Title: Hikaru's Counter-Emo Master Plan (Chapter 1/7)
Author: Jengou
Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre: Emotastic!Crack (Humour)
Pairing: Kaoru/Hikaru (implied Mori/Honey and Tamaki/Kyouya)
Spoilers: This fic takes place at the end of episode 21, the afternoon after the Halloween class event.
Description: Cause: Kaoru is acting emo. Effect: Hikaru becomes a manwhore.
Disclaimers: Ouran High School Host Club is created by Bisco Hatori.
Acknowledgements: Super galactic THANKS to elict for betaing this! She is the coolest and most encouraging beta in the world :)

Chapter 1: Where Hikaru Is Not As Stupid As Everyone Thinks

Well, since you still came running to me in that situation...

Kaoru remembered his mission, forced a laugh and hastily steered his brother and Haruhi away for some privacy. Pushing them ahead of him and away was easy - the hard part was trying not to care that Hikaru hadn't noticed.

I guess we're still OK.

◊

A passing breeze gentley masked the quiet conversation ahead.

"See? I told you so." Hikaru's tone was low, but triumphant.

"Huh. Kaoru does seem to be matchmaking the two of us," Haruhi conceded. Kaoru had by now lagged behind by quite a distance, and was following at a steadily slower pace.

"Not only that. He thinks I don't notice," Hikaru gritted through his teeth.

Haruhi was nonplussed. "Why don't you just tell him to stop it?"

"Because it's his Emo Master Plan." Hikaru seethed. "He thinks he's the more perceptive and independent one of us, and that he's being all noble by giving me up for my sake. Poo poo to that!" The elder twin narrowed his eyes, turned his head and made a dismissive pootui noise at the ground.

Haruhi shifted uncomfortably. "I'd hate to see you guys fight. It was bad enough when you were just pretending."

"But Kaoru always assumes he knows best, and repeatedly does these THINGS with utter disregard for your feelings and mine! Don't you find it maddening?"

"No," The Voice of Judgement pronounced firmly as she half-jogged to keep up with her companion's agitated pace. "Kaoru misunderstood, that's all. Stop this childish tirade, he's your best friend."

"Well, this best friend better learn not to literally shove me away whenever we meet someone unstupid," Hikaru grimaced. As an afterthought, he added placatingly, "Not that you're not a very special person, Haru-chan."

"Thanks," she replied dryly. "What are you going to do then, if not confront him like a normal person would?"

Hikaru tapped a finger to his chin, pretending to ponder for a bit, before dramatically announcing the gut-instinct idea he had all along, "I think I shall become a manwhore."

"Sorry," Haruhi made some ear-cleaning motions. "Dad used all the Q-tips so I couldn't clean my ears this morning. Did you say you're going to become a manwhore?"

"Yes," Hikaru said, please with the effect (this was Haruhi, after all).

"You do realize, right, that you already are-"

"I mean I shall proactively flirt with everyone," Hikaru added darkly. "Everyone will get some patented Hikaru-loving. Except Kaoru. Kaoru needs to be taught a lesson in honesty and appreciation. I'm going to see how long this selfless act of his can last." He smirked then, and after that it was all sunny small-talk as they headed toward their next class.

Next! Chapter 2: Where Kaoru Is Emo