Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne.

Chapter Sixteen

Breaking it up

"How did it go?" Merle asked Hitomi when she stumbled into their apartment late that night.

"Badly," Hitomi said as she dropped her keys, bag and shoes in the entry way. She came into the living room and threw herself into Merle's recliner. "I hate everyone," Hitomi said emotionlessly, even though that wasn't how she was feeling.

"Well, I warned you," Merle said, shrugging in her 'more-experienced-than-you' manner. She leaned forward and asked, "So, what's the verdict? Do you get Van, like you wanted?"

"I'm not sure that I frickin' want him anymore. Did I tell you that he got offered a job in London?"

"No," Merle gasped. "Bloody Hell! Is that what this is about? You were trying to get him to stay?"

"Not exactly. I was trying to get him to like me properly, but you were right about that, too. He's never going to like the whole package that is me and I don't know if Hitomi and Tomi can be separated. By now I'm just so messed up that I'm not sure if our relationship is worth the trouble anymore."

"It might not be," Merle conceded.

"I just thought that he was so intelligent, so good looking and so everything I ever wanted in a guy that I couldn't stand for him to only like me half way. What is it about stupid men that make them lose their minds over girls like you or Tomi?"

"I am NOT like Tomi," Merle cried, getting up and coming over to Hitomi. "I am not like you when I work as an escort."

"But you're the one who taught me to be like that!"

"Right, but that's because I knew that style would work for you. You come off like an innocent little girl who is discovering love for the first time, because Hitomi – that's what you are. In case you hadn't clued in, that's why you are such a good choice for your company's ad campaign. And that's why it works so well for Van to be your partner for it – because it's all real. Except that now you're discovering that love can be a bitch, too." Merle paused and took a deep breath. "And that is why I'm not like you. I already know that. I was all open and fresh like you once, too. I've been hurt too many times to look innocent now."

Hitomi frowned. What Merle was saying made a lot of sense. A lot more sense than she would have liked. But now she knew that she wouldn't be able to make a success of the job Dilandau offered her, even if she wanted to take it.

"All right," Hitomi admitted, putting a weary hand to her forehead. "What can I do to cope with this?"

Merle settled down a little dropped herself back down onto the couch. "I guess that all depends on how badly things went. Did you break up with him?"

"No."

"Did he break up with you?"

"No," Hitomi said, feeling a little better. At least things hadn't deteriorated that far.

Then Merle asked the crucial question, "Do you want to break up with him?"

Hitomi winced. Then she said miserably, "I probably should if he's just going to twist me around like this."

"So, hypothetically, say you decide to break up with him. What do you need to do?"

Hitomi thought about it for a second, but if she really was going to break up with him than the answer was pretty clear. "First, I need to swallow my feelings and make it through this last photo shoot."

"Correct," Merle said approvingly. "It really wouldn't look good on me, you, Van, Folken or Dryden if you ran squealing at this point. You would look worse than Allen – especially since this is your first time modelling."

"Then I need to quit my job working as Van's assistant," Hitomi continued.

"Are you sure you're okay with that?" Merle asked. "I mean, you worked so hard to get an honest job."

"Well, if I'm breaking up with him then it doesn't matter if he stays here or moves to London, but I can't keep working for him. I won't be able to work with him one more day."

"I guess if that's how you feel," Merle mumbled.

"Come on, Merle," Hitomi pleaded. "If you've been hurt, you have to know how important it is to get away from the person who has hurt you."

"I didn't disagree with you," Merle defended.

"Good," Hitomi said, breathing deeply. "Then I need to get on a bus and go visit my parents. Then I'll figure out what to do from there."

"What about the wrap up party?"

"What about it?"

"Don't you need to go?" Merle asked.

"Maybe," Hitomi considered. "But don't I just have to show up, order a drink, find a plant to pour it into, congratulate Dryden, and then head for the door?"

Merle bit her lip, "What if I'm not comfortable with that?"

Hitomi shook her head, "Why should you care?"

