I apologize for such a short chapter.
Disclaimer: If I owned the story, I'd be filthy rich and I'd find a way to sue everybody who wrote fanfiction about my story. Well, maybe not. That'd be pretty mean.
Chapter 14: Live and Learn
"Do you know where we're going, Harry?" Ron asked wearily. He plopped down next to the trunk of a tree that seemed to have been around for years and pulled out a bottle of water from the backpack they shared. "We've been going for days and we still haven't found it yet."
"I know it's around here somewhere." Harry studied the map in his hands intensely.
"But where? There's nothing but trees, dirt, and bugs in this place." He flicked a beetle off his pants and looked up at Harry as if to say, See? "I mean, maybe we got to the wrong spot."
Harry sighed in frustration and stared sullenly at the map that Dumbledore had put in their bag.
Meanwhile, Draco found a boulder a short way from the other two boys and sat down upon it. A raindrop fell onto his cheek and he looked up at the clouds looming ominously overhead. It would rain soon, but the gloomy atmosphere around him hardly did justice to the stormy weather already inside Draco.
Ever since he'd left Ginny sitting in the dirt in Hogsmeade, he'd been able to think of little else but her and the mess he'd put them both in. Had it only been two weeks ago that he'd hit her? It felt so much longer.
Draco furrowed his brows at the ground. Why had he hit her? Why in the world had he actually hit Ginny? The thought made his throat close up, as if it could close off the memory of what he'd done, and yet nothing could make him forget the sound of his hand striking her cheek, the cheek that he loved to run his hand across as he gazed at her, and he had marred it.
Anger boiled inside Draco as it had done several times lately. He admitted that he'd been furious at her for calling him a murderer. He was angry that she hadn't understood his situation with Aidan Grant and that she hadn't known how horrible he felt. If there was one person he had hoped would understand, it was Ginny, but she had yelled at him, accused him. Of course he had been angry.
But he never meant to hit her. The second he'd done it and seen the surprise and hurt on her face, he'd regretted it. He'd wanted to apologize and take her in his arms. He'd wanted to tell her that he really did love her, which was the whole reason he'd gone to meet her in the first place, but he just couldn't do it. He had still been angry at her and even angrier at himself. The whole situation embarrassed him, and he had never wished more for a time-turner than he had these past two weeks.
Draco sighed again as another raindrop fell on top of his head. What was Ginny doing right now? What was she thinking? His heart lurched uncomfortably once more when he realized that he might have lost her forever. After what he did, she probably never wanted to see him again. Idiot, Draco thought, not for the first time. You are the biggest blundering idiot to walk the face of the earth. You had a girl like her all to yourself and look what you've done now.
He forced himself to get up off the rock, though his movements were slow, exhaustedly slow. Everything had seemed this way since he had started this journey. For two long weeks they'd been traveling, searching for the horcruxes. And while Draco searched earnestly, trying to distract himself from thoughts of Ginny, the image of her face as he hit her kept swimming before his eyes, causing his steps to slow and his spirit to fall.
"Oi, come over here and help, will you, Malfoy?" Ron asked as he pulled out a shrunken canvas tent from their bag. As he did, the tent magically grew to its intended size.
"Yeah," said Draco, and he walked over to the tent and with a few waves of his wand, had it erected before them. "So that's it for the night? No more walking?"
"It's getting dark," Harry said. "We'll keep looking in the morning. It has to be around here somewhere, because this map doesn't lie." Despite his proclamation, Harry glanced ruefully at the map he'd left lying on the ground. The map really was an extraordinary item, for all you had to do to find any place was to put the tip of your wand on the map, say the name of the place you wanted to find, and that destination plus its surroundings would appear on the map.
During the past two weeks of their search, they'd decided to start retracing Voldemort's life, or any significant places in it, to see where the horcruxes might be. They'd started out with Marvolo Gaunt's old house, even though they'd already been there; they didn't want to take any chances and overlook something. After a day of digging through the rubble and searching every bush, tree, and rock within a hundred yards of the house, they moved on.
Now they were headed to the former home of Voldemort's other parent, Tom Riddle. Supposedly, the house lay only a few miles down the road from the Gaunt house, and yet despite days of searching, they could not seem to find it. Though the map showed the house to be just up the hill from where they now set up camp, there was nothing near them but fields and forests.
"Maybe we should just give this place up," Draco said. "Go look some place else. It obviously isn't here."
"We don't know that yet," Harry said.
"We've been searching for days, walking the same paths over and over and still nothing," Draco insisted. "There's nothing here."
"Maybe Malfoy's right." Ron closed the pack and threw it into the tent. "Maybe we should just go look somewhere else, Harry."
