciated.personally i think the end was quite crappy.i just didnt know how to leave it off.

i know it might be a bother to review and all but considering that i finally got the courage after soooo long to actually put something on the net i want to know what u guys think even if its one line.good?bad?u think i suck? anything.please!