"During this whole thing, you have been Tomi when dealing with the crew and I don't want you to leave snivelling. You should have perfect PR during this whole thing not just because of Tomi, but because of Hitomi as well. Besides, I want to do a favour for you because you got me that job doing your makeup."

"What are you talking about?"

"It'll be your last night dressed up like Tomi, right?"

"I don't know," Hitomi said, fingering her false hair. "I spent so much money on these that it seems stupid to get rid of them."

"It'll be your last night with Van, then?"

"Yes," Hitomi choked. She hadn't said that she was going to break up with Van, quit her job, and run for the hills, but before she finished talking she knew that's what she was going to do.

"Then, let's do it with style."

"It'll have to be in my innocent style then, because I don't know if I can pull off your experienced one," Hitomi said, pinching her nose between her eyes.

"Escort style," Merle corrected.

Hitomi looked up. At once she knew what Merle was talking about. "Merle, you are an absolute angel."

The final photo session was to take place in Dryden's office at Capier Corporation. They dressed the room up like a woman's office. The general idea was that it was supposed to be Tomi's office and Van was coming to visit her. They did quite a few shots with him peeking around the door. Then they did some with her sitting on the desk with her cute cell phone. All the pictures included shots of the cute cell phone, but these ones didn't have Van in them at all – they were just her and the phone. Hitomi was starting to get quite attached to it. She was thinking of buying one when they came on sale.

These last shots were a lot easier for Hitomi. Maybe it was because she'd been doing this for the past two days or maybe it was because Van wasn't as intense as he'd been in the past. He made his face look the way Folken wanted, but other than that; he was pretty 'hands-off' about the whole thing.

When they were finished, the entire crew planned to go out to a club. Since clean-up took a couple hours, everyone wasn't ready to go until around eight. Hitomi and Van helped too, since there was so much work to do.

Right before they were set to leave, Merle plopped Hitomi into her makeup chair and did her makeup one last time.

"Don't think too much about what we're doing tonight," she advised as she applied Hitomi's blush. "Just have a good time."

"I'll try," Hitomi said, finally allowing herself to feel mournful. Nothing Van had said or done that day had convinced her that she was making the wrong decision. He was polite and courteous, but not remarkable. Lucky for him, he didn't look smug. If he had Hitomi would have looked forward to twisting the knife. Instead, he just looked indifferent. Hitomi could never tell how he was feeling anyway.

After Merle was finished, the two girls went and put on their clubbing gear. Merle wore a gold coloured top and black pants – she looked like a panther. Hitomi wore a grey-green top and a white shirt that had long slits up the sides. As she looked into the mirror in the bathroom, she thought she looked better tonight than she'd ever looked for a date before.

When she and Merle came out of the bathroom, Van was waiting for them.

"You look nice," he said, taking her arm and leading her towards the elevator.

Merle hung outside as the doors closed.

"Wait, Merle. Aren't you coming too?" Hitomi called.

"I'll catch a ride with Folken," she said and the doors closed.

Then she and Van were alone in the elevator as it went down. The air seemed too hot to Hitomi even though the building was air conditioned. She felt like she was going to suffocate and the seconds seemed to be ticking backwards. Would she ever get out this elevator?

"We need to talk," Van said at last.

"Okay," Hitomi said. Her voice was like a drop of water falling into a sea – it could barely be heard.

"Do you want to blow off this party and come over to my place?"

"You kill me," Hitomi said sarcastically.

"We need to talk and we can't do it there. It'll be too noisy."

"Now is that the Van I know talking? It doesn't seem like it. You see, the Van I know wouldn't skip out on a company event to be with his girlfriend. He wouldn't even turn away a second girl when he's already on a date. Both his wants and his lover's are completely unimportant compared to his professional obligations."

"Really?"

"Yup," she said, not sounding near chipper enough for the use of the word. "Besides, I can't ditch. I promised Merle that I would be there. She really wants to be a makeup artist and it'll make her look bad if I don't show up. I think she's planning on greasing some wheels tonight."