Harry picked up the map with a sigh and walked into the tent, leaving Draco and Ron alone outside. Tired, irritated, and in no mood to continue arguing, Draco sat down against a tree and closed his eyes. Harry and Ron could just hash it out between themselves as far as he was concerned. Right now all Draco wanted was some food, some sleep, and some relief from the image running constantly through his head, the image of a girl with flaming red hair, the image of the girl he'd chased away…
Between the excitement of the upcoming Halloween feast, the start of Quidditch matches, and the arrival of the Apparition instructor, few people noticed Ginny's lack of enthusiasm. Since her and Draco's confrontation in Hogsmeade, she had found herself battling her emotions in an attempt to keep them hidden; she reckoned she'd done a good job so far since the only person to comment on her quietness was Colin Creevey during one of their recent Quidditch practices.
However, when Ginny was safely alone in her dormitory, it became difficult for her eyes not to water and her hand not to absently wander up to her cheek in remembrance of what Draco had done. Ginny didn't want to cry. She didn't want to feel so sad or emotional and she certainly didn't want to feel this stupid. How could I have believed that he might love me, she thought miserably, sitting in the middle of her bed. You don't hit somebody you love. I must have just been some…some source of amusement for him.
Despite wanting to feel angry about this, Ginny couldn't muster the willpower for that either. All she felt was a profound sadness, not only for herself but for Draco. He had killed a person, a little boy, and even he must feel the shame for that. Even though Ginny ought to despise Draco, for what he had done to that boy was despicable, she couldn't. She was clinging to some small shard of hope that there had been more to Draco's story. She realized now that she had perhaps overreacted in Hogsmeade, but at the time she had been so shocked at Draco's confession that she couldn't hold back her thoughts. Ginny had hurt him, she knew that. Calling him his father had perhaps been one of the worst insults she could give him, considering how much Draco detested his father; but right then, she'd wanted to hurt him; that was one thing that scared Ginny the most.
As the door to her dormitory opened and the cheerful voices of her dorm-mates filled the room, Ginny silently groaned. Why did everybody have to be so happy right now? It only made her feel more miserable.
"Ginny? You in there?" her dorm-mate Katherine called out. Glad that she'd already pulled the curtains shut around her bed, Ginny remained silent. With any luck, they'd think she'd taken a nap and leave her alone. "Ginny? Well, we just wanted to let you know that Colin's looking for you. Said something about the game this weekend and he wanted to know if you were in here."
Ginny gave a little sigh. She did still have responsibilities even if all she wanted to do right now was become a hermit. So, forcing a shaky but passable smile onto her face, she pulled the curtains apart and stood up.
"Colin's looking for me, eh?"
"Yeah," replied Katherine. "Sorry if I woke you, were you asleep?"
"Something like that." Ginny grabbed her wand and stuffed it into her robe pocket. "Colin downstairs?"
"Yeah."
"Thanks for the message," Ginny said as she walked out of the dormitory and into the common room, which was as loud and boisterous as ever especially since here, everybody's excitement was unrestrained, unlike in the hallways and classrooms.
"Gin! Over here!" Colin waved from near a window in the corner of the room, and Ginny worked her away around the mass of people until she reached him.
"Hey, what's up?" she asked. "Got a question about the game on Saturday?" Gryffindor was scheduled to play Ravenclaw, who had just lost to Slytherin the previous week, giving the Gryffindor house hope for their first victory of the year.
"Yeah, I got a question," Colin said, flashing a grin. "Come down to the pitch with me?"
Walking all the way down to the pitch and working on Quidditch did not appeal to Ginny at all, but Colin was her friend and she was lacking a good excuse, so she said yes and followed him out of the common room. Once they were walking down the hallway, Colin turned to her and asked, "So, you've been kind of quiet lately. How are you doing?" Again, he grinned at her, but this time it seemed more unsure.
"Oh, not too bad," Ginny said, looking curiously at Colin. Was he nervous?
"Good, that's good. Not too bad is…well that's good." He laughed nervously and looked away.
Oh yes, Colin was nervous, Ginny could see that clearly, though what he had to be nervous about was beyond her. It must be the game on Saturday, she supposed. It was natural to feel anxious before a game, especially the first of the year.
"So what did you have a question about?" she asked. "Worried about Saturday, are we?"
Colin laughed squeakily. "Oh, not too much. Just have a question about…about one of the drills we were running the other night. Wondered if you could show it again."