"Who would be there to grease?" Van asked incredulously.

"Folken and Dryden," Hitomi answered smoothly. "She's got to try her best, and I'm her cousin – I can't leave her in the lurch. I love her."

Just then the elevator opened and Hitomi and Van stepped out.

"We can talk in the car," Hitomi offered as she hurried ahead of him to the front doors of the building.

"You want to talk about London in the car?" Van asked, rushing after her.

"I'm not going to London. I haven't heard from Dilly since last night and if I do, I'll let him outright that I'm not going with him. I'd make a crappy model. My emotions are way too likely to get involved and I'd just get hurt over and over again. No thanks."

"What about me?" Van asked, grabbing both her shoulders and forcing her to face him.

"Oh yeah," Hitomi said, trying to act like she was forgetting the smallest of details. "I was going to tell you. I quit. I won't be coming into work on Monday, or Tuesday or ever again."

"Why?" Van said, seeking her eyes in the most sincere way.

"Because," she said, trying to match his sincerity. "We're breaking up."

"Because of London?"

"No," Hitomi said licking her lips. "Because I won't follow you there just to be your assistant."

"You already said that."

"And because," she continued. "It's impossible for me to be what you want."

"I'll tell you what I want."

"I'm not interested," she said, fighting off his hands and walking past him.

"What about what I don't want? Cause I don't want Tomi!" he yelled after her.

Hitomi stopped in her tracks and turned around, "What did you say?"

"I said I don't want Tomi," he breathed. "But you said that you wouldn't come to London with me as Hitomi."

She nodded. Now she remembered saying that.

"You didn't give me a choice," he continued. "You said that you would only come as Tomi. I'm a pig, but I wanted to have the job and you. I thought that if I offered you the same job as my assistant in London then you could come and we could date longer, because … I wasn't ready for more." He ran his hand through his hair and started pacing the empty atrium. His foot steps echoed on the floor. "And I didn't think you were, either. But then you said that I'd have to make a big sacrifice in order to even get Tomi. I thought that meant that you wanted me to ask you to marry me if you were going to come. And what the hell am I talking about – you two are the SAME PERSON."

Hitomi didn't know what to say. When she thought over their conversation the day before and it definitely seemed like that was what she was hinting towards. She coloured, because she wasn't sure that was what she meant.

"Anyway, I don't care," Van said noisily. "We never get any time alone together no matter how hard I chase you. There always appears to be someone waiting in the wings as soon as one of us has few minutes. Even as we speak, Merle and Folken are on their way down and so we won't be alone for longer than a minute." He paused and took a deep breath. Then he said rationally, "I just thought that if we moved to a city where neither of us knew anyone that we might have a chance to actually get to know each other. But that's impossible. I'll know Folken and apparently, you'll know Dilandau and he's going to be impossible to shake. And let's face it – wherever you go you are going to attract a string of admirers. And so now you're breaking up with me. Maybe that's well and good since I have no idea how to make you happy."

Everything he said surprised Hitomi. He made it sound like he really wanted to be with her.

"Van, we have such obvious problems," she said, trying to be sensible. "But let's deal with them one at a time. I have always felt that you cared more deeply for me when I was pretentious than when I was sincere. That bothers me a lot."

Van stopped pacing and faced her. "Are you trying to give yourself a multiple personality disorder? I mean really, both people are you. So, you don't want to be flirty and done up twenty-four-seven. Who could really blame you for that? But, when I first met you, you didn't seem fake."

Hitomi sighed, "That's because I really liked you."

Van perked up, like he was getting an idea. Then he said, "And on Valentine's Day when you flirted with Dilandau – you were flirty then, too."

Hitomi dropped her hands in surrender. "That's because you were there and I knew you wanted to be out with me instead of Celena, because you'd made a bid for me as well. So, I thought that I'd make you jealous if I hung all over Dilandau."

"So, if you act like that for those reasons, then what part of you is faking it?" he asked logically.

"But I …"
Van interrupted, "You felt like flirting and you did. How is that pretentious? Just because you had the cover of being an escort, you didn't have to take responsibility for your actions. Did you tell yourself it was just for the job? Is that what caused all of this?"

"I don't know," Hitomi whined, frustrated. "I don't care. What I really want is for you to like me whether I decide to dress up to the nines or not, whether I decide to be all bouncy or if I want to be serious. I want to be able to climb out of the sewer and to have you still think I look fine."

"That's it?" he asked disbelievingly. "Done!" he exclaimed coming towards her and looking meaningfully into her eyes. "You are wonderful on your own. You're fun enough without the flare. Whether you're chucking your bra padding at me, or falling asleep with an open can of pop in your hand, or throwing underwear onto the highway – or whatever – whining, screaming, crying, sleeping – I want it all. Even when you're just sitting at your desk doing your paper work, you are wonderful. So, don't break up with me, Hitomi. I love you. Please give me a chance to work it out with you."

"You love me?" she gasped.

"Of course I do. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to say it," he said, pulling her hand to his heart. "I've loved you from the first – just stop driving me crazy and stay with me."

Hitomi felt like she was going to cry, but she kept on being sensible and asked quietly, "What about London? That's the next problem."

"Do you want to go?"

"No," she said, allowing her head to droop.

"Then, that's all you needed to say. I won't go either," he said, kissing the palm of her hand.

"But, it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, isn't it?" Hitomi said, letting a tear slide down her cheek.

Van cupped her face in his palm. "So are you," he said gently. "So please stay with me."

"Okay Van. I'll stay," she said.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her adoringly. Her hands were still on his chest and she felt his heart thudding madly against his rib cage. And for the first time, something miraculous happened – she felt like he really did love her for who she was instead of for who she wasn't.

"Do you think we should try to sneak past them," a soft voice said at the other end of the atrium.

"No," a different male voice answered. "Let's wait until they're finished."

Hitomi thought Van heard that they weren't alone, but he just kept on kissing her and making the world around her swirl. Hitomi could hardly pay attention to what they were saying, but through her daze she could make out a little of their conversation.

"Well, if they made up then I should make some calls," Merle's gentle voice said.

"Why?"

"Well, I was going to have some of my escort buddies come and help Hitomi save a little face since she was supposed to be broken hearted tonight. You know – all my male escort buddies."

"You're a good friend," Folken said kindly.

"No, I'm blood. There's nothing like developing a little bit of a mob mentality when your family's pride is threatened."

"I certainly know what you mean," Folken chuckled. "But doesn't it look good to see them? When was the last time you were kissed like that, Merle?"

"I don't really remember. It might have been yesterday, but I'll tell you one thing, it didn't take roots like that."

"I'll keep that in mind," Folken said, right before Hitomi heard a gasp from the other end of the room.

She and Van looked up to see Folken kissing Merle. Her cell phone had fallen onto the marble tile.

"Maybe they should do the commercial," Van drawled before he kissed her again.

The End

Author's Notes: I would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read this story. Please review now, even if you read the whole thing and didn't review once. So, thank you to everyone who read and reviewed.

So, here are my deeper author's notes as a reflection of what I think of this piece. Frankly, I had no storyboards, no beta reader, and no flipping idea what I was doing most
of the time. I was riding by the seat of my pants. Generally, I strongly disapprove of this method of writing, but you see I was sick and I wanted to write something, but I knew that whatever I wrote was not going to be magnificent because I don't write well when I'm sick for extended periods of time. (I'm better now everyone- thanks to everyone who wished that I would get better.) So, I wrote this piece for my own entertainment. I wish that I had story boards because they change mediocre writing into fabulous writing. I don't know if I'll write another Escaflowne piece after this. Everyone has been wonderful, encouraging me, but I really want to write original fiction, so please go read 'Ghost Mist' on fictionpress. That's the piece I'm really putting my heart and soul into.

Thank you very much!