Ginny shrugged her agreement and the rest of the walk down to the pitch passed in silence. As they exited the castle, she saw Derrick Sloan and Martin Darryson sitting on the steps. Their narrowed eyes followed her, but she looked straight ahead and tried not to think about them. However, she and Colin were in their sight for quite some time until they reached the pitch, and she had to resist the urge to run in order to escape the feeling of their eyes boring into her back.
She and Colin worked on some Quidditch drills for a half hour before they quit. By the time they were done, Ginny was tired, sweaty, but slightly less depressed than before. Flying had a way with her; she could be upset in all possible ways but when she flew for a while, she could leave all her problems behind, at least until she came back down to earth, literally. Then the events of two weeks past returned to her.
"Thanks, Ginny," Colin said, breathing heavily. "I think I got that down now. Ravenclaw doesn't stand a chance."
"No problem," she replied, rubbing the back of her neck. "Practice makes for perfection, I guess." Colin grinned at her again as he shut their practice balls back inside the Quidditch trunk. "Was that all you needed?"
"Yeah…well, sort of. I mean, yeah it was – but I was also wondering…" Colin looked at her, all traces of a smile gone, nervousness now taking precedence on his face. "Well," he said quietly, "what I was wondering was if you wanted to go Hogsmeade with me, maybe on Sunday or something…" he trailed off, his cheeks flushing crimson. "You don't have to if you don't want to, but I mean, I just thought I'd ask because you know, we've known each other for a long time now and we've always been friends but I thought that maybe…well that maybe you might…want…to be…more…" Now he stared intently at the ground.
Once more the urge to run away as fast as she could came to Ginny, but she was rooted to the ground in shock. Never in her life had she thought that Colin, sweet, shy Colin, would ask her out on a date. She was reminded of the previous year when Seamus Finnigan had asked her something similar; she had been blindsided that time, too. Who knew how much courage it must have taken for Colin to ask her, and Ginny dreaded seeing the look on his face when she said no.
"Colin –"
"No, it's okay," Colin mumbled, still staring at the ground. "I knew you'd say no, but I just thought I'd ask anyway." He turned around and started to leave the pitch.
"Colin wait!" she called after him, and he stopped, but did not turn to face her. Ginny sighed. Perhaps it was better if she didn't have to look at him when she said this, better for both of them. "It's not that I don't like you, Colin, I really do," she began gently. "But I think we're better as friends, yeah? I've just got a lot going on with me right now…it – it wouldn't be right to get into a relationship. Wouldn't be fair to you. You know? Colin?" The entire time the young man had remained silent, and Ginny's heart beat erratically in her chest. She hated to hurt her friend this way, but not matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop longing for Draco. She held her breath and hoped that Colin would say something, anything, otherwise she was like to burst any second from the strained silence.
After a moment, Colin gave a jerk of his head and walked off the pitch as fast as he could without breaking into a run. Ginny watched him go, and try as she might, she couldn't will away the tears that sprang to her eyes as the weight of everything that had happened in recent days descended upon her.
Not wanting to return to the castle so soon and risk facing Colin, she ran off the pitch and towards the back of Hagrid's hut. Why she was crying, Ginny couldn't figure out. She hated it though. Feeling sad on the inside was one thing but letting it show this way? Weak, Draco would say. That thought only caused Ginny's heart to wrench even further.
She stumbled towards the end of the turtle dragon cages and sat down next to Henry's cage, leaning her back against the hut's wall. Sitting here, she was safe. Nobody from the castle could see her and unless someone came around back, she could be alone.
Why is there so much drama in my life lately, she wondered, tears still leaking from her eyes. I sound like one of those bloody stories the gossip magazines always talk about. The guy I thought I liked hurt me, one of my friend's just asked me out, two creeps won't stop following me, and I'm crying all over the place.
She closed her eyes as she started laughing at the absurdity of everything, all the while still crying. Since when did her life become so complicated? She longed for the good old days when all she had to worry about was homework and her crush on Harry.
In the cage next to her, Henry gave a little snort, and a wispy puff of smoke swirled out of his nostrils.
"Life was so simple back then, huh Henry," Ginny said softly, poking her fingers through the cage. Henry, almost a month old now, hadn't grown much, but his skin had toughened and he had rounded out a bit more. He waddled to the bars on the cage and stared up at Ginny.
"Well, it's not anymore," she continued with a sigh. "Nothing seems to be going right. Especially with Draco. I can't figure it out. I thought he liked me, I thought he…cared about me, loved me maybe. But then if he did, why would he hit me? It just doesn't make sense. I mean I know he has an awful temper, but…"
Henry's tongue flicked out against Ginny's finger, and she smiled slightly. "Well, what does a cute little guy like you know about these sorts of things," she said, patting the top of his head; there wasn't use actually petting a turtle dragon. "Pretty soon you'll be big enough to go for a walk. I bet you'll like that."
Still mulling things over with Henry, Ginny heard something crashing through the forest. She pulled out her wand, getting to her feet with caution. Maybe it was just Hagrid, or maybe it was something darker; these days, one couldn't be too careful, especially with the creatures that dwelled in the Forbidden Forest.
Ginny's fears vanished when a few moments later, as the crashing grew ever louder, she saw Professor Snape stumble out of the forest, wild-eyed and frenzied. She gaped, for she had never seen Snape so disheveled. His hair was out of his place, his robe torn and hanging askew, and twigs and leaves clung to him as if the forest were reluctant to let the man escape.
Snape stopped for a moment and turned wildly about, and Ginny saw a long, deep cut extending from his ear to the base of his neck; it was still bleeding. To be so out of breath, Snape must have run hard and fast through the woods, but that cut was not the result of a tree branch, Ginny could tell that much. What had made it, though, remained uncertain.
His eyes still wide and agitated, Snape made a dash for the castle. He slowed to a walk halfway across the grounds and pulled out his wand. She could see him performing various spells, and even from a distance Ginny could see his clothes and hair straighten, the foliage from the trees falling away. She wondered what could have possibly happened to make Snape so crazed. Never before had she seen him lose his control, and she glanced warily at the forest, wondering what new evil lay inside. Not wanting to stay near the place any longer, she hurried back to the castle.
He appeared instantly in the main hallway of Grimmauld Place and stormed towards the stairs, the invisibility cloak clenched in his hand. His face was a barely controlled mask of rage, and with all his might, he threw the cloak against the wall. It had been a stupid idea, anyway, going there. Brought him nothing but trouble. He didn't care if Potter saw the cloak and wondered how it got there. As far as he was concerned, they could all just go to hell.
"Malfoy?" Hermione poked her head out of a room. "Do you want to wake everybody up? What happened?"
"None of your damn business," he hissed furiously, watching her eyes widen in shock. She said not another word, but as Draco pounded up the stairs, he could feel her eyes on his back.
Once in his room, Draco locked the door and placed silencing spells around the room, all the while breathing heavily, his eyes blazing. When the spells were in place, he hurled his wand against the bed and let out a deep, feral scream and dropped to his knees, his head falling into his hands. He didn't stop screaming until his head pounded, his ears rang, not until his throat felt raw from the force of the harsh cry leaving him. Even when he did stop, the echo of it remained in his ears.
He squeezed his eyes shut and bent his body forward so that his head touched the ground. Why couldn't that image just leave him? Why did it insist on replaying over and over, over and over? Her face contorted in disgust, glaring at him accusingly, his hand swinging towards her, the red mark spreading across her cheek like blood spilling across new-fallen snow…the way she stared up at him in shock, in pain.
Draco's breaths came raggedly. Why, why had he hit her? He'd been angry, almost angrier than he'd ever been before, but why had he hit her? He loved her; there had been no reason to hit her. If someone else had struck her in such a way, Draco would've made them pay dearly. Was he no better than his own father, who had tortured his wife both physically and mentally? Maybe she had been right, to say he was his father.
No, he thought, raising his head. No, he wasn't like his father, a voice in his head told him. His father wouldn't feel such anguish over such a thing.
But his father was certainly a part of him, Draco realized. Why else had he hit Ginny? Why else would he have done such a terrible thing? He'd gone there that night wanting to tell her that he loved her. Now he wondered if he'd ever get to see her again. She must hate him by now. Who could love such a…
"Monster," he breathed. He stared at the wall blankly, his anger seething. That's exactly what he was. What other sort of creature would hurt someone like Ginny. To be angry at her was one thing, but to hit her was inexcusable. It was probably just as well that he was leaving in the morning. It'd be better for Ginny. She didn't deserve to be with somebody who would hit her; she deserved to be with somebody who treasured her, like she should be. Maybe someday he'd get the chance to explain to her, but not now. He didn't deserve another chance.
He didn't deserve her.
"Draco."
"Wake up."
His eyes whipped open to Harry and Ron standing before him. Draco looked around in confusion before he realized that he had fallen asleep against the tree. Carefully, his back cracking in protest, he rose to his feet.
"What is it?"
"Look over there," Harry said with a grin, pointing up the hill, and though Draco had to blink away the raindrops that now fell steadily, he could see an old, boarded up house rising out of the ground, very slowly, but very steadily.
"Well I'll be…" Draco murmured.
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A/N: Okay, so a few things going on here...hopefully the next chapter will be a tad bit more interesting. I have to finish planning it out. Reviews are appreciated!
Lauren